Found (14 page)

And how could Lauren see it any
differently?

Slk must have been lying for his own
benefit,
Xairn told himself as he pushed open the door to
reveal a small but well appointed guest suite.
But what does he
stand to gain? And why didn’t Lauren contradict him?

He cast a sidelong glance at her as they
entered the room but she was looking elsewhere, her arms crossed
protectively over her breasts. Xairn sensed that she was upset
about something but he had no idea what. Perhaps she, too, was
distressed by the things Slk had said but was too polite to say it
aloud.

That must be it. She doesn’t want to cause
me undue emotional pain by contradicting Slk which is why she
chooses to remain silent.

Xairn felt marginally better at this
explanation. It was like Lauren’s kind and gentle nature to refrain
from hurting his feelings, though it still seemed strange to him.
All his life, he’d been raised in an atmosphere specifically
designed to cause pain—whether physical or emotional. The AllFather
had fed from his pain and he was an expert at causing the maximum
amount of damage. To be with someone who wanted to
avoid
hurting him was a new experience.

It made Xairn glad that she didn’t desire him
as he desired her. If she had, he would have had to worry about
hurting her—something he would rather die than do. No, it was far
better that he leave her alone and admire her from afar. She was
too beautiful, too good and pure for one such as him.

But if he was only meant to admire her from
afar, why did his body still tingle where she had pressed against
him? Why could he still smell the scent of her hair and feel the
warmth of her in his arms?

Xairn pushed the enticing but dangerous
thoughts away. Looking around the small room, he saw only one
sleeping platform but there was also a couch at the foot of it.
Good, so he could take the couch and leave Lauren the platform. It
wouldn’t do to be too close to her in the night. Especially
considering how his body reacted to hers. And in the morning, they
would leave this place and he would take her back through the
wormhole to her own planet. The AllFather would never again be able
to find her—he certainly wouldn’t be looking for a human female
with Scourge DNA. And if—

“I have something to say.”

Lauren’s voice interrupted his thoughts.
Xairn turned to see her glaring at him.

“What is it? And why do you look so
angry?”

“Why do I look angry? How can you ask me
that?” she demanded. “Why do you
think
I’m angry?”

“I have no idea,” he said, honestly
mystified. “Are you concerned about the effects my DNA might have
on you?”

“No, nothing like that.” She sighed. “You’re
really going to make me spell it out?”

Xairn raised an eyebrow at her. “If you would
prefer to speak each individual letter rather than—”

“That’s not what I meant—stop being so
literal.” She sounded exasperated. “Look, what I’m trying to say
is, why did you make such a big deal to Slk about us not being
‘carnally involved?’”

He frowned. “Because we’re not.”

“Yes, but you acted like the whole idea of
being with me was repellant to you.”

Xairn shook his head. “Not repellant.
Impossible.”

“Why?” she demanded. “Look, Xairn…” She came
closer to him and put one slim hand on his arm. “Maybe I shouldn’t
say this but we’ve been through hell together and I care about
you—a lot. And, well, I thought that maybe you cared for me too. At
least a little.”

Her big, amber eyes were filled with hope—an
emotion almost unknown to Xairn. He had been raised without hope or
love or tenderness aboard the Fathership. So how could he show them
to another? His shaft throbbed at the soft touch of her hand and he
moved away.

“I
do
care about you, Lauren,” he
admitted in a low voice. “That’s the main reason we cannot become
sexually involved.”

She bit her lip. “Are you saying you don’t
want me?”

“No!” Xairn ran a hand over his hair and took
a deep breath. “I
do
want you. Much more than I should. But
I don’t want to hurt you. My Scourge nature—”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “So you’re
really going to use that as an excuse? Your nature? Your race?”

He frowned. “It’s no excuse. It is the
truth.”

“Well, I’m not buying it.” Lauren came
forward and poked him in the chest with one finger. “I think you’re
scared—scared of any kind of relationship, sexual or otherwise.”
She sighed. “Look, Xairn, I’m not normally a pushy
person—especially about things like this. But, well, I
like
you. A lot. And if you like me too and we finally got away from
your father, well, what’s to stop us from taking things to the next
level?”

“What exactly do you mean by the ‘next
level?’” he asked warily.

Lauren smiled. “You could start by kissing
me.”

“Kissing?”

“You know—you put your mouth on mine? I gave
you a kiss before, don’t you remember?”

Xairn eyed her lush mouth longingly. He well
remembered the soft touch of her lips against his own—it had been
just after he promised to keep her safe from his father and take
her home. She’d been happy and had pressed her lips to his in a
display of spontaneous joy and affection. The gesture had deeply
affected him but he understood instinctively that it would be a bad
idea to repeat it. It was too intimate…too dangerous.

“You say that I’m scared?” he said, looking
at Lauren. “Well it’s true—I
am.
Because I don’t want to
harm you. To do the things I’ve seen done. The things…” He cleared
his throat and looked away. “The things I’ve seen my father do to
females.”

“You’re not your father, Xairn.” Lauren’s
voice was gentle as she reached up to cup his cheek. “You’re
nothing like him. Or any of those other Scourge for that
matter.”

“You’re wrong!” Xairn pulled away before her
touch could start an avalanche of desire that would bury his
reason. “I
am
like them,” he said fiercely. “Their
actions—their desires—they are my birthright. I have denied my
father and forsworn my race but how can I escape something written
in my very blood?”

Lauren frowned. “And these desires you’re
talking about…they’re really
that
bad?”

Something close to despair welled up in his
chest. He wanted nothing more than to crush her to him, to press
his lips to hers until she was burned into his senses forever. And
though he could scarcely believe it, that was apparently what
Lauren wanted too.
But I can’t. I must not give in to this
emotion, this desire for her.

“Fine,” he said heavily. “You wish to know
about Scourge sexual practices? I’ll tell you.” Pacing over to the
sleeping platform, he sat on the side, his shoulders slumped.
“Females are nonexistent among my kind but even before they became
extinct, they were incredibly rare. So they were kept caged from
childhood until they were ripe for breeding.”

Lauren swallowed with an audible click.
“Caged like…like animals?”

“Exactly.” He nodded shortly. “By the time a
female was ready to be bred, there were usually multiple males
vying for her.”

Lauren frowned. “So what—she had to pick
one?”

Xairn shook his head. “If only it were that
simple. But the female in question never had a say in the
matter—the males would decide it among themselves.”

“How?”

“A fight to the death. Sometimes as many as a
thousand males would enter the battle but only one would emerge
victorious to claim the female.” Xairn closed his eyes for a
moment. Gods, she would think he was a monster when he was finished
telling her the practices of his people. But if it was the only way
to keep her out of danger he had no choice. “Then the winner would
take her home and put the marks of possession on her,” he said.

“Marks…marks of possession?” Her voice was
soft and uncertain. “What are those?”

“The Kindred are content to scent mark their
females,” Xairn said in a low voice. “But there are other, darker
marks of ownership the Scourge place on their females. Those are
the marks of possession.”

“But what exactly
are
they?” Lauren
still looked more interested than frightened which wasn’t good as
far as Xairn was concerned.

Determined to drive his point home, he
grabbed her roughly by the upper arms and pulled her closer, so
that she was standing between his thighs, facing him. Her sweet
scent drew him like a drug but he forced himself to ignore her
effect on him.

“First, a collar.” He placed his hand on her
neck, his long fingers spanning her slender throat easily. Lauren’s
eyes widened and he could feel her entire body trembling but to her
credit, she didn’t pull away. “Then a brand,” Xairn continued.
“Here or here.” He touched the inner curve of her hip and the upper
slope of her ass. “After that—”

“Wait—there’s more?” Lauren looked at him in
disbelief.

Xairn nodded. “After that,” he continued,
“She was pierced.”

“Pierced?” Her voice trembled. “Where? I’m
guessing you don’t mean her ears.”

“Here.” Though the garment she was wearing
was oversized, Xairn could still see the ripe points of her nipples
pressing against the silvery fabric. He brushed his fingertips over
them lightly, drawing a gasp from Lauren. “And here,” he murmured
harshly, letting his hand drift down to brush the tender V of her
sex.

Lauren gasped again and jumped back.
“You…you’re kidding me.”

“I wish that I was.” Xairn sighed and ran a
hand over his hair. “But all that was simply a prelude to the
torture that was to come.”

“A prelude? Being caged, branded and pierced
was a
prelude?”
Lauren shook her head. “What could possibly
be worse?”

“Bonding sex.” Xairn rose and began to pace
the room. It wasn’t very large so there wasn’t much room to pace
but he felt like he had to move or he would go mad.

“What is that, exactly?” she asked.

“A mark that never fades—one that causes a
permanent mental and emotional connection.” Xairn stopped and
looked at her. “Do you want to know how it’s done by my
people?”

“I…I don’t—”

“Fine. I’ll tell you.” He began pacing again.
“The male would chain his newly won female to the bed. Arms and
legs wide, for easier access. After various inventive sexual
tortures, he would straddle her and force her to suck his primary
shaft.”

“Wait—hold on. His
primary
shaft?”
Lauren frowned. “How many, uh, shafts does a Scourge have?”

Xairn raised an eyebrow. “Don’t human males
have more than one shaft?”

“One is usually enough,” she said dryly. “Are
you saying you have
more
than one?”

“We have two. The secondary, which can be
used for non-bonding sexual activity and the primary which is only
for bonding sex.”

Her eyes widened. “What, like side by side
or—?”

“The primary shaft sits above the secondary,”
Xairn explained. “Unless it’s properly stimulated, it remains small
and inactive.”

“So what…” She coughed. “What happens during,
uh, bonding sex then?”

“With both shafts engorged, a Scourge male is
able to fill his female completely—both front and back.” Xairn gave
her a level look. “I trust you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I get it.” Lauren nodded and he
thought that her normally warm brown skin looked pale. “So she’s
tied to the bed and he—?”

“Fucks her,” Xairn said roughly. “Bonds her.
He’s not gentle either. It takes a long,
long
time. And when
he’s finished, if his female isn’t dead of blood loss or shock, she
is his to do with as he pleases for the rest of her life.” He took
a deep breath and looked her in the eyes. “Do you see now why I
didn’t want to tell you? Why it isn’t a good thing that I have
emotions for you?”

“God.” Lauren let out a shaky breath and sank
down on the bed. “And you…” She looked up at Xairn. “Are you saying
you’d want to…to do all those things to
me?”

Xairn squeezed his eyes closed for a moment.
Gods, how he hated himself at this moment! Himself and his whole
twisted race. “Would I take pleasure in hurting you?” he said at
last, looking at her. “Is that what you’re asking?”

Slowly, she nodded.

“I told you that I have no desire to cause
you pain,” he said, coming to stand before her. Reaching down, he
grasped her by her shoulders and pulled her to her feet. She was so
fragile in his hands—like a flower that could be snapped in two
with one careless move. “But I have the same desire—the same
need—
to posses that all my people do,” he told her. “The
need to claim—to mark—to
own.
I can never get away from it,
Lauren. It’s in my blood.”

She looked up at him, her amber eyes wide
with uncertainty and fear. “I get it. And if you’re trying to scare
me, then congratulations—you’ve succeeded.”

“Good.” Xairn let her go abruptly and crossed
to the other side of the room, putting some distance between them.
He reached for the door.

“Wait—where are you going?” Lauren
protested.

“Out.” Xairn threw her a glance over his
shoulder. “These are close quarters. I need some air.”

“But…how long will you be gone? You’re not
going to leave me here alone in this weird place, are you?” The
pleading tone of her voice gripped Xairn’s heart like a fist.

“Of course not,” he said roughly. “I’m not
leaving the alteration house. And I swear I’ll be back later
tonight. You can have the sleeping platform—I will take the couch.”
His hand was on the knob but her soft voice called him back.

“Xairn,” she said. “Please, I’m sorry you
felt like you had to tell me all that but I still don’t believe
you’re like…like—”

“Like the rest of my people?” he demanded.
“But I am, Lauren. I told you because I needed you to see why
nothing can ever happen between us. Why I can’t trust myself with
you.”