Authors: Amy Lane
Parry hopped up and left her yarn and needles and bits of foam and glue for her mother to pick up, and Crick didn’t even reprimand her. He
did
cast a hairy eyeball at Jeff, who was fanning his face to recover from his laughing fit. “You can come in when you’ve decided which side of the fence
you’re
on, Twinkles,” he said sourly, and Jeff, true to being Jeff, busted up laughing again.
He came in shortly and talked to Crick while Crick fixed dinner, but in the meantime, Crick figured he’d had about enough of girls to last him an entire week.
Collin
:
Interlude with Sex
C
OLLIN
hadn’t shot his chef wad with the beef bourguignon. The garage had been slow, so when Jeff had called him in a tizzy about Benny, he’d taken the half day off to cook.
Joshua, his “employee,” had taken the time off too.
Of course, there were plusses and minuses to having Joshua in their house, helping Collin cook.
“What in the fuck is that?” Joshua asked while Collin was slicing carrots with one of those fancy cheese grater thingies.
Collin almost shaved the tips of his fingers off as he looked over his shoulder. “I don’t know, Joshua, they appear to be cats.”
Catherine the Great Big Pain in the Ass was lying on the kitchen table. On her back. Her paws spread to the side, the long fur on her stomach clumping after its last cleaning, and twin lines of drool tracking from her mouth. Constantine the Terrible was sitting next to her head, staring at Joshua with unblinking censure from his slightly bugged eyes. It was true, they’d moved almost three years ago, but Collin still got the feeling the cats blamed
him
for the place with more space and the bigger scratching post and the big room with the kitty-nirvana carpet-covered catnip-saturated apartment complex that sat in the sun most days of the year.
A thing they deigned to use
only
when neither Jeff nor Collin were present. The rooms were covered in fur, but they’d actually installed a little computer camera in the room to see if they should maybe move the kitty condo out doors. The proof was shocking, all right. As soon as the door closed behind Jeff and Collin, the cats went into the kitty room, they played, they scampered (which was hard since both of them were pushing twenty pounds), they beat the holy hell out of each other, and then they each found separate quarters and slept.
And then, when either Jeff or Collin’s car rumbled into the driveway, they both beat it out of the cat room, to be found either asleep on the couch or (more usually) on any clothes Jeff had tried on and discarded on the bed that morning.
Jeff had been appalled—he’d threatened to evict them both—but that had done it for Collin. Collin had only
thought
he loved the cats at that point. He saw the video of the duplicitous little fuckers and he
knew
he was thoroughly in love. After all, Collin had been voted among his friends as most likely to sneak out of his mother’s house, steal a car, get laid, and get back home before the car was reported missing, the come was dry, and breakfast was served.
That fact that he’d been voted most likely to do this
after
he’d done it only made him more ensorcelled. Oh yeah, those fur-barfing, cock-blocking, clothes-shredding little bastards were dear to his heart—he was
never
getting rid of them.
“I know what they are,” Joshua said now. “What in the fuck are they doing on the kitchen table?”
Collin stopped slicing carrots and took a small bit of seasoned ground turkey from the pan, breaking it into two pieces.
“Waiting for treats,” he said indulgently. He moved to the table, leaned forward, and touched noses with Con, who narrowed his bulging green eyes in acknowledgment of Collin’s presence and took the little bit of meat from his fingers. Collin then took his life in one hand and scratched his big fat princess’s splayed fuzzy tummy. This move was a fifty-fifty proposition—sometimes she purred, sometimes she tried to eat him. Today she purred before awkwardly rolling to her front and meowing piteously until Collin gave her the treat he had in his other hand.
“That is
so
fucking unsanitary!” Joshua complained, really appalled, and Collin grinned at him.
“Joshua, if Jeff and I aren’t worried about catching anything from them, I think we’re safe.”
“I think you’re suicidal. Remind me never to eat at
your
house again!”
“What about the food we bring to my mom’s?”
Joshua made a rather disparaging grunt. Collin’s mother, Natalie, invited
everyone
to her family gatherings, including Collin’s “hired man” and his wife
and
their grandchildren. Of course, so did Deacon, so the two families had a lot of really awesome, really
big
gatherings, but the fact was, Jeff and Collin’s cooking was always welcome.
“Yeah, well, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell worked for the military for a long time. As long as I don’t know you guys brought it, I won’t think of giant fur balls on the kitchen table.”
Collin pursed his lips and glared but decided he didn’t feel that political. Joshua was a friend, and he didn’t want to get into a smackdown about the damned cats.
“Deal,” he grudged. “So, that’s beef bourguignon cooking for tomorrow, broccoli cheese casserole for tonight, chicken casserole for the rest of the week, and my mom says she’s got lunches nailed—she’s right down the block from the school. Crick’s gonna drop by on his way to get sandwiches.”
“Sounds like you’ve got them girls taken care of right nice,” Joshua said, and Collin smiled, all rancor forgotten. Joshua had wandered by the garage when Collin was starting his business; a veteran parent and grandparent, he’d been bored with retirement and had proceeded to give his two cents plus a Ben Franklin on Collin’s life ever since. He’d worked for damned near free until Collin could afford to pay him, and one compliment from his sour-lined cantankerous mouth was measured by the platinum ounce.
“Thank you,” Collin said, refusing to gloat in his obvious victory over being an adult in a community. With a little bit of begging, he’d gotten Deacon to stay mum about the whole wiener incident (although Crick knew—that was a given, just like everyone knew what they told Jeff was relayed to Collin verbatim, with commentary), and for the most part, he’d been feeling right smug about his foray into committed domestic life. The fact that he’d been doing it for two and a half years notwithstanding, that whole “husband” thing came with responsibilities.
“So when’re you going to have one of your own?” Joshua asked, and Collin barely escaped with his skin this time.
“Dammit, Joshua! Why you gotta do that?”
“Because I’m nosy.” And unrepentant.
“Jeff and I are fine,” Collin said, remembering his complacency at the end of summer. “We have Martin—he’s coming to live in town after graduation. He’ll be our son.”
“And you two have done a fine job riding his folks’ coattails, I’ll give you that.”
Collin grimaced but didn’t argue. Yeah, Martin’s parents weren’t excited about the gay thing—but they
did
let Martin come over whenever Jeff and Collin sent a ticket. They
had
started talking about Martin’s older brother, who had been killed in the line of duty, as though he was a hero and not a shameful secret. So, well, maybe the boy’s manners and sense of basic decency had been instilled before Jeff and Collin had come along, but still, Collin had taught him cars and business, right?
“Next you’re going to tell me he’s almost grown,” Collin muttered, and
that
idea didn’t sit well either. Martin still felt like a kid to him—Collin was reluctant to let him go.
“Not until you are,” Joshua said, wrinkling his upper lip and sucking his dentures. It would be a really revolting habit, but Joshua saved it for when he was making a point about Collin’s lack of maturity.
Well, point made.
“I have nieces,” Collin defended, thinking about Kelsey and Allison coming to his house every so often in their princess dresses and jeans. He should get them and Parry together—they went to different schools, but Parry had been pining for Lila, and….
“And they’re just proof,” Joshua said, stealing a carrot and gesturing with it.
“Proof of what?” But Collin knew.
“Boy, you let your cats sleep on your table. You adopted your boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend’s little brother. You plan play dates for children that involve cartoons and ice cream. You coached a soccer team of the world’s
sorriest
soccer players—I mean, I love that Parry kid, but I don’t think she kicked the ball in the right direction even
once
. You know where this is heading, right?”
Joshua was leaning back against the counter, and Collin found he couldn’t look at him.
“To two men with HIV
not
getting custody of a kid?” he said quietly, and Joshua threw the carrot at him.
“What in the
hell—
”
“Do you know why gay men have dogs and cats?” Joshua asked him, and Collin looked at his fur babies, who were both sprawled across the kitchen table with utter abandon.
“Because we have no spines and the fuckers just move in?”
Joshua stole another carrot just to throw it at his head. Collin ducked, caught it, and threw it back.
“
Stop
that!” he complained, and Joshua shook his head.
“Because everybody wants somebody to love,” he said irritably. “Before we had kids, the wife moved an entire forest in our house, and then she planted one outside, and then she got a little dog that went booby-diving if she so much as went to the bathroom. That woman made a sling for that little fucker before those things were for sale at pet stores. You and Jeff? You got a good home. You got family. You got qualifications. Of all the people on the planet, I’d think the two of you would be looking for ways that you
can
instead of ways that you
can’t.
”
Collin shooed the old man out of the way and started stirring the broth for the chicken basil soup he was making for his own dinner. He threw the carrots in and turned to the giant thirty-five cubic foot refrigerator Jeff had
insisted
they get so they could house enough fresh produce for an entire army. He pulled out some celery and some onions and turned back around to the cutting board, chewing on what he wanted to say.
“Jeff thinks he’s old,” Collin said apologetically.
“Not since he met you.”
“But… I don’t know. Deacon and Crick—what they’re doing with Benny, that’s not a picnic.” And that was the crux of it, wasn’t it? He’d seen Kimmy over the past couple months, and he’d been there when Amy had been sick. One of his sisters had
multiple
miscarriages, and he’d been there when her heart had broken, every time.
“Now you’re thinking,” Joshua acknowledged. “You’re right. That’s the hard part. The hope. You two gotta decide if you’re up for the hope and the disappointment right there, because that’s the hard part.”
Collin stopped slicing onions and looked hard at Joshua. “Your kids all moved away, didn’t they?” he asked, and Joshua shrugged.
“Yeah, well, maybe I used to be an irascible bastard. You learn shit when you get old.”
Collin nodded. “You ever think about going to visit?”
Josh shrugged. “The missus goes. She tells me about them. She tells them I’ve mellowed. I guess when they believe her, I’ll get visitors.” He looked at Collin soberly. “It’d be nice to get visitors in the home, you know?”
Collin raised his eyebrows, just as sober. “No guarantees Jeff and I will live that long.”
Again, that iron-bodied little shrug. “None that I will. You want guarantees, go to a bank—but you better be holding a gun, because you and I have both seen how that ends!”
Collin laughed a little, but it sounded far away to his own ears. He kept making soup, and about the time he had it all settled down to cook, the casserole was done, and the beef bourguignon would be ready the next day.
“I’ll take the casserole over,” Joshua declared. “You’re shitty company right now anyway.”
Collin shrugged because it was true. “Send Jeff back here when you get there!”
Joshua wrapped the casserole dish up in tinfoil and old bath towels and let himself out. He must have been true to his word, though, because Jeff was home in half an hour, running in talking a mile a minute, hanging up his yarn bag, throwing his coat and scarf over the peg in the hallway that was really too small to hold that much shit.
“So Kimmy almost made me drag her out by the hair, the heifer, but Crick got in there and talked her out of the crazy car and into the house. I didn’t know he had it in him, but boyfriend must have skills, because she was all kinds of fucking stubborn. And it seemed to work too, because she and Benny didn’t shut up for, like, an hour. Then Deacon came up the porch and played hero and carried Benny inside so she could eat at the couch, and baby, it was all movies and fibergasm after that, right?”