Forsaking Gray (The Colloway Brothers Book 1) (11 page)

His jaw clenches. Anger clouds his mesmerizing hazel eyes. “Oh, no you don’t, Livvy. Don’t you fucking play games with me. The very
least
I deserve is an explanation for what you did to me. To
us
.”

“You’re right,” I whisper, barely audible. He does deserve that. I wish I could give it to him. I spin away, unable to look him in the eye as I try to push the bitter-tasting lie past my lips, the one that will deliver the final crushing blow, but he grabs my elbow, turning me back around to face his wrath.

“No. You don’t get to run away. You did that once already. I want you to look me in the eyes as you try to lie your way out of this one, Livvy. Because I know whatever’s about to come out of that pretty little mouth of yours is nothing but a pile of shit.”

I open my mouth and close it again, speechless. He pulls me into him, so our bodies meld together from knee to chest. One hand holds my arm, while his other snakes around my waist, holding on for dear life. His face is mere inches from mine, and his ragged breaths wash over me like a hot summer breeze.

Jesus, how I’ve missed him
.

His touch. His kiss. His love.

“You forget how well I know you, Livvy,” he murmurs. “I can see the wheels spinning behind those gorgeous eyes of yours, just trying to come up with something plausible to appease me. Something that won’t rip my fucking heart out of my chest and leave me bleeding out for a second time.”

I’m snared in his fiery gaze, unable to look away. Unable to deny his words or catch my breath. He leans in closer, running his nose erotically along my cheek. I inhale sharply.

His anger is justified.

His lust just confuses me.

“You ruined me, Livvy,” he croaks. The pain and agony I’ve caused him laces thickly through every syllable and I don’t have to see his face to know he speaks the truth. His confession guts me and tears spring into my eyes.
I’ve ruined myself too, Gray.

“I’m sorry,” I choke out. There are no words I can utter that will ever be good enough. No words that will erase the pain and suffering I’ve caused Gray. The truth would only cause him more pain. Even if he could forgive me,
I
don’t deserve
him
. Not anymore.

“Sorry’s not fucking good enough,” he bellows, releasing me like a hot coal, pacing to the other side of the large conference room. “I need to understand, Livvy. Jesus, I deserve to know why the woman I love more than the air I breathe deserted me less than twenty-four fucking hours after she agreed to be my wife!”

I try to hold it in. I try, but I can’t. He’s the one that’s suffered because of my actions. Well, we both have, but how dare I make this about me. I
know
what I did; he doesn’t. He just thinks I abandoned him.

The moisture in my eyes involuntarily spills over, streaking my makeup. Standing in the presence of the best thing to ever happen to me, and the man who apparently still loves me, I’ve never felt as alone in my entire life as I do at this moment. And the last five years have been some of the hardest and loneliest I think any human being could ever endure.

When I’m silent for too long, he barks, “Say something, Livvy. Say
anything
, for Christ’s sake.”

I shake my head. I won’t. I simply refuse to destroy the love of my life any more than I already have. I can’t lie. I can’t tell the truth. I don’t know what to do. I feel like an animal trapped in a corner with no way to escape. “I can’t.”

He pushes off the wall he’s been leaning against and in five long strides is standing in front of me. Grabbing my shoulders, he shakes me. Fury rolls off him in potent waves, but I know he won’t hurt me. “Can’t or won’t?” he demands through gritted teeth.

I hold his angry eyes with watery ones, pleading for him to understand. Silently begging him to simply accept my apology and move on with his life. Without me. “Both,” I answer, my voice involuntarily cracking under the burdensome weight of my own emotional anguish.

His hard eyes soften.
He knows
. He knows I’m hiding something big, life altering. The knowledge swirls as he gauges my reaction. And his next quietly spoken question undoes me completely. “What happened to you, angel?”

I can’t help what follows next. The tenuous emotional thread I’ve been balancing on for years finally breaks, and the one person I need to catch me when I fall does. I bury my face in his expensive, undoubtedly custom-made suit, and uncontrollably sob, clinging tightly to him like a child. Clinging like he’s a dream that will be ripped away from me any second.

Like it has so many times before.

I don’t deserve comfort from the man I destroyed, but he gives it. I don’t deserve his soft-spoken words of warmth, but he whispers them. I don’t deserve to be held in his arms again after the suffering I have put him through, but that doesn’t stop him from sitting and pulling me onto his lap, cocooning me in his strength.

After unknown minutes tick by and the worst of my meltdown passes, his finger slides under my chin, tipping it up so our eyes meet. His are full of torment, but I also see love and, God help me, forgiveness swirling in the mix. Mine are full of regret and brokenness and sorrow. I try to hide the multitude of other emotions bubbling to the surface. I guess I fail miserably.

“You still love me.”

My breath hitches. No truer words have ever been spoken.
I do
. I want to scream it until my throat is hoarse. I want to tell him I’ve never stopped. I want to make him understand I would never have
voluntarily
left him. To protect us both, I have to deny him, but my mouth refuses to form the words.

“I—”

I try to look away, but he grabs my chin firmly between his fingers and forces my eyes back to his.

“Convince me you don’t love me, Livvy and I’ll walk. You can run and this time, I won’t try to find you. But if I don’t believe the bullshit you’re about to try to shove down my throat, fair warning, angel. I will be relentless in my pursuit of you. Last time was
nothing
compared to the lengths I will go to in order to make you mine again.”

I can’t think straight. There were so many things said in those few sentences that have my head reeling. But the unspoken words I heard are the most profound.

I can’t wrap my head around how I could have hurt him so deeply, but still earn his forgiveness. Is he playing a sadistic game with my damaged heart and my fragile trust? Is he trying to lure me into thinking he can possibly absolve me for an unforgivable wrong and then crush me under his boot, like I did him? Would I blame him if he tried?

Sadly, no.

I was unable to keep the question rolling around on my tongue from spilling out. “How can you still want me after what I did to you?”

He grabs my face between his strong hands. His eyes shine with pure, unadulterated love and my stomach goes into a free-fall. “I’ve never stopped. And I’m a fool’s fool, because, God help me, I never will.” His hungry, lust-filled eyes flit between mine and my lips, which I unconsciously wet. My breathing is out of control. “Tell me you don’t love me, Livvy,” he rasps. His control is razor thin. One wrong word and it will slice him in half, mutilating him beyond repair.

I shake my head. I should be pushing him away, not drawing him in. I should tell him to run as far and as fast as he can, but I can’t force myself to do it. My love for him is too powerful. My willpower too weak. “I can’t,” I sob. Fresh tears balance precariously on my eyelashes.

His lips crash to mine and I let them. He takes and I silently beg him with my body to take more. I know I’m making the biggest mistake of my life because I can’t keep Gray. No matter whether he can forgive me or not, I can’t forgive myself. He will never be mine again. So I’ll take this one stolen moment I’ve been granted and I will revel in it. I will lose myself in it. And I will store it away as my last blissful memory of him, erasing the painful ones from the past few years.

If he wants my body, I’ll freely give it. He already has my heart. He always has and he always will. But what I can’t give him is the last piece of my soul, and I’m barely holding onto it. It pleads with me to be released into his soul-sucking kiss. He’s trying to take it, but I need to keep that buried deep within me in order to survive the agonizingly lonely, bleak days ahead of me without him.

Because this is the last time I’ll step foot in HMT Enterprises. And this is the last time I can let myself see or feel or touch Gray Colloway.

Chapter 14

Livvy’s lips taste exactly as I remember. Warm, sweet and uniquely her. She’s intoxicating. She’s breathing life back into my broken heart, and I want nothing more at this moment than to be buried balls deep in her sweet, slick pussy so I can finally feel whole again. She couldn’t lie to me. She couldn’t tell me that she didn’t love me because I know the truth. I knew it the moment we looked into each other’s eyes three weeks ago.

She still
does
.
Then why did she leave you?

I was lying when I told her I’d let her run. Now that I know she loves me, I’ll never let her leave me again.

No matter what.

Pain and darkness churn in her soul like witch’s brew, dulling her once bright eyes. I want to take it away. I want to tell her that absolutely
nothing
can make me stop loving her. Something happened, something she’s afraid to tell me, and I’m filled with regret that I gave up. I’m filled with self-loathing that I simply gave into the lies that were being fed to me. I failed her.

But right now I push all that to the back of my mind because, at this very moment, it’s irrelevant. Livvy’s here and she still loves me, which means she
will
be mine again.

And I aim to have a taste of what’s mine right fucking now.

I force myself to free her swollen lips from mine and lift her off my lap, setting her on the hard maple table. Smoky gazes locked on each other, I pull the blouse from her skirt and slowly draw it up over her head, waiting for her to protest. She doesn’t. I unhook her black lacy bra that cups her ample breasts like a fitted glove, letting it fall to the floor, expecting her to stop me. She won’t.

Neither of us speaks with our mouths, but we don’t have to. Everything that needs to be said flows between us, unspoken. We both want this with a desperation that’s almost burning out of control, belying the slow, reverent way I’m stripping her.

Physically.

Emotionally.

I break our connection and rake my gaze down every inch of her exposed skin. Her torso is bare and her skirt has ridden up almost to the top of her toned, snow-driven thighs. The darkness at the juncture of them calls my name. Chills rise on her flesh. Her berry-ripened nipples are as hard as erasers and my mouth waters for a taste, which I don’t deny myself.

She moans at the first flick of my tongue, her hands flying to my hair, pulling me closer.
Fuck, yes
. After only moments of teasing, I take her hardened nub in my mouth completely, sucking hard. I pluck the other between my thumb and forefinger.

“Gray,” she breathes. She remembers how hot we used to burn, just like I do.

Fuck, I’m as hard as a rock. I shouldn’t do this in my boardroom, but I’m unable to stop. The second my flesh touched hers I was a total goner.

I kiss and lave my way over to her other nipple because it’s begging for my attention too.
Jesus Christ, she tastes good
. No matter how many women I’ve been with, no one has, or ever will, compare to her. I’m like a starved man, unable to get enough. Unable to stop gorging. I have to be inside of her right now.

I reach behind to undo the zipper on her skirt when she stops me.

“Leave it,” she rasps.

I pull back to see what she’s really saying, knowing desperation is written all over my face. My cock pulses and my balls ache. “I need to fuck you, Livvy. Christ, I need to be inside of you right now.”
I need to make you mine again.

Without a word, Livvy hops off the table, reaches under her skirt and removes matching black lace panties. Holding my eyes, she turns toward the table, leans over and shimmies up the offending fabric.

Fuck. Me.
Her round, smooth ass is begging for my hand. Her glistening, bare dark pink lips are parted and my mouth hurts at the thought of tasting her.

“Sweet Jesus, angel,” I murmur, drawing a finger through her wetness, back to her puckered hole. I circle and tease, drawing a low moan from her now parted mouth.

“Fuck me, Gray.
Please
. I need you so much.” She sounds as frantic as I feel.

I want that too, but I’m not going to miss this opportunity to taste what’s mine either. I sit back in the chair. Rolling it close, I place her legs on either side of mine so they are now resting on the leather instead of the floor. I spread her silky thighs as far apart as they’ll go and lean in for my first lick.

And see fucking stars.