Fractured Affections (The Affections Series Book 1) (4 page)

“I know I never told you about it. I’m sorry, but I wanted him to be able to come home and have something solid to rely on. I knew how mad you still were with him for leaving, and I completely understand why. I just wanted to try and help everyone. We had been talking about moving, so I reached out to him and asked if he would be interested. It just so happened that his four years were almost up, and he was trying to figure out what to do with his life. He wasn’t sure he would return home, but after my offer he couldn’t resist.”

So, Striker has worked for our family business, all this time, and I had no idea. How is that even possible? I do the books. Wouldn’t I have noticed? I can’t believe Dalton has lied to me all these years. What an important detail about the business to leave out. I had no idea he still had part of the business running in our hometown.

“Dalton, I don’t understand. I had no clue we were running part of the business back home. Why would you keep this from me? And Striker is the one running it? I do the books, how could I not know?”

Dalton stands and begins to pace the kitchen before he responds. “Rea, I separated everything. It is still the same type of business, as it was when we left, but I turned it all over to Striker. I only receive a small portion as a silent partner. It is all deposited into an account that you and the boys are the beneficiaries of. He has done well with it, and the business pretty much runs itself. While I still enjoy being a major part of the building process, Striker has run things differently. He has others who do most of the work for him, so he only keeps a close eye on how things are running and has a lot more time on his hands than I do. That’s how I knew I could ask him to come here. I need his help.”

My head snaps up at this last statement, pulling me from my confusion. “What do you mean? Why would you need help? How could you lie to me? I’m your wife, and you thought it was alright to keep this from me?”

When Dalton turns to look at me, he looks like whatever he is about to say is painful. A nauseous feeling churns in my stomach while waiting for him to speak.

“I was being selfish Rea. I’m sorry. I know keeping things from you is wrong, but try to put yourself in my shoes.” He walks back over to his seat in front of me and slowly sits down. “Look, I have to leave town for a few weeks, maybe a few months for a job.”

“WHAT? You can’t leave. We need you here with us. You promised me, a long time ago, that you would never take a job far enough away that you couldn’t make it home every night.”

“I know, Rea, and I hate to leave you and the boys, but this is an opportunity that I just cannot pass up. The job is in Texas. It’s been hard to make a decision on it, but I would need to leave next week. I only found out about it two weeks ago. I’m sorry I kept it from you, but I didn’t think I was going to take it. Then they increased what they would pay me to be there. That just happened three days ago. My taking this job could change the boys’ future. They won’t have to worry about much in life. Not only would this job make us a substantial amount of money, but the future of the business will be secured after it’s complete. “

I can’t believe this. He wants to leave us for a few weeks to a few months. This doesn’t even sound right. He says that this amount of money is life changing, but then how can he complete a huge job like that, in such a short period of time? Something doesn’t add up. What does that have to do with Striker? He still has not said why he asked him here. I can feel the panic slightly creep into my chest, and I become angry that he is the cause. Not only has he lied all these years about Striker, but now he wants to leave me and the boys for his business. I close my eyes and begin to count, so I can respond as calmly as possible.

“This doesn’t make any sense. How can this job only last a few weeks to a few months? And what does this have to do with Striker being here? How can you catch me off guard like this, Dalton? You don’t do these types of things. You always keep me in the loop about business contracts. Have you seen yourself lately? You have been working too much, as it is. You look so tired all the time. I’ve already been worried about you. Now you come to me with this and the fact that you’ve been lying to me all these years. What the hell Dalton?”

“I’m sorry Rea, what else can I say?” He asks.

I reach up and place my hands on his cheeks, still angry, but trying to understand what is going on.

“Please take a moment to step back and focus on what we decided would always be number one to us. It was never the money. It was always our family.” I rise from my seat and head to the kitchen sink, leaning my hands on the edge of the counter and look out across our backyard.

“Reagan, I’ll make sure to take better care of myself, I promise. While I’m there, I will do everything I can to come back to you my normal self. That is why I asked Striker to come here. I need him to stay with you guys and run things, while I am out of town. If he is here, I only have to concentrate on the job in Texas, which is a lot less than I do here while managing multiple jobs at once.”

“Huh? Stay with us! What? I can handle him being in the area. I can work through him being involved with business operations, but stay with us? Have you lost your mind?” I can’t even turn to look at him. I’m so confused. What the hell is he thinking? He knows better than to expect me to willingly let someone move into our home, with no time to adjust to the idea, especially Striker. I need time to build up my defenses. I need to be able to protect my heart and my family. I certainly need time to adjust, so I don’t act like I did the other day when he was here.

He replies while coming up behind me. “Look, baby, I know all of this is sudden, but listen to me. You have trusted me, all these years, to do what is best for everyone. You have always let me take the lead, and knowing how little you can trust others, it means the world to me. I need to take this job. I feel like it’s the best move for our family. I hate to leave you and the boys. You guys are my world, especially you, my sweet Rea. I have loved you since the day we met in the woods. That’s why Striker is here. Even though he has been absent all these years, I know that he will protect you guys, just as I would. I will sleep easier, while being states apart, knowing that you guys have him here with you.”

I feel his strong arms wrap around my waist. I’m a wreck on the inside. I can’t imagine Dalton not being a part of our daily routine for as long as a few months. What if I need him? He is my rock. He keeps me grounded. The boys need him. Even though he works a lot, he has never neglected the boys’ needs. He is always home for dinner and homework. He has never missed a baseball game. The boys look forward to their weekends together, whether it is hanging out in the backyard, playing around, or traveling to a local pond, a few properties over, and spending their day fishing. They will miss that.

I will miss that. When he is with the boys, it gives me the break I need to regain a balance, so that I don’t lose my mind. How can I handle three boys, by myself, for that length of time? I know Striker will be here, but I can’t expect him to take care of our boys. I don’t think I want him to. The idea of my kids getting close to Striker is scary. He is my past. Who knows what would have happened, if he had never left for the military. Life could have turned out differently. I can’t risk the kids finding out about the relationship that I had with Striker. It would be too confusing for them to understand.

I begin to cry silently, while thinking about him being away. I pull in a staggered breath and whisper, “Dalt, I can’t be without you. I need you here with me. ”

“Reagan, baby, I will call you all the time. Now we can even still see each other with Facetime. We will be okay. You will be okay. I know my leaving brings back old memories of abandonment, and that was my biggest fear. But you are so much stronger now than you were then. I have faith in you and your strength. I need you to have faith in yourself. This may be good for you, just so you can see how well you can do on your own.”

How can he have so much faith in me? This is so much more than he’s making it out to be. He knows my past with Striker, and how bad things were at the end. It took me a long time to really trust again. Now he wants to leave me to live with Striker, while he is out of town. The idea sounds crazy. I love that he trusts me completely, but what if I don’t trust myself? I had a complete melt down today, when Striker tried to sit and have a conversation, but it sounds like I have no choice. Dalton has his mind made up. He wants to go. How can I take that from him, when he’s has given me so much?

I move out of his grasp and grab my cutting board and knife. I begin to slice the peppers and onions for dinner to distract myself, so I can calmly respond. “Okay, D, go ahead and go. I will do whatever you need me to. This job sounds very important to you, and I want to support you in it. I want you to go and concentrate solely on this job, though. No going there and taking on too much. I need you to take care of yourself, so when you come back; we can have you back and ready to spend some good quality time with us. Maybe we can arrange a vacation or something for the five of us. “

“Once I know when I will be home that can be arranged. I’m gonna miss you guys so much, while I’m gone. A nice trip together, when this is all done, will give us all something to look forward to.” He leans against the counter and gives me a sad smile.

“Dalt, I don’t understand needing Striker to stay here, but if it makes you more comfortable, I will set the spare room up for him. I’ll adjust I guess, but I need you to call me every morning and every night. No more lies though. I’ll do what you ask, but don’t keep things from me.”

Dalton takes the knife from my hand and places it on the counter. I can’t even look at him, because I know I will break down. He grabs my chin and turns my face up to look directly into his eyes. We stand there for a moment, sharing the sadness, and then he leans in and presses a firm kiss to my lips. He moves his hands and places them on each side of my face. I feel his tongue sweep past my lips, and I’m more than willing to allow him in. I run my tongue along his, savoring every second of this kiss.

When he pulls away, he presses his forehead to mine. He takes my left hand in his and places it against his chest right over his heart. I notice a tear roll down his cheek, causing my own tears to form.

“You are my heart, Rea. It will kill me to be away from you. I just feel like this is the best move for our family. Thank you for always supporting me and my job. It just makes me love you more.” He reaches up and wipes the tears from my face. I feel soft lips against my cheek, and then he swiftly walks out of the kitchen and begins up the steps.

Slowly I turn and start cutting the peppers and onions for dinner. I need to understand why this is happening. I can’t be angry with him for wanting something good for our family. It has always been hard to make decisions that keep a good balance between running a family and running a successful business. It has been one of our biggest challenges, but he always promised me he would be home with us.

I can, however, be mad at him for lying to me for all these years. How could he do that? Did he not think I would find out eventually? I’m his wife. He should have treated me as such, and told me the truth. I have sat back, never asking questions, letting him lead the way obviously blind to the things going on in his life. Well not anymore.

My therapist has been telling me, for years, that I rely too much on Dalton for my own happiness. I never really looked at it that way. I also didn’t realize that my happiness was based on lies.

I think back to how we got started. It wasn’t easy for us. We had different opinions of how to love each other, in the beginning. While Dalton loved me with everything he had, I loved Dalton as my best friend. I had to learn to love him fully, and it took me a while. Although our love developed over time, we still have not spent anytime apart since we met all those years ago.

Not only is he leaving me now, but I can’t understand his betrayal, and how he kept such important things from me for most of our marriage. Why wouldn’t he tell me about practically handing over part of our business to Striker? It leaves an empty feeling in my gut. I never thought that Dalton would be capable of lying to me for all these years. We have always told each other everything, even when we were lying to everyone else. At least I thought we did. I have completely trusted him over the years, and now it will take me some time to figure out how to feel about this. Hearing the truth hurt deeply. The more I replay our conversation in my head, the larger the lump in my throat becomes.

I try to hold it together, so my kids don’t walk in on one of their mother’s breakdowns, but I can’t stop repeating all my negative thoughts. I’m so deep in my head that by the time I feel the knife connect with my finger, it’s too late. I put a deep cut into my left index finger.

“Shit!” I grab the closest towel and apply pressure. Great, just add one more thing to today to stress me out. I don’t even want to look. I know it’s bad. The towel is filling quickly with my blood. The pain does not register right away, but slowly creeps up until my entire hand is throbbing.

Before I know what is happening, my hand is wrapped in a new clean towel, and someone is applying pressure, while raising my hand above my heart.

“Damn, Reagan, what did you do? This needs stitches.”

I come out of my stupor and finally realize that Striker has his hands wrapped around mine and is looking at me with so much concern.

“I…..I…..I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. The knife slipped and I cut myself.”

We stare at each other for a moment, and I barely recognize the emotion in his eyes. He looks broken. I want to ask if he is okay, but think better of it. I don’t even know him anymore. I break away from his stare and shake my head slightly, trying to gain some semblance of strength.

He lowers my hand and gently pulls the second towel, which is already stained with blood, away so that he can take a look at it. His left hand is firmly wrapped around my wrist. I can feel the warmth of his skin against mine. I can still remember the way his touch made me feel after all these years. My chest rises as I inhale deeply. I catch him looking over at my chest, out of the corner of my eye. He doesn’t move for a moment, other than slightly rotating my hand to get a better look and remaining completely silent.