Forever in Blue Jeans (23 page)

Friends with benefits." She slid her gaze over the diner, focusing on the pie case. "And if this feeling is what comes with being in a relationship with someone, then maybe I don't want it as much as I think I do. I'll be as big as a house, always running to Rosie for pie when there are problems." She buried her face in her hands. Who knew she would be the one so emotionally torn up? Who knew she'd be the one scared to death of... Well, anyone who knew her would've known she'd be scared of being in love. "Love hurts too much."

"It doesn't have to." Cort reached out and gently tugged her hand away from her face, not letting go, but curling his fingers around hers. "You just have to trust it, trust your partner, trust me. And believe me, if I can, you can."

"Everyone I've ever loved has left me."

"Dying is different than leaving you, baby. They didn't want to leave, they simply had no choice."

"You have a choice, though. What if you want to leave?" She hated asking that. She was now the one showing her vulnerability, her insecurity. She, who posed for pictures of her tattoos, who traveled the country, who was undertaking a large renovation project, was scared and insecure. She'd done so much stuff on her own that now she was afraid of losing the one thing she wanted to hold onto.

"I can't imagine that, but the reality is, Blue, that neither one of us knows what will happen.

You might find you don't love me anymore."

She started to deny it, but had to admit he was right. The rational part of her knew her parents, her aunt, hadn't left because they'd wanted to, but her broken heart had never completely healed. She was strong, independent, full of life, went her own way, but she was still aching inside to feel that connection with someone, have someone to spend the days with, and now, the nights.

"I talked to a guy today," Cort said, appearing to change the subject. "He will be helping me out with the wiring in your house. He said there's been talk around the mountain communities about the Georgia girl with the tattoo on her back, the one who makes her grandma's drunk cakes, and who's renovating her family home. It seems many families are generations old here and stories have been passed down through the years about those cakes."

"Really? People still talk about that?" Blue grinned, happy to follow his lead away from the intense emotion between them. "I knew people used to talk about her cakes, but I haven't heard anything since I was a kid. Aunt V would bake a few dozen of those thing at the holidays, and we'd take them around to people."

"I can believe that. Are you going to make them part of your menu or sell them to your guests?"

"Part of the menu, yes. Sell them, I'm not sure."

"Are you going to make me part your life or do away with me when the work is done on your house?"

She was surprised at the question. It was the first time he'd asked her intentions. She'd told Neil that she'd do anything to keep Cort in her life this time around, that she wouldn't make the same mistake twice. She'd meant it. And now Cort was asking her the same thing. He was giving her the choice of letting him go or inviting him to stay. "I'd like you to stay after the work is done."

"Good. I'd planned to anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Yep. Lost you once. Not going to do it again."

"And Neil?"

"Still going to have that talk with him. There will be no more sleeping with you, not even if I'm gone on business."

"He's gay."

"I don't care. I don't share the bed I'm sleeping in with anyone other than the woman I'm sleeping with. Period. And the fact that he used to sleep with you as more than a friend? Nope."

"Not even another woman?"

"Nope. Sorry, baby, but that's not one of my fantasies. Keeping up with one woman is more than enough for me."

"What about my traipsing around naked?"

"You can walk around naked all you want. I honestly don't care if people look. Let them. I like knowing others want what I have. It's a curious little turn-on for me, but I don't share. No one else will touch you."

"Or what?" She was baiting him, teasing him, and she was sure he knew it.

"Or I'll be forced to kick his ass and then paddle yours."

"You aren't into spanking all that much."

"Shall we find out if I'd like to be? I know it's Decker's kink, but I bet I can get him to give me a few pointers."

He was serious, despite the smile on his face. The intent look in his eyes told her so, and it made her smile in return. All her previous lovers, though truthfully there hadn't been that many, no more than she could count on one hand, hadn't cared one way or the other if she had others besides them. Most would have gotten off on it, and before Cort, she would have been happy for the freedom, but she loved him, and she wanted him to love her. She liked his possessiveness, his wanting to keep her all to himself. In some ways, it was a contradiction to how she'd always been, how she'd always felt, but then again, she'd never felt like this.

"If you don't care about others seeing me naked, why do the pictures in my house bother you so much?"

"After what I just said, you really have to ask that?"

Blue stared at him, confused. She thought about it for a moment, viewing the images as a slideshow in her head. "They were touching me," she said as realization dawned.

"They were. They're beautiful pictures, really beautiful. I understand the art behind them, the concept even, but their hands were on you, and all I saw was red."

"You weren't in my life, then."

"I was in your heart, though."

Well, shit. He had her there. "More tattoos mean others touching me. Especially since I have an idea for one on my other thigh..." She left the end of the sentence dangling silently in the air, gauging his reaction. She wasn't joking about the ink, but the location wasn't exactly right. It was more inner thigh that she as thinking about, but she didn't think he could handle that just yet.

He didn't visibly react other than a tightening of his body, a straining of the muscles in his neck. "We'll be talking about that, long and hard beforehand."

"You can always go with me."

"And I just might. I--"

"So, kids, how are we doing? We making nice?"

Blue looked up at Rosie. When had she and Decker left? Blue hadn't even noticed and didn't think Cort had either. Decker was on the other side of the diner sipping at a soda and talking with Betsy, the older waitress slash surrogate mother to both she and Rosie over the years. "Yes, we are."

"We'll make even more nice if you've got another of those blackberry pies we can take with us."

"As a matter of fact, I do. Or will. I just put one in the oven. And uh, B? Neil just walked in the backdoor. He said he didn't want to interrupt again, so he's hanging around my kitchen, nibbling on everything that isn't nailed down."

Rosie looked a little curious as she'd delivered her message and Blue just shook her head.

Neil had the most awful timing of anyone she knew. "Thanks."

"Excuse me." Cort stood with a smile and a wink for Blue. "I believe I'll go let him know there's no hard feelings about the interruption yesterday."

"Cort, please, you really don't--"

"Oh, I think I really do. I'll be back."

Rosie and Blue followed his departing form as he went in search of Neil. When he was out of sight, Rosie turned on her. "What in the hell was that all about?"

Cort found Neil standing just inside the kitchen door, staring out into the dining room. He was pulling apart a dinner roll and as soon as he saw Cort, he backed up.

"I think perhaps we got off on the wrong foot the other night," Cort said lightly.

Neil looked relieved. "I agree." He held out his hand. "Hi, I'm Neil, the clichéd gay best friend."

"Hey. I'm Cort. I'm the one-night stand who fell in love with your best friend." Cort clasped Neil's hand. "I wanted to talk to you about this woman we have in common."

"What about her?" Neil held up a roll. "Want one? I swear, Rosie makes the best food in the world. I could eat here every day for a year and never get tired of it."

Rosie might kill the poor man if he ever breathed that thought to her. Three hundred sixty-five days of Neil? Hell, Cort didn't doubt he'd consider killing the man too. "She thinks I'm telling you that I don't want you sleeping with her anymore when you visit."

"I assumed you'd be sleeping with her, and I don't do straight guys. And you're straighter than a two-by-four."

"I am, and I intend to be sleeping with her every chance I get, but I wanted to clear the air between us. Your interruptions have given me time to consider things. To take a step back if you will, and figure out what the best thing to do is." He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest and his feet at the ankles.

"What things? She loves you. You love her. What's there to consider or figure out?"

Neil had a point, and it was one Cort couldn't argue with. It was very simple really, when put like that. When Alicia broke his heart, his dad had clapped him on the back and handed him a beer. But his mom had taken him aside and told him when the woman that was worth it came along, he'd know. She'd been right. He knew the minute he met Blue that she was the one woman worth it all, worth risking everything for. He couldn't explain it now anymore than he could explain it then, but nothing had changed.

"She's scared of love, though," Neil added.

Cort nodded. "I know."

"Truce?"

"It's only fair."

It was only fair. After Blue had left him, he wasn't sure he believed in second chances anymore. He thought he'd lost his mind and tried to erase her from his memory, from his body, but every inch of him remembered her and wanted her back. He never thought he'd see her again and the anger he'd felt when she met him on her front porch two days ago was--

"What happened?" Neil asked.

Cort was somewhat glad for that particular interruption. "What do you mean?"

"What happened to change your mind? You were angry and stomping off her porch. What changed your mind about her?"

Okay, so maybe he was going to have to go into why he'd been angry. "I don't know. Gut feeling, I guess. I've never known what it was about her. She's just...mine."

"It is what it is?"

"Yeah, at least it's something like that. And when I stomped off her porch, it wasn't about her as much as it was about another man knocking on her door."

Neil blushed and looked away, grabbing for another roll. "But you have changed your mind, right? You're going to forgive her?"

"I already have." And he realized right then, for the first time, that it was true. He'd forgiven her. She had her reasons for leaving, and it was time to let it go. They both wanted something that the other was willing or able to give right then, if they could just find their way beyond what had happened that night. The way beyond that was to simply try.

"She eats pie when she has man trouble."

"Yes, it seems so." Speaking of which, the pie Rosie had put in the oven gave off the most amazing aroma, and his mouth was beginning to water. It reminded him of his mother's kitchen at the holidays. Those were the only times she baked pie. Usually a pecan and either a cherry or apple pie.

Pie wasn't his favorite, but he was definitely open to trying.

"If she doesn't have pie or can't get it, she drinks wine. Muscadine wine. From North Carolina."

"So you're saying I need to stock up on pie and wine?"

"Only if you intend to cause her any kind of trouble, you know, being that you're a man."

"Point taken. You're the one who takes pictures of her, aren't you?"

"Yes," Neil answered warily. "Why? Are you going to tell me I can't do that anymore too?"

"Nope. She's beautiful, and you're very good."

"But...?"

"No touching. Not you. Not anyone else either."

Neil laughed. "That's what set you off about her pictures, then? That others were touching her?"

Cort grimaced. "Not a trait I'm proud of but not one I can seem to control either so yes, that's what set me off."

Neil nodded his understanding. "I get that. No one will touch her." He eyed Cort from head to toe, lingering over his chest, his stomach, and lower. "Perhaps you'd consider posing with her."

"Perhaps I won't."

"Right. Okay. You know, I didn't know about you until this weekend. She never said anything, never talked about you, but she was different after, and it wasn't just that V had died."

"What do you mean?"

"Blue and her aunt were very close, like two peas in a pod. V was unconventional, and Blue was raised that way. She was homeschooled even, up until college, but she was never sheltered.

They traveled a lot, and Blue has always been outgoing, open. She might go her own way, but it always leads her back home. At heart, she's a homebody."

"I know you care about her, and you and Rosie don't know me as well as Buck and Decker do, but I'll take good care of her, and she can be whoever she needs to be. I don't want to change her."

"So long as no one else touches her, right?"

Cort smiled, slow and meaningful. "Right."

"Are y'all getting along, or do you need a referee?" Blue asked from the kitchen doorway, her voice hushed and tentative, as though she had to soothe a wild animal. Cort turned his smile on her. She smiled back, looking from him over to Neil. "All good here?"

"Yes, all good here except I can't hug you as I normally would. He's a little protective, and I don't think I'd look good with bruises."

"No one would be able to see them."

Blue turned wide eyes up at him. "Cort! You can't be serious."