Forgive Me Father For I Have Loved (21 page)

Fr. Kirkpatrick frowned. “If you don’t reel this in, we will be talking about this
again
, under
much
different circumstances. Unfortunate ones, no doubt.” The man pointed in Dane’s face, his lips twisted and a threatening scowl on his face. “I cannot forbid you to see her, I do not have that sort of power over you, but I highly advice it. It is simply too tempting for you to resist. I had to bring it to your attention, Dane. It’s a slippery slope, and you are trying to climb it uphill with butter on your feet.”

“But Fr. Kirkpatrick...’

The man closed his eyes and held up his hand, asking for silence. “You’re attracted to her, Dane. There is no way around this. I could see it on your face! You are not the first to deal with such a temptation. Many priests have and it can be crippling. Please stop this relationship at once before it goes any further.”

Pain flashed in the old man’s eyes. “Don’t do it...”

After a few moments, the man softened, coming back into the here and now after a visit down a road Dane hadn’t seen him travel before. He patted Dane’s back, and they made their way past the storefronts, lively with busy people eager to go further in debt and collect the latest gadgets. Dane had all but forgotten that he’d wanted to go to the mall to pick up a new light blue shirt. Now, he just wanted to go home and be alone.

Not another word was spoken until they arrived back at the church. Fr. Kirkpatrick stopped before walking down the hall to enter his private sanctuary and took Dane gently by the arm. Dane resisted, wanting the conversation to be over and done with.

Not again. Please just stop it.

He felt violated, with his fellow associates spying on him and running to tell the ‘big boss.’ He was mad at himself, too, for not being more discreet. He should’ve known his activities were being scrutinized, but he didn’t feel he was doing anything wrong. Thus, there was nothing to hide and keep under cover.

“Dane.” The old man sighed. “Please, don’t be angry. Just remember what we discussed. Don’t forget what you were called to do, you have responsibilities. People depend on you. You are gifted, the Lord uses you in special ways. It would be a great loss, for everyone.” Then, he released his arm and wandered down the hallway until he’d disappeared into his quarters...

Rhapsody was sickened by Melody’s continuous smacking. She turned to her sister, watched her chew the bread until she gulped the remaining crumbs in a final swallow. Thoughts of smacking that smug face with all of her might reeled in her head.

“So, Mama said you have a new boyfriend.” Melody’s perfectly arched eyebrow shot upward, the one she took fifteen minutes to draw on, the one that looked as if it had been stenciled on and airbrushed and then set out on display in a MAC makeup catalog.

“Mama didn’t tell you that,” Rhapsody dismissed her as she continued to drive, anxious to drop off the prying heffa as soon as possible. She gripped her steering wheel and put a little more gas behind it, eager to get rid of the dead weight.

“I asked ’er if you were seeing anyone, you’ve been acting weird. You always act weird when you get a new man.”

Rhapsody knew better; it was a trap to get information. Melody was in a long-term relationship with a man named Adonis, and boy did he live up to that name. He had been born in Greece, an army brat, and his mother came from a family drowning in money. Besides that, the man was absolutely gorgeous, Rhapsody couldn’t take that away from him—six feet of smooth, imported chocolate, and his body would mold into a suit like nobody’s business. He was a sportscaster, and his suave, silky voice would melt the panties off Frosty the Snowman’s wife, while atop a glacier at the apex of the North Pole. Despite having the gorgeous trophy fiancé of almost eight years by her side, Melody still made her rounds to delve into her sister’s love life. Rhapsody was sure it was so Melody could feast off a buffet served in her sister’s room at the heartbreak hotel. Regardless, Rhapsody knew their mother quite well regarding these matters. She wouldn’t have given away her secret, and for
certain,
she didn’t tell Melody’s gloating, nosey ass a damn thing.

“We are only a few blocks from your house, better get your key out,” Rhapsody said flatly.

Melody laughed, loud and obnoxious, forced like a strained bowel movement. Reaching into her burgundy purse, she removed her door keys. They clanked about as Rhapsody shot her a look, hoping that just this one time in history, a look could kill.

“Fine, don’t tell me, but I’ll get it out of you.” Melody said as the car slowed. Rhapsody was tired of picking her sister up from her job. The woman’s car, her beloved canary yellow convertible, was back in the shop and Adonis was conveniently out of town, unable to lend his damsel in distress any aid.

He is out screwing someone else, no doubt, and she sits here all complacent. Keep on top of your own love life; you don’t have time to investigate mine...

Instead of getting a rental, Melody immediately called Rhapsody stating, “Your schedule is all over the place so I’m sure you can arrange to pick me up for like three or four days...they are fixing Fiona...” Yes, she’d named the Buick Lesabre convertible, too. At first, Rhapsody was going to tell her where to go, how fast and how high, but then she recalled the night she kicked Raul out for good, how her sister called and was actually sweet and loving as she poured out her heart to the woman.

They’d talked all night; it had been one of those conversations that caused her to remember why she hated that they were no longer close, and it had happened purely out of the blue. Her sister was there for her, then, after it was over, she went right back to her hateful, despicable ways. Rhapsody had figured it out soon enough. Melody only wanted her around when she was miserable and falling apart, a fraction of her true, vibrant self. When Rhapsody felt good about life and her placement in it, which was the majority of the time, she grated on Melody’s nerves. Yes, Melody dined off of her sibling’s sadness, and when it was gone, so was she, her bib hitting the floor as she exited stage left...

“I don’t have a boyfriend, so you can drop it,” Rhapsody called out as she watched her sister walk up her short walkway to the front door of her faux château home.

The insufferable woman stopped and turned. “Like I said, I’ll get it out of you...Oh! And don’t forget about—”

“I know.” Rhapsody waved her off as she started her engine to drive away. “Be here early tomorrow...you have a meeting.”

“Thank you!” her sister said with a huge, obnoxious grin, pivoting back around. “Love you...” she added before swiftly disappearing inside of her house.

Rhapsody looked at the closed door for a while. She hadn’t heard Melody say those words to her in eons and couldn’t help but smile even though she knew it was simply being used as fertilizer to dig further into her garden of personal business later. Truth of the matter, Rhapsody felt sadness as she continued to stare at that closed door. Melody was inside, alone in the beautifully furnished, expensive condominium once again. She was in there, fighting with herself, hiding behind designer purses and ridiculously expensive shoes she’d yet to wear anywhere but in the confines of her lavish walk-in-closet.

She tried her damnedest to be more than she portrayed and have the life she pretended to paint for the world to see. Adonis hadn’t married the woman after all this time, people at her job often got on her last nerve, and she put up with so much, but she stayed in the relationship, because he was too damn good looking and had a job in the spotlight. She remained at her job because it paid well and it was prestigious. Her decisions were based on garnering the approval and attention of others, never for her own wellbeing. Melody, being all about appearances, seemed to fail to realize one simple thing, however—she was the Empress with invisible clothes. Everyone could see she was naked as the day she was born, but she clung to the dream of being fully dressed head to toe, her unseen tiara sparkling brightly, and her heart filled with dark pearls of hatred, strangling her as she bought into her own hype...

~***~

This isn’t a big deal. Don’t turn it into one. Besides, she is helping you even though she may not realize it. Just a dinner between friends...Fr. Kirkpatrick has me all over the place, confused, putting doubts in my mind. Like, what if she does only see me as a challenge? See, that can’t be...Rhapsody isn’t like that...

Dane warred with himself until he became an anxious mess. Sliding black slacks up his legs, he glanced back down at the button down, white Polo shirt lying across the bed, the one he’d spent an hour picking out from his small closet. He was tempting fate. Some would say, he shouldn’t be alone with her in the first place considering the circumstances.

But we aren’t alone...we are always out in the public, and tonight is no different. I’m just going to go see my new associate perform, is all. That’s it. I’ve had plenty of female friends over the years.

And he had...but he was never attracted to them, not in the way he was to Rhapsody. Those weren’t physical attractions; they never made him uncomfortable, nor had he had the urge to make excuses for the contact and interaction. Dane was quite self-aware, regardless of sometimes being put on a pedestal by others, which risked a possibly inflated ego. He knew that he liked looking at her a bit too long, and he thought about her in ways that a man thinks about a woman—a
special
woman. Yet, it didn’t stop him from paving a way, so that he could do what he felt he needed to survive this traumatic, confusing time in his life. As he continued to dress, he let his thoughts drift back to the day he finally got up his nerve to speak to her in the park...

He walked up to her after an afternoon of drinking. He had the courage then. Not because he was afraid of speaking to a lovely woman, but because he knew what he was and what that oath stood for and despite it all, he was drawn to her. He simply wanted to say ‘hello’, and that was God’s honest truth. He realized later he wanted something from her though. What that was, he wasn’t sure at that point...but he needed to find out. Yeah, he hurt, and he needed someone...

Nevertheless, it was awkward for him. He hadn’t initiated a conversation like that since college. The ladies in church, and the nuns, were the women that he’d laugh and talk with...not beautiful black women doing yoga and singing harmonies in the middle of grassy parks...

He’d tried earnestly to busy himself as she consumed more and more real estate in his thoughts. Additional visits to the nursing homes seemed to initially do the trick. He loved sitting with the elderly, they were testaments of long life lived, and it would work for a while, help feed the crater inside of him, until he had to stop daydreaming and the reality of the situation returned.

The inability to control his heart proved disturbing. Some days were a battle, more than others. Some days, he fought wanting to go find a release, a coping mechanism to tune out the old tapes that kept playing in his head...running and running and going absolutely nowhere. Other days, he was still so angry with God that he barely spoke to him. And the remainder of the days, he dealt with them more diplomatically—accepting that this was a process and that if he was truly going to heal, he had to take it step by step, not try to run a marathon when he was only equipped to crawl. As long as he was moving, then he was progressing, and that was the hardest to accept—that he had little to no control over so many aspects of his life right then and there.

He kept a brave face, and played his role, but for the first time in a while, Dane wanted to be someone else...something
more
, possibly? Life was opening up, presenting different scenarios.

Was he destined for more? He wasn’t sure, but he felt compelled to dig a bit deeper to find out...

~***~

Rhapsody snuck a look from behind the silky, deep red curtain as the band gathered, getting into position. The lights slowly dimmed and people moved about the stage, conducting a quick and final sound check. She’d been asked to sing a song that evening at Club Envy, a spectacular nightclub with an eclectic crowd that appreciated soulful sounds. She had been prepared to play the piano, tune after tune, but later found out that the demanding patrons would also request her to sing a ditty. Happy to oblige, she asked for a few moments to warm up her vocal chords before they started their next jam session. After quick deliberation, she took a chance, as she was known to do. She was going to sing a song no one had ever heard before. That within itself was risky, but she didn’t mind…until she peered out at the audience. She hadn’t spotted him, but something told her he was there...

She’d written the song—that within itself was unnerving, for she wasn’t certain how’d it be perceived, but excitement filled her with the desire to take the plunge.

Well, here goes nothing...

She listened to the MC make some preliminary statements and the small crowd erupted in applause. She checked her reflection in a nearby backstage mirror. The shimmery light blue dress clung to her delicate curves just right and her curl strands were picked out, high and wide, a lovely soft coif with a sparkling light blue flower that matched her outfit to azure perfection.

Heels...