FOREWORD (54 page)

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bi guy and two bi gals in the same room with everyone switching off.

ANDRE

I’m twenty-four years old and was raised in a conservative, middle-class family in small towns in Iowa. I am presently managing an apartment complex in a metropolitan area, but also have a degree to teach school.

At age fifteen, I started dating girls and had a steady for four years. I did some outside dating but stayed pretty loyal to my girl friend. At the end of four years, my girl friend called it off; and I started running a lot. I enjoyed picking up a girl in a class at college, in a store, or in a bar and seeing how far I could get with her. I usually did pretty well, but also had my share of disappointments.

A common fantasy for me was to be out somewhere and be approached by a very attractive woman. I liked women who were aggressive enough to let a man know that they enjoyed sex, too. It was a kind of a treat to have a woman look at you in the same manner that you looked them over. In my fantasy, I would usually be in a bar or a store and have a woman start talking to me. They were usually single and interested in me stopping by their place so we could get to know each other. Once in a while, it would be a married woman who would want to get together after explaining that she usually didn’t do this type of thing with anyone but her husband. A couple of times I was actually approached by women who wanted to get to know me because they said I had beautiful eyes and a nice smile. One of these women was a stripper from Chicago. That was quite a dream come true.

During my senior year of college, after my twenty-first birthday, I had my first sexual experience with a man. A woman I was seeing at the time introduced him to me, knowing that he would make advances. She was bisexual, and we had talked about it some, so I was curious. I enjoyed the ex-Nancy Friday

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perience but didn’t have another one for three or four months.

Then, another four months after my second experience, I decided that bisexuality might be the answer to the boredom that I was encountering in heterosexual experiences. My sex life and fantasy life have both been expanded to include men now, and I’m very happy that they have.

I enjoy a masculine, aggressive man when looking for a gay encounter. I have a recurring fantasy which usually involves a heterosexual male friend. In it, my friend and I are often roommates. After an evening out on a double date where we were both unable to get a bed partner for the night, we return to our apartment. He goes to the bathroom while I fix myself a drink and turn on the stereo. When he comes out, he asks me to fix him one too, and he goes into the bedroom.

He calls out that it is probably best that neither of us had scored that night because there is something he wants to talk to me about. I tell him his drink is ready on the bar, and I take my turn in the bathroom. He is standing by the bathroom door waiting for me when I step out. He then leans over and gives me a quick kiss and tells me that he has wanted to try that for a long time. I nervously (but excitedly) move into the living room to sit down. He then tells me that a few days earlier a friend of mine had told him that I was bisexual. That got him thinking that we should be more than just roommates. We then spend the night making love like we had never done with any woman.

With bisexuality I don’t have to limit my sex to the opposite sex. Sexual liberation has been something that I have preached and lived for three years now.

Andre (above) states an argument with which many bisexuals would agree. Despite an active heterosexual life, he found staying with one sex “boring.” He is “very happy” that he opened up his appetite to include both men and women.

Andre is not married, nor does he speak of love – both of which may be preferred by some people to games of change-Men In Love

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your-partner. But if it is a varied erotic life you desire, and if, like Andre, you can move in and out of homosexuality without anxiety – bisexuality is one very good answer. In our society, men are more quickly susceptible to a casual invitation than women and attach fewer strings to it. The bisexual who seeks a change from the emotional complexities that most women bring to the bedroom finds it in gay episodes.

He can have it both ways: emotional satisfaction with women, uncomplicated sex with men.

Homosexuals may or may not have as hard a time in maintaining relationships as popular wisdom says – but what if there is a time in someone’s life when emotional ties are not what he wants? In Turkish baths frequented by gays, for instance, it is not unknown for a man to take a room overnight and have ten different men enter before morning and do ten different sexual things with them, no questions asked – perhaps not even a name exchanged. A heterosexual’s chances for that ever happening with ten different women is zero.

This is not to say if you were brought up by parents who had watertight definitions of masculinity and femininity, you would find it easy to change your mind now and enter into carefree homosexual acts. Gay people like to say that any straight can be seduced under the right circumstances, but watch out for the anger with which he will get out of bed the next morning. The basic building blocks of character are not always mere prejudices.

Conditioning is not changed by fashion; but if fashion continues long enough, it becomes custom, and then hardens into what people take as commonsense reality. “That’s how people are.” The tough who brags that he is all man, and who likes to go around beating up gays, would perhaps be gay himself if he’d been brought up by sexually amorphous parents. His genes would be the same; his sexual tastes would be different.

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BLAKE

Sometimes when I masturbate, I get confused as to who (what) is masturbating what (whom). I love the firm fleshy tower that juts off my body at its crazy harmless angles. With both hands I caress my balls, cock, nipples, thighs, asshole. I visualize my hands running over my body. As I get myself more and more excited, my mental picture of my cock gets larger and larger. It is so big I am hugging it, and soon I’m dwarfed by it. My penis, I want you to know, is a very friendly and talented organ. As it gets incredibly large, it flies and takes me on rides. I haven’t been able to see any far-off places yet, but that’s okay. I love the feeling of being surrounded and protected and loved by my cock. (The feeling is most reciprocated.)

I’m twenty-one, have had lots of quickie affairs and several longer ones. Most have been with women, but several have been with men. I don’t consider myself “experienced” because women’s cunts are always a mystery to me. No matter how much I peek and poke and suck and play, I simply feel insecure as to my ability to handle a cunt well. More than anything (at least recently), I’ve enjoyed eating women out.

One of my childhood fantasies is as follows: My sister and all the neighborhood girls have flies in their pubic hair. They tell me and I, as a seven-year-old doctor, prescribe the following for one week: They must parade around my office with only strings tied around their chests, going over their nipples. At the end of a week, I inspect them again, and on it goes. Sometimes, I shave their underarms and pubic hair. It’s all very medicinal; especially the parading. I remember how I used to linger over the long examination periods, changing from one patient whom I fancied to the next. Just a curious, horny, seven-year-old junior gynecologist.

One thing I want a lot of right now, is for a beautiful man, muscular and dark (as I am) to walk into my house, stand me against a wall, and slowly, forcefully, almost brutally, fuck me while telling me how much he loves me.

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JEFF

I’ve been involved with the men’s consciousness-raising movement for over three years, and I feel a book on men’s sexual fantasies should be edited by a man. However, as I know of no man who’s compiling such a book, and as I feel it’s equally important for men’s fantasies to come out of the closet as it was for women’s, I’ve decided that I want to contribute.

I’m twenty-three, have a master’s and additional graduate study in education and law. Most of my sexual experiences have been with myself or with women, although I’ve had a number of sexual encounters with men.

Most of my fantasies are about women, although, as has happened during other periods of my life, sexual fantasies with me and another man are becoming more frequent. I hope to explore this area of my sexuality more in the future, and that it will one day be an integral part of both my fantasy and actual world.

Most of my fantasies with women involve women I know, as friends, people I work or go to school with, and women I’ve seen who turn me on. I frequently have a variation of this fantasy:

The woman and I have had a fantastic conversation.

Though we’ve had different experiences, we view the world very similarly and the effortless joy of deep communication fills me with the exuberant liberation I feel when I bare and share myself openly with a person whom I trust. I am literally shaking with emotion. I ask the woman if she’d like to make love, and she’s turned on too. I gently take off her clothing, and then slowly remove mine, all the while we smile deeply and playfully, look into each other’s eyes. Without speaking, I ask her to trust me, and she nonverbally says she does.

We embrace and hug and kiss deeply, tongues exploring mouths, faces, necks. I begin kissing lower, gently touching her all over her body, gradually learning the places and kinds of touching she likes best. Then I am down between her legs, Nancy Friday

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and I gently and playfully lick the insides of her thighs, sometimes brushing against her vulva with my tongue or lips.

After a while she starts twitching and moaning, trying to kiss my mouth with her cunt. Suddenly I press my mouth against her clitoris and cunt, as my tongue shoots up her vagina, and wiggles around. She is really going wild as she opens to me, and I continue caressing her, switching to my hand around her clitoris as I come up to her face, kissing her gently. I ask her if she’d really like to let go. Oh, yes! Quickly, before she fully realizes what is happening, I have staked her out – tied down to the corners of the bed. She is shocked and at first scared, but as I gently caress her all over, she begins to relax and let go again. I teasingly explore her body slowly, just with my tongue and mouth, and then go down on her vigorously, lightly, touching her all over with my hands. She comes several times, then I play with her clitoris with my cock, which is lubricated with her juices and my saliva. She begs me to put it in, and I manually play with her clitoris with one hand, and with the other, slowly guide my cock into her.

After slowly fucking for a while, I know that she and I are ready and we vigorously fuck till we both come, crying out together. She, like I, is dripping with sweat, and I quickly untie her and then, exhausted, fall back on the bed. We hold each other and hug.

One fantasy I’ve been having a lot recently involves me anally fucking my lover as a handsome man with a long (but fortunately not too thick!) cock fucks me up the ass. While masturbating to this one, I often stick my finger up my ass and simulate being fucked:

I enjoy dancing with women and men, and I fantasize that I’m stoned or a little drunk at a dance, and I really get it on dancing with a slender, but strong, man. We do some fast dances, and then we leave and go to his place, where we smoke some dope, and lie in bed nude, gently kissing and feeling each other’s bodies, learning the similarities and differences. I go down on him (I’ve always gagged when I’ve tried in the past), and am able to take it all. Then, after I’ve Men In Love

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sucked him off for a while, he turns me over and spreads my legs, parting my ass cheeks and licking and kissing my asshole. Although I am afraid because his cock seems large, I begin to loosen up and open to him. He tongue fucks me and then slowly gently pushes his hot throbbing cock in. It’s easier than I thought to take him in, and we gently, then violently, fuck while I jerk off, and we finally come together, me using my ass muscles to milk him dry.

I hope that one will become real soon!

Youth cuts both ways; so does the sexual revolution. Previous generations may have been straitjacketed by sexual stereotypes, but when they lived within these narrow definitions, they were reinforced by them, too. If you lived by the rules, they worked for you.

An experienced older man might relish a sexually aggressive young woman; he’d know exactly what he wanted from her. But twenty-one-year-old Blake (above) finds such a woman makes him insecure. He retreats into the narcissistic self, finding safety in a fantasy of being “surrounded and protected and loved by my cock.”

Uncertain of what “being a man” calls for, anxious that he will not measure up to this mysterious standard, Blake goes on to another narcissistic fantasy, one in which he is raped by a brutal figure, as “muscular and dark (as I am).” The underlying desire here is relief from anxiety about what it is to be a man. This powerful other person knows what the masculine rules are, he measures up to them, and he is going to force them onto Blake. Psychoanalysts call this “anal incorporation of the masculine role model.” A pretty exact description of Blake’s fantasy.

Can it be an accident that the new statistics on rising impotence among young men have started to come in at the same time as the rise in women’s sexual assertion? I don’t think so.

It is impossible to go from patriarchal attitudes to sexual equality without casualties along the road. But nothing is Nancy Friday

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without price. What must be asked is, Was the patriarchal society itself so free of costs to both men and women?

To blame women for the rise in masculine impotence is to miss the point. It is to ask women to go back to the time when one of the principal definitions of womanliness was to act in such a submissive manner that men achieved an artificial, unrealistic, and grandiose picture of their erotic powers. The cost to women was apparent, but little attention has been paid to the price of this status to men.
If women lived up to their
side of the bargain, men had to live up to theirs:
to produce instant, never-fail erections whenever in bed with a woman.