Forget Me Not (24 page)

“You’re right,” I say. He looks away dejectedly, but I hold his chin and bring his gaze back to my own. “But if I had to face all of that pain again to get to this, I would. My love for you and the happiness that I felt when we were kids is dwarfed in comparison to what I feel right now. We need to forget about that time in our life and appreciate this, we need to enjoy this. We have to, because I’m so afraid that I’m going to wake up soon.”

My eyes fill with happy tears and I almost feel embarrassed at their arrival, but when Jesse’s eyes begin to twinkle with his own, I let them fall. He kisses my forehead and then my nose, my cheeks and finally my mouth.

Holding the collar of my shirt, his shirt, he declares, “I will never make you feel that pain again. I promise to only make you cry tears of joy.” He wipes gently at my wet cheeks and I nuzzle into his palm. “I will spend the rest of my life making up for our time apart, sweets, if you’ll do me the honor of letting me.”

Jesse takes my hands and kisses them in turn. He smiles a huge megawatt smile before biting it back and adopting a serious expression. Slowly he takes a deep breath before lowering himself onto his knee. I crouch down to sit with him in confusion, but when he stops me and looks up into my eyes with raw emotion and deep determination, I am stilled. Realization strikes me so harshly that I immediately feel weak and lightheaded. I wish he’d let me sit with him because I feel faint. Anticipation brews in the pit of my stomach, threatening to explode with a series of sobs. I’m shaking, but his hands are strong on mine and I try to focus on his mouth, blinking hard to make sure that I’m awake.

“Marry me.”

At his words I inhale sharply. “What?”

“Marry me. I love you, Mickey. I always have and I have no doubt that I always will. It’s written in the stars that I’ll ask you to marry me eventually, so why wait?”

I’m lost in a forest of thoughts. I’m convinced that I’m dreaming. Jesse has just spoken the words that I have fantasized about him saying since our first kiss. I am frozen through a fear that if I move I will wake up.

“Baby?”

He wraps his arms around my thighs and holds me as if begging me for a response. I flutter to the floor and this time he lets me. I want to look into his eyes and see his truth. I want to feel him and know that what is happening is real. Stroking his hair, I scrutinize his face. I see no lies, only worry at my speechlessness. I press my mouth against his, hoping to ease his anxiety and I’m rewarded by a returning kiss that is so pure it’s almost holy. 

Pulling away he traps me with his beautiful blues. “I don’t expect you to want to marry me next week or next month, Mickey, and I understand that you need to learn to trust me again, and it will take time for you to fall in love with me as much as I am with you.” He’s rambling. His words are spewing out fast and desperate. “And, I know I don’t have a ring right now, but we can get that dealt with. I just need to know that marriage is the direction that we’re heading in. I just want to hear you say yes. Make me the happiest person alive, sweets, and say yes.”

Needing support and wanting to feel him against me I tighten my grip around him, bringing my mouth to his ear before whispering, “Yes.”

He pulls away at once, holding me at arm length and examining my face.

“Say it again,” he urges.

“Yes. I love you, Jesse. I would have said yes ten years ago.”

Laughter explodes from his perfect mouth and his eyes are wildly excited. He takes my face in his hands and crushes his lips to mine. The kiss is intense but fleeting. “Come,” he orders before scooping me up and cradling me like a child. He carries me effortlessly to the bedroom, setting me down on the corner of his bed, but disappointingly, doesn’t join me. Instead, he walks to his dresser and searches through the top drawer until he finds a small, black box.

As he turns to me I’m able to welcome back the serenity that graces his face once more. He sits next to me on the bed and nudges me with his shoulder, all the while toying with the mystery box in his hands. “Like I said, I don’t have an engagement ring, but I have something we can use. It’s the only piece of jewelry I own and one of the most precious things I have. I bought this when I first started earning a wage here. It’s by no means worth enough to qualify as a token of my commitment to you, but it is weighed down with sentimentality. I bought two of these rings, one for me and one for my brother, Ted. I want you to wear it.”

A lump swells in my throat as he hands me the box.

“Jesse, that’s so thoughtful, but I can’t. I can’t take this away from you.”

“It’s just a loan, until we choose your own ring.”

Taking the box from me he opens it and offers me my first look. The ring is silver with black stones spanning the centre and looping around the entire length. It’s so Jesse. I’m surprised that he doesn’t wear it.

“It’s…wow,” I sigh. He removes it from the box and tries it on each of my fingers, but it’s far too big.

“I have an idea,” he declares. Jesse slips his hand underneath my hair and unclasps the silver necklace that Joanna got me for my birthday. Removing it completely, he allows the horse shoe pendant to fall from the chain, hands it to me and then replaces it with his ring. When he looks at me with questioning eyes I can’t help but smile.

“It’s perfect,” I divulge.

Taking the chain, heavy with history, he wraps it around my neck. Once it is fastened he continues to kiss where it resides against my skin. 

This evening has been more than I ever could have possibly imagined; a sequence of surprises that has culminated in the biggest surprise of them all. Jesse has promised himself to me and me to him, giving me everything I have ever wanted. The thought of belonging to Jesse presses against the core of my mind, and subsequently my body, and so I lean back and readily hand myself over to him.

Awoken far too early by an alarm that rings far too loudly, I reach across to hit snooze on my phone and close my eyes in the hope of another ten minutes sleep. When an arm falls lazily over my ribs I am gratefully reminded of where I am. My eyes peek at the blissfully peaceful Jesse residing beside me and I can’t help myself. I roll over and steal a sleepy squeeze, draping his arm over myself and nestling into his chest hair. I absorb the feeling of his nakedness against my own, and the smell of his slept in skin. I could stay here forever and never tire of this moment. I close my eyes and within seconds I’m in a world where that is possible.

“Sweets?”

“Hmm.”

“Mickey, baby.”

Without opening my eyes I smile at the melodic voice that whispers my name. How I prefer to be awaken by this sweet song rather than my blasted alarm. I feel so rested and relaxed. I must have slept for hours.

Suddenly forced awake by the fear that I’ve overslept, I open my eyes wide. I’m met with the worried face of an angel and although I’m still anxious, my fear is subdued enough for me to speak. “What time is it? Did I miss my alarm?”

“I just turned it off. It’s six-forty.” I sigh with great relief and relax back into the pillow, not wanting this most glorious of awakenings to end. Jesse teases the jewelry that adorns my newly decorated neck.

“You’re still happy about this?” he asks.

“Of course I am. You’re not?”

When I turn to see his face pinched with uncertainty I roll onto my side so that I can question him face to face.

“I’m happier than I have ever been.” The muscles in his face relax and his mouth borders on a smile.

“Then why would you expect anything less from me?”

“I guess I thought it was too good to be true.”

“
You’re
too good to be true. I still feel like I dreamt last night.”

“It won’t feel real until I have a ring on your finger rather than around your neck. Shall we go ring shopping today? My first meeting isn’t until this afternoon.”

“I can’t, we’re meeting Emma and Lily for breakfast. I need to get back.”

“You could come back tomorrow? Maybe with Benjamin? We could catch a show or something and he can sleep in the guest room. I miss him.”

Pulling away gently I look up at Jesse’s face. He seems completely genuine and actually enthused by the idea. “I love that you miss him. Thank you.” Leaning in, I kiss the side of his mouth. “But I can’t. I’ve got so much work to do. I have a meeting later this week about the album cover and I want to be prepared, over prepared.”

“Is it in New York?” he asks, hopefully.

“No, they’re actually coming to me.”

“That’s a good sign.”

I shrug, not wanting to talk about work. I want to talk about us, over and over again. I want to lie in his arms until we are forced to move because of starvation or dehydration, not because I have a long drive back.

“I need to get up. I’m so sorry. Can I take a shower?”

“Can I shower with you?”

“Only if you wash my back.” I whisper, playfully.

Our goodbyes have gotten no easier I recognize as I drive away from a miserable Jesse. My eyes are blurred from hasty tears and I have to swipe at them quickly in order to see where I am going. As I ease out of the city I console myself with the reasoning that I only need to wait another three days before I can see him again. He’s promised that he’ll be back on Friday and I am holding him to his word. Although he has freed his diary to allow us this weekend together, he has further business to attend to in New York after that. I could easily feel dejected but his meetings are with his property advisor about the possibility of selling his apartment. I tried to discourage him, having fallen in love with the enchanting view, but Jesse confidently insists that I can enjoy the view when, someday, he buys the penthouse.

We discussed what his plans would be when he arrived back in Starling permanently, but we have yet to come up with a solid plan. Initially we will all stay at my house but eventually both Jesse and I will need more space. There’s still the possibility of moving into the apartment above his bar, but it still doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like I’d be taking a step back in relation to the property ladder. I’ve wanted to move on from our little town house for some time now but I envisioned a rural house with plenty of space and inspiration, not a sleek apartment over a busy bar. I guess I’m not even sure what I want anymore. My priorities have shifted since Jesse came back into my life, and since my career has expanded.

Whatever we decide I can’t wait for Jesse to be sharing my bed, my home and my life once more. What I
can
wait for however, is the conversation with my parents about our engagement. Jesse has insisted that he speaks to my dad first and he’s planning on doing that over the course of the weekend. Not that it would halt our plans if my dad refused to give us his blessing, but it would certainly be upsetting. My mom and sister are going to be difficult to handle. I feel weak at the thought of the imminent arguments. Neither will be pleased, regardless of how obviously happy we both are. I briefly contemplate telling them in a letter and then leaving town for a few days, but think better of it when I remember that I’m twenty-seven, not sixteen. Benjamin will be the first to know and no doubt he’ll be the most pleased.

For the rest of the journey home I fantasize about our wedding, about being accepted as a couple in the eyes of the law and hopefully, my family. I picture how handsome Jesse will look as a groom and how cute Benjamin will look by his side in a matching suit.

Imagining saying ‘I do’ to Jesse incites a fresh wave of emotion. My eyes fill with tears at the magic moment my mind has created and I laugh at how deliriously happy I am. I rub my eyes so as to lift the blurriness from my vision and as I do I notice a car pulling out of a junction in front of me, just in time. There isn’t enough room for them to exit and pick up speed so I’m forced to slam on my breaks. 

They pull away at some speed, uncaring about the accident they almost caused. I take a deep breath to steady my nerves before I ease off the break. I begin to pull away, but before I have a chance to gain speed I hear a thunderous bang and everything goes black.

Chapter 23

My eyelids flicker open but close again against my will. I’m so tired, I just want to sleep, but there’s too much noise around me and I feel as though I’m moving. I need to see what’s going on, where I am. Several people are talking over me and an unfamiliar voice is calling me by my full name.

“Her eyes are opening. Ms. Cole, you’ve been in a car accident and we’re taking you to get checked over. Do you hear me, Michaela?”

I do, but I’m too exhausted to answer.

“Is there someone you’d like us to call?”

All of my strength goes into forcing my mouth to open in response and I shout out Jesse’s name. My words are barely audible. I try again.

“Jesse. Call Jesse.” When I hear my faint voice and the woman acknowledging it, I relax and stop fighting the insistent sleep.

A collection of beeps and buzzes play out around me when I awake again. Voices of different accents and genders twist in the air around me and I’m intrigued enough to open my eyes. Above me stands a tall blonde woman who smiles encouragingly at me.

“Hi, Michaela. I’m Sally. I’m a nurse at Greenwich Hospital. Do you know why you are here?” I try to nod but feel a restraint around my neck. It hurts, it’s making my neck hurt. I lift my hands automatically, wanting to free myself, but Sally gently blocks them. “Michaela, you have a neck brace on. It’s just a precaution but we don’t want to remove it until we know that you’re okay. Can you tell me if and where you have any pain?”

The fog is forcing its descent and I have to fight my heavy eyelids as I blindly examine my body. My head is pounding painfully underneath the tiredness and it hurts to breath. It’s easier when I’m asleep. I just want to sleep.

“My head,” I murmur. “My head hurts…everywhere hurts.” My eyelids win this round. I close them, vowing to keep listening.

“On a scale of one to ten, how much pain would you say you’re experiencing?

“Nine…”

“Okay, Michaela, I’m going to increase your morphine dosage and then we will…”

“Where is she?”

It’s him. Jesse. My Angel. Everything will be okay now.

“Just through here, Sir. She’s still unconscious but you can talk to her. She’s responded several times.”

I hear a swishing of material and a sudden inhale of breath.

“I-Is she okay? Why does she have a neck brace?”

“It’s just a precaution. A doctor is confirming the scan results before we remove it.”

“I can touch her?” he queries.

“Yes, of course. Our primary concerns are her head, neck and back. Her chest is badly bruised from the seatbelt but nothing is broken. I’ll leave you alone for a moment.”

I want so desperately to open my eyes but it’s as if I’ve forgotten how. I want to shout out his name, I want to scream at him, tell him that I can hear him and beg for him to touch me. I feel so alone trapped by my blindness and restraints.

“Mickey, sweets. Can you hear me? Your parents are on their way. Benjamin is fine. He’s with Joanna and Zoe.”

Benji…

Jesse sounds so troubled. His tone is vexed and morose. My hand is covered and squeezed gently by his warm fingers and I notice a slight tremble in his hold. I have done this to him. I will my eyes to open so that I can tell him that I’m okay, that he doesn’t need to worry, but they shut almost immediately.

“Jesse,” I sigh.

“Michaela…”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, baby, so much,” he whispers against my hand.

“I’m so tired.”

“Then sleep, my love.”

“Don’t leave me.”

“I’ll be here when you wake up. I’ll never leave. I’ll be here holding your hand.”

My chest aches and I wake up in a panic. I feel as though I’m being crushed. Tears fall into my hair and my breathing quickens, causing the pain to escalate.

“Hey, whoa, sweets. You’re okay. I’m here,” Jesse says.

My hand is being stroked softly and my face cleared of tears. My eyes are focused on a white tiled ceiling, but as soon as I realize that my head and neck are no longer restricted I turn to look at the angel beside me. My eyesight is sketchy, like I’ve inhaled a full bottle of whiskey, but I can still appreciate the beauty before me. He’s wearing the grey sweatpants and black t-shirt that he was wearing when I left him. His hair is messy and his eyes are bloodshot. I’ve never seen him looking so unkempt.

“Are you okay?” I ask. My voice is much croakier than I was prepared for.

“Are you for real?” He laughs, delicately. “No, I’m not okay, but I’m not the one who’s been in a car accident. Are you in any pain?”

I mentally scan my body. “I have a head ache and my neck and back hurt. Have I fractured my ribs?”

“No, sweets, but you’ve bruised your chest. No broken bits though.”

“Why have you been crying?”

Huffing as if he’s embarrassed at being caught out he stands and edges further from my bed. “Because I have no faith. I thought I’d lost you when I’ve only just got you back.” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “I’m going to go get a doctor, okay? They need to know that you’re awake. Don’t go back to sleep, please.”

“Don’t leave me, Jesse.” At once he’s hovering over me.

“You have nothing to be scared of any more, Mickey. I’m here.”

Reaching above me he presses a red button several times until a rounded nurse enters. She looks as though she is about to scold him until she see’s my bleary eyes peering up at her.

“Well hello, Michaela. You’re awake. How are you feeling?” she sings with a joyful southern accent.

“Sore, but okay. Can I sit up?” I ask, but I start to move myself further up the bed anyway.

“Whoa, let me help you there, Miss.” She chuckles as she takes my shoulder and hand. Jesse is quick to match her on the other side of me, and together they maneuver me into a sitting position with my head supported by a solid pillow.

“I’m going to go and tell the doctor that you’re awake. You can have a drink of water if you feel thirsty, but little sips.”

As soon as she exits Jesse hands me a small plastic cup of water and perches himself on the edge of the bed. He leans over my legs so that he is in front of me and watches me intently as I restrain myself from gulping down the entire contents.

“Do you remember what happened?” he asks.

I shake my head lightly as I try to recall the events prior to me being here. “I was driving home. I think someone went into the back of me but I can’t really remember anything.”

“Yeah, someone did. He was on his phone,” he snarls.

“Oh. Is he okay?”

“A sore head, but that’ll be the least of his worries when my lawyers are through with him.”

I move my head from side to side, it feels weighted and sore. “It was the car in fronts fault, I think. They pulled out and I had to slam on the breaks,” I explain as the memory comes flooding back to me. “I was crying.”

“When?”

“When I was hit,” I explain.

“Why were you crying?” Taking my hand in his he brings it to his lips. “You were sad?”

I shake my head and smile a genuine smile for the first time since I awoke. “I was really happy. I was thinking about our wedding.”

His eyes close and he takes a heavy breath. “As pleased as I am to hear that the thought of our wedding makes you happy, maybe you could refrain from thinking about it while you’re driving?”

“Deal,” I sigh. “Is my car okay?”

“I’ve arranged for it to be fixed but only so that we can sell it. You will never set foot in it again. I’ll get you a safe car, a big car that doesn’t move when it’s hit. Maybe a tank.”

I can’t help but smile at his protectiveness, even if it is exaggerated.

“Ms. Cole.” I look up to see a tall man with a grey buzz cut and beard appearing from behind the curtain. He means business but his smile is warm. Jesse removes himself from sitting on my bed and stands next to me, refusing to let go of my hand.

“I’m Dr. Hardy, the attending neurologist. How are you feeling?” he asks.

“Rough,” I breathe. He raises his eyebrows in expectation, so I continue. “My head is throbbing and my neck is stiff. My chest hurts and my back is sore since I’ve sat up.” Jesse stiffens as I rattle off my complaints.

“I’ll organize some more pain relief. Your chest has been bruised from the seatbelt but you should barely notice it within a couple of days. You’re suffering from severe whiplash associated injuries, so you’ll probably find that the backache and neck stiffness stays with you for a little while, but I have no immediate concerns.

“Whiplash? That’s it?” I repeat, shocked at how much suffering I’m in due to an injury I’ve always considered minor.

“Whiplash can take on different strengths and severities. Primarily, what had us worried was your head. When you’re jolted forcefully your brain can be subjected to considerable damage. We’ve scanned you for any brain swelling or bleeding but have found nothing. I think after an overnight stay you should be fine to leave in the morning.”

“You want me to stay overnight? No, I can’t. I have a son I need to get back to.”

“Mickey, he’s fine. He’s being spoilt at Joanna’s,” Jesse insists, adopting a stern tone. “Let’s just get you better before you see him, okay?”

I lower my head and sigh like a sulky teenager. I want to be home with my boy.

“Ms. Cole, although we’re no longer concerned that you have a substantial brain injury, it would be neglectful of us to release you from our care after such a prolonged period of unconsciousness,” Dr. Hardy explains.

“Why, how long was I out for?”
I ask, completely dumbfounded.
“Several hours, it’s almost eight in the evening.”

“Oh.” I can’t believe that I’ve been out for so long. “Fine, I’ll stay.”

Jesse refuses to leave after several arguments with several members of staff, so he spends the night in various positions on the hard back chair beside me. As terrible as I feel about forcing such an awful night sleep on him I’m utterly grateful for his company. I hate hospitals, especially when my last visit to one resulted in me almost bleeding to death after laboring with Benjamin. Jesse’s presence has made this whole experience so much less frightening than it could have been.

My parents visited before we slept. They were distraught. I hate myself for putting them through so much heartache, not only now but throughout my entire life. It always seems to be me that causes their sorrow.

Jesse left me to have some alone time with them while he went for food and to freshen up as best he can. After expressing their love and concern many times over, they explained how Jesse had called them as soon as he’d heard from the hospital. My mom told me how he had arranged for someone to meet them at the hospital entrance and personally show them to my bed. She continued to tell me how he didn’t let go of my hand the entire time I was asleep, and how he arranged and paid for me to be seen by the best doctors.

I’m shocked but pleased to hear that Jesse insisted on speaking to Benjamin personally over the phone, explaining to him that I’d been in an accident. He told him that I was fine but that I was staying the night so that I could have a good sleep rather than having to drive all the way home. I feel better knowing that Benjamin has spoken to Jesse. He will know that I’m in safe hands.

Jesse’s reaction to the situation doesn’t surprise me, but I think it has surprised my parents. After speaking to them I got the impression that the resentment previously felt towards Jesse has waned. Either that or they’re putting on a really good show. When my mom spoke about him she actually smiled, and when the three of them were in the same room together they seemed completely at peace with each other. Gone is the tension that hovered over them the last time they met.

As my parents were leaving I was almost shocked into another spell of unconsciousness when handshakes, kisses and genuine hugs were exchanged. I can only hope that if there is any good to come out of this, it is that my parents can finally accept Jesse for the great man that he is.

By morning my head is still throbbing softly, but no more so than the average hangover would incur. I no longer feel like I have been in a car accident; I just feel like I’m coming down with a serious case of the flu. My chest is still a little tender but only when I move abruptly, and my back and neck are as stiff as if I have over-exercised. Considering how ill I felt last night I’m surprised at how well I have slept and how much good the sleep has done me.

It’s light outside. I try to reach for my phone so that I can find out the time. It was given back to me along with my bag at some point yesterday, but the specifics are blurred. I inwardly curse when I stretch and find it just out of reach.

A young nurse walks in and see’s me struggling against Jesse’s head which currently rests in my lap. She smiles kindly at me before handing it over. I whisper my thanks and check the time while she strolls round to Jesse’s side, wanting to check my blood pressure. It’s almost seven in the morning and after such a restless sleep I don’t want to wake Jesse just yet.