Forever This Time (22 page)

“I can't believe you kissed her.”

“You're not the only one.”

“I also can't believe she didn't push you off the cliff afterward.”

“What can I say? It was a good kiss. And she—started it.”

Josh shook his head. “You're still an idiot.”

“Agreed.”

“What are you going to do now?”

“I have no idea.” Ethan poured creamer into his own coffee cup. “This was not the plan.”

“What was not the plan?” Molly appeared at his elbow, scooping up his plate.

“Ethan kissed Josie.” Josh did his best to suppress a grin, but failed miserably.

Molly set the plate back down with a clatter, motioning for Ethan to slide further into the booth so she could sit on the edge. “You kissed Josie.”

“She says, in a tone reserved for kitten-torturers. Ease up, Mols.” Ethan rolled his eyes.

“You kissed her? Really?”

Ethan nodded slowly, sighing as he twisted his coffee cup in slow circles, like he'd seen Josie do earlier this afternoon. Had
he
started doing that first, way back when? Or had she?

“What were you
thinking
?”

“I wasn't, obviously.”

“Well, that's that, then.” Molly stacked creamer cups on Ethan's plate.

He looked at her sideways. “What do you mean—that's that, then?”

“I
mean
that's that. Maybe she'll send you a postcard from Boston. Or maybe she'll never talk to you again.
Again
. We've been here before, right?”

“It's not the same, Mols.”

“No, clearly it's not. By now you should be smarter. You should know better than to go around kissing girls who already broke your heart. You should
really
know better than to give them a chance to do it again.”

“Yup. You're right.”

“I know.” Molly slid out of the booth, then reached over and cuffed Ethan on the head. “Snap out of it.”

She turned to Josh. “Talk some sense into him, will you?” She grabbed the plates and headed for the kitchen, but Ethan very clearly heard her mutter
Moron!
before she got too far.

“I—um—I'm definitely not doing this because she just told me to, but seriously, what
are
you thinking?” Josh raised his eyebrows over his coffee cup.

“I really, really don't know.”

“You know she's not going to stay, right?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“So you know if you let yourself get wrapped up in thinking about a future again, you're just going to set yourself up for another fall, right?”

“Know that, too.”

“Then now would be an excellent time to let it go no further.”

“Yep.”

“No offense, but you're not really convincing me you're listening.”

“Yep.”

“You're not listening, are you?”

“Nope.”

“Nice.” Josh put down his coffee cup. “I feel like a girl having this conversation over coffee, but since I happen to vividly remember the six months after the wedding-that-wasn't, and since I'd probably be the one Molly'd call to pick you up off the floor
again
this time, I'm begging you to back off and think this through.”

Ethan blew out a heavy breath and slouched over his mug. “I know. I really, really,
really
know. She doesn't belong here, never wanted to be here, doesn't want to stay. And I can't leave. I don't even want to leave. I mean, maybe I
would
want to, if circumstances were different. But I can't move Dad. Not now. And there's no way I can leave Avery's House.

“And … hell, I have no idea what her life's like back in the city. Yeah, we kissed, and a part of me wants to think it's because after all this time there's still a flame, but the sane part of me knows it's all an illusion right now. She's vulnerable, we're both replaying memories, and it's easy to fall back into old routines. Even if that's the last thing either of us wants to do.”

“That sounds very reasonable and objective. Well done.”

“It's easier to be reasonable and objective when I'm not with her.”

“So how are you going to handle things now?”

“One day at a time, I guess.”

Josh paused, raising his eyebrows. “As a physician, I strongly advise no more kissing.”

*   *   *

“All settled in?” Ethan tucked a quilt around Emmy Friday morning, then rolled the mini-recliner toward the window in her room at Avery's House, sitting down in the chair next to her.

She picked up a corner of the quilt and sniffed it. “Ahh. Smells like pinecones.”

“Excellent. Did you order your lunch yet?”

“Peanut butter and strawberry fluff.” Emmy rubbed her stomach and smiled.

“Yuck.” Ethan stuck out his tongue, but was thrilled she had appetite enough to even think about eating such a combination.

“You don't know what you're missing.”

“I think I'll keep it that way, if it's all the same to you.”

She giggled. “I'm having a chocolate milkshake, too.”

“I'm sure that will go perfectly with peanut butter and fluff.”

“You can stop sticking your tongue out. What do
you
eat for lunch?”

“Fried tarantula legs.”

Emmy crinkled her nose and giggled again. “That's disgusting.”

“You could always dip them in strawberry fluff.”

“Eww. Yuck.”

“You're right. That would be a waste of perfectly good tarantula legs.” Ethan pointed out the window. “So do you see Ben's surprise?”

Emmy turned to scan the park below her window. “Hm. Oh! Ethan! The Twinkle Fairy's spinning! It's fixed!”

“Just for you, squirt.”

“I can't wait to go ride it! Think I can go today?”

“Maybe not today. Let's let your body get a little stronger first. When you're ready, you can ride it all day long if you want to.”

Emmy looked out the window, watching the rides spin and twirl below her. Ethan could see the blue veins pulsing in her head as she sat there, and he sent a silent prayer of thanks that she was able to sit here planning a peanut butter and fluff lunch with a chocolate shake.

“Did Avery like the Twinkle Fairy?”

Ethan started. “What?”

“Did Avery like the Twinkle Fairy?” Emmy kept her eyes glued on the window. They'd never talked about Avery. Not ever. Had Steph told Emmy what he'd told her? As he composed an answer, he felt like he might just be out in the middle of a not-quite-frozen pond.

“Well, actually, she loved the Ferris wheel best.”

“Hmm. I guess I can see that.” She looked thoughtful. “What did you call her, Ethan?”

“I called her munchkin.”

“That's good.” She nodded solemnly. “I've been hoping you didn't call her squirt.”

“Nope. No way. That one's all you.”

“Do I remind you of her?”

Ethan paused before he answered. What did she want to hear? Of course she reminded him of Avery. Every child who came through Avery's House reminded him. But though the memories triggered by Emmy and the others ripped him apart at times, he'd made a promise ten years ago to a beautiful little girl that he would never, ever forget her.

Creating this house had been the best way he could think of to do that.

“I think … I think everybody reminds me of her a little bit. I loved her an awful lot, and she was a very special little girl to a lot of people.”

“Does my cancer remind you of hers?”

Emmy looked suddenly smaller in the already-tiny recliner, and Ethan wished for the thousandth time that he could do more than give her a fun place to stay for a few weeks. He reached out and pulled her onto his lap, cuddling the blanket around her.

“She had a very different kind of cancer, squirt. It was one the doctors just didn't have the medicine to treat. And it was a long time ago. Things are so much better now.”

She settled her little head into his chest and curled her legs up, pulling the quilt closed under her chin. Her voice was almost too soft to hear as she asked, “Am I going to get better, Ethan?”

He squeezed her gently. “You better believe it. You've got the best doctors around, all sorts of amazing medicine, and a super-strong little body. And a mom who loves you.”

“And you. You love me, too, right?”

“And me. I will never, ever stop loving you.”

“Even if I turn into a cranky teenager?”

Ethan laughed. “Even
when
you turn into a cranky teenager. Which, come to think of it, you better not.”

“Well, I'll try. No promises.” She smiled up at him, then nestled her head back down. “Why don't you have any kids, Ethan?”

He took a deep breath, staring out the window at the Snowflake Village rides twinkling through the trees. Emmy's question was a gut punch after spending a restless night thinking about Josie and the life he'd thought they'd be living by now. “I guess … I guess it's just not my time yet.”

“You're not going to live forever, you know. Don't you think you should start looking for a wife?”

He chuckled sadly. “If you only knew, squirt.”

“Will you sit with me till Mommy gets done with her shower?”

Ethan shifted in the chair, settling Emmy more comfortably and adjusting the blanket around her. “You betcha. Close your eyes and dream of the Twinkle Fairy.”

“I'm going to close my eyes and make some wishes.”

Ethan's eyes snapped open at words that sounded so eerily familiar. “What kinds of wishes?”

“I'm not sure yet. At the hospital I had a dream about wishes. A little girl gave me a bag of pennies and told me I could make wishes with them.”

Ethan's heart raced. “What did she look like?”

“Um, I don't remember.” Emmy's forehead furrowed with concentration. “Wait. She had a blue hat on. And a ponytail. She said I should use the pennies for get-better wishes.”

“Wow.”

Wow.

“That sounds like a—perfect—dream.”

Emmy nodded. “It was. She was nice.” Then she closed her eyes. “I think I need to sleep again.”

“Okay, squirt.” Ethan's voice was a little shaky. “Sleep tight. Happy—wishes.”

Ethan closed his eyes, trying to stem the flood of memories that came with Emmy's dream. There were enough pictures of Avery around the house that Emmy could certainly have conjured her up in a feverish dream.

But the pennies and wishes? Only a select few people knew about the way Avery used to bring little baggies of pennies to the wishing well at Snowflake Village, even before she was sick.

*   *   *

“Whatcha wishing for today, munchkin?” Ethan sat down on the bench next to where Avery was pitching pennies into the wishing well.

Avery shrugged. “I'm not sure I'm sure what to wish for.”

“That sounds complicated.”

“I'm scared, Ethan.”

Ethan gulped, knowing Josie had taken her to the oncologist just yesterday. “I would be, too.”

“I don't want to be sick anymore. Who's going to take care of me?”

Ethan's gut roiled at the question, furious that an eight-year-old would even have to ask it. He put his arm around her tiny shoulders, pulling her close to him. “We all will, Aves. Don't you worry about that at all. Josie and I will be with you through it all.”

She looked up, eyes huge and hollow. “You promise?”

“Pinky swear.” He held up his pinky and she hooked it with her own.

“Let's call her Cruella.”

“Who?”

“My tumor. She's the evil, awful Cruella de Vil and I need to crush her!”

“We will, Aves. We totally will.”

Avery grabbed his hand and put her thumb on top of his, then placed a penny carefully on top. She closed her eyes tightly and said, “Super-wish, Ethan. Double-power wish.”

“Okay, munchkin. Super double-power wish!”

“One! Two! Three! Wish!” Avery lifted both of their hands so the penny went flying into the wishing well.

“What are you two up to?” Josie walked up and sat down on the other side of Avery. “Ethan? Are you okay? Your eyes look funny.”

 

Chapter 23

“You need a grape Popsicle?” Ben's quiet voice broke into Josie's thoughts as he settled beside her in the pine needles next to the river that same morning. She'd been sitting there for an hour waiting for the magic of the burbling water to take over and calm her jumbled brain. Between kissing Ethan last night and her dad's state this morning, though, it wasn't working.

“I think I need a whole box of 'em, Ben.”

“How's your dad?”

“He's doing okay. Mom and I met with his physical therapist this morning. Looks like they might move him to rehab in the next couple of days.”

“Well, that's good news.”

Josie shrugged. “I guess. It's hard to tell. It's not like he's made much progress besides waking up. Not that that isn't huge, I mean. But wow, Ben. Wow. She spent a lot of time talking about how involved the family should be in his care, and how we're looking at months and months of rehab just to get him to a functional state. And the whole time, I just sat there feeling guilty that I need to get back to Boston in a couple of weeks.”

“Maybe you will, maybe you won't.” He sighed. “I went to visit him last night.”

“You did? Did he recognize you?”

“No.” Ben shook his head sadly. “I don't think so, anyway. Hard to tell yet.” He tossed a twig into the water and watched it drift downstream.