Fourth Down (24 page)

On the other side of me sat Lindsay
with Grady standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her. He
rested his hands protectively on her belly, which was really
starting to look pregnant now, while he kissed her neck.

I was finally moving forward with my
life, getting back to the future I had planned when I left this
town for college seven years ago. During my trip to LSU two weeks
ago, I had felt optimistic, happy and alive. That feeling should
have only increased as this day neared. The day I would leave the
life I fell into and move toward the life I wanted. But I didn’t
feel any of those things now. Was it this town? Did it somehow just
suck the life out of me? Glancing at the clock, I saw only ten
minutes had passed since I arrived. Probably too early to
leave.

A hand clapped down on my shoulder and
a familiar voice spoke from behind me. “Congratulations, Ford. You
were the best player I’ve ever coached, and I know you’ll do a
great job of inspiring the next generation of great players.”
Turning around, I shook hands with Bob Wallace, my high school
coach.

“Thanks, Coach,” I said.

“If things down in Louisiana aren’t
exciting enough for you, I’ve got a spot open for an Assistant
Coach,” he joked.

I chuckled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
When hell froze over.

Karl set a burger and fries down in
front of me after Coach Wallace walked away. I took my time eating
and finishing my beer, all the while glancing at the door every two
seconds. Everyone that had come to wish me farewell had already
done so. There was only one person left to see. If she actually
showed up. We didn’t exactly end things on a good note.

“How long are you going to stick
around?” Grady asked.

I shrugged. “Not much
longer.”

The words had barely left my mouth
when I saw the door open out of the corner of my eye. Grady said
something else to me, but I couldn’t hear him above the pounding of
my heart. It never ceased to amaze me how the very sight of Poppy
could affect me. Along with the usual pickup in my heart rate,
there was a deep ache in my chest that had been there for the last
two weeks and only intensified upon seeing her again.

Poppy’s hazel eyes swept the room and
landed on me. She offered me a small sad smile and hesitantly
walked over. Grady and Lindsay vacated their seats and smiled at
Poppy as they left us alone.

She came to stand in front of me. She
had on jeans and those damn furry boots. Her hair was windblown and
her cheeks were flushed from the cold. Had she walked here? Was
there something wrong with her car again? I almost asked but then
remembered it wasn’t my problem anymore. As soon as I was on the
road I would call Josh and have him make sure her car was
working.

“So, you’re leaving today?” Her voice
was quiet, and I leaned forward to hear.

“Yeah, I’m going to take off
soon.”

Poppy nodded and dropped her gaze to
her feet. “Well, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

There was another awkward silent
moment where neither of us spoke. Then Poppy’s hair fell over her
shoulder and brushed across my cheek as she leaned close to whisper
in my ear.

“Maggie would have been proud of you.
I’m proud of you, Ford. It’s okay to go after what you want…to go
after your dream.”

My eyes squeezed tightly shut as she
softly kissed my cheek. I had to curl my hands into fists at my
sides to keep from grabbing her waist and pulling her closer. Way
too soon, her lips were gone, and I opened my eyes to watch her
walk toward the door. The slight sway of her hips in those tight
jeans. The way her long hair swung back and forth as she walked.
The way she looked at me over her shoulder as she pushed the door
open. Tears glimmered on the surface of her eyes for just a second
before she turned and disappeared out the door.

In a few short hours I would be on the
road back to football and LSU. It was my dream. So, why did I feel
like my dream just walked out the door?

My feet were moving before my mind was
able to catch up. I caught the door just before it
closed.

“Poppy! Wait up,” I called. She
stopped on the sidewalk but didn’t turn around right away. I closed
the distance between us and stood right behind her and waited.
Finally she turned around, and there were silent tears streaming
down her cheeks.

“Poppy.” I reached out to wipe them
away, but she took a step back just out of my reach. My hand fell
lifelessly back to my side.

“I’m sorry, Ford. I…I can’t do this. I
just wanted to say goodbye. To see you one last time.” Her lips
were quivering, and I stepped forward to run my thumb over the
bottom one.

“This doesn’t have to be goodbye. We
can work something out.” Begging was the last thing I had expected
to do. When I followed her outside there wasn’t a thought in my
head about what I would say to her.

“Ford…”

“I know you don’t want to do the long
distance thing, but I think we could make it work.”

She was already shaking her head
before I finished talking. “No, Ford. You need to go and get out of
here. I saw you down there. How happy you were being back there.
You need to do this, and you don’t need anything holding you back.
Including me.”

“But…”

“Goodbye, Ford.” She turned and walked
away so fast I thought she might break out into a run.

Fuck! I went back inside, swinging the
door open so hard it smacked against the brick wall on the outside
of the building. Everyone turned to look at me. I had to get out of
here. Now.

“Everything okay?” Grady asked as I
approached the bar.

“Yeah, everything’s fucking awesome.
I’m outta here.”

Another round of goodbyes followed,
and five minutes later I pulled my truck out of the parking lot and
drove out of the town that held nothing but heartache. Not that
anyone would be calling anyway, I turned off my cell phone and
cranked up the music. Sixteen hours on the road with nothing but my
own thoughts to keep me company.

After stopping only for gas and
bathroom breaks and eating in the truck, I made it to Louisiana by
9:00 am the next morning. I had passed tired about four hours ago
and was now running on pure adrenaline. The tension seemed to roll
away with every mile that passed, and now I was left with that damn
ache in my chest and the nagging feeling that I’d left something
behind.

Driving through downtown Baton Rouge,
I had expected to feel a sense of homecoming. After all this was my
home for four years during college. It was familiar all right, but
it didn’t feel like home.

My apartment was on the third floor of
an old warehouse that had been converted into lofts. It was modern
and spacious, and it was mine. I parked in the garage under the
building and rode the elevator up. The furniture was haphazardly
placed in the living area, and there were a few boxes stacked
against the exposed brick wall. Sunlight streamed through the floor
to ceiling windows that lacked any kind of window covering. My
mattress and box springs were on the floor in the bedroom. I kicked
off my shoes while sending Coach a text that I was in town and
arranged to go to his house for dinner. Once that was settled, I
fell backwards onto the bare mattress and passed out.

It was late afternoon when I woke up,
and I cursed myself for not setting an alarm. I would never get to
sleep tonight. Scrounging through the boxes I found my clothes and
showered and dressed for dinner. Nothing formal, just dinner with
Coach and his wife, Eileen. They had fed me often during college,
so that too should feel familiar.

Coach opened the door when I knocked
and offered his hand. “Come in, son. Eileen’s in the kitchen
finishing up the food. Can I get you something to
drink?”

“Sure, whatever you’ve
got.”

Coach led me into the kitchen where
Eileen was putting the finishing touches on a pot roast. The smell
was enticing, and my mouth watered.

“Ford! It’s so good to see you. I’m so
happy you decided to come back to us,” Eileen gushed, pulling me in
for a hug.

“Thanks, Eileen. It’s good to see you
again,” I said.

Dinner was delicious, and Eileen
chatted about their two daughters, both of which had children of
their own now. After we finished eating, Coach took me to his
office and pulled some papers out of his desk drawer.

“Here’s your contract, Ford, with all
of the specifics we discussed before. The contract term begins on
July 1, so I need it signed before then.”

I flipped through the pages seeing
that everything was in fact like we discussed. Salary, benefits,
everything I wanted was here.

“Great, thanks. I’ll take it home to
look over and get it back to you.”

Coach leaned back in his desk chair
and linked his fingers behind his head.

“It’s good to have you back, Ford. I
can’t say that enough.”

I wanted to say it was good to be
back, but I just wasn't feeling it yet.

Chapter Seventeen

Poppy

Glancing at the clock on the wall of
the sterile classroom lit with the headache inducing glare of
fluorescent lights, I saw there was still over half an hour left
before time was up. I had already reviewed my answers three times,
and there really wasn’t any point in going over them
again.

The room was packed with people taking
the MCATs. A few, like me, had already put their pencils down, but
the majority of them were still furiously scribbling calculations
in the margins of the test booklet. One girl had already left,
having run out about an hour ago with her hand clamped over her
mouth. Hopefully she made it to the bathroom.

I understood that the results of this
exam would weigh heavily on my ability to get into a medical school
of my choice. But any test anxiety I might have felt paled in
comparison to the ache in my heart. The ache that had been present
since the day Ford left town over two months ago. Or actually since
the day I told him I wasn’t going with him.

Lying my head down on the desk to wait
out the rest of the exam, I let my thoughts drift to Ford as they
so often did. We hadn’t spoken since I said goodbye to him in the
pub and walked away for good. It took every single ounce of will
power I had and then some to keep from crying until I was outside
the pub and on my way home. Then I cried for about four days
straight.

Of course it broke my heart to tell
him I couldn’t move to Louisiana and subsequently insist that he go
without me. But for those last two weeks he was in town, I was
always hoping he would realize that he did love me and would decide
to stay. I knew it wasn’t what he should do, but I couldn’t help
the hope from bubbling up now and then. The day he actually left
town, got in his truck and drove across the country. That was the
day the hope was snuffed out.

The last two and a half months had
been spent working as many hours as I could squeeze in, going to
class, doing homework, and studying for the MCATs. Anything and
everything to keep my mind busy, tired and off of Ford. Brooke had
given up trying to get me to hang out with her, and unless Lindsay
and I met at the library to study for Anatomy class I did my best
to avoid Ford’s friends. I didn’t want to inadvertently hear how
great he was doing and how much he loved his new job. Of course, I
wanted him to be happy. I just didn’t want to have to hear about
it.

“Time is up. Put your pencils down and
turn your test booklets face down. This concludes the exam. Please
make sure you have all your personal belongings before exiting the
room.”

The test proctor’s monotone speech
roused me from my thoughts, and I grabbed my bag and headed back to
my apartment, thankful that the exam was over. Now, I just had to
wait 6 to 8 excruciatingly long weeks to get the
results.

The middle of May was a beautiful time
of year in upstate New York. There was no longer a threat of cold
weather, and the local businesses and wineries were gearing up for
the summer tourist season. For a brief period of time in the spring
and again in the fall, I didn’t mind that neither the heater nor
the air conditioner worked in my car. With the windows down, I
pulled my hair out of the ponytail and let it blow as I drove
home.

Now that the MCATs were over, I just
had to make it through three more weeks of class and finals. Every
other year I looked forward to summer. I didn’t take classes during
the summer, so that I could work more and save up money. Even
though I worked full time it still felt like a break, because I
could come home and just relax without having to immediately start
on homework. If I didn’t need the money, I would cut back on work
and take classes this summer. I was already dreading the hours of
free time I would have to think about Ford. To miss him.

It was almost dinner time, and my
stomach was grumbling when I climbed the stairs to my apartment. I
hadn’t been to the store in forever, and I really didn’t feel like
going now. Maybe I would splurge and have a pizza delivered. That
way I could sit around in my pajamas, moping, stuffing my face with
grease and crying a little. Barely a day went by that I didn’t shed
at least one tear over Ford.