Forsaking Gray (The Colloway Brothers Book 1) (33 page)

I’ve asked Luke repeatedly how he met Livvy and he refuses to say. He only repeats his answer, “that’s her story to tell.” I’m growing very tired of being kept in the fucking dark. By everyone. I clearly see they share a secret between them, a secret that
I’m
not privy to, a secret I know is about these past few years. I want to tie him to that fucking chair he’s sitting in and torture him until he spills everything. Had I not come by Livvy’s apartment last night, or at all, would she have just moved on with my brother? Would she fall in love with him, if she wasn’t already, and marry him and live the life that
I
want with her…with him instead?

God, it makes me so sick, I can’t even think about it.

“I have to go,” I say, rising from the blue, pilled chair that I’ve been sitting on for the past two hours. Yes, it’s a cowardly move and one I know I’ll regret making, but right now I just need time to think. And I can see that Livvy clearly trusts Luke, although if she knew everything about him, she wouldn’t. Hell, maybe she already does and that’s the kind of man she wants. My head is so jumbled and confused right now, I don’t know which way is up and if I stay, I’ll just end up spewing more hateful words that I’ll never be able to take back.

Luke just shakes his head in disappointment. I ignore him. The last person I need condemnation from is my mobster brother. His statement stalls me for only a moment. “You’re making a mistake. She loves you, Gray.”

“You are unworthy of her,” I snarl, willing my feet forward. I heard his soft words, but they don’t register until long after I’m gone.

“At least you and I agree on something, brother.”

Chapter 46

Grant peeks his head in as I’m pulling on my jacket. Addy brought me fresh clothes a little while ago when she heard they were cutting me loose. When he told me Gray had somewhere to be and had left without saying goodbye, I broke down and cried again. He held me and let me weep. That was an hour ago.

“Hi,” he said, trying his hardest to be cheerful.

“Hi,” I replied, trying my hardest to reciprocate. He smiles at my pathetic attempt, making me laugh.

Taking a seat beside me on the small loveseat, he pulls me close. “How are you feeling?”

I turn to him. “That’s a loaded question.” His smile is sad and I look away. “Physically, I’m doing much better. Whatever concoction they gave me seemed to work.” I’d not said a word to Grant about the baby, he just thinks I have some sort of super flu bug.

But Addy knows. It was hard to keep that secret when I handed her the scripts I was given to fill, one being prenatal vitamins. She just hugged me, not saying a word. I could see the dozen questions she was thinking, but wouldn’t ask.

Does he know?

Are you getting back together?

What will you do?

They were questions mirrored by me. None of which I had the answers to. We had a whole silent conversation in the span of thirty seconds and then, like a good friend, she left without speaking one judgmental word, even if she was thinking them.

“Did you know? About Gray?” I turn to look at him when he’s silent for too long.

“Not until I had you followed. I didn’t know all those years ago. I swear.”

I nod, silent for a few moments as I mull his answer. “You should have told me.”

“I know,” he replies softly. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t know how.”

I sigh deeply. “Well, those who live in glass houses and all, right?” I’d been thinking about this for the last three hours. Who am
I
to judge
him
for keeping secrets when I’ve done the same exact thing to Gray. And apparently he’s been doing the exact same thing with me. Oh, what a tangled web.

“Should I call you Grant or Luke?”

“I go by Luke now, but you can call me whatever you want, babe.”

“You look like a Luke,” I say after a few beats.

He twines our hands together and we sit in silence for several minutes, waiting for Addy to return so we can leave. “Tell me what happened with Gray. How he even found out? I thought I’d done a pretty damn good job of burying that so no one could ever find it.”

I lean my shoulder into him, throwing him off balance. “Me too.” I stand, not able to sit any longer. “He hired a private investigator. Townley Consulting. If you can believe it, I found out when I had to pay an invoice that came in last week. He told me he trusted me, that he’d wait for me to be ready to tell him, but we got into a fight about it last Saturday night on the phone and he hung up angry. Then, starting on Sunday, he wouldn’t return my calls or texts and I didn’t see or hear from him again until I woke to a WWE wrestling match in my living room yesterday.”

This is one of the things I loved most about Grant…Luke. He owned everything he did. He didn’t look sheepish or apologetic about my dig. Instead, his face lit up with a brilliant smile. “I was defending your honor. He was saying some pretty nasty shit.”

“I’m sure he was,” I mumble.

Addy walks in, cutting our conversation short, which is probably a good thing. I don’t want to know everything that Gray said. It would only hurt worse.

Chapter 47

Three days later I still haven’t heard from Gray, and with each day that passes, my anger grows and my sadness deepens. Luke, I’d finally gotten used to calling him that, is with me almost constantly, even though I’d told him repeatedly I would be fine alone. And because he is around constantly, he is starting to get suspicious that I no longer had the flu.

While the B6 that I took daily and ginger powder that I put on everything helped, they didn’t eliminate the morning sickness. I only vomited once or twice a day now. But my stomach is still pretty queasy and I didn’t have much of an appetite.

“You should go see him. Gray is a stubborn asshole,” Luke said. We are watching a movie on Lifetime. Luke’s been complaining about it the whole time. He’d do anything to get out of it.

“I know.” We’ve had this discussion several times already, but I think Gray’s absence is pretty telling. He’s trying to move on, get over me.
But he came here the other night to talk, Livia, so that must mean something
.
And you’re carrying his baby. He deserves to know.

He grabs the remote, shutting off the TV. “Hey, they were just getting to the good part,” I whine.

“Let me tell you how it ends, babe. Man wrongs woman. Woman retaliates. Woman victorious. It’s how all these fucking movies end.”

“Wow, cynical much? And how would you know how Lifetime movies end?” I tease.

“It’s television for women. How else do you think they end?” I laugh as he stands in front of me, holding out his hand. “Now, no time like the present.”

My smile falls. “But it’s after nine.”

His brows arch and his hand wiggles, urging me to take it, not buying my bullshit excuses. “He needs to know, Livia.” His voice is soft and coaxing, but firm. Yep, he knows and he’s not going to let me put this off any longer. “I’ll take you.”

I put my hand in his and less than thirty minutes later, we’re idling in front of Gray’s building. I’ve had to practice my deep breathing most of the way here because now the nausea is all due to my nerves, instead of the baby.

“You okay?” He reaches over squeezing my hand.

“Yes. No. I’m nervous.” My right leg is bouncing so fast, the entire car is shaking.

“I know, baby.”

“Will you wait for me?” I don’t even know if Gray is home, let alone if he’ll see me.

“Until you tell me to go.”

I let go of his hand and open the car door. With each shaky step I take toward the building, and Gray’s apartment, my stomach churns faster. I feel sicker. My legs are like liquid, almost unable to hold my slight weight. When I reach the lobby, I wave to Sam and head to the elevator. I finger the card key Gray gave me with trembling hands, barely able to insert it into the thin slot.

The elevator ride goes all too fast, and then I’m standing in front of his door. It takes several minutes to get the courage to knock, but I finally do. After only seconds the door opens, and I realize that I should have called first.

Because it’s not Gray that answers the door, but a tall, beautiful blonde. The same woman I saw hanging from his arm like an ornament at the fundraiser. That day seems so long ago now. And not only is it bad enough that she’s answering his door, what makes it worse is what she’s wearing. Or what she’s
not
.

“Can I help you?” she asks sweetly, acting like she belongs there.

I stand mute, blinking rapidly like a fool. I can’t take my eyes away from the fair expanse of her legs peeking out from underneath the bottom of the mint green button down of Gray’s that she’s wearing. And when my eyes travel up, it’s clear she’s not wearing a bra, her cleavage peeking out from just the three buttons she’s managed to thread.

Finally, saying nothing, I turn and call for the elevator. Luckily for me, it hasn’t been called down yet and the doors open immediately. I step in and don’t turn around, unwilling to see if Gray’s joined her in witnessing my shame.

When the doors close, I fall to my knees and vomit. Then I curl into a ball and commence nuclear meltdown. I don’t know how long I lay there. I don’t remember anything, except that suddenly I was being lifted by a pair of strong arms and cradled to a male chest.

Luke has always been there for me whenever I’ve needed him. Every single time without fail. Looks like maybe he’s the only man I can count on now, because Gray has clearly left me standing alone in his rear view mirror.

Chapter 48

I lay quietly in the dark, listening to the sound of my bathroom faucet dripping. The steady rhythm is soothing and should lull me to sleep. It doesn’t. I’m mentally exhausted, but can’t seem to fall into that black nothingness that I crave so much. Every time I close my eyes, I see
her
. Images of Gray kissing her slender neck or slowly unbuttoning his shirt and removing it from her perfect body or the sounds he’ll make when she goes down on him. They haunt me. They’d obviously been very busy tonight. She looked like a woman who’d been well attended to when she answered the door, and I have first-hand knowledge of the sort of attentive lover Gray is.

Luke’s warm body spoons mine and for once, I don’t want him here, but he refused to leave. I think he knew if he did that I’d truly be lost. He may be right. I’m having a very difficult time not letting myself be pulled down by this massive undertow that’s sucked me firmly in its grasp. It’s one thing to know that I’ve lost Gray, it’s quite another to know he’s with someone else less than two weeks after we’re apparently through. How is it possible for your heart to still beat when it feels like it’s broken and bleeding out? I never understood that cruel trick the universe played.

As much as I want to succumb to this despair, I have to stay strong. For the baby. Even if Gray doesn’t want me, this baby needs me, so I can’t let myself fall into that dark place that’s whispering so seductively for me to join. It’s enticing, but I need to resist. I know sooner or later I’ll have to face Gray and tell him about the pregnancy, because I have to believe that he’ll want to be a part of his baby’s life, even if he doesn’t want to be part of mine. And I would never keep Gray from his child.