Fourth Down (22 page)

When Ford returned to the hotel
yesterday afternoon, he was smiling. A big genuine smile like I had
never seen on his face before. His enthusiasm was infectious, and I
found myself smiling as I listened to every detail of his meeting
with Coach Hawkins. It sounded like the perfect opportunity for
him. He hadn’t stopped smiling since. All through dinner last
night, breakfast this morning, and every second in
between.

It made me happy to see him so
happy…finally. But it also made me heartbreakingly sad, because I
knew the one thing that made him so happy was the one thing that
would take him away from me. I wondered why he hadn’t already
accepted the job, but I wasn’t going to ask. Maybe if I just
ignored the subject completely on the plane ride home, I could
forget for a few hours that my days with Ford were numbered. Very
numbered. Like thirty days or less.

“Hey, why the frown? That’s my thing,”
Ford said, taking my hand and lacing our fingers
together.

“Not anymore, it’s not. You haven’t
stopped smiling since yesterday,” I said, trying to inject a
teasing tone into my voice but failing miserably.

We were silent as the plane taxied
down the runway and lifted off the ground. This part always made me
nervous, because it just felt like the plane was going to drop back
down at any second. Ford squeezed my hand reassuringly and ran his
thumb softly over my knuckles, which were white from the iron grip
I had on his hand.

Once we were safely in the air and the
flight attendant had handed out soft drinks and peanuts, Ford
turned to me.

“Can we talk about the elephant in the
room, now?”

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“What elephant?”

“The huge pink one,” he joked. “The
fact that I’m probably going to take this job, and that means I’ll
be moving over a thousand miles away from Penn Yan…from
you.”

Oh, that elephant. My eyes unwillingly
started to well up with tears as I looked into his blue
eyes.

“Hey, hey,” Ford said softly, cupping
my face in his hands and wiping away my tears with his thumbs.
“Don’t cry, babe. You haven’t even heard what I’m going to say
yet.”

Embarrassed, I pulled away and swiped
at my eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m being stupid. This is a great
opportunity for you, and I knew this thing with us wouldn’t be
permanent. I’m just going to miss you. But I’ll be fine. I’m really
so happy for you, Ford,” I babbled on until Ford put his finger
over my lips to silence me.

Since we were on an airplane full of
people who didn’t need to hear our private conversations, Ford put
his arm around my shoulder and pulled me as close to his side as
the airplane seats would allow.

“Poppy, I want you to go with
me.”

“Go with you where?” I asked,
confused.

“To LSU. I want you to move with me to
Baton Rouge.”

His eyes were searching mine for an
answer. I couldn’t do anything other than stare at him, completely
dumbfounded. Emotions were swirling through me, and the first one I
was able to recognize was elation. Ford had just asked me to move
across the country with him. However, it was followed swiftly with
doubt.

In my extended silence, he continued
on, babbling like I had only moments before. “I know you can’t just
leave in the middle of the semester, so we will be apart for a few
months until you can move down in June. But I can come back to
visit and you can come down over your Spring Break…Poppy? Say
something…please.”

“Why?”

Now Ford was the one looking confused.
“Why what?”

“Why do you want me to go with you?” I
asked. His answer to this question would likely decide the course
of my future from this point forward.

He framed my face with his hands.
“Because I need you.”

Wrong answer,
Ford.

The right answer would have been
something along the lines of “Because I love you more than life
itself, and I can’t fathom my future without you in it.” I shut my
eyes and dropped my head to his shoulder so he wouldn’t see the
tears gathering in my eyes.

I pressed a kiss to his neck and
whispered, “I’m going to need to think about it, Ford. It’s a big
decision.”

His hands were smoothing my hair back
and rubbing over my back. “Of course. Of course you need to think
about it.”

Ignoring for the moment the fact that
I was only able to go to school because of my scholarship, and it
was highly unlikely I would be able to get a scholarship to LSU for
just my senior year. Not to mention the fact that some of my
credits might not transfer, putting me farther behind schedule for
graduation. Putting those facts aside, I imagined what it would be
like if I did go with him. I would be leaving my family and the
only place I’d ever lived to move somewhere far away with a guy I’d
only known for a few months.

But he wasn’t just
some
guy. He was Ford. My
Ford. He said he needed me, but did he love me? When we’d been
there for a few months or weeks even, and he got into the routine
of his new job and new life, would he need me anymore?

Because I loved him, so much. And as
much as it would hurt to say goodbye to him now, it would
absolutely kill me to say goodbye later after he had tired of
me.

It was late afternoon by the time we
drove back to Penn Yan from the airport. Sighing heavily I looked
out the passenger side window as Ford pulled into my
driveway.

The fact that I hadn’t immediately
agreed to move with him seemed to boggle Ford’s mind slightly, and
there was now a distance between us. I knew deep down what my
answer would have to be, but I wasn’t quite ready to put it into
words yet. There were three people I needed to talk to
first.

I told Ford I had some studying to do,
but he could come over later tonight. Instead of cracking open my
books, I got into my car as soon as his truck disappeared down the
street. My first stop was to see my mom. Though we didn’t see each
other more than a couple times a month, we had always been close
and I valued her opinion. Even as a little girl, I could tell she
and my dad had loved each other very much.

It was almost dinner time when I got
there, and I hoped I would be able to talk to my mom for a few
minutes before she needed to get the kids fed. Using my key to let
myself in, I was immediately accosted with the sound of little boys
playing cops and robbers.

Poor little Bryden was blindfolded
with his hands tied behind his back with one of Rick’s ties.
Brandon and Braden were dragging him by the arms through the living
room and into the dining room, which apparently functioned as the
jail. Geez, this looked more like a prisoner of war situation than
cops and robbers.

Not wanting to witness their
interrogation tactics, I went into the kitchen, where I found my
mom stirring spaghetti sauce on the stove.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Oh! Hi, Poppy. I didn’t know you were
coming over. Are you staying for dinner?”

I hoisted myself up to sit on the
counter opposite the stove. “No, I can’t stay long. I just needed
to ask your advice.”

She took a lick from the spoon and
then added a few more dashes of seasoning. “Hmmm, does this have
anything to do with your handsome football player?”

I exhaled and raised my eyes to the
ceiling. The tears were coming, and I tried my best to keep them at
bay.

“Yeah…he asked me to go with him. To
move to Louisiana with him.”

My mom kept stirring with her back to
me. “So…you’re trying to decide what to do?”

“I think I know what to do. I just
don’t want to do it.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes.”

“Does he love you?”

I hesitated. “I don’t
know.”

My mom was silent, so I continued. “I
know he cares for me, and he says he needs me. But he’s never said
he loves me. We’ve been inseparable for the last month since his
mom passed away, but I’m worried that’s all it is. That I’ve helped
him deal with that, so he thinks he needs me.”

Finally my mom said, “You’ve worked so
hard for your dreams, Poppy. You only have one more year of college
and then you’re off to medical school. If you go with Ford, you can
still pursue your dreams, but you might have to make some changes
to your plans. Are you willing to sacrifice your dreams for his?
When you’re not sure if he loves you?”

That’s what I came here to hear,
knowing my mom would encourage me to think about what was best for
me. It wasn’t what I wanted her to say, but it’s what I needed to
hear.

I stuck around to help her get the
food on the table, and then I left. My next stop would be even more
unexpected than this one, and might even be a little awkward. I
thought about calling first, but decided to just be brave and show
up.

Ten minutes later I knocked on the
door of a small Cape Code style house and waited with my foot
tapping on the ground nervously. The door opened and Leah stood
there with her daughter, Maddy, on her hip.

“Poppy? Hi. Is everything okay?” She
asked, shifting Maddy to the other hip so she could open the screen
door for me.

“Um, yeah. Everything’s okay.
I…um…just wondered if you had a few minutes to talk to
me?”

Leah looked at me curiously, but
smiled and said, “Sure, come on in. Josh is over helping Grady
paint the room they’re going to use as the nursery.”

She led me through the house to the
kitchen and motioned for me to sit at the table. “Can I get you
anything to drink?”

“No, thank you. I won’t take up much
of your time. I know this is weird…me just showing up here when we
don’t really know each other. But…you’ve known Ford for a long
time, and you’re a woman.”

Leah put Maddy in her high chair and
began feeding her tiny bites of some gross looking green baby food.
“Ford and Grady are like my brothers. I’ve watched them both go
through a lot over the last few years.”

“Ford asked me to move to Louisiana
with him,” I blurted out.

Leah’s hand froze halfway to Maddy’s
mouth. She set the spoon down and turned to look at me. “Really?
Wow.” She put the baby food aside and handed Maddy a rattle to play
with. Setting her elbows on the table, Leah gave me her full
attention. “So, he’s taking the coaching job?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “He has until
the end of this week to let the Coach know, but he seems happy,
Leah. Really happy. I think this is what he needs.”

Leah studied me thoughtfully for a
moment. “But you’re not going to go, are you?” She
guessed.

My eyes filled with tears and my voice
was shaky. “I don’t think I can. Aside from the fact that I go to
school here, and it would be a major disruption to change schools
for my last year and try to get a scholarship…I’m afraid he’s
asking me for the wrong reasons. I asked him why he wanted me to
go…and he said “because I need you.”

Leah rolled her eyes. “Jackass,” she
muttered. “He should have said he loved you.”

I was relieved that she understood.
“That’s what I was hoping for,” I admitted sadly.

Leah reached across the table to cover
my hand with hers. “Poppy, I’ve seen changes in Ford these last few
weeks that have nothing to do with him getting back to football.
You’ve brought him back somehow. He does love you. I would bet my
baby on it. But…” She trailed off, and I had a sinking feeling in
my stomach about what her “but” would be.

“But Ford’s the type of guy that needs
to figure that out for himself. I think you’re right in choosing
not to go. It’s not fair of him to ask you to turn your life upside
down.”

A few tears were spilling over now as
the reality was setting in that I would have to let him go. “I
would. I would leave my family, my friends and my school. I would
leave it all behind if I knew that he loved me. Really loved
me.”

“Oh, Poppy. I hate to see you so
upset, and I know Ford will be upset when you tell him. Maybe he’ll
decide to stay here.”

Shaking my head, I stammered,”N…No. I
can’t let him stay here. He needs to go chase his dreams. I’m not
going to hold him back from that. I guess it’s like that saying
about if you love something to let it go…I just don’t think he’ll
come back to me.”

My tears were falling freely now, and
Leah pressed a tissue into my hand and put her arm around my
shoulder.

“You won’t tell Ford we talked, will
you?”

“Of course not. Though I can’t promise
not to kick his ass if he doesn’t get his shit together and do the
right thing eventually.”

I laughed. Leah was petite with dark
hair that just brushed her shoulders. From the stories I had heard
from Ford, I had no doubt she would do just that.

Wanting to get out of here before Josh
returned, and still needing to make one more stop, I thanked Leah
and left. My final destination before returning to my apartment was
a ten minute drive up the hills surrounding Keuka Lake. Fortunately
the roads had been well cleared from the last snow, so my car was
able to make it.