Forgotten (25 page)

All except the father and the fair-haired
man, who quickly moved to the father’s side. “Come on, my friend,
let’s get going.”

The father reluctantly complied. He gave his
precious girl one last hug. He stood, turned and with long strides
followed the path of the others, ignoring the painful cries from
his daughter.

By the time he entered the forest, he had
discarded all images of her from his mind.

He was now prepared.

December 27, 2010

10:55
am

I NO
LONGER
saw Zephyr as a safe
haven.

Not after being the ugly backcloth for two
brutal crimes.

But as soon as I set eyes on my spacious
lounge room, the crumpled but well-loved pillow laden sofa, the
equally loved collection of books, the many family photographs and
the glittering Nankari waters, I could sense a small part of me
longing to return. “It feels so strange. Like I sort of belong but
don’t.”

There was no response from Saul. In fact, he
was oddly quiet. I yanked the cap from my head, fingered my hair
into place and then turned to look at him. With sunglasses shifted
to the top of his head, he scanned the space. He then moved
forward, pausing at some of the photographs on the walls, but
eventually stopping before the bookshelves.

In comparison to Saul’s collection, my own
seemed slight, but it still managed to dominate the room. Saul
studied the books, touching some along the way, now and again
glancing back at me. I watched him, curious about his behavior.

“I didn’t know,” he said.

I frowned.

“Your love of books.”

How could he not? The man knew just about
everything else.

“It’s good to know I can still surprise
you.” I placed my bag and sunglasses on the glass coffee table.

He continued to peruse the books. “You have
some great authors here.”

I moved
closer to see which authors he was favoring. “And,” he said,
shaking his head, “they’re all in alphabetical order.”

I widened my eyes. “So were yours the last I
checked.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think anyone else would
be that crazy.”

“
Well,
surprise again!” A rush of emotion washed through me, warm,
settling ones. It brought up images of toasty days on the
beach.

I ventured
towards the double sliders, a little surprised to find them already
open. Perhaps Mel had decided the unit needed a well-deserved
airing. I stepped out onto the balcony. It immediately unbolted a
glorious sensory experience; the hypnotizing sight of the azure
sea, the unmistakable smell and taste of its salty fragrance and
the entrancing sound of its waves, however small, crashing their
weights upon the water’s edge. This spot had been my place of
tranquility, many times. I gradually approached the railings
semi-circling the balcony, knowing that Saul wasn’t far
behind.

“This is brilliant,” he said.

“Yep.” I sighed, inhaling the brackish scent
that I had missed. I turned to him. His eyes had changed; hooded
and dark they were, staring at me. I stood spellbound by them, by
him, not wanting to touch him, to make any unsolicited movement for
fear of the moment evaporating. But to me, the silent whispers, the
unspoken gestures were more provocative than anything I had ever
experienced.

It was then,
I realized. This wasn’t any schoolgirl crush.

I wanted him.

But as quickly as the moment began, it
ended. Saul severed his look from me and instead spun towards the
ocean.

Shit.

My cheeks
flushed hot with embarrassment. I cleared my throat and returned
indoors. Confusion was still my enemy or perhaps, in this case, it
was my friend, protecting me from making an absolute fool of
myself. I heard a shuffling movement behind me, but I resisted the
temptation to glance his way.

“Milo should be here soon,” I said, looking
at my watch. “Want a coffee while we wait?”

Saul accepted, and I headed to the kitchen.
As I entered it, I froze.

“What’s wrong?” Saul asked.

“
My kitchen,
it’s, well, it’s… tidy.”

“And that’s unusual?”

I recalled
the last time I was in it, Christmas morning, when Nate had come to
collect me. I recalled Nate’s shaken look because of its abysmal
state, and my unease at his ‘shaken-ness.’ Now, before me, was
something altogether different.

For
starters, the sink was empty; that in itself was conspicuous. But,
the bench tops, the stainless steel surfaces of the oven, the
microwave, dishwasher, fridge were so spotless, I could practically
see my reflection in them. As for the floor, it glistened with the
noticeable scent of lavender. My kitchen hadn’t just been
tidied;
it had been cleaned, meticulously
so.
I explained this to the man near
me.

“Could Nate have cleaned it for you?”

I looked at Saul and laughed. “Are you
kidding? Nate has trouble making a bed. In my family, the male
species aren’t trained in menial house duties.” I looked around
again. “No, Nate didn’t do this. And I know he wouldn’t have said
anything to my parents.”

“Someone else then? Mel perhaps.”

I recalled
Mel’s phone conversation earlier and her derogatory comments
regarding the condition of the unit. She had collected my
belongings and was as mortified as Nate was. I also knew there was
a better chance of Mel succumbing to a tooth extraction than
housework. If she had done something so selfless, there was no way
she could’ve kept it to herself. I shook my head.

I strolled
down the short hallway and entered the bathroom. Like the kitchen,
it shimmered with an aroma of purity and orderliness. The sink, the
bath, the toilet, faultless. Two teal-blue towels hung from the
polished rails, impeccably folded, each aligned with the other.
Nearby, a matching face cloth, arranged in one of those
origami-style flower shapes, ornamented the vanity. Even the
large-beveled edge mirror was completely smudge-free, displaying
the perplexity on my face.

A horrifying
sense of
deja vu
quickly hit me, disturbing images of overly
cleansed kitchens and mirrors and floors.

Of
Simon.

“Saul, this is really freaky,” I murmured,
not sure if he could hear my low, scratchy sounding voice.

Thankfully,
he did. “We’re leaving, just until I get this place checked
over.”

I couldn’t
have been happier.

But what if….

Trancelike,
my head slowly spun to the
right. I
looked past the office and the spare bedroom until I reached my own
bedroom. There was nothing remarkable about it, nothing outwardly
sinister.

Except,
unlike all the other rooms,
the door was closed.

Call it some
twisted curiosity of mine or some bizarre need to prove my
ridiculous suspicions wrong. But I began taking small, unhurried
steps towards my
room. Saul called out to
me. I stopped but not because of Saul. I breathed in once… then
gasped… breathed several more times to be sure. The strong
disinfectant, the open sliders, the closed bedroom door.

All needed…

…
to
stifle
that
smell.

A thin film of moisture prickled my skin.
And the continuous thud in my ears was deafening - Saul’s voice
becoming nothing more than a perpetual, distorted drone.

Simon.

I sprinted to the door and with one quick
turn of the knob, shoved it open.

And there he
was. On
my bed.

I
wasn
’t sure when the mental part of the
shock actually connected with the physical. But for a split second,
I was able to take in the entire scenario, the horizontal position
of the body, the limbs, the head and the rose petals, scores of the
crimson red shapes framing his figure. “Simon,” I whispered, before
falling into the long-awaiting shadows. “Simon,” I repeated with
more urgency.

And in that
precise instant, just as the hungry darkness overtook, I actually
imagined he answered.

***

How can darkness be so malevolent, so
menacing, when even there, beauty can exist.

Here I was in the nucleus of its ethereal
gloom, staring directly into the eyes of beauty.

The eyes of Simon.

He had risen from the richly shaded bed of
flowers, looking as impressive as the first rays of sunshine after
a series of overcast days. He glided towards me and once there,
stood directly opposite. His face glistened with inimitable joy,
his expression tender, empathetic, his bright, hazel eyes brimming
with love.

He was as I had always remembered him.

Tears pricked my eyes as I fought to adjust
to what I was witnessing. There was no rational explanation to
describe it, only that I was staring into the man I had loved for
many years, the man to whom I was willing to commit myself.

The man I also knew to be dead.

How could this be even possible? “Simon,” I
whispered. “Is that really you?” I was afraid of his answer.

He smiled
that smile I knew so well, the one I would’ve touched and kissed
many times. I reached out to him but he fast shifted back into the
shadows, signaling for me to keep my distance. My heart stumbled.
To smell his familiar scent, to feel his arms around me once again,
was all I thirsted for. Why would he move away?

“
Clauds,” he
said. “Don’t cry. I hate it when you’re sad.”

I choked at
the sound of his voice. I hadn’t heard it in such a long time. It
was like hearing fine music when there had been none. “Sad?” I
half-laughed. “How could I be sad with you here?” Again, I stepped
forward. Again, Simon told me not to. “Why can’t I touch
you?”

His eyes
saddened. “It’s just not possible. And… and I can’t
stay.”

Something strong rocked me and I almost lost
balance. “What… what are you talking about?”

“I can’t stay,” he said again, this time
with more firmness.

My stomach
began convulsing. I clutched it hard. “I don’t
understand.”

But he stood there motionless, speechless;
an indescribable look spread across his face.

“Why are you here then?” I spluttered.

Long, free
strands of hair suspended over one of his eyebrows as it always
had, but unlike before, he did little to sweep it away. Instead, he
watched me, somber now, unsmiling. “Ask the question, Clauds,” he
said in soft, slow rhythms.

Question? What question?

I asked
Simon; not that I cared. I didn’t want to be bothered with any
question. I didn’t want to be bothered with anything that didn’t
concern him or us. I was being selfish, I know, but I only wanted
him. Fresh tears found a bottomless well and I furiously brushed
them away.

“Ask the question,” Simon repeated, in the
same, deliberate manner.

“
Why?”

His head
swayed to one side. The gentility of the movement melted what
little remained of my heart. “Because the answer will give you
something important…
something just for you
.”

I shook my
head with an unexpected ferocity. “
You
are
what’s important.”

“
And that’s
why you need to do this and because I want you to be
happy.”

Was he serious? “I can’t ever be happy
without you.”

His luminous
smile lit the bleak shadows, furnishing him with an almost spectral
appearance. It was beguiling, his smile. His eyelids opened and
fell almost in slow motion. “You will be happy,” he said, “And it’s
okay, Clauds, it’s very okay.”

I watched his face beam with love. What
could I say or even do to prevent the inevitable from happening. “I
love you, Simon,” I whispered the only thing I knew. But it wasn’t
enough. With all the wonders that love could do, it still had its
immovable boundaries.

Love couldn’t return life to the
lifeless.

He reached
out to me, but no sooner than he did, he withdrew. His brow
tightened into a painful grimace. My heart ached to an unbearable
level. I would’ve been happy to remain there, just Simon and me,
simply existing in this fathomless, unworldly darkness for an
indefinite period.

But Simon had to go.

I didn’t
think I could endure it again. I searched his face for a little
latitude, but there was none. “Where… how?”

“
I’ll be
fine,” he replied. “I just need to know that you will be. Do what I
ask, promise me, Clauds.”

And in the
end, I had no other choice but to agree. For a short while, he
existed there, until he smiled for one last time. I watched him
slide away into the dismal shadows, return to the floral laden bed
and to his previous pose.

It all seemed surreal as he methodically
locked his two hands, one over the other and fixed them above his
heart. He fastened his gaze upon mine. “Always yours,” he mouthed
and before another second passed, he closed his eyes and became
rigid once more.

“
No
,” I yelled, but the word
remained stuck in my head. I tried to move but I seemed
incarcerated. Panic fed my determination, engineered my persistence
to keep crying out his name, to awaken him from this eternal
sleep.