Forevermore (19 page)

“We’re all human, Nell,” Briony consoled her. “You’ve got a lot on your mind, and your situation is still new.”

“I ruined her birthday. When I turned twelve, my sister and parents made a huge deal out of it. I invited my entire class out to a party. Olivia didn’t get anything like that.”

I wondered why she was telling us this. She certainly hadn’t admitted to any failures when we spoke with her before. She didn’t want to appear vulnerable at all. She’d shut down our hopes and now after she’d screwed up, she was seeking, what? Forgiveness? I wasn’t feeling that magnanimous, but again, Briony’s practice as a parent helped. She had dealt with many parents that she didn’t agree with or like but still had to maintain politeness in order for Caleb to thrive.

“I’m sure Olivia understands,” Briony assured her. I knew that was true, but it didn’t make it right.

“You didn’t forget. I saw the card you sent her. That’s how I remembered.”

No, we hadn’t because we loved her as much as we loved Caleb, and you don’t forget your kid’s birthday.

“She didn’t sound disappointed when we spoke to her.” Briony tried to ease Nell’s guilt.

“Oh, God, you called her, too? I’m the worst aunt ever.”

I tried not to immediately agree. Olivia’s twelfth birthday was supposed to solidify her role in our lives. We’d hoped to have the adoption in the works and planned to make her day as special as her mother would have made it. Treat her exactly as we had Caleb for his birthday celebration. She would not have questioned anything about how important she was to us after that day. But we never got to do that.

“It’s going to be all right. Olivia knows you’re doing everything you can for her. She’s only going to remember that you were there for her to protect her and wish for her happiness.”

“This comes so easily to you,” she whispered with tears clogging her voice. She didn’t sound resentful, just resigned.

“I have a lot more time doing this under my belt. I struggled in the beginning, too,” Briony told her, but I didn’t buy it. I wasn’t sure Nell would either.

“I don’t know,” Nell admitted. “Maybe you guys were right. Maybe I need to think about things.”

My heart started pumping because it sounded like Nell doubted herself and her ability to parent. Was she going back on her decision? It had only been two weeks since she’d shut us down.

“I don’t even know where to start,” Nell broke off with a sigh. “Maybe I should take a parenting class.”

My eyes sought out Briony’s. She’d looked hopeful for a moment, too. Parenting classes weren’t what we wanted to hear.

“We’re here for both of you,” Briony said. “We want what’s best for her. It’s all we’ve wanted since meeting your niece.”

“Thanks,” Nell’s voice turned resigned.

“Why don’t we talk again tomorrow?” Briony suggested. “Today’s been one of those hard parenting days. Tomorrow might be easier.”

Damn good suggestion. I wish I’d thought of that. We’d surprised her when we told her about our adoption wishes. She reacted like any proud person who’d been taken by surprise. Now that she’d disappointed her niece and felt the shame in that, she might be more accepting of our desire to be a permanent part of Olivia’s life.

Briony got her okay that we’d talk again tomorrow. She leaned her back against me and let out a long breath. Neither of us voiced what we were hoping this call would commence. Perhaps we were afraid to jinx it. But having Olivia’s aunt reach out to us when she’d messed up with her meant she was beginning to trust our judgment as far as her niece was concerned. That could only lead to better things.

30 / OLIVIA

SOMETHING BIG WAS GOING
on. Nell and Paige had stayed up late talking, but I couldn’t overhear what they were saying. I was starting to get worried about not being registered for school yet. I didn’t want to bug them about it, but I knew I couldn’t put it off much longer. I wouldn’t get any good classes or be in the right locker area if we didn’t get registered soon.

When I finished making breakfast, I sat and ate it alone because Paige and Nell hadn’t woken up yet. I wondered if they had any more apartments for us to look at today. It seemed like we’d seen every building in town already. If not, Aunt Nell would probably just sit out on the balcony and listen to music with Paige for most of the day. I could borrow Paige’s computer to look up nearby schools and walk over to see them. That would be one less thing for my aunt to deal with.

“Hey, Livy.” Paige came into the kitchen with her hair tied back and her face scrubbed free of makeup.

“Hi, Paige. I made pancakes if you’re hungry.”

“You’re handy to have around.” Paige grinned and took a seat at the breakfast bar.

“Good morning.” Aunt Nell joined us just after I’d slid a plate of pancakes on the counter. Her hair was still wet from a shower. Neither of them would be ready to go apartment hunting for another hour or two at the earliest.

I set her breakfast in front of her. Paige reached over to fill their coffee mugs. I sat back down and stared at my empty plate. I wanted to get up and wash it, but it would be rude to leave the counter before they even started eating. At Briony and M’s we all ate together and no one left the table until everyone was done. I liked that rule.

They slowly finished breakfast. I tried to stop myself from asking what we were doing today. That question always bothered some of my foster families. They said it was too much pressure to plan my day. So I waited until they’d had their coffee and food before asking anything.

“Paige, could I borrow your computer this morning? I should look up some schools and maybe go check them out if we’re not doing anything else.”

Aunt Nell shot her a look before answering, “Why don’t we hold off on that for today? We’re expecting company around noon.”

I waited for her to say more. She looked at Paige, who seemed to be trying to tell her something but wasn’t doing a good job. They’d been doing this more and more lately. It was getting weird.

My aunt let out a long breath before she continued, “Your, um, that Briony and M are coming by.”

My stomach did a backflip, but I tried not to look too excited to see them. It hurt Aunt Nell’s feelings last time. I couldn’t believe they were visiting today. I hoped they were going to ask me to do something with them again. Aunt Nell might let me this time now that she’d met them. I could go look for schools on Monday when everyone was at work.

I looked down at the hole in my jeans. I’d change to my other pair but they had a tear. Aunt Nell had gone to the store by herself last week, so I still hadn’t gotten a sewing kit. Briony and M wouldn’t say anything about it, but I wanted to look like I was doing okay here. Maybe my shorts would look best.

“Do you want me to make sandwiches?” I asked to take my mind off my clothes.

“I’m sure they’ll have eaten by the time they get here.”

“Is Caleb coming, too?”

“They didn’t say.” She clammed back up. She must know more, but she wasn’t saying anything else.

I didn’t want to bombard her with questions when she obviously didn’t want to talk about it, but I had to ask, “If they ask me to go somewhere today, could I go?”

Aunt Nell thought for a moment. “You like them a lot, don’t you?”

“Yeah, a lot. They were super nice to me.”

“You liked living there?”

She’d never asked me that before. She’d asked about my other foster homes, but she hadn’t asked me about Briony and M. The only time we really talked about them was after the lunch we shared together. I answered honestly even if Aunt Nell didn’t like hearing it, “Yeah, I really liked it.”

She studied me again for a while. Then she stood up and headed toward her bedroom. “We’ll see when they get here.”

That was almost a yes.

31 / OLIVIA

BRIONY AND M SEEMED
even happier to see me this time. We chatted for a long time about Caleb and his cousins and what they’d done in Vermont. Caleb was staying another week then he’d be coming back for school.

When they’d said everything about Vermont, there was this long pause. No one seemed to know what to say. Briony was never this uneasy, and Aunt Nell looked uncomfortable. Too bad Paige hadn’t stuck around. She always made Aunt Nell feel more relaxed.

“Olivia,” Briony finally began. “Your Aunt Nell, M, and I would like to talk about something with you.”

They had something they all wanted to say to me? Maybe they wanted me to stay with them for the whole weekend. That would be great.

“We’ve missed you so much, Livy. The house just hasn’t been the same without you. We knew you’d be in good hands with your aunt, but we’ve really missed you.”

“Everyone else, too,” M added.

Briony smiled and leaned forward to grasp my arm. “Before you came to live with your aunt, we were thinking how much we would have liked to have you stay with us.”

“Like for another school year?” I sounded more hopeful than I should have since it didn’t matter anymore. It did feel good that they might have wanted me for another year.

“Something like that,” M said with a laugh.

“Would you have been okay with that?” Briony asked.

“Sure, yeah.” I looked at my aunt and thought better of my answer. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. “I mean if Aunt Nell hadn’t come for me.”

Aunt Nell smiled but shot a look at Briony that I didn’t understand.

“Of course. I know you’ve missed her. It’s wonderful to have your aunt back.” Briony released my arm to place her hand in M’s. They did that more than they realized. Caleb would tease them about it, and they’d look surprised when he pointed out that they were holding hands. “We were hoping that you might want both.”

“Both?”

“Be part of our family and have your aunt, too.”

I was confused but didn’t want to tell them that I couldn’t figure out what they meant. “Like maybe you’ll visit more?”

M shifted and faced me. “We told you before you came to live with your aunt that we’d love to have you stay with us. Remember? That hasn’t changed. We still want you to live with us, but we also want you to have access to your aunt.”

I’d live with them? How was that possible? I felt giddy as my heart started to pound. Then I glanced at my aunt. She looked like she might get sick. I really wanted to live with Briony and M, but that might make Aunt Nell really sad.

“Your aunt can visit anytime. She’s always welcome at our home, and you could call her or text her whenever you want.”

Aunt Nell gave Briony a surprised look. When she turned back to me, she didn’t look as sad. “Would you want to do that, Livy?”

“Call and text you?” I asked, still not sure I was understanding this.

“Live with them but have visits with me and stay in constant contact?”

Could she really be saying this? “Is that okay with you?” I crossed my fingers that it was.

Her eyes welled up. “I want the best for you. I couldn’t take you before when Nina died, and now that you’ve been here, I don’t know if it’s the best thing for you anymore. I know you liked living with them.”

I did, so much, and I wanted to live with them again. “If it’s okay with you, Aunt Nell, it’s okay with me.” I watched a tear race down her cheek. “If it makes you sad, I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Oh, God.” Aunt Nell started crying. I didn’t know what to do, but Briony did. She always did. She reached over and rubbed her back.

“You’re not choosing between us,” M spoke up. “You would live with us and have your aunt be your aunt. She would always be in your life. And you’d always be in our life. We’re talking about adoption, not just fostering. Do you understand the difference?”

I think I did, but the girls at the group home said nobody my age gets adopted. So how could this happen? I asked what I hoped it meant, “Forever?”

M nodded and gave me one of those smiles that always made me feel so good. “Yes, that’s the difference. You’d never have to go to another foster home. Our house would be yours as much as it’s Caleb’s and ours. Your aunt is someone you can visit and talk to and love all you want, but you’ll be part of our family, too.”

Briony added, “We’d be your parents, Olivia. Not foster parents or people you’re staying with. You’d be our daughter, and we’d be part of your life forever. We know you have a mom. We’ll honor her always, but we want to be your moms, too.” She held up three fingers. “You’d have three moms and an aunt and a brother and grandparents and cousins. We want that so much.”

I looked back at Aunt Nell and saw that she’d stopped crying. She was looking at me with interest. Like she was waiting for me to decide. “Could I?”

“I’ve always wanted to be your aunt, Livy. Always. I want you in a place where you’re happy and comfortable. Briony and M do that for you, don’t they?”

I began to nod and kept nodding like I turned into a bobble head. My heart kept racing to where I felt a little dizzy. “Yeah, they do.”

“Are you okay with one last move?” M asked me. Her eyes sparkled and her smile brightened the whole room.

“Back to your house?”

“Back to
our
house, yes.” She waved her hand between us. “Whenever your aunt can visit, you can show off your room.”

“Would you, Aunt Nell?” I bounced on the edge of the couch. “It’s a super cool room. I chose the color, and we painted, and I have posters up, and my own desk. You could meet my friends, too.”

She nodded and smiled. She slipped her arms around me for a long time. I couldn’t believe this was happening.

“When?” I asked M.

“The adoption is going to take a while, but we’ll file for temporary guardianship right away. Lauren is going to request an expedited hearing for this week because school starts the Tuesday after next. Does that sound okay with you?” She looked at both Aunt Nell and me.

I nodded that it sounded better than okay with me and jumped up to rush M. She caught me in a hug that made her lose the breath she was holding. She squeezed me just right but let me loose when Briony made a joyous sound and grabbed for me. Everything I’d wished for was given to me all at once.