Forever Yours (3 page)

Chapter Four

John hadn’t expected Meg to help him find a new place but he was glad she offered. They’d left the coffee shop and returned to her office before whomever Becky was calling could show up and witness the
John and Meg Show.

Or at least that’s what he imagined the gossip mongers would call it. He had, somewhere in his mind, known his sudden departure from Meg’s life would be a source of gossip for the town, but he hadn’t allowed himself to think about how that would be like salt in her wounds.

He had seen it, though, when she told him how Becky and her gossip hounds had dragged out their break-up. He wished he could have said something, told Becky what a jerk she was, but that would only give her something else to talk about. The best way to deal with people like that was to ignore them.

Besides, he had more important things to focus on. His relationship with Steven was better than ever. Suzanna had forgiven him for hurting Meg, though she warned him if he did it again he’d be missing some very important parts of his manhood. They were as content in their friendship as they’d ever been.

He still had a hell of a long way to go with Meg, but he was happy with the unexpected result of their coffee shop confessions.

Once in her office, she showed him several listings and they picked a few to look at. She sent him on his way and he returned to Steven’s to find Suzanna on the couch bawling her eyes out—something he’d already grown accustomed to even though he’d only been back in town a few days.

She waddled over to him, hugged him tightly, and sniffed. “I am so happy to hear you two worked everything out. Meg called right after you left to let me know.”

“I wouldn’t say we have it all worked out. It’s more like a comfortable truce.”

“She said you apologized for leaving her.”

“Well, it’s the least I could do, don’t you think?”

“And that she’s going to help you find a place?”

“She is a real estate agent.”

Suzanna bubbled up again and half laughed, half sobbed. “Just be good to her this time, John. I don’t want to have to kill you.”

“It’s not like that, Suzanna.”

She smiled. “Sure. Now, I need a cookie. Or six.”

He laughed as she went into the kitchen. The door was closing behind her when his cell phone rang. His heart lurched when Meg’s name came up on the caller ID. “Hey.”

“I got the showings lined up. Be at my office at ten tomorrow.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He wanted to say more, but she hung up.

Okay, so it was only a tiny bit of progress, but it was progress and he’d take it.

John was at Meg’s office at just before ten with two cups of coffee in hand. He smiled when she met him with her bag and a folder tucked under her arm.

While he’d thoroughly enjoyed seeing her in heels and skirts the last two times he’d seen her, he was happy to find she was wearing slacks and boots today. The snow was falling hard and fast and, according to the weatherman, would continue to do so until late afternoon.

Already wrapped in her coat, he couldn’t tell what she was wearing underneath, but he pictured her in the thin blouse she’d been wearing the day before. He hadn’t wanted to notice, but her body was still thin and shapely. She still looked young and refreshed, even when she’d been shocked at his arrival and pissed at his intrusion into her workplace.

“What are you driving?” she asked.

“I just got a Jeep yesterday.” He handed her a cup. “I didn’t drive in New York. It’s strange being behind the wheel again.”

“Do you mind driving today? One of the places I want to show you is a bit out of the way. I don’t want us to get stuck in my car.”

“Nope, that’s fine.”

“Great.”

He watched her pat her pocket and then look in her purse before pulling out a key ring. They walked outside, she locked the door behind them, and he led her to his vehicle. He opened the front passenger door for her.

“Nice.”

“I like it.” He closed the door, trotted around the front, and jumped in the driver’s seat.

She put her coffee into a cup holder, opened a file, and rattled off an address as he started the engine.

Silence fell between them but it wasn’t quite as tense as it had been before. It wasn’t completely comfortable, but he didn’t have a rock in his gut and his heart wasn’t racing, waiting for her to explode in a violent eruption of pent up fury. It was just uneasy silence.

She didn’t speak again until they turned onto a block. “Number seven twenty-five. Oh, right there.”

“That’s…nice.” He examined the house through the windshield. It certainly looked better in the photos than it did as they sat in the driveway. “Quaint.”

She chuckled. “Right.”

They climbed out of the Jeep and rushed to the door. Meg pressed a code into the key holder and pulled the key out.

John moaned quietly once they were inside. “Wow.”

“Okay, let’s look beyond the décor.”

He ran a hand over the wallpaper.

“You can change anything you don’t like. Look at the layout and the structure.”

“This kind of structure?” He grabbed one of the wooden poles that lined an arched window. The window allowed viewing of the living room from the small entryway, which was the starting point of dark green shag carpet that appeared to flow throughout.

“It’s a bit of a fixer upper but it was at the bottom of your budget. You liked the kitchen when we looked at pictures last night, remember? Let’s go check out the kitchen.”

They walked through the dining room to the kitchen—the only room that appeared to have been updated. This would be the reason most of the pictures on the realtor’s site had been of the new tile and appliances. He should have known the rest would be a disaster.

“Let’s check out the basement.” She opened one door, found the pantry, and then opened another that hid a set of stairs.

John followed her down and opted not to mention the musty smell. She must have smelled it too. At the bottom of some rather rickety old stairs, they stood on the cement flooring. It was dark. It was dingy. It was borderline frightening. The half-finished part of the basement had linoleum, a sofa, and haphazardly nailed up green board in one corner of the room.

“Okay.” She was obviously not impressed. “Let’s look at house number two.”

“You don’t want to show me the yard? The bedrooms?”

“Honestly, I’m scared to see them so let’s just go. This house is not for you.”

“Agreed.” He followed her upstairs, looking at his feet so he didn’t look at something he shouldn’t as she walked in front of him.

Back in the Jeep, she marked a huge X through the listing they’d just viewed and scribbled some notes on it. “I don’t think I’ll show that to anyone else. Ever.”

He laughed as she gave him the address for the next place. “When did you become a realtor?”

“Hmm, about three years ago.”

“Why real estate? I thought you liked accounting.”

“I was just ready for a change.”

Her aloof answer let him know she didn’t really want to talk about it. He suspected she went through a lot of changes after he ended their relationship. He hadn’t asked about her, and Steven hadn’t offered. He had imagined that she’d picked up and kept going without giving him a second thought. Somehow, he thought she’d be married with kids and an overly attentive husband and the prefect house, living the life that he’d wanted but hadn’t been able to give her.

He had always assumed she went on as though he had never happened, though he could see now that hadn’t been the case. Hurt remained in her eyes when she looked at him. It was hidden far behind the anger and mistrust, but it was there.

He glanced over at her when she rambled off information about the next house. Four bedrooms, two and a half baths, fenced yard, and,
oooh
, a hot tub.

“Why, uh, why three bedrooms?” she asked.

John tried to read her face. Was she fishing for information on his relationship status? If she was, was it mere curiosity or was she hoping, like he had where she was concerned when he’d decided to return to town, that he was single?

“At some point, I hope to have a family. Not anytime soon, since I’m not even dating.” He threw the last bit in for good measure. “But when I do, three bedrooms should get us by for a while.”

She smiled, but it wasn’t sincere. “Oh.”

It took a second to understand why she wasn’t as impressed by his answer as he has been when he’d realized he should buy a bigger house. He’d been adamant during their relationship that he didn’t want children. He’d figured if ever there was someone unqualified to be a good parent, it was him. That was another thing that had changed while in New York. He’d seen bad parenting, way worse than what he’d survived, and it ignited a need in him to provide a secure and loving home for his children. Children he couldn’t imagine having with anyone other than Meg.

“I needed time,” he blurted out.

“What?”

“Being in New York, seeing the things I saw at the hospital there—it was what I needed to understand that I wasn’t the only person in the world who ever got a raw deal. A lot of people have had lives worse than I ever did, and they kept going. They kept trying and all I did was run away.”

She looked out the window at the passing houses. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“Actually, I do. That’s the least I owe you.”

“Well, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Meg—”

“You should probably just work on the dog thing first. That’s a pretty big commitment in and of itself. Maybe if you can handle that, having a relationship with another human being won’t seem so daunting.” She clenched teeth. “
Goddamn it
.”

John swallowed and exhaled slowly. “One step forward, five steps back, huh?”

She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t. Don’t apologize. I deserved that.”

“I don’t want to be so bitter. It just sneaks up on me sometimes.”

He grinned slightly. “You always had a quick wit. That’s one of the things I loved about you.”

“Turn right at the next block.”

He followed her instructions and pulled into the driveway. The two-story house looked like a photo out of a home improvement magazine. Though the landscaping was covered in snow, there were multiple bushes, and John imagined they were complimented by flowers and plants of varying colors and sizes to present the perfect home. The porch was decorated for the holiday with snowmen carved out of wood and strings of lights waiting to be plugged in, which added to the welcoming feel of the home.

“I like this already,” he said, as Meg worked on releasing the key from the holder. “It’s very homey.”

She didn’t respond. She simply unlocked the door and pushed it open for him to step inside. They slid their boots off and she guided him through the house. He tried to ignore the lack of enthusiasm she had, but it stung him every time she barely smiled at one of his jokes and lamely gestured into a room.

He was standing in the living room, looking at the stone fireplace, when his gaze fell on a photo of the family who lived there. A man and his wife sat with their two children. Even though the photo was posed, their happiness was evident in their smiles.

Reality hit him then. He finally understood the depth of his mistake—what he had really walked away from. He had known all along, in his arm’s length way, that he’d lost the woman he loved and the future he had wanted with her. But standing here, in this house, looking at a photo that should have been them…reality
really
hit him. Like a kung-fu powered kick to the gut.

His air whooshed out of him and he had to put his hand on the mantle to steady himself. He had returned to town with one mission in mind—to earn Meg’s forgiveness so he could forgive himself, but in that moment in front of the fireplace everything changed.

It wasn’t just forgiveness he needed. It was
her
. Their future. Their family. Their Sunday mornings reading the paper in bed, making love in the afternoon, ignoring the rest of the world until they absolutely couldn’t anymore. Her laugher. He hadn’t heard her laugh in years. He missed the musical sound that filtered in and warmed his heart.