Forever This Time (32 page)

Josie bit her lip and sat down slowly in her chair. He was right. So, so right. She had no place berating him like this. What was she thinking? When she'd seen Pops by the pond, she'd frozen. His eyes were a mirror image of Ethan's, but the blankness in them had scared her silly.

Clinically, she'd known what she was looking at. But it was Pops, not a sterile case in a textbook. It was Ethan's dad, the guy who'd claimed to use the iron fist of doom with his boys, but snuck them out of school to go fishing every spring. It was the guy who'd grounded Ethan soundly for a missed curfew, but made him chocolate chip pancakes on Sunday mornings. It was the man who'd taught Josie to drive because her parents … couldn't.

And now? Dementia? She had a hundred questions for Ethan, but he was right. First, it was none of her business. And second—well—it was just none of her damn business.

“I'm sorry, Ethan. It just surprised me. But you're right. I'm sorry.”

“You should be.” His shoulders relaxed just the slightest fraction. “You should be, dammit.”

Then he reached down and hauled her into his arms, capturing her squeak with his mouth as he lifted her off the ground. “Goddammit, this would be a hell of a lot easier if I didn't want you every time I look at you. A hell of a lot easier if I hadn't been an idiot and driven us out to the lake last night.”

He kissed her hard then, possessive and angry and lusting and so damn hot. “Why the hell did you come back, Josie? You're sending me to a fresh hell here.” He set her down and backed up.

“Christ.” He put both hands through his hair. “I don't even know if I'm coming or going.” He looked around the office, then grabbed his keys. “I have to go. Need to see if Pops is settled in back at home. Call his doc.”

Josie nodded as he spat out sentence fragments. “Okay.” Her voice was almost a whisper.

He turned to go, then swung back. “I know you're sorry. I do know it.”

Then he shook his head. “I just don't know if you know yet what you're sorry
for
.”

*   *   *

“Get your monkey suit dry-cleaned yet?” Josh slid into the booth across from Ethan at lunchtime, startling him. The barstools at Bellinis had already been occupied when he came in, which was fine. He didn't feel like making small talk anyway. He needed to figure out what to do about Pops. He'd never wandered before, and this morning's incident was scaring the hell out of Ethan.

He'd gotten him settled at home, and the part-time nurse had agreed to stay for the afternoon so Ethan could leave. Good God. Between Josie and Pops, he could barely think straight, and now Josh was talking about tuxes for that damn Hospital Hero thing.

Ethan shook his head. “I'm not going. No way, no how.”

“It's bad form to skip an event held in your honor.”

“Who in the world invented this award, anyway?”

“Probably someone who was hoping to receive it. Get a date yet?” Josh bounced his eyebrows up and down.

Ethan set down his menu and pinned Josh with a glare. “No, I do not have a date yet. Nor will I have a date.”

“What about Josie? She's still here, isn't she?”

“Thought you recommended I stay away from her.”

“I just told you not to kiss her again.” Josh raised his eyebrows. “Which you haven't. Right?”

“Pleading the fifth.”

Just then, Molly arrived at the table with coffees. “Gentlemen. I assumed the usual?”

Josh nodded. “Thanks, Molly.”

“Who's pleading the fifth? About what?” She perched on the edge of Ethan's seat, as per usual.

He looked sidelong at her. “You have bat ears.”

“I know. So handy in this business!” Molly grinned. “So what's the story?”

Josh pointed at Ethan. “He's not talking, but I'm guessing he and Josie are driving each other crazy.”

“Again?” Molly cuffed Ethan lightly on the head as she slid back out. “You're an idiot.”

“Certifiable, yes.”

Molly stopped halfway off the bench, her face suddenly serious. “Jesus holy Mary and Joseph. What. Have. You. Done?”

If Molly knew how much she resembled her mother at this moment, she'd be furious. “Ethan Thomas Miller, where did you go last night after you dropped me off?”

“Home.”

“Which
road
did you take home?”

“Molly, seriously. I don't need the third degree.”

“Oh. My. God.” She sat back down. “You went to the lake, didn't you?” Ethan didn't answer. “You drove out to the lake, didn't you? Tell me you didn't walk up to the waterfall.”

“Stop it. Seriously, Molly.”

“You did.” When Ethan looked up in consternation, he saw two distinct emotions at war in her eyes. One was the anger he expected, but the other … was that fear? He took a long, defensive draw on his coffee as Molly moved to the other side of the booth and pointed her finger at him. “What are you thinking, Ethan? You have been here before. You have seen the end play already. How can you do this again?”

Josh cleared his throat, lifting his chin toward the next table. “I think you've got some parched people over there, Molly. Maybe you'd better take their order?”

Molly growled in frustration, still pointing at Ethan. “We're not done yet.”

As she headed toward the new group of diners, Josh raised his eyebrows. “Seriously? The lake? The waterfall?”

Ethan sighed as he nodded miserably.

“Did you guys … y'know…”

Silence.

“You totally did.” Josh's face cracked into a smile. “Jesus, buddy. What were you thinking?”

“I think we've already covered that I wasn't.”

“How are things today with her?”

“Fine. Terrible. Great. Awful.”

Josh chuckled. “Sounds like true love.”

“Shit, Josh. What am I doing? I know better. I'm older, wiser, all that shit. I
know
better.”

“I dunno. Maybe you should start thinking with the big head instead of the little one?”

“Shut up.”

“Seriously, buddy. She's not staying, so whatever's going on here … it's just temporary, right? Are you okay with that? You going to be able to come back from that when she goes back to Boston?”

“Boston's not that far away, really.” As the words came out of his mouth, Ethan wished he could shove them back in. Idiot. What was he thinking? This wasn't college, where a few texts and steamy phone calls could keep a relationship alive. They were both grown adults, with adult responsibilities, and neither of them could just pull up stakes.

“You didn't just say that.”

Ethan winced. “I know.”

Molly came back with steaming burgers and fries, clattering them on the table and pointing at Ethan. “Not done yet.” Then she whirled around and checked on the other tables around them.

“She's gonna have your head on a platter before we leave, you know.” Josh squirted ketchup on his burger. He raised it to take a bite, but paused. “Does Josie know about Avery's House yet?”

“As far as I know, no.”

Josh cringed. “I know we all promised a long time ago not to tell her—to let
you
do it when you thought it was time, but buddy, she's here. Only reason she hasn't seen it herself is because she's racing from the park straight to the hospital every day. Aren't you worried she's going to drive by it one of these days?”

Ethan sighed. Yeah, he was worried she'd see it. Of course he was. And if it weren't tucked up at the cul-de-sac end of Sugar Maple Drive, she definitely
would
have seen it by now.

“I know it's not my place to tell you what to do, but I think you'd better tell her before she finds out some other way.”

“I know. You're right.”

Josh stirred his coffee. “Nervous about how she'll react?”

“What do
you
think?”

“Terrified.”

“Pretty much.” Ethan nodded, putting his bun back on his burger and spinning it to spread out the ketchup. “It's—too soon.”

“There might never be a perfect time, you know. Maybe you just need to brace yourself and take her over there.”

“Not yet.”

“When?”

“I don't know, okay? Maybe—maybe I don't even
want
her to see it.”

Was that true? Was he purposely playing Avery's House close to his chest? Why? What did he think would happen when Josie did find out about it?

“Ethan, seriously. That house is as much a part of you as—I don't know—anything. If you don't show her that part of you, how can she really know who you are now?”

“That's a little deep for this hour, isn't it? The house doesn't define me.”

“You sure?”

Ethan sighed. “I'm not sure of anything right now, no.”

Josh set down his coffee and leaned forward. “Here's a crazy thought. Have you ever considered that seeing Avery's House might actually make her think about coming back?”

Ethan paused, silent.

“Honestly, I'm more afraid the house might convince her to go.”

 

Chapter 33

“How is your dad today?” Molly sat down in the waiting room next to Josie late Thursday afternoon, startling her.

What was
she
doing here?

“Um, okay.” Josie put down the magazine she'd been pretending to read while her thoughts skittered around in her head. It hadn't even been eight hours since she'd seen Ethan, and one part of her was dying to see him. The other part was pulling hard on the reins, trying to knock some sense into her idiot brain.

“Have you been in to see him?”

“Yeah. But they're doing stuff right now. I'm just—I don't know—waiting, I guess?” For what, she didn't really know. Dad's condition was improving bit by bit, but no miraculous leaps or bounds yet. “I think they're going to move him tomorrow. A bed finally opened up over at Fairview.”

“That's kind of depressing.”

“I know. There aren't too many ways beds open up at these places.”

“I bet if you studied the names of all of the rehab facilities in the United States, over half of them have
view
in the name. Why is that, do you think?”

Josie glanced sidelong at Molly. “I have no idea. Sounds peaceful, maybe?”

“I'm sure Fairview will be nice, though. It looks nice from the outside. They'll take good care of him.”

“I hope so.” Josie nodded. “We were lucky to get him so close.”

“Josh said they're really family-oriented.”

Josie nodded again. They sure were. She and Mom had met with the social worker for an hour yesterday trying to figure out what that all meant and how they were going to possibly accomplish it.

“So what does that mean for you?”

Josie could tell Molly was trying to compose her features into a nonchalant expression, but she'd known her too long to buy it, even if it
had
been ten years. She slid further down into the uncomfortable chair, bracing her neck on the padded back. “God, Molly. I have no idea.”

“You think your mom can handle this on her own?”

“I don't know. I've only been here two weeks. I have no idea what she can handle these days.”

“Is she doing okay?”

“As far as I can tell.”

“Not drinking?”

Josie spun her head toward Molly, narrowing her eyes.

“What?” Molly raised her hands. “Did you really think I never knew?”

Josie shook her head, sighing. “I don't know what to think anymore. As far as I can tell, she's handling things.”

“That's great. Really great. Because if she can handle this without backsliding, that's a huge test, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

“You worried about what she'll do if you leave?”

“Of course I am.”

“What about Ethan?”

Josie paused. Uh-oh. “What
about
Ethan?”

“Seriously, Jos. What do you
think
I mean? Last night was like a ten-years-ago flashback. The only thing I don't know for sure is whether it
ended
like it used to.” Molly searched her face, then her mouth opened. “It did, didn't it?”

“You don't know that. You have no idea.” Josie pushed herself back up in the chair.

“I do, too. Feel your cheeks.”

“I will not.”

“They're as red as cherries. You totally went to the lake, didn't you?”

“Molly, stop.”

“You really let him take you out there, let him believe there was hope, let him think maybe you returned his feelings?” Molly pushed herself up from her chair. “Y'know what? He's a man. He's ruled by testosterone. But you? You should know better. I can't believe you threw him a bone, only to yank it back when you leave.”

“Maybe I won't lea—”

“Yes you will. You know you will.
I
know you will. This is why I'm not entertaining any stupid fantasies about us being best friends again. You never wanted to live here, and that hasn't changed. You're only here because of your father, and once you can figure out how to handle it, off you'll go.”

“Molly—”

“Don't
Molly
me.” She stopped at the doorway, scrunching her nose like she was weighing options. “You know what? You need to see something. Come with me.”

Ten minutes later, Josie grabbed for the door handle as Molly took a corner way too fast. “No offense, but you still drive like a maniac.”

Why had she agreed to get in Molly's car, anyway? The woman was acting like she'd like to dump Josie in the lake with a cement block tied to each foot.

“Yup.” Her eyes were locked on the road.

“Where are we going?”