Forever We Fall: Broken #4 (The Broken Series) (30 page)

Derek

My whole body shook as I stepped onto the landing and made my way towards apartment 4B. I took a deep steadying breath as I strived to keep calm and not run back down the stairwell and out of this building
.

Be a grown up…

My nerves were in tatters all day. After I'd asked him for a job, Kyle had taken me straight to the hotel – probably because he'd been afraid I'd change my mind – and introduced me to his head-chef, Jonas, who I would be working under from now on.

Jonas was cool and I'd welcomed the challenge. I'd always worked well under pressure and I was finally going to be doing what I was actually decent at. I'd been shocked that I hadn’t been put on pot-wash, instead I'd been given full rein on the desserts.

I wasn’t too sure how Kyle would swing it with health and safety, but I was more than prepared to do whatever course I needed to ensure an apprenticeship with Jonas. The guy was a master of food. I'd been in awe of him for most of the day, and barely had time to think about the blonde bastard running the hotel in Kyle's absence.

I guessed Kyle had warned Mike to keep a wide berth of me because not once during my eight hour shift had I seen him in the restaurant.
Thank god
. I needed to get my ass in gear and the last thing I needed to do was beat the shit out of the manager – even if he deserved it.

Kyle had given me a huge break and I wasn’t going to let him down. I wasn’t going to let my kid down. Yeah, I'd spent all last night and most of today with my mind focused on the black haired, green eyed child who I'd been told less than twenty four hours ago was mine.

Texting Karen on my lunch break had been one of the most awkward things I'd ever done, but I had a burning curiosity inside of me urging me on.

I
needed
to know him.

I had to.

I'd been shocked when she agreed to let me stop by after work. I'd been expecting a battle. Her cooperative behavior threw me.

Raising my trembling hand, I knocked on her apartment door and waited. Loud scuffling noises sounded from the other side of the door moments before it flew open. I scrunched my face up, preparing for the punch I was sure to receive from Danny. When it didn’t come, I opened my eyes and let out a relieved sigh.

"Hi." Jordan stood in front of me, his eyes wide and full of excitement. "Mom says you're my daddy."

"I…" I thrust the small parcel I'd brought with me into his hands. "Yes," I choked out. "I'm your daddy."

I'm your daddy…

"I'm so happy to meet you properly," I added, crouching down to his size. "I'm so sorry I didn’t come sooner, and for upsetting you yesterday…"

"That's okay," Jordan replied, hugging the parcel to his chest. "Mom told me you lived far away in the mountains, but I knew you'd come find me someday. I know all about you," he giggled. "Mom told me this morning."

God…
"Yeah," I whispered, staring reverently at the child in front of me. "You're beautiful," I told him and immediately regretted those words when he scrunched his nose up in distaste. "You're cool," I amended. "Very cool."

He beamed at me and my heart squeezed in my chest when I noticed his front baby tooth had already fallen out. What else had I missed? Four fucking years' worth of memories…

"Mom?" he called out, opening the door for me to come in. "My dad's here. He came. I told you he would."

His words stunned me. What I'd give to be four years old again –to be so accepting of change. Jordan was calling me dad…just like that – as if I'd been around him all his life.
Jesus…

"Hello Derek," Karen said when I took a step inside her neat apartment.

My eyes immediately locked on hers and I felt an immediate pang of worry for her. Her eyes were bloodshot. Her skin was pale. She was dressed in an old football shirt I knew was Danny's and her plain black yoga pants looked like they'd seen better days.

"Jordan's been waiting all day for you," she said nervously. "He's been counting down the hours since I told him you were stopping by."

"Are you hungry?" Jordan asked, tugging on my hand. Jesus, his skin was so soft. "I helped my mom bake you a cake."

"You can bake?" I asked, gazing down at my son in wonder.

"Yep," he said proudly. "My mom says I'm the best."

"Your mom is a very smart lady," I told him, allowing him to tug me further into the kitchen/sitting room.

"This is my room," Jordan announced as he opened the first of three doors in the small hallway. "Where's your bag?"

"My bag?" I shook my head in confusion. "What bag, buddy?"

"With your stuff, silly," Jordan chuckled.

Letting go of my hand, he rushed into his blue painted room and bounced onto his small Thomas the Tank Engine shaped bed. "You're going to live with us, right?" Jumping up and down on his bed, he smiled. "Like Hope's mom and dad?"

You're going to live with us, right?

"I…" Jesus, my face broke out in a cold sweat. How the hell was I supposed to answer that?

"No, Jordan," I heard Karen say as she came to stand beside me. "I've explained this to you already." She turned to face me, blushing furiously. "I've explained this to him," she said nervously. "He just…I didn’t…"

"Hey, it's okay," I said gently, not wanting her to feel upset or embarrassed.
This was all on me…

She'd been a teenager and I'd messed her life up. She'd given me my freedom these past four years. She'd told me as much and I felt like a creep for throwing so much crap at her last night...

Well, I wasn’t about to walk away again. No fucking way was my child growing up poor. No way in hell was the mother of my child going to scrape by. I was stepping in and I was doing it today. Cam's face entered my mind and I forced it away. I had to…

"You've done an amazing job with him, Karen," I told her, my tone gruff and thick.

"Yeah, well…" She shrugged and turned her face away, focusing on Jordan once more. "Your daddy will come to see you, Jordan," she told our son in a gentle but firm tone of voice. "But Derek has his own home. He won't be living with us, but you can see him as much as like."

"That's not fair," he mumbled and my heart fucking cracked clean open when I noticed the tears in his eyes. "Hope's got a daddy," he sobbed. "Why does she need mine?"

"We'll see, buddy," I choked out, earning myself a cold stare from Karen. Shaking off her intense stare, I walked over to him and sat down on his little bed.

"Jordan," I said quietly, patting the mattress next to me. He immediately flopped onto his knees and shuffled over to me. "I'm gonna be here for you," I told him, feeling more love than I'd ever felt burst through my body and shoot into this child.
My child.
"No matter where I live. I promise you that and I don’t break my promises. Ever."

"But I want you to live with me," he whispered, dropping his head to stare at the floor. "My mom loves you, don't you, mom?" He turned to stare at Karen. "Mom, tell him you love him, so he'll come live with us."

"Jordan, please stop," Karen whimpered, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

"It's not that simple, Jordan," I managed to say in an even tone, turning back to face him, ignoring the searing pain inside of me that bubbled up the moment I saw the tears in her eyes. "Sometimes mommies and daddies don't live together."

"I know that," he grumbled. "But I want you and mom to be with me."

Sweet Jesus…
"What do you want me to do, Jordan?" I asked in a pained voice.

"Take my mom on a date like all the other mommies and daddies," he replied, staring up at me with such innocence in his eyes
.
"Maybe if you liked my mom you would come live with us."

"Jordan, stop this," I heard Karen hiss, but I couldn’t look at her again. I felt too fucking ashamed of myself.

"I do like your mommy," I whispered, feeling like the worst kind of human being. "She's a great person."

"So you'll take her out on a date?" he asked excitedly.

"Sure," I choked out, swallowing deeply. "I can do that."

"Ask her," he encouraged, poking me in the side.

Karen stared at me in pure horror. "Don't ask me to do this," she begged. "It's not fair."

"Would you like to go on a date with me, Karen?" I asked, ignoring her protests, feeling completely fucking manipulated by the little guy sitting next to me who already had a firm grip on my heart strings.

"She never goes on dates," Jordan piped up. "She never goes anywhere. Mrs. Carter is her first friend."

"Her first friend?"
Jesus Christ…

"Yep," Jordan chirped. "She's always on her own."

Something hit me then, something as powerful as a bulldozer, hard and forceful, knocking the air out of my lungs and the ground out from beneath me. "Go out with me?" I husked, meaning every word, as I stared at the delicate little woman trembling in the doorway. "Let me take you out."
Let me make this up to you…

"When?" she asked warily.

When...
"Tonight?" I rubbed the palms of my hands against my pants and tried to stay calm as I forced away the fucked up feeling that I was doing something wrong.
That I was betraying Camryn…
"I'll call Kyle and Lee," I added. "We could make a night of it?"

"I don't have a babysitter," she muttered. "And DJ's not around."

"You're still calling him that?" I asked in amusement. Karen had nicknamed Danny
DJ
when we were kids and she'd caught us pretending to spin decks with two saucepans. "He could come stay at my house?" I suggested. "Lee's mother usually babysits Hope. I could ask if she'd watch Jordan."

"Yes," Jordan yelled, pumping his fist in the air. "You're the coolest," he added before throwing his arms around me. "Thanks, dad."

"No problem," I mumbled, wrapping my arms around him, holding him tightly to me. "I'll do anything for you," I whispered, my eyes locked on Karen. "Remember that."

****

Chapter Twenty-Six

Derek

She hated me.

Yep, the mother of my – recently discovered – child hated me.

Karen couldn’t have sat further away from me if she tried in the corner booth of Bobby's bar, while we waited for Kyle and Lee to hurry the fuck up and break this uncomfortable silence. Lee had convinced Kyle to let her drive us here tonight, so I guessed she was on her eighth attempt at parallel parking.

Thankfully Tracy had agreed to watch the kids, because there was no way in hell I was going to break a promise to Jordan on my first day of parenthood. Karen, however, looked pissed as hell at me and I really didn’t know what to say to her.
A few shots of Dutch courage would be useful right about now…

The fact that she was looking smoking hot wasn’t helping matters either. Jesus, she looked amazing tonight dressed in a pair of high-waist denim shorts, matched with a yellow shirt she had tied around her belly, revealing the tiniest sliver of skin of her stomach.

"It's busy tonight, huh?" I muttered, breaking the awkward silence.

"Shit," she hissed and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly. "Danny's on the way over here with that nasty bitch," Karen growled. "He's been out of town and I haven't told him about you yet, so just…be cool, okay?"

"Sweetheart, you're breaking my fingers here," I chuckled and Karen immediately released my hand and jerked away from me.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I don’t know my own strength sometimes."

"I was joking," I smirked, trying not to laugh at the tiny woman who
didn’t know her own strength
.

"I wasn’t," she shot back, glaring at me in warning.

"Porter," Danny said, smiling dangerously when he reached our table. "With my baby sister." He looked at me and then Karen. "What. The. Fuck."

"Chill out, you dick-douche," Karen grumbled as she glared back at her brother. "Derek's waiting for his friend and I'm waiting for mine. No need to get your panties in a twist."

Danny rolled his eyes in dramatic fashion before ushering his date into the booth. His date who looked the spitting image of... "Hi, I'm Cindy," she purred.
Of course you are…

I smiled and gave her a polite nod before turning my attention on Karen. "Dick-douche?" I shook my head and grinned at Karen. "Care to explain?"

She smiled shyly up at me. "It's a combination of dickhead and douchebag." Karen chuckled and leaned towards my ear. "Danny tests positive for both, therefore he's a dick-douche."

"You're as witty as ever," I teased and, without thinking twice about it, I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, pulling her closer to me. She stiffened for a moment before melting into my side. "You look gorgeous tonight," I whispered, stroking the bare skin of her arm with my thumb. "Really,
really
gorgeous."

"Why are you doing this, Derek?" She asked quietly. "Don't say things like that to me unless you mean it."

"I mean it," I told her, feeling drunk with desire. I wanted her, I realized. I wanted her
badly
, just as badly as I had when we were kids and she was off-limits to me.

The kick I received to the shin reminded me that as far as her brother was concerned she was still off-limits – the reason I'd crept out her bedroom window all those years ago…

"Drink up,
buddy
," Danny said through clenched teeth, pushing a shot-glass of Jack over to me.

"No thanks, buddy," I said evenly, pushing it back towards him, not daring to look at it for fear of giving in to temptation. And I was tempted.
I was so fucking tempted….
"I don’t drink."

Danny threw his head back and laughed. "Since when?" Danny stared at me like I had four heads. "You turning into a saint, Porter? When have you
ever
refused whiskey?"

I stared at the glass and had to ball my hands into fists. No. No, I wouldn’t
.
I wasn’t going to…

"Leave him alone, Danny," Karen hissed defensively, placing her hand on my shaking knee. "He said he doesn’t want it, so just get rid of it."

"Oh my god," Cindy grumbled as she picked up the glass and swallowed the shot in one gulp. "There," she gasped, covering her mouth with the back of her hand. "All gone. Calm your shit, sweetie." She smirked at me. "Aren't you a little young to be an alcoholic, handsome?"

"He's not an alcoholic," Karen snarled, answering for me. "It's not a crime to refuse alcohol and if you refused half the men who offered you, well, let's just say you wouldn’t be walking around with that five inch gap between your legs."

Whoa…

"That's enough, Karen," Danny warned, eyes locked on his sister. "Apologize to Cindy. Now."

"I'm sorry, Cindy," Karen said sweetly. "I'm sorry you're so inanely blind you can't see that all my brother wants to do with you is widen that gap."

Standing quickly, she grabbed my hand and dragged me to my feet.

Holy shit, she really
didn’t
know her own strength…

"But have a great evening," Karen added with a smirk. "I think we'll go wait at the bar for our friends."

****