Forever Is Over (92 page)

“
I already have been. I was cheering you on before! I gave it a
good,
‘
ONYA KELLY!
’

Kelly
’
s forehead creased. She was puzzled.

“
On you, Kelly! What does that mean?
”

Kelly started laughing at me. I didn
’
t know
‘
ONYA
’
was an Auss
ie
expression, I just thought it was said by people who could speak
English.

“
Do you not say that in England? If you
’
re cheering someone on, do
you not say,
‘
Onya Charles!
’
or
‘
Onya Diana
’
or
‘
Onya Whoever
’
?
”

“
NO! What does it mean?
”

Kelly sounded real posh. It was like speaking to the Queen!

“
I don
’
t even know what it means! I guess it means
‘
Good on yer!
’
”
“
Good
…
on
…
you?
”

“
Cripes Kelly, you
’
re posh!
”

“
I
’
m not posh!
”

“
You bloody are!
”

“
I
’
m not! They
’
d call me common in England!
”

“
Well, you
’
re a lot posher than me!
Anyway, how about it? Are you
going to come and do the bungee? Some Kiwi called AJ Hackett started
it up. It
’
s really safe. No-one has ever had a bad injury doing it.
”

“
But a million have died!
”

“
No, honestly, Kelly, no-one
’
s died. It
’
s just fun! An adrenalin rush!
”

             
“
No offence, Brad, but I don
’
t fancy
being in the record books for
being the first
one to die from doing this bung
ee. It may be safe, but I
don
’
t think may heart would cope.
”

“
You
’
d be fine!
”

“
Thanks Brad, but no thanks. Horizontal bungee will do for me!
”

             
“
Come on, Kelly, be a sport! You just go up some platform and then
dive off into some water underneath. It looks awesome! If the guys at
the top get your weight just right, your
head dips in the water at the
bottom!
”

“
What if they don
’
t get your weight right, do you drown or does
your head smash on the rocks at the bottom of the water?
”

             
“
I told you, you ain
’
t gonna cark it, Kelly! Your head just doesn
’
t go
in the water if they get your weight wrong! Look, if you don
’
t want to
do it, don
’
t do it, but come and watch me. You can just veg out side.
”

             
“
Will they let you jump tomorrow?
”

“
I think so.
”

“
How would we get there?
”

“
By car. I
’
ve got my own. She
’
s called Lizzy, like the Queen! She
’
s taken me and my two mates, Brett and Joel all across Australia. She
’
s
a beaut!
”

“
Can I bring my two friends, Dani and Nicole? They
’
re from
Western Australia like you. They
’
re stopping in my dorm in Caravellas
on the Esplanade.
”

“
You
’
re stopping in Caravellas? So am I!
”

“
I think everyone Under 30 stays there, Brad!
”

“
Whereabouts in W.A are your friends from?
”

“
Melville in Perth.
”

“
You
’
re kidding me! I
’
m from White Gum Valley! Just up the road!
Do they play golf ?
”

“
I have absolutely no idea, Brad! Not an immediate topic of
conversation amongst three girls!
”

“
S
’
pose not. It
’
s just I
’
m in Royal Fremantle, if they play, I
’
ll probably
know them! Small world, eh?
”

Kelly pointed them out, they were on the dance floor dancing to
some song by Chocolate Starfish. It was the same two girls that Kelly
had been with before, I didn
’
t recognise them.

“
Recognise them?
”

“
I
’
m not sure. Anyway, whether I know them or not, they
’
re welcome
to come along too.
”

“
Great. Let me introduce you to them!
”

“
I
’
ll just get you a drink first. What are you drinking?
”

“
That
’
d be lovely. Vodka and diet coke. Do you dance? Whatever
the next song is, you
’
re dancing with me! Deal?
”

“
Only if you do the bungee!
”

“
Good try, Brad, but no chance!
”

The following day, Kelly watched as I did my first ever bungee. I
almost shit my pants but acted like it was a stroll in the park. Dani and
Nicole did one too, tied together!
”

That night, Dani, Nicole and I bought Kelly a bungee t-shirt on
which we scrawled with o
ne of those permanent markers,

             
“
She came, she saw, she bottled out!
”

We sat on their balcony that night smoking dope, not the brainiest
thing to do given it was against the law in Queensland, but it must have
relaxed Kelly, because after Dani and Nicole went inside, as the night
grew cooler, she gave me a long, lingering kiss.
Three days later, Brett and Joel headed off to Alice Springs by
Greyhound coach minus one friend who they called every name under
the sun, as me and the car stayed on with Kelly and the girls! My seven
week adventure became a seven month one as I fell in love, big style
and toured the Northern Territories with Kelly, before making an about
turn and heading back towards Sydney. Eight months later, Kelly and I
did a tandem bungee at Kawarau Bridge, Queenstown, New Zealand!
She loved it! Four weeks after that, it was all over and I headed back to
Perth and Kelly headed to back to England. I can never quite remember
what split us up but I remember something happened whilst we were at
Franz Josef Glacier and that was that.

I loved every minute I spent with that girl and I must confess
occasionally, when Tyrene isn
’
t really doing it for me, and the big boy
ain
’
t working how he should, I close my eyes, picture Kelly and its like
mental Viagra! Works every time!

When Amy and I were married, I was nervous about being centre of
attention for the day, all eyes being on my ugly mug, but I was not at all
nervous about the speeches. Let
’
s face it, as a groom, you hardly have to
say anything, you just have to trot out the bog standard pleasantries,

“
Thanks very much to the bridesmaids, what a wonderful job they
did and I
’
m sure you will all agree, they looked pretty as a picture!
”

             
“
I
’
d like to thank my wife (pause for cheers) for being so gorgeous
and marrying a toe rag like me!
”

“
Here are some flowers for the mother and mother-in-law, we are
both ever so grateful for all your help, love and support in making today
so special
…
.BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!
”

Easy stuff!

A best man
’
s speech is different. When the speeches start, the invited
guests aren
’
t bothered about the father of the bride speech (
‘
my little
princess is all grown up but I
’
m not losing a daughter, I
’
m gaining a son
’
)
or the groom
’
s speech but, they want to be entertained by the
‘
Best Man
’
.
As a
‘
Best Man
’
, you need to be amusing
but not abusive, drop in a few
“
in
”
jokes for the lads on the stag-do and make the groom embarrassed
and proud within the duration of your speech. I picked Richie to be my
“
Best Man
”
and he did a fine job. He ripped me to pieces a bit, told jokes
about my ugliness, my reputation as a serial shagger until I met Amy,
mentioned the tragic
“
Goth
”
years and reminded everyone that I was an
annoying little shit of a brother for many a long year. It was all said in an
endearing tone though and he managed to pull things back by talking
about how I turned into a world class brother and friend. When it was
Richie
’
s turn to get married, I was the obvious choice and although I am
sure he was sorely tempted to go with someone less obvious, he asked
me all the same! It was an honour.

Richie
’
s wedding was at Christ Church, Aughton, with a reception
afterwards at Briars Hall in Lathom. Richie had been promoted in
the Building Society where he worked to
‘
Branch Manager
’
and six
weeks before the wedding, he was told he would be getting posted to a
flagship branch in Nottingham City Centre. Both Richie and Jemma
were excited by this prospect and they knew once they returned from
their honeymoon in Sorrento, their new
life in Nottingham would start
the following day.

Mum did not take the news about Richie and Jemma
’
s relocation
as enthusiastically as they did! She cried buckets, so much so, you
would have thought his posting was on the other side of the moon, not
a two hour car journey up the road! Richie was no doubt her favourite!
Personally, I had mixed feelings, Richie, Jemma, Amy and I saw a hell
of a lot of each other, but I knew we would still see them when they were
in Nottingham and by all accounts, it would be a great place to visit.
Jemma and Richie
’
s wedding went like clockwork. Vows were
exchanged with glistening eyes. Infectious smiles spread like veruccas.
The only rather strange aspect to the whole day was that the bride
’
s side of the church was virtually empty. Kelly, Jemma
’
s sister had disappeared
abroad several years earlier following Jemma
’
s arrest and had lost all
contact only months later. Jemma
’
s mother had obviously died in the
incident that had led to the arrest and her father, by all accounts,
could have been any drunk in the North West of England. As
‘
Chief
Bridesmaid
’
, Amy took on the role of giving Jemma away.
Once the church service finished, photographs were taken and
everyone enjoyed a Champagne toast on the lawn at Briars Hall on a
cloudy but warm and dry day. The bride, groom and guests subsequently
sat down for the meal, although I hardly touched mine and before I
knew it, it was time for the speeches. Due to the lack of family on the
Watkinson side and the whole host of family on ours, the speeches
were made by Caroline, Richie and myself! It was certainly unique that
the only three speeches being made were by three siblings, but when a
replacement for father of the bride
’
s speech was discussed, my Mum and
Dad and also Amy, shied away from doing it, so Caroline, who lives with
her female partner, Donna and is unlikely to have a traditional wedding
of her own, was desperate to be involved.