Forever Red (30 page)

She leaned back, eyes searching my face, and then she glanced passed me at Lia on the porch. Her eyebrows disappeared under her baseball cap. “Family picnic?” she asked the question as if I should know the answer.

I gripped her upper arm. “What family picnic?”

She blanched. “The traditional Memorial Day Kelly family picnic.” Her eyes moved back to me. “You forgot,” she whispered accusingly.

“No,” I whispered back sharply, “I didn’t forget because I didn’t know about it. We canceled it this year, remember?”

She shook her head. “It’s on your damn phone, Nathaniel! Molly couldn’t do Monday so we moved it to today.” She motioned to her husband and daughter, who were now walking to the pond knowing we needed a few minutes. “We came early,” she hissed, “fixin’ to help you set up.” She narrowed her eyes as she looked at my porch. “You never bring your girls here, so how in the hell was I supposed to know you’d have one here today?”

One of my girls? I hated how cold her tone got when she said those words. As if I would bring some groupie here. I wouldn’t even bring the women I dated; hell, the closest they ever got to coming home with me was the place outside of Nashville.

April wasn’t paying any attention to me or my reaction to her words and kept talking. “Well, shit, Nate! Your momma’s gonna to be here in an hour. And if that woman is still here when she gets here, she’s gonna kill you.”

I rolled my eyes, ignoring the last statement. “Who all is coming?”

“Everyone!”

I dropped my hand, turning back to the house. There wasn’t enough time for me to get her out, and I didn’t want to, anyway. I didn’t want to give up my time with her just because my family was full of nosy, opinionated people.

“Babe? Can you come down here a minute?”

Lia startled when I called to her, but she nodded, slowly coming down the stairs.

I held out my hand when she got close enough, yanking her into me. “Lia, this is April Pike, my personal assistant. April, this is Lia.”

It took a second, but each woman realized who the other was at almost the same time. April, the true Southern belle she was, recovered much quicker than Lia, but neither said a word. I draped my arm over Red’s shoulders, pulling her close. “April here was just telling me that my family will be here in the hour.” I felt Red tense, very unhappy at the news. I needed to let her know that I was unaware of the incoming attack. “Apparently, we’re having a barbecue. Want to help me whip something together quick?”

Lia nodded, happy I’m sure just to get away from the woman in front of us. “I’ll get Mike and Cash to start the grills and move the tables,” I told April as I started to back away from her. “We’ll see you in a little bit.”

Lia’s eyes were wild when we shut ourselves in the house. Her face was painfully blank, but I could feel the stress coming off her in waves. I leaned against the wall and pulled her between my legs. “Hey”—moving my fingers to her chin, I tilted her head to make her look at me—“I didn’t know they were coming. You okay? I can have Carson take you somewhere for the afternoon if you want.”

She shook her head. “No. I want to be here with you, but won’t your family think it’s weird that I’m here? We didn’t really end our relationship on a high note last time.”

I shook my head. “I don’t care if they do have a problem with it.”

She gave me a nasty look. “I do!”

I smiled, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Okay. Truth is, no one knows you’re here. Molly and Noah know about last weekend, but no way in hell they told my mom. So yeah, it’ll be a surprise. But fuck them. We don’t have to explain shit to anyone. We’re two old friends catching up. This is my place. I want you here. Isn’t that all that matters?”

Lia took a deep breath. Her entire body seemed to relax on exhale. “They still hate me?”

I nodded, smiling. “Damn straight.”

Her smile was almost sinister as she let her hands trail down my stomach to my jeans and then cupped me. “You are so lucky you’re amazing in bed.”

“That’s not luck, darlin’. It’s pure skill.”

She tipped her head back and laughed. When she stood upright again, the tension was completely gone and there was a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “I absolutely adore you, funny guy.”

The feeling was mutual. I could only hope that my family didn’t drive her away. Because I definitely needed more of Lia in my life.

As soon as I could escape, I retreated to the kitchen. They were just too much. Apparently, Alabama people didn’t do rude. No, they killed you with motherfucking kindness. Good Christ! If I had to deal with one more smile, one more compliment, or one more hug from one of those women that I knew, just absolutely knew hated me, I was going to scream.

Natalie had been only nine the last time I’d seen her, so I was hoping that maybe she’d have good memories of me. Nope. She seemed to be the most irritated by my presence, but she’d been trained well. Every time I caught her watching me, she’d smile and offer me more sweet tea.

Nikki seemed genuinely pissed off at the world, and no one, not even her beloved brother escaped her wrath. Every time I talked to her, though, I didn’t get the feeling her rage was directed at me. I blamed pregnancy hormones; this heat was killing me and I wasn’t making a tiny human.

Molly – while completely caught off guard by my presence – hadn’t been unkind as much as indifferent. She wasn’t the chatty straightforward girl I’d met at the bar the weekend before and seemed to avoid me at all costs. She did manage to steal Nathaniel away from me every chance she got, and once I caught them in what looked like a heated discussion.

Patty, on the other hand, was full on nice bitch. She may have been born Yankee, but she was all Southern woman now. She told me that if she knew I was coming, she’d have baked me a cake. That I was aging well. That I was as white as a piece of cotton. That I needed to put some paint on my barn and that they’d wait for me – which I didn’t have a fucking clue how to translate. And she followed each one with a, “bless your heart.” I surmised she was telling me that I needed to lose some weight, that I hadn’t, in fact, aged well at all, and that my skin was pasty pale. But I didn’t speak crazy so I couldn’t be sure.

I looked around the bright yellow kitchen, thinking about how happy I’d been just a few hours before. Ugh. One more night. One more night. That’s all I had left with Neil, so if I had to put up with his insane family for just a few more hours, it was worth it.

“Thought I might find you here.” I didn’t turn around, but felt instant relief as Mikey came up behind me. “Is it that bad?”

I faced him, thankful when his arms were there, and fell into his embrace. “Worse.”

He chuckled. “Aw, come on, Lee. They’ve all seemed like they were being really nice to you.”

“Ha!” I mumbled against his chest. I would have explained what I meant, but a throat clearing in an obnoxious way had us pulling away from each other. “Mrs. Kelly.” I nodded at her.

She only stared me down. “Mike, can you give Lia and me a few minutes, please?”

“Uh.” He paused for a second too long and she narrowed her eyes at him. “Yeah. Sure thing,” he corrected after getting a nod from me. “Later, Lee.”

Patty waited a few minutes, making sure we were completely alone. “Does my son know?”

I was confused. “I’m sorry, I’ve missed a step. Does your son know what?”

“That you and Mike are a couple.”

She said it so matter-of-factly that I laughed. “Mike and I are definitely not together. He’s like my brother.”

Tapping on the counter with a perfectly manicured nail, she laid it all bare. “Why are you here, Lia?”

“Because Neil invited me.”

“Nate,” she corrected snootily, “I’m sure didn’t just pick up the phone and invite you.” Well, she’d gotten that part correct. “So, I’ll ask again, why are you here?”

“I ran into him last weekend. We’ve been talking.”

“Ah.” Her gaze turned cold. “So, you’re saying now that my son has made something of himself, you’re interested.”

Wow. I shook my head. “That is not what I am saying,” I snapped back at her. “We are two old friends catching up.”

“Good. Because, you being here without an explanation is hard for all of us, but poor Molly doesn’t need to see it.”

Poor Molly? The question was on the tip of my tongue, but I didn’t want to ask the woman in front of me for any information. She saw my face, though, and supplied the answer I didn’t want to hear. “Hasn’t Nate told you? About him and Molly? Huh. Isn’t that somethin’?” Then she stepped around the island and closer to me as if she was going to share a monumental secret. “They’re trying to keep it quiet. The press will eat them alive if they knew. That’s why Molly hasn’t been staying here. Trying to keep up appearances and all.”

For a quick second, I believed her. They had been rumored to be together and I’d seen her tell him she loved him before the show. But then I remembered that Molly had seen us leave the bar together, and she knew firsthand that we were locked on his tour bus alone last weekend. Maybe she hadn’t known I was here, but she had to know that we were sleeping together. Neil didn’t strike me as the kind of man that would have an open relationship. And he’d told me himself he was single. Until that moment, I’d never thought about the fact that moms were women, too, and played the game better than anyone.

So I smiled as nicely as I could. “Molly shouldn’t be worried, Patty. She was with Neil last weekend and I had drinks with both of them so she knows exactly what is going on here. Just two old friends, catching up.”

Her eyes narrowed. “That better be all it is. You weren’t good enough for him then, and after what you put him through, you aren’t good enough for him now.”

I smiled, debating the scenario in my head. This is where the girl she remembered would turn around and walk away, avoiding a scene at all costs. I hadn’t been that girl since the day I left Neil without saying goodbye.

“You don’t know me. You never did. You found out where I lived, heard some vicious rumors, and decided from the start that I wasn’t good enough for your son. So you know—”

“Is that what you think?” She barked out a bitter laugh. “That I didn’t like you because you were poor? Darlin’, I came from nothing. If anything, I would have liked you more because of that. No, I didn’t like you because you took him away. Family is the most important thing to that man, has been since he was knee high to a grasshopper. But then he found you and we no longer mattered. Not us, not his sisters, not his brother, and not his grandpa’s farm. The day rose and set on you.

“The problem was that I could see you didn’t have staying power. First sign of trouble and I knew you’d run. He loved you enough to leave us, to move away his last year at home, and almost lose this place.” She swung her arm around the room. “He would have given up anything for you because he loved you that much. And you?” Her face turned into a sneer. “You let him give it all up. Someone that cares about someone doesn’t let them lose themselves. And then, the cherry on the top? You cheated on him while he was working his ass off to get back to you. And then, you not only mortified him, you ran away and hid! You are nothing but a selfish bitch. I—”

It was my turn to interrupt, slapping my hand on the counter. “You should maybe get your facts checked before you come to me spewing your attitude.” Her mouth fell open, surprised at either my outburst or the fact that I had leaned into her face. “I. Did. Not. Cheat.” I accentuated each word with another smack of my hand. “I loved him. I wanted to marry him. I did not cheat on him.” I inhaled sharply through my nose. “I let him think I did, yeah. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. It was fucking stupid and I wish I could take it back. But don’t you ever think that what I did wasn’t for him. I did what I did so he could have the life he has now.”

“Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night.” Patty’s face had turned murderous. “My son has—”

“Has what, Ma?” Our head snapped to the side in unison. Neil was standing in the door, watching us, but his eyes were glued to his mom. “I’d really like to hear what your reply to that is.”

She tipped her head, the blood draining from her face. “Honey,” she started, stepping toward him.

He held up a hand. “Are you going to finish what you were saying?” His voice was cold, colder than I’d ever heard it and she simply shook her head. “Then I think you should give Lia and me some privacy.”

“Nate.” Her voice was soft and pleading, and for the first time ever, I felt sorry for her.

He shook his head once. “I’ll talk to you later.” And with that, he moved his eyes to me, dismissing her. He didn’t say anything, just stared at me, making my heart pound so loudly I was sure he could hear it. Finally, he held out a hand. “I think we’ve avoided it long enough, yeah?”

I nodded. We had put off this conversation too long. Twelve years too long.

I moved around the island slowly, placing my hand in his. Instead of turning and leaving the room like I thought he would, his empty hand closed around the back of my head and he pulled me to him, lips landing on my forehead. It was sweet and supportive, and it made me want to pull him close and sob into him, letting every one of the hurts out. When he finally pulled back, the hand slid to my face and his thumb moved back and forth on my cheek while he stared into my eyes. So much was said in that one look that I didn’t feel like we needed to have our chat anymore. But then he turned and left the room, tugging me behind him.

He’d shown me the basement quickly the day before, but we hadn’t spent any time down there. The cement walls were covered with wide pine boards, giving the entire space an earthy smell. The area had been divided into three parts; half the basement had been turned into a recording studio and was closed off, a quarter had been turned into a sauna, and the second quarter was Neil’s “mini man cave.” It had two leather couches facing each, records decorating the walls, and a bar nestled in the corner.

I thought he’d move in that direction, but he walked straight into the studio instead. Once we were in the section he’d told me was the sound booth, he turned and locked the door. His need to lock the rest of the world out, at all times, usually confused me. But this time, I understood.

He pulled out two stools and sat on one, pointing at the other. I sat, unease filling my belly as I waited to have the conversation I’d had in my mind hundreds of times. What had seemed so easy when I was driving in my car or running down a path was anything but, and I didn’t know how to start.

Thankfully, Neil didn’t let me suffer too long. “We are not leaving this room until we say whatever needs to be said.” His eyes moved over my face, searching for understanding. I knew we needed to do this, but it didn’t help ease my fears that this might be the last conversation ever. “No one can hear us, so it’s just you and me.” He assured me, misreading my nervousness. “Tell me.”

I bit the inside of my lip. “How much did you hear?”

He shrugged, breathing a long, slow breath out. “Enough to be pissed at my mom for a while.” He shook his head when I began to object, because her issue was with me. “I’m still pissed at you,” he started, leaning away from me abruptly. “Not when you’re with me ‘cause I forget. It’s so normal having you around. It feels right, like it’s how it was supposed to be. But then I remember it isn’t normal, and I remember why, and I’m fucking angry. I’ve hated you for a long fucking time, Lia.”

My heart wasn’t pounding ferociously because it had stopped working altogether. I felt it seize and knew that this was it. I was going to die right here, in this closed off little room. And the coroner would say cause of death would be a broken heart. Eh, maybe that sounded dramatic, but it was the truth. I was pretty sure I was dying.

Then, Neil finished his thoughts. “It was the only way to remember that I didn’t love you so fucking much that I couldn’t live without you. Hating you was the only way that I survived. I don’t want to hate you anymore, Red.” Air rushed out of my lungs so fast I almost fell off the stool. My heart decided that was the perfect moment to beat again, thumping a deafening rhythm in my ears. “Tell me,” he repeated.

So I did. I told him about Craig’s role in The Game and how I came on to him before we started an affair that cost him his fiancée. I explained his reappearance in my life and the conversations at the diner. I talked about the necklace and the reason I kept it. I was honest about everything, good and bad.

Then I described those last few weeks from my point-of-view; how I’d seen the stress of life eating away at him, feeling like I was the cause of it. And I relayed the feeling of horror at hearing his conversation with Nikki and how I couldn’t let him give it all up for me, but I didn’t know how to make him hear me.

I admitted that I was a coward because when the opportunity came, I ran with it instead of just talking to him. I’d run because I didn’t want him to come after me. That’s why I changed my name and hid from him. I wanted him to have the life he had now, the life he was meant to have.

Last, I spit out the cold, hard, bitter truth. I left for me. I loved him, more than anything. And it scared the shit out of me. More than that, though, was the knowledge that he loved me just as much. If he’d given up everything for me, if he had sold his grandfather’s farm just to stay with me, then I knew one day he’d wake up and hate me. I couldn’t have handled it. I wouldn’t have survived if Neil had left me.

Through it all, he sat and listened. Sometimes, his brows wrinkled in a massive frown; other times, he looked like he was ready to murder someone with his bare hands. At the end, though, he just looked sad.

“That’s what you think?” he asked me softly once I was completely done. “That I’d have given up everything and then blamed you?”