Forever's Fight (18 page)

“If anything happens, I want you to make sure Clarissa gets out of here.” He squeezed his mate’s hand. “I don’t know how LUNA will affect the beast, and I don’t want her hurt if things get out of hand.”

“She’ll be fine.”

She pulled her hand from his. “I’m right here and I can take care of myself.”

“No doubt, my angel, but I’m your mate and it’s my job to protect you. Now, you promised you’d listen to Austin if things don’t go as planned. If you’re going back out on that, we can do this without you and you can join Jade downstairs.”

“I’m not going to back out of anything, but I’ll be damned if I’ll stand by while you treat me like a wilting flower. I’m not breakable.” There was a fire in her eyes as she glared at him.

“Angel, you’re very breakable when it comes to an out of control shifter.”

“Don’t sweat it too much, Clarissa, even other shifters are rarely a match for Alphas.” Austin shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “They have a power, strength, and will unlike the rest of us. It’s what makes them who they are. They have the pride’s strength within them, and those with large prides will have more of it behind them.”

“It’s not so much about the size, but the unity and harmony of the pride. If the pride is divided, even slightly, it can break that connection the Alpha has, and make him more vulnerable.”

“That might be the case, but either I’m a part of this…family…pride…or whatever you want to call it, or I’m not. If I am, then you need to treat me as if I am.” She crossed her arms over her chest.

“That’s what I’m doing. Didn’t you just hear me tell him that we’d protect Jade from this as well? Do you even see her here? No. Because she’s downstairs, safely away from anything that could happen.”

“I understand you have a different idea of relationships than shifters do when it comes to mating, and that’s understandable considering your upbringing.” Austin’s gaze traveled from her to Patrick. “Maybe talking to Jade would help you understand things better. There are going to be areas that will be harder for you. As the Alpha’s mate, you’re held to a different standard and will require different protection. Even so, Jade might help you understand why females are protected and sheltered, especially now.”

“He’s right.” Patrick nodded toward his brother. “Our relationship is going to be different than what you’re used to, and she can help you adjust to that.”

“What if I don’t want to
adjust
to it?” Anger heated every word. “Maybe by accepting this mating, I’ve denied myself things I could have had with a human. I thought when the mating had taken place, it would make things easier, but I can’t help but wonder now.”

Patrick ignored the first comment because he knew it was out of anger. There was no real option but for her to adjust to how their relationship would work. He’d do what he could to give her everything she needed and wanted, but in the end he couldn’t stop his lion from wanting to protect her. The two of them would have to balance this out between themselves and come to a mutual understanding. “Can’t help but wonder what?”

“How will I ever know if what’s between us is because of some chemical reaction within you or actual love?”

“You can feel it.” He stepped toward her, closing the distance she had put between them when she took her hand from his. “The mating is like an attraction between two people. It gives you the desire to be with that person, but doesn’t make you fall in love with them. While it bonds us together for eternity, that’s all. Your emotions, the love you feel, that’s you.”

“Many humans believe in love at first sight, and this is pretty much the same thing,” Austin added. “There’s the instant lust and emotion, but the love is something the two of you build together. The way you look at each other, that’s not the mating, that’s your love for each other. Don’t let the word
mating
scare you, or let the mating bond intimidate you from what you’re feeling.”

“That’s not as easy as it sounds.”

“That’s because you’re overthinking it. Stop analyzing every move, and just feel.” Austin rubbed his hands together. “If we don’t get started, we’re going to miss dinner, and Jade’s going to be pissed.”

“Are you okay?” Patrick asked her.

“Let’s get this over with.” She grabbed the syringe from the desk, and his hand closed over hers.

“I love you, Clarissa, for the woman you are.” He brought their joined hands to the front of her chest, just above her heart. “Feel it in here and you’ll know the words I say are true.”

“I wish I knew what I was feeling. Ever since this mating, it seems as though all of the other thoughts and emotions have overrun my own.”

“Tonight, I’ll help you with that. There are tricks to sort them into compartments.” He raised his free hand to cup the side of her face. “We’ll get through this.”

“Tonight, I had other plans.” She tipped her head and kissed his wrist. “I know I sound so unsure, but I do love you.”

“My mother always said that with love you can overcome anything, and you can climb the tallest mountain.” He was tempted to pull her tight against his chest, but he knew that would only delay things further, and they’d all be in hot water with Jade if they were late for dinner.

“If we’re finally going to do this…” Austin paused for a moment as if he expected one of them to back out. “Then I suggest you step away from her.”

“What?” Her voice was low but the surprise was evident in her eyes.

“My angel, he’s only protecting you. We don’t know how LUNA will affect my beast.” He plucked the syringe from her hand. “Austin will administer this.”

“What am I supposed to be doing then? Just stand around watching the man I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with suffer?” Fear tainted her voice as she clung to his shirt.

“Everything is going to be fine.” Austin cleared his throat, and Patrick turned to look at him. “You have something you’d like to add?”

“We need Clarissa here because if anything goes wrong she’s the best we have. Your medical skills will be no good to us right now.” He turned and looked at her pointedly. “That leaves you.”

“I’m not a medical doctor,” she reasoned.

“No, but you’re the best we have if anything goes wrong.” He stepped forward and looked at them both. “You’ll know what to do if anything happens. Trust me.”

“What do you mean?”

Patrick took his hand from her face and rubbed it down her arm. “The connection between us will let you know if I need something. It won’t be like you’ll hear my voice, but you’ll just know.”

“Hey.” Blake peeked around the door. “How did it go?”

“We haven’t done it yet.” Austin nodded toward them. “These two have been cozying up to each other instead of getting some actual work done.”

“Better hurry. Jade sent me to give everyone the thirty-minute notice.” With that, Blake disappeared, most likely heading over to tell Luke about dinner.

“Maybe we should wait until after dinner.”

“Oh no, angel, we’re going to get this over with now.” He kissed her forehead before stepping back and handing the syringe of LUNA to Austin. “Shifting works up an appetite, so I’ll be able to enjoy Jade’s dinner more than usual.”

He stepped into the open space they’d cleared for him to shift and began undressing. He tugged his long-sleeved black t-shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor before his fingers began to work on his belt.

“Don’t be surprised if you hear him roar or even growl. It’s normal for a vocal performance, especially after an Alpha’s transformation. We’re vocal creatures, but an Alpha always feels the need to warn others. Think of it as a way of saying, ‘look at me,’ if you’d like. Patrick sure seems to think so.” He smirked at his brother.

“Pot and kettle.” Patrick stripped off his remaining clothes.

“Pot and kettle?” She leaned against the desk, her gaze traveling over Patrick’s naked body with more interest than she should have considering what they were about to do.

“You know the pot calling the kettle black? They’re both black. Same here. Austin is very vocal when he shifts as well. You find that with the more dominate shifters. Whereas Chase is less vocal because he doesn’t want to attract attention or draw unnecessary problems. He’d just rather exist and enjoy letting his lion free.”

“Every day I learn something new about you and your species.” She shook her head. “Next thing I know I’m going to wake up next to you and you’ll be in lion form.”

“Not me, angel. Chase, maybe, but I prefer to cuddle next to my mate in human form.”

Austin uncapped the syringe and stepped forward. “Ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Patrick took a deep breath, his gaze locked on Clarissa’s.

If this didn’t go as planned, he wanted the last thing he saw to be his mate. That alone would give him the strength he needed to fight whatever happened. Love was stronger than any other will. It would bring him back to her.

Clarissa stood on the sidelines, her gazes completely on Patrick as he fought against LUNA. Inside, she could feel the fight as if it was her own. The burning frenzy, his lion’s growls vibrating within her as the beast was pulled forward with incredible might. His beast was ready to shift and rip out the throats of anyone in its way. The anger that LUNA caused poured through him until she thought he’d lose it. His beast pushed forward, demanding to be on top, to be in control. It took all his will to keep a rein on the lion within, and she could only imagine the struggle of a lesser shifter.

He let out a deep roar before gaining a little control, holding back his beast. “Must find a way to…use before LUNA.”

She felt the anger he had over not being able to completely relay his message. Those words had taken all of his effort, and anything more would have his beast surfacing completely.

“What?” Austin asked as he stood mid-distance between Patrick and Clarissa.

“He means we must find a way that we’re able to use the counteragent
before
you head out on a mission. LUNA is too powerful, and lesser shifters won’t be able to stand against the drug long enough to inject themselves with the counteragent,” she explained.

“How did you get all of that?”

“I can feel it.” She took a step forward. Remembering the danger, she stopped. “I can’t explain it, but with his lion so close to the surface it’s like the connection is stronger. I can almost feel his lion purring within me.”

“It’s amazing the bond between mates. See, I told you it would be good to have you here.” A roar from Patrick cut Austin off.

“Take the counteragent,” she told Patrick, but his beast was already too near the surface. “Austin, do something, he can’t hold it off any longer. We need to complete the test.”

Austin reached back to the desk and grabbed the second syringe with the anti-LUNA in it. She wanted to go to her mate, to pull him through the torment he was enduring, but she promised she’d say back until it was over. It left her standing there watching the horrid effects of LUNA taking its toll on his body and beast.

He began to shake, while his human eyes faded away to be replaced with the eyes of his lion, all warm gold like fresh honey. Gold fur spilled through his skin. His hair lightened a few shades as his mighty mane spouted along his face just seconds before his transition into his other form began. LUNA was forcing the shift. He wanted to think, to let his mate know it wasn’t as bad as it looked, but all he could do was focus on keeping his beast from ripping completely through his skin.

“Hold on,” she urged Patrick as Austin stepped toward him, but it was too late.

His lion was about to burst free before the shot was administered. Bones cracked and morphed, he fell forward to land on four large paws. He shook out the fur that ran the full seven-foot length of his body, not including his tail, making sure to shake his mane out, until it fell around his face without issue.

Even at nearly five hundred pounds, he normally felt light as a feather and ready to do anything despite his bulkier size. Now, he could feel every ounce of his weight, and his head felt full of stuffing. His paws seemed as if they were glued to the floor. All of it aggravated his beast more, and he had to fight to keep control instead of giving in to his lion’s unease.

There he stood, staring down at his paws for a moment before tipping back his head and letting go of the roar that had been building within him. He roared as if his life depended on it, letting every shifter in the area know he was king. There was an anger hidden within the vocal display that was completely due to LUNA.

It even had Austin stepping back from him for a moment before calling his name. “Patrick.”

“Is he okay?”

“Stay back, Clarissa.” Austin neared Patrick but kept his movements slow and steady. Nothing jerky or fast. “LUNA has affected his beast more than we expected. Just look at his eyes. Patrick is trying to keep a close leash on it, but his beast wants to attack.”

“I can feel the struggle.” She never took her gaze away from him. “This isn’t my Patrick. This anger isn’t natural, and I can feel it coming off him in waves.”

“It’s still him, but there has to be something in LUNA we’re missing. Something that would provoke the beast to attack. I’ve been drugged before, it’s nothing like what’s happening to him now.” He uncapped the syringe and took a final step toward the lion. “Patrick, remember yourself because I have a feeling your beast isn’t going to like this.”

“My love, focus on me.” She tried to pull his attention away from Austin. “Don’t let your beast gain control and do something you’ll regret. Just focus, it will only be another minute.”

As she talked to him, Austin shoved the needle into the fatty part of Patrick’s shoulder and pushed the plunger, sending the cool blue anti-LUNA coursing through him. The lion’s paw swiped toward Austin, but he had managed to step back in time. Thankfully, the swing was halfhearted or Patrick would have been up and on Austin before the drug had time to course through his system.

“Austin, get out of the way,” she hollered, worried Patrick would hurt him, but he was already coming to stand beside her. “Damn it, Patrick, he’s your brother!”

“Don’t be too hard on him. He’s not thinking clearly,” Austin said. “Watch the way he keeps shaking his head, it’s like he’s trying to clear the fog that’s over his brain.” He tipped his head to Patrick, who was now stretched out on the floor, his large paws before him. “LUNA has more of an impact on a shifter than we suspected. Can you see if you can figure out what the additional compound is? It might give us an advantage.”

“I can still feel the connection to him, but it’s as if there’s a heavy fog over it.” She continued to stare at her mate. “If it does this to a five-hundred pound lion, what would it do to a smaller shifter? A leopard? A wolf?”

“A little closer to home…” Austin shook his head before continuing. “What will it do to weaker shifters?”

“You say that like you have someone in mind you’re concerned about. Do you mean Jade? I thought we weren’t going to test this on her.”

“Chase. His lion has always been more sensitive, picking up on the vibes from all the other shifters in the area, especially family. While he can hold his own in a battle, he doesn’t like confrontations. If there’s one person in this family who might not have the strength and willpower to fight for control over his beast, like Patrick is doing, it would be Chase.”

“What would happen if you don’t control the beast, but let it control you?” she asked as Patrick stumbled to get back onto his paws and stand. “I thought it would have counteracted LUNA by now.”

“You can see it work. His head isn’t tipping to one side. Now that he’s getting off the ground, he should begin to shift.” Austin took a step to the side, now completely blocking Patrick’s path to her. “He’s still fighting with his beast, but once he shifts back to human form, it will help put his lion back where it needs to be.”

Just like that, the air had begun to swirl around Patrick and the hair that had grown was starting to recede back into his body. The fog that had tainted their connection was beginning to dissipate, and the anti-LUNA pushed the remaining drug from his system. He fought to shove his lion back into the darkest corners of himself, but something about the fight told her it was harder than ever before. He was focused on her, and it was clear he was battling his way back for her.
Come on, Patrick, you’re stronger than this drug.

“Patrick.” As he completed his shift, she moved toward him, but Austin put his arm out to stop her.

“Give him a second to get himself together.”

“I’m fine, Austin.” He growled, but Austin held tight to her arm. “Damn it, I said I was fine.”

“Listen to yourself, Patrick. You’re not fine. I won’t have her hurt because I didn’t take every precaution. My Alpha or not, you know you’re not ready yet. Get your beast under control and I’ll let her through.”

As if to show just how out of control his beast was, he started to get to his feet to go after Austin. “It’s okay Patrick, deep breaths.” Her voice seemed to calm him, and he lowered himself back to the floor. If his heart wasn’t slamming against his ribcage, his beast would relax a little.

“You okay, Clarissa?” Austin asked.

“It was almost as if I was the one fighting. I felt the anxiety and adrenaline that rushed through him. LUNA had some nasty side effects that were more mental than physical but it was the fog that settled over his beast that had him threatening to attack. He fought to keep a tight rein on it, because he knew that once he let his control slip, his beast would cause havoc. That was the closest I’ve ever been to understanding what it is that you go through, how much the beast is within you. It’s not that you can change your shape, but the beast is always there, lingering under the surface even when you’re in human form.” She grabbed the knitted blanket off the small sofa and moved forward. Austin took one step ahead of her as she neared her mate.

Patrick glanced up at her, and then at the blanket. “Being naked doesn’t bother me. Does it bother you, my angel?”

“On the contrary, I enjoy you naked very much. But right now, you’re shivering.” She didn’t wait for him to take it. Instead, she wrapped it around his shoulders. “I believe it’s a side effect. The counteragent is working with your system, speeding LUNA out of your body, and therefore it’s limiting the other functions, such as body heat. This could be dangerous in the field.”

“Less so than shifting.” With the blanket secured around his shoulders, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her onto his lap. “I guess little brother still questions my sanity,” he added when Austin flinched.

“Not your sanity. We just aren’t sure how these drugs will affect you, and you should be more cautious. I only allowed her to get this close because you were freezing and didn’t seem to be in a hurry to get up or get dressed.”

“Stop it, you two. He’s fine,” Clarissa said. He slipped the throw around her, and she wrapped her arms around him. “Instead of questioning this, why don’t you answer the question I asked before?”

“What’s that, angel?”

“Before you shifted back, I asked Austin what would happen if you failed to control the beast, but let it control you instead.”

“That would be almost as dangerous as becoming a true rogue. The beast would have nothing to keep it in check. We’d truly be the animal instead of the animal just being part of us.” He placed his cheek on the top of her head.

“Are you saying you’d be like a true lion?”

“Possibly worse,” Austin answered. “Unlike the natural born lions who are born knowing what was expected of them, how to act within a pride, our lion would not have that same knowledge. They’d be wild in every sense of the word. We would no longer be a civilized house cat, with our human manners. If our beast gained complete control of us, it would lash out at anyone and anything, out of fear.”

“As unhappy as I was about it, that’s why Austin kept you back until I had complete control over my beast. LUNA is unknown to us, and he wasn’t willing to take any chances.” Patrick smoothed a hand down her arm. “A lesser shifter would be at the drug’s mercy. They could lose themselves to their beast and might not find their way back, especially if they don’t have a pride’s backing.”

“The government must not know what they’re doing. The risks they’re taking with LUNA.” She tipped her head up at Patrick, and there in her eyes he could see the need for reassurance. “Right?”

“My sweet, innocent angel, I’m afraid they know exactly what they’re doing.”

“What do you mean?”

The pain was clear in her eyes as he explained that her race was guiltier than she wanted to believe. “They had to have tested this in the labs. They would have seen the shifters who had given up, who were letting their beast gain more and more control, and would have witnessed just how dangerous this drug could be. But they’re administering it from afar, with dart guns, and they’re armed through the teeth. Once a shifter starts the transition, they have the right to kill. They’re in very little danger while we’re shifting, but if they hesitated even for a second it could mean their death.”

“Americans always complain about the suffering that is happening in other countries. But look at how much our own country is responsible for. We’re torturing our own citizens. What about the suffering right outside our front doors? It’s time people start doing more for those who are already here, instead of sending money to other countries. What makes what happens here any less important?” The first tear rolled down her cheek. “I’m ashamed to be part of this country.”

“Clarissa.” Austin placed his hand on her shoulder. “It’s happening all over the world. Not just here in the States. We’re leading the pack, but we’re not the only ones who are dealing with the war on the shifter population.”

“Soon, there will be nowhere that is safe. Jade and I were discussing that not long ago because she suggested we return to Ireland, our father’s homeland.” Patrick wiped the tears from her face. “If we’re going to survive this, we have to stand up and fight.”

“I’m not backing down.”

“None of us are, my angel.” He squeezed her tight against him.

She let him hold her tight. As much as he needed it, she needed it more. There was no doubt the future was going to be dangerous for all of them, but she wouldn’t go down without one hell of a fight.