Four Doors Down (2 page)

Stupid, stupid, Ryan. Always there to annoy me.
Ryan and I have known each other since we were babies. We were inseparable when we were children, our moms were always together so we were always together. We used to play soccer together, go to parties together, and do homework together. To be honest, we were pretty cliquey, never really bothering with anyone else. It was just Ryan and me. I mean, we were friends with Jake too and hung around with him at school, but it was Ryan who was my best friend and I was his.

Then we started middle school and at first, everything was great. We walked to school together every morning, spent all our breaks and lunches with one another and walked home side by side at night. But we weren’t in the same homerooms, and when Ryan made the basketball and football teams, I started noticing that a lot of his friends from the teams would all of a sudden be eating lunch with us and some of their friends from their grade schools. Suddenly, it wasn’t just Ryan and me anymore. Other girls would be around too, girls that weren’t like me. Girls that were interested in boys and wore makeup to school (I mean come on, we were twelve!). Anyway, I got the impression that Ryan’s new friends, especially the girls, didn’t really like me. I soon realized that our table was the popular table at school and these kids were the most popular kids in our grade. Somehow, Ryan had become their ringleader. I told myself I was just being stupid, but things were definitely changing, and even when Jake was there and laughing and joking with everyone, I still didn’t feel comfortable.

Then one Monday I left my house to walk to school and just had a feeling something was off. I hadn’t seen Ryan all weekend, which was the first time that had happened in a long time. I was surprised when I got to his house and he wasn’t there waiting for me as usual. I stood there for maybe ten minutes before knocking on his door, and his mom told me that he’d already left and she didn’t know why he hadn’t waited for me. I could tell Mrs. Jackson felt sorry for me and was trying to make me feel better by saying that Ryan probably thought I’d gone ahead, but I knew he just decided to go without me that day.

I didn’t see him all morning and I got to lunch late. I stood in line with the rest of the kids and when I turned to find Ryan and our table, I saw that it was already full. I almost just went and sat down somewhere else, and I really wish that I had, but I told myself I was being stupid. Ryan was my best friend and we’d always eaten lunch together, so I walked over to his (our?) table. The table fell quiet when I got there, only Jake smiled at me and started looking around to grab an extra chair. The rest of the table were all looking at Ryan with small smiles on their faces. Ryan looked slightly flushed, but when I placed my tray on the table, he looked me straight in the eye. “Maybe you should go and sit somewhere else today, Rebecca.” Yeah, he actually used my full name, like he didn’t know me at all. “And from now on,” he had continued.

I remember going bright red and feeling humiliated with tears welling in my eyes. I remember how the cafeteria suddenly seemed really quiet and realized that most people had probably heard what he said to me. Now that Ryan was so popular, I guess what he did was newsworthy. I remember Jake’s head snapping to Ryan in shock.

I just nodded as my mouth started trembling. I quickly walked across the cafeteria and sat at an empty table in the corner. I could feel people looking at me, but I refused to look up. I knew if I did, the tears would start to fall. A tray was put down across from me and I glanced up to see that Jake had come to sit with me, shaking his head in annoyance like he couldn’t believe what had happened. We just sat there in silence, but I’ll always remember how Jake stood by me that day and didn’t let me sit there on my own, being whispered about and gawked at. I’m pretty certain that day is one of the main reasons I now hate being the center of attention.

I managed to stay there for about twenty minutes before excusing myself to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall and broke down in tears. I didn’t understand it. Ryan was my best friend, and when you’re that age, your best friend means everything to you, and now he didn’t want to know me and had humiliated me in front of everyone.

The next day when I got to lunch, I sat at the same empty table, and this time, almost immediately a girl called Sam who was in a few of my classes sat with me. She didn’t mention anything about the day before, although she must have known about it, she just started talking about her favorite ice cream and I knew everything was going to be all right. Jake sat with me that whole week too, but I told him I was fine and he could go back to sitting with his friends. I knew he was mad at Ryan for the way he’d treated me, but he eventually went back to their table and resumed his place in their group.

I was miserable pretty much the rest of that week. When I got an A on my Math test, he was the first person I wanted to tell, and when we needed partners in gym class, I didn’t know who to ask. But I only let myself dwell on it for a week. If he wanted to be like that, he could be. I didn’t need anyone who thought that they were too good or too popular for me. As far as I was concerned, Ryan didn’t exist anymore.

I don’t know if he had a change of heart or even if his mom made him do it, but he did come over to my house about two weeks after the lunch disaster, but I wouldn’t see him. I ignored my mom and wouldn’t leave my room. Even when he tried talking to me through the door, I just ignored him. If he didn’t need me, then I didn’t need him either. He left after twenty minutes or so and that was that. I avoided him at all costs, not even looking in his direction if I could help it. We didn’t speak at all for the rest of middle school.

Then we got to high school, and I remember the exact moment I realized he wasn’t going to ignore me anymore. The moment I realized that he was going to go out of his way to annoy, embarrass, tease, humiliate, and antagonize me.

It was the first week of high school and I was sitting with Sam in the cafeteria. So far everything had been okay. Sam had been really nervous about starting high school, but classes seemed to be doable, and we had made a few friends that we had starting sitting with at lunch. I’d not been paying attention and managed to knock my drink all over myself. I stood up annoyed and reached down and pulled on my shirt, dabbing at it with some napkins, trying to get the moisture out and to stop the stain. I’d suddenly felt myself being watched, and I had looked up to find a large table of guys were looking over with their eyes trained on me.

At the time I didn’t know who they were, but it was a mix of ages, clearly some were upperclassmen, but Jake and Ryan were sitting there so I figured it was one of the sports teams. I immediately dropped my shirt, suddenly aware that I may have inadvertently flashed my stomach at them and sat back down looking away. Suddenly their whole table burst out laughing loudly, and when I glanced up, some were still looking at me but also at Ryan. Ryan had clearly made a joke at my expense, which they all found hilarious.

Later that week during lunch, I’d been listening to something one of the girls was saying when a throat was cleared behind me. We all turned to see a tall, blonde guy with bright green eyes standing behind us. He was looking directly at me. “I’m Billy Jameson,” he told me. “Just thought you should know, Becca,” he said before he turned and sauntered away. I had looked after him in astonishment, unsure what to make of this and wondering how he knew my name. When he re-joined the table who had been watching me earlier in the week, I’d gotten an uneasy feeling, especially with Ryan sitting over there staring at me blankly.

Over the next couple of weeks, Billy Jameson went out of his way to say hi to me when he saw me and chat with me at my locker. Turns out he was a junior who played on the basketball team. He was pretty hot, kind of popular (in a periphery sort of way) and pretty entertaining, but to be honest, I just found all the attention a bit overwhelming and a bit unwanted. I don’t know why, but I just felt suspicious. After a few weeks of idle chit chat, he asked me out on a date. I’d been hesitant, unsure if I even wanted to (or if my dad would let me) start dating, but he’d turned on his charm and I agreed.

We went for burgers and then a movie. I figured we would head home after, but he told me a few of his friends were having a cookout on the beach and that we should stop by. I had been ready to head home, for some reason I was incredibly tired that day, but I’d agreed and gone to the beach. I expected it to be just a few of his friends, but as we walked toward the fire, there had to be at least twenty people sitting around. When Billy reached out and grabbed my hand, I started to feel uncomfortable. I mean, this was the first time a boy had held my hand and he just happened to do it when we were about to meet a bunch of his friends?

We stopped by the fire and he greeted his friends while I looked around nervously. My heart had sunk when I saw Ryan was there. He was sitting with Mason Blackwell and John Roberts, talking to a couple of girls who I recognized as being freshmen but didn’t know their names. They were drinking beers and judging by how loud they were talking, they were pretty buzzed. It was as if Ryan sensed me watching him because he glanced my way. When he saw me, he shot me a look of such contempt that I wanted to turn around and leave, but just then Billy draped his arm around my shoulder and I turned to see he was introducing me to some of his friends.

Twenty minutes or so later I was restless and wanted to leave, refusing the beer that was offered to me. Billy didn’t want to go yet so I excused myself to go find a bathroom. Five minutes later, I was heading back when I noticed that Ryan and Mason had joined Billy and his friends. I slowed as I approached so I could see them in the light of the fire but I couldn’t be seen in the black night.

“So how’s your date going?” someone asked Billy.

“Good. She’s cool, really cool,” Billy replied.

“Bro, I don’t even know why you’re bothering to waste your time,” Ryan jumped in. He was talking loudly and seemed pretty drunk. “Becca McKenzie is more frigid than an ice queen, her chest is flatter than a twelve-year-old boy’s, she’s dumber than pig shit, and I heard she kisses like a wet fish.” He said the words with such venom there was no doubt how much he despised me.

There was a pause and then they all burst into laughter. I couldn’t help the hammering in my heart and the hurt that coursed through it at his cruel words. He stood there letting them mock me, using me to make them laugh. Did he really hate me that much?

It was true I was an ice queen to him, but he’d been the one to start that. And yes, my chest hadn’t really developed fully yet. I didn’t grow proper boobs until the end of my freshman year and they were never huge. But I wasn’t stupid. I was definitely going to make it onto honor roll. And the only person he could have heard about my kissing technique from was Mason. Mason had launched himself at me during a game of spin the bottle, but it had been over so quickly, how could anyone say I kissed like a fish? I felt humiliation wash over me at their cruel laughter.

“Frigid, huh?” one of Billy’s friends asked. “So you don’t think he can tap her before Christmas?”

My breath had caught in my throat.
Tap me? Were they referring to sex?

“Oh, it’ll be done,” Billy replied cockily.

“You definitely think she’s a virgin then?”

“Yeah, I would say so.”

“Nah, I’m not convinced. Leave it,” Ryan said.

“Come on, Jackson. One minute you’re telling me she’s frigid, the next she might not be a virgin? Get your story straight! Either way, I’m banging that girl,” Billy told him.

“You better. I’ve got money riding on the end of November,” another friend added.

I remember feeling utterly sick. They were actually betting on when he would take my virginity. And Ryan knew about this? Did everyone know about this? I’d never felt so disgusted or vulnerable or small in my entire life. And what was Ryan doing? Surely he felt some loyalty to me. Surely he wouldn’t let them use me like that. That was the moment that I decided I hated him.

I cleared my throat and stepped closer to the fire so they could see me. They turned toward me in surprise and panic crossed Billy’s face.

“I’m going to leave,” I said calmly to Billy. “And I’m never going to speak to you again.”

I turned to his friend who had mentioned about the bet. “Maybe you’ll get your money back when he picks his next unlucky victim.” I cast one more look of disgust at Ryan and turned and walked away. I walked ten blocks just to get away from them before I started looking for a bus stop.

The next week at school Billy tried to play it down, but I calmly repeated I wouldn’t be speaking to him again. When word got around school about what had happened, a few other girls who had been on dates with some of the older guys from the team realized that they were probably having bets placed on them too and promptly stopped dating them.

Ryan came and found me at my locker on Monday morning and apologized for the way he had spoken about me. He swore to me that he didn’t know about the bet and he would never have let them go through with it. I stood and listened to him, watching his eyes dart away from my face nervously and his feet fidget on the floor. Then I closed my locker and walked past him without a word. We didn’t have any interaction for months.

Luckily for me, Billy Jameson transferred schools later in the year. Jake tried to talk to me about Ryan a couple of times, explaining that he had just been drunk and talking shit, but I didn’t want to hear it. Then when I was talking to Jake one day, Ryan came over and cracked some lame joke at my expense, acting as though we were old friends and I didn’t hate his guts. He clearly enjoyed pissing me off. It’s carried on that way ever since. It’s like he decided that ignoring me wasn’t enough fun for him anymore. Now he wanted to embarrass me and tease me at any chance he got, and he did that throughout the rest of my freshmen year right up until now. I was hoping when I came back for senior year that he’d have grown up and left me alone, but on the first day back he was there pestering me. And that’s pretty much our relationship now. I try to ignore him, he tries to annoy me. I cannot stand him or his friends and wish he’d forget I exist.