Forgiven (5 page)

I would hit the party Andrew was having tonight, have a few beers and hide from reality for a while. With that in mind, I checked my email and saw that Angie had responded yesterday—almost right after I sent my email.

Caleb,

Fine and I will have a WONDERFUL weekend!

Angie

Shit, she was pissed. Maybe this was for the best. I could still get the project done without being around her and worrying about where being near her might lead. There was so much work left that the sooner I got it done the better. That meant I had to get some of it done before tonight.

A few hours later Josh knocked on my door. “Are you still going to Andrew’s?” he said as he poked his head into the room.

“Yeah, just give me a few minutes and I’ll be ready to go.” I quickly got changed into jeans and a white t-shirt and headed for the living room. “Ready”

Josh and I jumped into his car. Since I’d driven the previous weekend, it was his turn to be the designated driver. That was a good thing, because I was definitely going to need a drink or two.

We only lived a few minutes from the campus so it didn’t take long to get to there. Andrew belonged to a fraternity on the Cornell campus so we would usually head to his frat house on the weekend. It was very rare for them not to have a party. When we walked into the house we saw Andrew in the kitchen next to the keg, pouring a beer.

He held out his fist to me. “Hey man, what’s up? You want a beer?”

“Absolutely,” I said reaching for the cup he handed me. “Thanks.”

“Well you guys are late and need to catch up,” he said as he held his cup and spilled some of his beer over the side.

“That won’t be a problem, it has been a shitty week.”

“I am going to find someone to dance with while you assholes get drunk,” Josh said, walking into the other room where the guys had a music playing and a makeshift dance floor.

“Hey, you wanna play some beer pong?” Andrew asked me, loud enough to hear over the rest of the noise.

“Sure, what the hell,” I shouted over the music, knowing that Andrew was already buzzed and I would probably end up drinking more than I planned, but who cared. I followed Andrew to the back room where they kept the beer pong table set up.

Andrew and I played a few rounds, but I was right about how much he had had to drink. I was making my shots, but we were getting our asses handed to us by the other team. After about an hour I knew I needed to take a break. I could feel the buzz and I didn’t want to push it too far. People made stupid decisions when they were drunk, so I decided to head back out to the kitchen where a bunch of the guys were.

As I walked past the room with the DJ I saw Josh had found someone to dance with, and it looked like she was drunk as hell. She had on a skirt that showed off legs any guy would love to have wrapped around his waist. Her top showed off the swell of her breasts. Shit, she was hot, but I didn’t feel like having Josh bringing home some random chick from a party. I looked closer and saw her long mane of auburn hair, and realized it was Angie. What was she doing there—and what the
fuck
was she doing with Josh? They were dancing with their hands all over each other, and she was grinding her ass up against his dick. I felt the same jealousy, as the other day in the locker room, sear though my veins. I wanted her to dance with me like that and no one else.

I was too drunk to stop and walk the other way. Their backs were to me as I approached Josh. I tapped him on the shoulder and mouthed for him to switch places with me. He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind and shook his head. I gave him a look that clearly told him to back the fuck off and he nodded and started to move away. He mouthed something about me owing him one and turned to leave. I nodded and traded places with him just as a new song started to play.

Angie was pretty drunk and hadn’t realized that Josh and I had switched places. As she continued to grind her ass against my dick I could feel it getting harder. I wanted this girl like I have never wanted anyone. And with my inhibitions muted by the alcohol, I wasn’t paying attention to my brain telling me why I shouldn’t have her. I had my hands all over her and pulled her tight against me. She turned around and her eyes bulged wide when she realized it was me dancing with her.

“Caleb, what are you doing here?” she said, but her eyes were unfocused.

“I was wondering the same thing about you,” I replied as she stopped dancing.

“Well I
was
having a good time, if you’ll excuse me,” she fumed as she started to walk away a little unsteadily, but I grabbed her arm.

“Angie, wait a minute. I know you’re pissed and I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry? I keep hearing that from you. I am not a goddamn yo-yo. You can’t keep pulling me to you with your ‘sorries’, and then pushing me away to keep your distance. Now let go of me. I’m going to find Josh,” she yelled.

“Shit, Angie. Stop being so obstinate. I’m trying to apologize here but you just keep fucking yelling at me,” I shouted back

“What the fuck do you expect me to do? Keep hanging around while you continue to treat me like shit,” she raged as her eyes flared. I realized that there was nothing I could say that she would listen to at this point. She tried once again to pull away, so I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled her to me and kissed her.

I just wanted to shut her up for a minute, but the more I thought about it, if I was honest with myself, I wanted to kiss her from the moment I looked into her beautiful brown eyes—even if it did scare the shit out of me.

When my lips connected with hers she tried to pull away, but I brought my hand up to the back of her neck and held her lips to mine. It was like a shot of straight desire into my bloodstream and before I knew it, she’d started kissing me back.

When I felt her response, I slowly pulled away and raised my eyes to meet hers and I was once again struck by their beauty. I could see all of my own desires reflected back at me. Slowly, I kissed up the line of her jaw to her ear. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you. It’s just that I don’t want you to get caught up in the ghosts of my past.” I admitted. It was more than I would usually tell anyone, but the alcohol removed most of my control. “Just dance with me,” I whispered.

“Caleb…” she trailed off, her eyes questioning.

“Please, Angie,” I pleaded. I felt her shiver. Part of me knew I shouldn’t be asking, but the other part was drunk and just didn’t give a fuck.

She nodded her head and moved back into my arms. The song had switched to something slower—Ed Sheeran’s ‘Kiss Me’. I looked down into those beautiful brown eyes and once again I was lost. I put my finger under her chin and lifted her face up to mine. My eyes connected with hers as I slowly lowered my lips. I pulled back for a second, “How drunk are you?”

“A little,” she admitted with a giggle.

I probably shouldn’t have kissed her again, but I couldn’t stop myself. I had to taste her. I pressed my lips to hers. They were so soft, they were incredible. She slipped her hands up my chest, around the back of my neck and into my hair as I continued to kiss her. I could feel the heat from her fingers through my shirt, and it made me harder than I already was. I lost it and deepened the kiss. Sliding my tongue into her warm mouth, she tasted amazing as her tongue danced around with mine. I realized I was getting too excited as my hand slid up her ribs toward her breast. Fucking hell, we were in the middle of a frat party and there I was feeling her up. I pulled my mouth away and leaned my forehead against hers as we both tried to catch our breath from the most amazing kiss of my life. “What are you doing to me?” I whispered.

She looked up and I could see desire raging in her eyes. I couldn’t breathe—all I wanted to do was take her out of that house and back to my apartment. Then I wondered what in the hell I was doing. I knew there was no way that I could let it go any further, but god I wanted this girl more than I had ever wanted anyone in my entire life. She was beautiful and sexy, but she deserved so much better than me. I wasn’t good enough for her.

The song ended and I slowly pulled away from her. I looked down and once again the sadness engulfed me as the memories of eyes just like hers flooded my head, I had to get away, but there was no way I could continue to be the ass that treated her like shit.

“Thanks for the dance, Angie.”

She looked up at me. “Caleb, what’s wrong?” I saw the confusion in her eyes, but I couldn’t explain.

“Nothing sweetheart, I just have to go. I’ll see you in class on Tuesday.” I told her and went to find Josh. I needed to get the hell out of that house. Shit, why had I called her sweetheart?

I eventually found Josh in the kitchen talking to Nick. Josh looked at me as I walked into the room, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“What?” I said as I clearly gave him a look that said leave it alone.

“No wondered you wanted to switch with me. You clearly had more than dancing on your mind,” Josh laughed. Nick on the other hand didn’t look too happy.

“Shut the fuck up asshole. Are you ready to go or not?” I knew Josh hated hanging out late when he wasn’t drinking. Usually he couldn’t wait to get back home and make up for it there.

“Whatever dude.” Josh pulled his keys out of his pocket as we went out to his car. I knew I was wasted, but it had felt awesome to relax tonight—that was, until I kissed Angie. The kiss was incredible, but I wanted to go home and get so wasted that I passed out for the night.

“Alright, dude. What the fuck is up with you and Angie?” Josh asked me as we got into the car.

“Nothing man, let it go.”

“One day you don’t want to be anywhere near her—not even to complete a project for a midterm grade. Then a few days later you have your tongue shoved down her throat, looking at her like you never want to let her go.”

“Like I said, it’s nothing. Right now, there’s a bottle of Jack back at the apartment with my name on it.”

When we got back to the apartment I got the bottle of Jack and two shot glasses and brought them into the living room. I sat on the sofa while Josh sat in the recliner. I poured us both a shot. Before long we had finished more than half of the bottle, and I was so fucking wasted I couldn’t feel anymore. Josh wasn’t nearly as drunk as I was, but then again he hadn’t been drinking at the house.

“I think you have feelings for Angie.” He shook his head. “Man, I have never seen you so much as give most girls a second look. And even when you do, you would only have wanted to leave the party if it was to go back to her place.” He smirked. “Especially if she was as willing as Angie was tonight.” Josh was pushing it and given how drunk I was, there was no filter to stop me from giving him the information he wanted.

“Of course I want her. It’s so bad I can’t think straight when I’m around her, but I just can’t,” I replied sadly.

“What’s holding you back? If you like her go for it—Nick will get over it. He tried hitting on her earlier but she wasn’t having it. She actually asked me to dance to get away from him.”

“Shit, this has nothing to do with him.” I stood up and ran my hand through my hair. “She reminds of the shit I left behind when I came here.”

“Seriously when are you going to let the past stop controlling you? When we met, we both agreed to avoid discussing the past but here you are letting it control your life,” he said with a frown.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about her,” I slumped back onto the couch. “She deserves better than me.”

“How do you know, if you won’t give her a chance?” He leaned forward placing his arms on his knees, his eyes watching me. “I’ve known Angie since freshman year and I can tell you she’s one tough chick and can probably handle anything you throw at her.”

My head started to spin from all of the alcohol, so I lay down on the couch. “I can’t do that to either of us. Her eyes, there the same as the ones I watch slip…” I started to say, just before I passed out.

Oh my god
! Caleb turned and walked into the kitchen. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going on with me. That was amazing, I was still a little light headed, but while Caleb’s mouth had been on mine breathing hadn’t seemed all that important. I’d wanted nothing more than to jump into his arms, and have is hands all over me.

Emily came up behind me leaning to talk in my ear. “What was that all about?”

“I have no idea,” I said dumbfounded.

“You just kissed Caleb in the middle of a frat party and you have ‘no idea’?” She looked over to the kitchen where Caleb was talking to the guys from the team. “You’ve got to be kidding me! What aren’t you telling me?” She looked at me again. “You’re fucking drunk!”

I looked at her like she was crazy “No I’m not, and there is nothing to tell. That guy is insane—one minute he is a complete ass, and the next he’s kissing me. The hell if I know what is going on.” I shouted over the music.

I was still having a hard time trying to get over my reaction and the feeling of his lips on mine, plus the room was spinning from all of the alcohol. I’ve kissed guys before, but it has never been that explosive. I’ve never wanted to rip their clothes off…until now. The thought of his lips kissing down my neck had the ache between my legs growing.