Found (38 page)

He found the animal not far from the place
they’d had lunch. He couldn’t remember the name of the restaurant
but it didn’t matter anyway. There was a large, green metal trash
receptacle around back of the building and the black dog was
crouched behind it.

Xairn knelt on the grimy pavement, oblivious
to the dirt staining the knees of his trousers and the rank odors
assaulting his nose. The female dog was crouched in a ball, wedged
as far back as she could go behind the trash receptacle. She was
curled up around something he couldn’t see and panting harshly, as
though in pain. Every time she shifted the high, painful cry he had
followed was drawn from her.

“Here girl. It’s all right, I won’t hurt
you,” Xairn murmured in a low, coaxing voice. Kneeling lower, he
reached for her, trying to draw her out from behind the dirty bin.
The dog snapped at him weakly and gave a warning growl. Clearly she
didn’t trust him and Xairn didn’t blame her. She was obviously
wounded—probably she’d been struck by a passing vehicle—and he was
a stranger.

He supposed he could shift the trash
receptacle—it looked quite large and heavy but he was much stronger
than a human. It would be the work of a moment to get it out of the
way. But she was injured and it would be cruel to make her run from
her position of safety. Still, he couldn’t just leave her to
die—could he?

That’s exactly what I should do,
he
thought darkly, sitting back on his haunches as he stared at the
wounded dog.
What am I doing, trying to save an injured animal
when I ought to be on my way out of here, away from Lauren
forever?

Suddenly the dog let out another cry—a long,
liquid howl of pain that made the hairs on the back of his neck
stand up. Forgetting his resolve to leave, Xairn put his shoulder
to the far side of the green receptacle and pushed. He was careful
not to move too quickly—he didn’t want the wounded canine to feel
cornered, he just needed a little more room to get to her.

But he needn’t have worried about the dog
trying to run. As he exposed her hiding place she gave one last
painful whimper and went still. Xairn reached for her anyway but
her still-warm body was limp under his hand. He was too late—she
was dead.

He sat back again, surprised at the rush of
emotion that overcame him. The moment when Sanja had died came back
with a painful clarity that took his breath away. The way the light
in her beautiful brown eyes had been extinguished, the dead weight
of her body in his arms as she obeyed his final command…it was all
so fresh and painful. Again he felt his eye stinging, though no
tears came. He had none left. Not after that horrible day.

Well, there was nothing more he could do
here. He was about to stand up and leave the filthy place when a
new movement caught his eye. Was the dog still alive after all?
Crouching down, he watched as a small bundle of black fur detached
itself from the animal’s side and struggled out onto the
pavement.

A tiny black puppy no bigger than the palm of
his hand came into view, and Xairn understood. This was the reason
the female had snapped at him and also why she’d been curled into a
protective ball. She’d been shielding her young, trying to protect
her little one from what she perceived as a threat. She had died
trying to keep her baby safe—protecting it to the last.

The puppy fell over then staggered to its
feet unsteadily. Its eyes were open but it still looked very young
to Xairn. It turned and nudged the limp body of its mother, crying
pitifully. When the black dog didn’t move, the puppy pawed at it
anxiously. The helpless, hopeless gesture seemed to do something to
Xairn’s heart.

“She’s gone, little one,” he said roughly.
“Gone where you cannot follow. I’m sorry I couldn’t help her.”

The puppy turned to the sound of his voice
and wobbled over to him unsteadily. Xairn started to put out a hand
to it…and then withdrew. What business did he have with such a
tiny, weak thing? He was Scourge through and through—he had proved
it himself this afternoon with Lauren. His urges pushed him towards
violence, not compassion. Inside his head he seemed to hear the
voice of his father hissing,
“Only the ssstrong deserve to
sssurvive.”
He should go now and leave the tiny thing to its
fate—that was the Scourge way, was it not?

Then the puppy nudged his knee with its nose
and gave a small
yip.
When Xairn looked down, he saw it
staring up at him hopefully with big brown eyes just like Sanja’s.
It pawed at him gently and
yipped
again as if to say,
“Well? Aren’t you going to pick me up?”

Somewhere inside his heart a knot that had
been tightening suddenly loosened. Reaching down, he scooped up the
puppy and held it to his chest.

“It’s all right, little one,” he murmured
into the silky black fur as the puppy reached up to nuzzle against
his neck. “Your mother is gone but I’ll take care of you.”

Lauren looked up the moment the door to her
condo opened. Xairn was standing there with a haggard look on his
face and something cradled in his arms.

“It was my fault,” she said, jumping up and
running over to him. “All mine. I shouldn’t have pushed you that
way, shouldn’t have tempted you. I’m so sorry—”

He took a step backward, his eyes widening
with surprise. “You’re not angry with me?”

“No, if anything I’m angry with myself.”
Lauren put a hand to her head. “You asked me not to push you but I
did it anyway. I’m so sorry, Xairn I just wanted…just wanted to be
close to you. But I didn’t mean to make you, uh, lose control.”

“The fault was not yours.” He shook his head,
frowning. “It was all mine. I can’t control my Scourge nature, my
urges are too dominant even with the human DNA I got from you. I…I
came to tell you that, Lauren. That I can’t trust myself with you
so I need to go.”

“No, don’t go!” she exclaimed, grabbing his
arm. The thing he was holding, which had looked at first like a
scrap of black fabric in the dim light, shook itself and made a
sleepy, inquiring sound. “What’s that?” Lauren asked, almost
surprised enough to forget her anxiety.

“A puppy.” He sighed. “I know I’m no good for
it—any more than I am for you. But its mother—the black dog you fed
at lunch—died after being struck by a car. I’m sorry but I had to
take it. I…was unable to leave it behind.”

“Of course you couldn’t leave it!” Lauren
tried to take the puppy from his arms but it growled and snapped at
her finger with tiny white milk teeth. Then it nuzzled closer to
Xairn and leaned up to lick at his cheek. “Oh my.” She laughed.
“Looks like this is a one person puppy and I’m not the one. He’s
bonded with you already, Xairn.”

“It’s a she,” he said wearily, sitting down
on the couch as he cradled the puppy in his arms. “And she
does
appear to have poor taste in masters.”

“No, she doesn’t.” Laurens sat beside him,
careful not to touch, and looked earnestly into his eyes. “Please
don’t go, Xairn. We can work through this—I know it.”

“How can I work through what I almost did to
you?” he demanded. “I had you pinned to the table, Lauren. I was
about to
rape
you—do you understand that?”

Lauren felt a rush of heat go through her at
the memory of being pinned and helpless beneath his big body but
she pushed it away. Surely what had almost happened between them
shouldn’t turn her on, so she refused to think about it.

“No you didn’t,” she said, shaking his head.
“You never would have done that—you stopped yourself just in time.
And anyway,” She felt her cheeks grow hot and she had to look down
at her hands. “It…it wouldn’t have been rape. Just, uh, really
rough sex.”

“You weren’t ready for me. You were
frightened.” He looked at her. “Don’t try to deny it, Lauren. I
heard it in your thoughts.”

“You…you did?” She put a hand to her throat.
“But how…?”

“I don’t know. Just as I don’t know how I was
able to make that stupid male you used to employ stop in his tracks
and come back to me when he was intent on running away this
afternoon.”

“You made Lorenzo do that?” Lauren whispered.
“I thought he just didn’t want to lose face. That he came back to
prove he wasn’t afraid of you.”

“He was afraid all right,” Xairn said grimly.
“I could feel the fear coming off him in waves. But he
had
to obey my spoken command—he had no choice.”

Lauren shook her head. “But how? Why? I don’t
understand. The only other person I know of who can do that is—”
She stopped abruptly but Xairn finished for her.

“My father,” he said grimly. “I appear to be
growing more like him every day. Just as my dominant urges are
growing stronger and stronger every day.” He ran a hand over him
face wearily. “I’m changing, Lauren, and not for the better. Which
is why I need to leave now, before I hurt you. Before I do
something we’ll both regret forever.”

“You’re not going to do that,” she insisted,
trying to keep her voice firm, trying to make herself believe. “And
besides, you can’t leave—not now.”

“Oh?” he raised an eyebrow at her. “And why
not?”

“Two reasons.” Lauren ticked them off on her
fingers. “First, a local girl was taken not far from here. I saw it
on the news tonight.”

Xairn frowned. “I’d forgotten about that but
I saw it too, this morning. She looked—”

“An awful lot like me,” Lauren finished for
him. “Xairn, what if your father is still searching for me? What if
he thought that girl was me?”

He shook his head. “That thought crossed my
mind as well but there’s no way he can find you—your DNA has been
altered.”

“But what if he’s looking?” she insisted.
“Please, Xairn—you can’t leave me with this fear hanging over my
head. Who else can protect me? Who else will even
believe
me
when I tell them what’s going on?”

She looked up at him hopefully. She hated to
play the ‘please protect me, I’m a helpless girl’ card but there
didn’t seem to be much choice if she wanted to keep him. And God,
how she wanted to. She couldn’t let him go—just
couldn’t
.

Xairn sighed deeply. “You’re right. I can’t
leave while you may be in danger.”

Lauren felt the knot of anxiety which had
been building since he first ran out of the Sweet Spot loosen in
her chest. “Thank you,” she said in a trembling voice. “Thank you
for giving us another chance. And I swear we can work this
out.”

“No.” Xairn shook his head. “That’s not going
to happen. I’ll stay here with you and protect you on one
condition—no more physical contact between us. At all.”

“None?” Lauren felt like someone had pulled
the rug out from under her. “Seriously, not even casual
touching?”

“Casual non-sexual touching doesn’t work for
me.” Xairn looked away from her. “I can’t help myself, Lauren. If I
touch you—in
any
way—I want you. And, as I think I proved to
both of us this afternoon, I can’t be gentle in my desires.” He
shook his head. “If I can’t touch you gently then I don’t want to
touch you at all. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” Lauren’s heart felt like a brick which
had sunk to the bottom of a muddy pond.
Well, at least he’s
staying,
she reminded herself.
And as long as he’s here with
me, there’s still hope. Hope I can change his mind. Hope we can
work through this and still be together.
“I love you, Xairn,”
she said, looking into his eyes earnestly. “If this is what it
takes for you to stay with me, I’ll agree. I can’t promise to never
touch you again but I’ll try not to, uh, provoke you the way I did
this afternoon.”

A look of mingled relief and regret filled
his ocean-colored eyes. “Thank you. And thank you for not…not
hating me. As I hate myself.”

“You shouldn’t,” Lauren said softly. She
wanted to hug him, to take away the pain she saw in his face. But
that was forbidden now, so she contented herself with looking into
his eyes. “I could never hate you, baby. And you need to be a
little easier on yourself. You can’t change what you’ve always been
overnight.”

“I’m afraid I’ll
never
be able to
change,” he said darkly. “Though the Gods know I would if I could.”
He sighed and shook his head. “You told me there were two reasons I
couldn’t go. What is the second?”

Lauren smiled at him. “Because you can’t
housebreak a puppy in space.” She pointed at the furry bundle in
his arms. “Look, she’s proving my point right now.”

“What? Oh!” he exclaimed, looking down at the
spreading wet spot on the front of his shirt. He looked up at
Lauren ruefully. “I guess you’re right.”

“I
know
I’m right.” She nodded. “Come
on, let’s get you cleaned up and then we’ll see if there’s a
Petsmart still open. We need to get some food and a flea collar if
this little girl is going to stay.” She looked more closely at the
puppy which was still snuggled comfortably in his arms, apparently
unaware that she’d just wet all over the one who had saved her.
“What are you going to name her, anyway?”

“Little One.” For a moment Xairn’s face lost
its look of misery and he almost smiled. “Her name is Little
One.”

“You’re sure about this?” Sophia looked at
her uncertainly but Nadiah nodded her head firmly.

“This is the only way. I need to see the
dream through to its conclusion or that stupid Detective Rast will
never believe me.”

“I just hate to leave you to have, well,
nightmares.”
Sophia twisted her fingers together in obvious
agitation. “It seems wrong to leave you alone when I hear you
screaming.”

“I’m sorry.” Nadiah laid a hand on her arm.
“If it bothers you I can get a guest suite tomorrow. But I feel
really strongly that this is what I need to do.”