Forget-Me-Nots in September (11 page)

Bev rolled his eyes. “I thought we weren't mentioning that.”

“Thank you, but no.” Jude wanted to cut the discussion short before it got any more bizarre. “Dad said the same thing, but I'd rather be in my own home as long as I can be.”

Bev sighed. “I thought we'd discussed this. Gran, Jude is convinced you're going to sell the house and raise the rent or both.”

“Nothing of the kind, dear,” Mrs. Bowen told her. “The old place needs doing up a little, that's all.”

Jude looked at her hands. “Anyway, with no job I can't afford the rent as it is. So I'll give you my four week notice now.”

“Jude…” Bev began.

She cut him off. “Bev, I have to.”

Mrs. Bowen shook her head. “There is no need, dear. You've had a shock. Just wait a couple of weeks and see how you feel then.”

“Fine, but it won't make a difference. Without a job, I can't afford to live anywhere.”

Bev sighed. “OK, fine. You are one stubborn woman, you know that? Look, we weren't going to say anything for a long time because I still have another five years to go in the army. Longer if I want. But the house you're living in is mine. So how about you stop worrying about the rent, as I'm paying the mortgage anyway, and you just live there and take care of it.”

Jude scowled. “What?”

“That's how I knew the house wouldn't be sold. The rent was just so the place didn't sit empty. Once you have a job of some kind or the insurance money comes through, you can pay rent if you really want to. Otherwise call it a payment holiday. And I'm not hearing another word on the subject.”

Jude glared at him. “Bev…”

He stuck his fingers in his ears. “I can't hear you…I can't hear you…”

She shook her head. “OK, but I'm not accepting charity.”

“Good,” Bev said, winking at her. “Because I'm not offering Charity any room in my house.”

She tried not to giggle and failed. “You're silly.”

“That's Lt. Col. Silly to you, Miss Travis.” He refilled his plate and offered her the bowl. “My parents are back, by the way. The rest of the cruise got cancelled after the ship ran aground.”

“Were they hurt?”

He shook his head. “No, thank the Lord, no one was. But the captain will be in a shed load of trouble now. I'm going up to see them for a couple of days. That's why I wanted you to move into Gran's.”

“I'll be fine,” she told him. “Besides, I expect my parents will be up. Especially once Mum learns I'm on crutches. She'll be coming to do all my housework and cooking.”

Bev smirked. “Isn't that what parents are for? Seriously, it'll be good to see mine before I go back. Especially when I wasn't planning on being able to.”

Mrs. Bowen brought the pudding over and the conversation got sillier and sillier until Jude ended up crying with laughter. Her sides ached from stiches and as the doorbell rang, she wiped her sleeve over her eyes. “Remind me not to serve you pineapple ever again.”

Mrs. Bowen came back into the room. “Bev, there are a couple of officers in uniform here to see you. I put them in the front room.”

“More police?” he asked.

She shook her head. “Army.”

Color drained from Bev's face as he stood. “Excuse me.”

~*~

The two men left. Bev shut the door and leaned against it. His stomach heaved and he clamped a hand over his mouth, making the bathroom just in time. Tears burned his eyes.
God…
he began, not knowing what to say or how to say it.
Why? Haven't we lost enough men this tour already? Without having to lose more? Comfort the widows and fatherless. Strengthen my men because I cannot.

He splashed water on his face and headed back into the kitchen.

“You look dreadful,” Gran said. “Are you all right? What happened?”

“I can't tell you.” He shook his head. “I'm calling it a night, if you don't mind.”

Jude reached for her crutches. “I should be getting back. Thank you for a lovely meal, Mrs. Bowen.”

“You're welcome, dear. And if you need anything, give me a shout. Bev, walk Jude home.”

“Yes, Gran.” His heart breaking as he headed to the door, he saw Jude safely to her door without saying anything.

At the door, she turned and looked at him as she fumbled for her keys. “Bev, talk to me. I know you can't give me details, but please, don't bottle it all up.”

“IED,” he whispered.

The crutches fell to the ground as her arms wrapped around him. “Oh, I'm sorry.”

He held her tightly, shaking as a myriad emotions ripped his very core to shreds.

“How many?”

“F-f-five…”

“You can cry,” she whispered. Her breath warm on his neck. “It's just us. You don't have to be the strong commander right now. Just be you.”

Bev swallowed hard. “But if I do…”

“You'll be better for it. Trust me.”

“Inside,” he whispered. He was perilously close to the edge and doing it out here wasn't an option.

Jude opened the door and he swung her into his arms, carrying her inside. He kicked the door closed, intending to go back for her crutches later. He carried her into the lounge and sat.

The dam within him broke. Fear, anger and every other emotion known to man bottled up inside, ripped from him in a rampant tide. He wasn't sure how long he gave in, but finally he became aware that Jude was sat on his lap, holding him and praying.

“Thank you,” he whispered when she stopped speaking.

Her hand cupped his face. “Don't ever be anyone other than yourself with me,” she said, her gaze holding his.

Aware of the effect she was having on him, he slid her off his lap and onto the couch next to him. “They need me back out there. It was my unit, my men. They need me.”

“When?”

“After the repatriation. As their CO, I can be here to receive them. Then the next day I report in and fly back.” He searched her eyes. Fear flickered in them. The same fear that gnawed at his stomach. “I'll be OK.”

“You can't guarantee that.”

“No,” he admitted. “I can't. But I can guarantee one thing.”

“What's that?”

“This.” He pulled her gently towards him and kissed her. “I love you. I have never been more sure about anything.”

“I love you, too. Promise me you'll be careful.”

“I promise,” he whispered, pulling her close.

“That's all I ask,” she whispered, before his lips closed on hers and he kissed her.

~*~

The next week flew by in a blur of dates and work starting on the house.

Jude was convinced she was still being followed, but could find nothing substantial to put her finger on. She still hadn't heard from the insurance company, although the fire had officially been ruled as arson. The one decision she had made was to sell what was left of the bakery. It was all in the hands of her solicitor. What she would do instead, she had no idea.

Dad was renovating the kitchen and Elliott was doing the bathroom and central heating system. They'd both agreed to decorate the rest of the house, and she was hoping it'd be finished before Bev left so he could see it.

She still couldn't believe it was his house, and he'd been prepared to let her chose the color scheme.

The day of the repatriation arrived and she offered to go with him. He refused. Instead she'd watched him drive away in his dress uniform and a stoic look on his face. His stiff upper lip, poker face, and taut shoulders the only sign of the emotion within him, almost broke her heart. She watched the repatriation on the TV and waited for Bev to come home.

They'd planned to have dinner together at her place, one last ‘hoorah' before he left. Or just sitting quietly, letting him assimilate what he'd done today. She'd leave that entirely up to him and what he felt like doing.

Car doors slammed outside, just as the timer went off to say dinner was cooked. Perfect timing. She got to the door as fast as she could and flung it open.

Bev unfolded his tall frame, still in uniform, from the car. He looked up at his Gran's house. A woman flew down the path to greet him. He laughed and swung her into her arms, kissing her cheek. His joy at seeing her was evident.

Stunned, her stomach pitting, Jude backed into the house and shut the door before he saw her. She trusted him, she really did, but seeing him in the arms of another woman hit her hard. Harder than she expected. She wanted that to be her. Always. But she could lose him to his job. The next repatriation could be his. And that would be more than she could bear. This had to end and end now.

She scrapped the food into the bin and rang her parent's house. Her mother had wanted her to stay while the house was being worked on, and it would make it easier for Dad and Elliott if she weren't constantly under foot. And it would be easier on the both of them if she didn't say goodbye.

~*~

Bev shoved his bags into the car. There was no sign of Jude. She hadn't been in last night either, and he was sure they'd had dinner plans. He'd had the entire evening organized down to the finest detail. The box in his pocket was heavy. He'd seen the ring in a store on the base, and it was perfect. All he had to do, all he needed to do, before he left, was to propose.

He crossed the road and rang the bell. No one came. He glanced up at the windows. The house seemed closed up and empty. Disconsolate, he turned and went back over to Gran's. He pushed the kitchen door open.

“This was on the mat for you when I got up.” Gran held out an envelope.

Bev took it and ripped it open. It was covered in Jude's neat writing.
Bev, something came up. Gone to my parents for a day or two—easier on the workmen if I'm not in the house. Safe trip. Jude.

He turned it over. Was that it?

“Bev?”

He screwed the paper up and shoved it into the bin. “She isn't coming. Can we go?”

“Did she say why?”

“No. Just that she'd gone away.” He shook his head and pulled the ring box from his pocket. “Keep this safe. I won't need it now.”

“What is it?”

“Just shove it in a drawer and forget about it. I'll see you by the car.” He headed out into the garden and picked a handful of forget-me-nots. He took them over to Jude's and laid them on the doorstep. He closed his eyes, praying for her. He didn't know what he'd done to drive her away, but whatever it was he hoped he would have the chance to apologize.

His heart breaking, he headed over to the car and got in, to begin the long trip back to his unit. Or rather, what was left of it.

11

Jude arrived home after what had turned into a week-long visit, to find wilted forget-me-nots on her doorstep. She put them straight in the bin and headed into the kitchen to make some tea. Still confused over the whole Bev issue, she decided over the hot, sweet liquid, that there was nothing she could do. He was gone and what she assumed, what she thought they had, was nothing. She'd been wrong about him and the way she felt. Her emotions were not to be trusted.

She'd given him her heart, allowed him to kiss her, and awaken feelings in her and for what? To be tossed aside at the last minute and have her heart broken. Well, never again. She'd remain single. It was far, far safer than feeling the way she did now.

Going through the mail she found an ebluey. Tempted just to discard it, something made her open it. He was still her squaddie after all and she ought to keep sending parcels, even if nothing else.

Hey, Jude. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye. I came over after the repatriation, but you were out. Was it something I said or did? If it was I'm sorry. Please e-mail or update social media and let me at least know you're OK. Love Bev.

Jude crumpled the letter and tossed it at the bin. It missed and lay on the floor, taunting her. The doorbell rang and she stood, ignoring the flickering light on the answerphone. Slowly, she headed down the hall to the door, and leaned on one crutch to open it. She managed a smile at Milly. “Hello. What brings you here so early?”

“It's not early, it's gone eleven. And where have you been?”

“I went to Mum and Dad's for the week. Why?”

Milly nodded to the car behind her. “I need you at the station. I have a line up you need to attend. If you'd checked your phone and e-mail messages, you'd have known.”

Heat rose in Jude's cheeks. “Sorry. I left my phone here because I didn't want to be bothered while I was away.” She put her coat on and slung her bag over her head. She followed Milly to the car, the pouring rain matching her mood on the inside to a tee.

“What's up?” Milly asked as she opened the car door.

Jude sat, then shoved the crutches to the floor before swinging her legs inside. “Nothing.”

“Hmmm. Don't give me that.” She shut the door and went around the other side. “You're lying, Judie, and that doesn't become you. Besides, I'm on duty and you never, ever, lie to a cop on duty.”

“I just did, apparently,” Jude muttered.

Milly started the car. “So. What's up?”

“Bev.”

“He's gone back, right? You can write, and you'll see him when he comes home again.”

Jude shook her head. “No. I'm not having anything to do with men. Ever. Ever. Again.”

“Wow. Where'd that come from?”

Jude leaned against the door, the rain hitting the windscreen faster than the wipers could clear it. “He told me he loved me. But he had to attend another repatriation the day before he left. Five more blokes from his unit got killed by an IED. What if he dies out there? I can't bear that. Besides, I saw him with someone else that last night.”

“What did he say about this?”

“Nothing, I haven't spoken to him. I went to my parents and left him to it. If he wants her rather than me, so be it. But I am not opening myself to this kind of hurt again. Ever.”