Fractured ( Fractured #1) (18 page)

I looked at him with surprise. He never ceased to amaze me. I couldn’t believe that he still wanted to be with me after all of the craziness of the night before. He turned toward me. “I made some sandwiches. We can picnic on the beach and watch the boats go by.”

When did he have time to do all of this? Did he even sleep? I robbed him of that. I felt horrible that I was contributing to his sleep deprivation by not leaving him alone.

“That sounds lovely,” Mrs. Bowman said. “You know, your Uncle John used to take me to watch the boats when we were first dating.” Eric rolled his eyes behind her.

Rob stood up and searched through the refrigerator. Juggling several neatly wrapped packages, and placed them onto the counter. He reached under the sink to retrieve a small cooler and placed the sandwiches, a few bottles of water, and some grapes into it. Adding a freezer pack, he closed the lid. “Ready?”

“
Um, yes, I guess,” I said, not caring where I went, as long as it was with Rob. “Thank you, Mrs. Bowman. Breakfast was delicious.”

A wide smile appeared on her face. “I hope we’ll see more of you, Mandy.”

“I hope so, too.”

Chapter
Thirty

Rob held m
y hand as we walked along the pier. An empty bench at the end called for us to sit. We watched the sailboats rock and bob in the water. He put his arm around me. I nestled close. We were a perfect fit.

Streams of guilt pierced my conscience. “Rob?”

“Hmm?”

“I want to apologize for last night.”

“Why do you feel you have something to apologize for?” His fathomless eyes pulled me in. My heart thrummed, and the butterflies in my stomach were doing a Rumba.

“I’m not apologizing for Dillon; he is who he is, but my father, my mother…”

“They are who they are, also,” he said. “I told you, I don’t care about them. I only care about you. They can do whatever they want, as long as I can be with you.”

“Why are you so wonderful?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I guess you make me that way.” His dimple made an appearance.

We stared out at the hazy outline of the coast across the water. I didn’t have to apologize for anything I said, or anything I did. I could just be me, and I was appreciated for it. I didn’t blend into the scenery
, or have to do what someone else wanted. My voice wasn’t unheard. He made it so easy for me to be me, without having to think about anyone else. I wanted this forever.

I thought about
the upcoming school year—holding his hand, eating lunch in the cafeteria next to him, doing homework across the table from him, and just being with him. I would finally have what other “normal” girls had. Then it hit me. Panic set in when I thought about the other girls. They would try to take him away. He’d see that I wasn’t what he really wanted. I’d lose him.

Don’t get attached to him. Once he realizes
he doesn’t need you to be happy, he’ll drop you. I knew I should let him go, but I couldn’t imagine my life without him now. After spending each day with him, and dreaming of him at night, I couldn’t be without him. Enjoy what you have while it lasts. I stared toward the water in silence.

“What are you thinking?” Rob asked.

“Nothing.”

“You must be thinking of something.”

“It’s silly.”

“I bet it isn’t,” he said, turning so that his attention was completely on me.

My heart and my intellect wrestled. “I was just wondering what would happen in September.”

“
We’ll be seniors. With homework and tests. Hopefully, I’ll make up the classes I missed...”

“Not that.”

“What then?” His eyebrows arched.

“Well, I was wondering if you’d find someone else
who’d make you happy.” I regretted saying it the minute the words escaped my mouth. I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to read the truth in his eyes.

He sat up straight and cupped my face in his hands. It forced me to look at him. His voice was stern. “How many times do I have to tell you? I want to be with you.
I don’t want anyone else.”

“
How could you, Rob? I’m boring, and my family is a mess. You deserve someone who isn’t fractured into so many pieces.”

“Why do you say that?” His voice was loud.

I shrugged. I shouldn’t have said anything. Why couldn’t I have just been happy for as long as it lasted? A tear slid down my cheek.

“
Mandy, I don’t know what it is that you think I want, but I can tell you that I knew it was you from the moment I met you. I don’t care that your brother is challenged, or that your mother has drinking issues, or that your Dad is overprotective, or that Bryan’s attention span for girls is measured in seconds. I only care about you.” His voice was firm and loud. People passing by looked at us when they heard Rob’s tone. “Since my parents died, I’ve thought about what I’ve lost, the holes I have in my life. I thought I’d never fill them, that nothing could ever make me happy again. Uncle John says I’m too young to know what I want for my future. But that’s all I’ve been thinking about since the fire.”

The lines on his face softened
, and his voice became low. “From the moment we met, all of that changed. For once, I felt as if some of the holes were starting to fill. Now I know what makes me happy. It’s true we’ve only known each other for a short time, but it feels comfortable. It feels right. Unless…” he hesitated, “…you feel differently. If that’s the case, I’ll take you home right now and I won’t bother you again.”

My head shook violently, his hands moved with my jaw.

“So then, stop thinking, and just enjoy this beautiful marina, with the sun above us, looking at these beautiful boats, and being together. If there’s anything I’ve learned from my parents’ deaths, it’s that you never know when life’s going to end. You have to seize the moment, live life the way it makes you happy. His grip softened, and before I could interject, he kissed me.

Calmness draped my body
, and his words sunk into my brain. He was right. With a few more of his amazing kisses, I was convinced.

No more negative thoughts, Mandy
. I decided to adopt Rob’s philosophy and make the most of every moment with him, for however long it would last. I was ready to give up being the one everyone depended on so that I could enjoy my life. I didn’t want to be the one who would surrender her life and clean up all of their messes anymore. I was ready to put the pieces of my own life together.

We left the pier and walked along the water’s edge. He placed a blanket on the
grass under a tree. We ate the sandwiches and enjoyed each other’s company.

“I have to work tonight,” he said with sadness.

“I’ll be home if you want to call on your break.”

“You know I will.”

Chapter Thirty-One

I shook my shoes out on the front porch. Sand littered the steps. I walked inside to get the broom and dustpan. Jimmy jumped up from the couch. “Hey, Mandy.”

I jumped. His voice startled me. “Oh, hey, Jimmy.” I looked around. He was by himself. “Is Bryan upstairs?”

“No. Our boss asked him to stay late to clean the grease traps.
I didn’t have to stay. We’re hanging out tonight.”

“Oh,” I said
. It was odd that Jimmy was here without Brian. I shrugged it off, collected the dustpan and broom, and went back to the porch to sweep up the sand
.
Why didn’t Jimmy just wait for Bryan at work? Or go home and then come here when Bryan was home? And, how did he get in? Maybe Bryan gave him his key.

I walked
past Jimmy on the couch and into the kitchen to empty the contents of the dustpan into the garbage bin. Jimmy got up and followed. “So, what’s new?” I asked to quell the awkwardness.

Jimmy shrugged. His straight blond hair
fell into his face. He smelled of grilled burger.

I tried to keep the conversation going.
“Only a few more weeks until school. Ready to be a senior?”

Another shrug.

I searched through the cabinets for ideas for dinner. Jimmy stood in the kitchen archway, staring. His lack of conversation made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t like him not to be chatty with me. I felt as if he was gawking. Relief poured over me when Bryan walked in.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me
, or to Jimmy. “Are we eating soon, Mandy? Jimmy and I are meeting Jennifer and Tanya at the mini-golf course.”

I hadn’t planned on starting dinner so quickly, but making it now wouldn’t be a big deal. “Go shower, it’ll be ready when you get out. Dillon should be home
any minute.”

“What are we having?” Bryan asked.

“I guess I’ll make tacos. It’s quick and easy.”

He smirked and retreated upstairs, no doubt to shower the burger smell off his body.
I bet Jennifer didn’t like when he smelled greasy. Who would? Would Tanya like that about Jimmy? He hadn’t showered.

“
You can shower, too, Jimmy. Take some clean towels from the closet,” I said.

His eyes widened at my
suggestion. He almost looked guilty of something. “Nah. I’ll just stay here and talk with you.” He took a seat at the table, but continued to stare at me. The uncomfortable feeling returned. I expected him to start talking, but he didn’t say a word. It was odd that he was so quiet. Maybe he thinks I’m still pissed off about last night.

Not wanting to relive those unpleasant events, I tried using the same small talk I had with Eric. “Do you know who your homeroom teacher is?”

“Mrs. Anderson. My letter came yesterday; early this year.”

“Yeah. I have Ms. Gillis. My letter came today.” I put the skillet on the stove and waited for it to heat up. “I hope I don’t have
Gunther for gym. She’s mean.”

Jimmy grunted.
More silence. Then, “See you got some flowers.”

I beamed and glanced at him. “They’re from Rob. He wanted to cheer me up because of what happened last night. Aren’t they beautiful?”

“I bet they were expensive,” he said.

“I guess.” I stirred the rice in a second pot.

“I didn’t know you liked roses. I thought your favorite was Gerbera daisies.”

How’d he know that? I never told anyone.
“What girl doesn’t like roses?” I kept mixing.

Jimmy was quiet again. I wasn’t sure if I should turn around.
Change the topic, Mandy.
“So, how’s it going with Tanya?” I asked.

“Okay, I guess.”

“Don’t you like her?”

“She’s okay. I think she wants to have sex with me.”

Oh! I wasn’t expecting that
.
“W-w-why do you say that?” Did I really want to know?

“She kept trying to unzip my pants last night. I told her I didn’t know her well enough. I mean
, it was the first time we were together. Besides, I want my first time to be with someone special. Don’t you, Mandy?”

I glanced at him over my shoulder. “
Y-y-yeah, of course, Jimmy.”

He continued, “I want the first time to be with someone I love
. Someone I’ve shared important things with. Someone I’ve grown with as a person. Someone who knows me.” His voice lost that matter-of-fact tone; it was serious, more seductive, and suggestive. “It has to be special.”

The hair on my arms prickled. I never thought I’d have this conversation with Jimmy. I never even thought I’d have this conversation with anyone. I didn’t want to look at him
, because I didn’t want to acknowledge my lack of experience in this area, and I knew I was very, very red. With a deep breath, I tried to change the subject. “Can you grab the chili pepper from the pantry?” My request seemed to shake our conversation back to a more comfortable place. By the time he handed me the powder, Bryan walked back in the room.

“That was fast,” Jimmy said to him.

“Yeah, well, I told Jennifer we’d be there by six.” We all looked up at the clock above the kitchen door. It read 5:25.

Dillon wasn’t ready to eat his dinner. There
was a list of things he had to do between the time he came off the school bus and dinner. So, Bryan and Jimmy ate without Dillon.

“Leave the dishes,” I said. “Go have fun with Jennifer and Tanya.” They were gone before I finished my sentence. Relief spread over me when Jimmy was out of the house.
Why was he behaving so strangely?

I made Dillon’s tacos the way he liked them: jus
t meat in the corn shell, but I forgot to keep the rice on a separate plate. I knew I was in trouble when he started to flap his hands and chant, “No touch. No touch.”

“Okay, Dill. I’ll fix it.”

“No touch. No touch.” He rocked in the chair. I rushed to grab the plate to fix it, but his hands shot up. The plate flipped up into the air. Taco shell hit the ceiling, and bits of brown meat and rice rained onto the table, the floor, the counter–everywhere. The plastic dish missed Dillon’s head by an inch. Most of the broken taco shell landed in the sink, but parts of it scattered on the stove and the floor.

I had to make another dish for him
, or his meltdown would escalate. I put together another taco, and put more rice on a separate plate. As soon as it was placed on the table, he calmed down and ate his dinner. I waited until he was finished before I knelt onto the floor with a wad of wet paper towels.

“Go take your shower and you can watch television in your room,” I told him.

Using the wet paper towels, I started with the counter top. Cleaning the surface of everywhere the taco pieces landed, I scooped up the chunks of meat, taco shell, and rice. I was still cleaning the floor when my mother walked in. Tears streamed down her face. I looked up at her. My shoulders dropped. “What’s the matter, Mom?”

“It’s my fault. He could’ve gotten hurt. It’s all my fault, Mandy.” Tear tracks ran under her puffy eyes
, and alongside her red nose.

Dillon’s
meltdown frustrated me enough. I didn’t need her break down at that moment too. Leaving the bunched up paper towels on the floor, I stood and walked over to my mother. I wrapped my arms around her with hesitation. I wasn’t sure if she was going to slug me, or allow me to comfort her. Her body relaxed in my embrace, and she cried on my shoulder. “It’s okay, Mom. Dillon’s home now. He’s safe.”

“He’s safe?” She stopped crying long enough for me to look her in the eyes and nod. The smell of alcohol was strong.

“He’s watching TV in his room.”

“His room?”

“Yes. He’s upstairs.”

“My baby’s upstairs?”

“Yes. Why don’t you go upstairs, too? Come on, I’ll help you get washed up, okay?”

“Okay.”

Dillon sat on the edge of his bed, watching television. She stopped in the doorway of his room.

“I love you, Dillon,” she said. More tears streamed from her swollen eyes. Dillon stared at the television, unaffected by our mother.

Mom took a shower, and I helped her put on clean pajamas. I checked the pillowcases before I tucked her into her own bed. Her eyes closed as soon as her head touched the pillow. Then I went back downstairs to finish cleaning the kitchen.

The phone rang. I looked at the clock. It was only 7:30;
too early for Rob’s call. “Hello?”

“Mandy? It’s Al, from the garage.”

“Oh hey, Al. How’s everything?”

“Good. Is your dad there?”

“No, he said he was working late tonight.”

“Well, he’s not here. I’m covering tonight.
I’m just about to close up.”

“Oh. Sorry, Al.
If he’s not there, I don’t know where he is.” Well, I had a good idea of whom he was with, but not where they were. I shuddered at the thought.

“Can I leave a message with you?”

“Sure.” I reached into the drawer closest to the telephone to grab a pen and the notepad we keep for messages. “Can you tell him that Mrs. Sutton’s part came in at six-thirty?”

“Wasn’t he at the shop at all today?”

“Yeah, but he left early.”

“Okay, Al. I’ll tell him. Thanks for calling.”

“Have a good night, Mandy.”

I was so pissed when I hung up the phone.

An hour later, the kitchen was finally taco free. I ran upstairs and took a fast shower so that I wouldn’t miss Rob’s call. At 8:45, Dad came home. I was sitting on the couch, trying to concentrate on the Discovery Channel. Somehow, animals fighting each other on the plains of the Serengeti seemed tamer than anything that was happening in my house. He walked into the living room and sat in the recliner. I stared at the animals on the television, trying my best to ignore him.

“Mandy, let me explain. Arlene cares about me.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from darting over to him. “Arlene?”

“She listens to me. She understands. She doesn’t pull away from me.” He was trying to convince me. “She doesn’t hide in a bottle.”

Disgust filled me. “I don’t want to know what you do with your slut.” I clicked the television off and stood to leave.

“Mandy, I never meant to—“

I stopped at the base of the stairs. “Dad, you’ve been enabling her. Instead of helping your wife of eighteen years, you’d rather booze her up while you get your rocks off with some married, rich bitch who doesn’t even consider you a ‘professional’. I don’t want to know what you do. I don’t care. I’m tired of being the one who keeps all the secrets, the one who takes care of everyone and does whatever needs to be done. I’m tired of giving up what I want so that everyone else can be happy. Is that why you won’t let me get a car? Because you need me to make sure that Mom is wasted at home, and Dillon is safe, so you can go out and sleep around? Do whatever you want. Just don’t expect me to support you. It’s time for you to take responsibility of your family, Dad. I’m only seventeen. I’ve given up a lot of things to make sure that this family doesn’t fall apart. Well, I’m through! It’s my turn to have a life and be happy. I’m sorry if that doesn’t fit into your plan.”

I
didn’t wait for his response. Instead, I marched upstairs to my room, and slammed the door. My throw pillows bounced around me when I flung myself onto my bed. Then the tears streamed down my face, but I wasn’t sure if I was sad, or angry.

The phone rang. “Hello?” I answered abruptly.

“Did I do something wrong?” His voice was concerned.

I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’ve just had an awful night.”

“Wanna tell me about it?” Why was he so good to me?

“Maybe tomorrow. I don’t want to ruin your night, too.”

“Well, then, let me try to change your mood.” He told me how much he missed me. Yup, that turned my mood around.

“I never thanked you for another wonderful day,” I said. My voice was much less hostile than it was at the start of our con
versation.

“I
’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“
Rob, you make me so happy.”

He told me about who showed up for work
, and who didn’t. He also told me what he had accomplished, and what he still had to do. I didn’t care what we talked about, as long as I heard his voice.

“Would you like to go to the creek tomorrow?” I asked. “I could bring lunch this time.”

“I would love that. I’ll call you in the morning when I wake up. I have to go, Matt’s coming.”

“Bye,” I said, but he had alread
y hung up. Loneliness stabbed my heart.

I reached for the book on my end table, trying hard to focus on the characters, but the only one I found in my head was Rob. When I knew my father was upstairs in his room, I tiptoed into the kitchen. I poured myself a tall glass of milk. After plucking three cookies from the jar, I sat at the table
, stared at the bouquet of roses, and thought about how wonderful Rob was. When the clock registered two A.M., I went upstairs and dreamt about sailing around the world with him.