Fractured Hearts (Shattered Lives, Book Three) (12 page)

“I believe six months, give or take. I’m not one hundred percent sure.”

“Well, we aren’t equipped to deal with a birth.”

Jane stepped forward. “I understand that, but we can make do, right?”

“I’m not so sure. We had an incident a little while ago.” I cleared my throat. Concerned, Jane looked at me. “Nick’s girlfriend, along with their baby, passed away during birth.” Jane gasped and grabbed Lauren. “It devastated us as a group. She was Elaina’s best friend…like a sister. It’s still very fresh.”

“What happened?” Lauren asked.

“I don’t know the particulars, but she bled out and the baby was very premature.”

Jane gasped, “Oh no. That’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”

“It has been difficult for us.” Quiet but strong, I worked hard on not exposing my weak side.

Elaina walked back in from the pantry. A quick nod at Gunther and he sat back down with Quinn and the kids.

“I have some food for you.” I glanced at her and the distress on my face made her frown. She took my arm. “I’m just going to have him sit over there. He hasn’t eaten in a few days, so he is a little…cranky.” Faking a laugh, she led me over to the table furthest away from them. Thomas was sitting there, quietly reading a book on the Civil War.

“Can we sit here?” I asked.

“Yeah. Do you wan’ me to leave?”

“No. Please stay,” I said.

“Here, eat up.” Elaina passed over a scrappy looking granola bar, a bag of dried fruit, and a water. I devoured everything in minutes.

Leaning toward Thomas, I murmured, “I need your help to keep an eye on them. I want you to be a second pair of eyes for me until I’m one hundred percent.”

“I don’t like where this is heading,” Elaina hissed. Ignoring her, I waited for his response.

“I can do that,” Thomas replied, looking at her.

“I don’t trust them,” I muttered and Thomas nodded. “Like white on rice, Thomas.” He nodded at me again.

At that moment, Ben and his crew got up and walked past us. Thomas immediately stood. I cleared my throat, touched the table with my finger, and Thomas lowered himself back into the chair.

“Give it a minute. Rule number one for tailing is keep your distance,” I said as I put the water bottle to my lips, wishing it were a bottle of whisky.

When the family left the cafeteria, I held my finger up for a moment, then motioned for him to follow. “Keep your Sig handy, and keep an eye on Eli.” Thomas nodded and stalked off after them.

“Do you think that was a good idea?” Elaina whispered.

“What?”

“Sending Thomas after them.”

“He’s not going after them, Elaina. He is simply scoping out the situation. I can’t be everywhere at once while I’m still not one hundred percent.”

“I understand that, but there’s five of them, and he’s just little Thomas.”

I waved my hand through the air in annoyance. “And he’s a great shot. He’ll be fine!”

“What have they done, Henry?”

“I got a bad vibe from them. Isn’t that enough for you?”

“Gunther is fine with them, with the exception of the little douche, Eli. Why do you have to purposely butt heads with him?” Her eyes bugged out, hand flying to her mouth, realizing what she said.

I couldn’t even look at her, furious she sided with him, and wasn’t going to reply to her obnoxious question. From the corner of my eye, I could see her peeking at me. Seething, I stared at the “What’s On Today’s Menu” board on the wall—a heaping helping of angry with a sloppy side of rage.

Elaina put her hands down. “Henry…” She reached for me, but I stood in haste. I couldn’t have her touching me at that moment because I would’ve fucking snapped. Slamming the chair into the table, I glared at Elaina, wanting to say something, but nothing worthwhile would have come out of my mouth, so I cursed under my breath and stormed off.

Throwing her head back, Elaina muttered, “Shit. Why does this always happen?”

The minor explosion between them got Gunther’s attention. After Henry slammed the chair into the table, he sighed and got up.

“What was that about?” he asked as he approached.

Elaina moaned, “Gunther, not now.” She stood and tried walking away, but he grabbed her arm. After trying to yank her arm free several times, she gave up.

“What’s going on?” Gunther asked.

“Please, get your meat hooks off me,” she whined.

“Not until you tell me what the fuck is going on.”

“Fine! He thinks there’s something off about that group so he’s having Thomas follow them around. As he put it, ‘white on rice’.” Gunther laughed. “Okay, it’s
so
not funny. Then I told him you were fine with them, with the exception of Eli, and he just stormed off.”

“Hmm…” He rubbed at the hair growing on his head, reminding him he needed to shave.

“You
are
fine with them, correct?”

With a shrug, he said, “Yeah, I guess.”

“What do you mean yeah, you guess?” she asked, miffed.

“I didn’t get a bad feeling from them. But he did…”

She stared at him for a moment, trying to take it all in. He was still latched onto her arm. “So, let me get this straight. You didn’t get a bad feeling from them, but Henry is pissed at me because I said you were fine with them. Now you’re rethinking your stance on the situation?”

“I suppose,” Gunther replied. “I mean, if he gets a bad vibe…”

“You suck!” she shouted at him.

“Actually, I don’t, but that’s okay. I leave that up to Quinn.”

He smirked, then she growled, “I don’t have the patience for your immature sense of humor and sarcasm at the moment!”

“So sorry, love,” he snipped.

“What the fuck is your problem?!”

He was confused, but probably not as confused as she was. “I’m not sure, but I am certain
you
know what my problem is because, seemingly, you are well-versed at what’s going on in my head,” Gunther growled.

“Seriously, Gunther, let go of me.”

“Why?”

“I need to get to Henry before he jumps off the goddamn roof!” He stared at her and licked his lips several times, making a point to slowly run his tongue over the cut Henry had given him. “Let go of me, or I will kick you in the balls again!” He laughed.

When she was about to rip his face off, Quinn came running over. In a heated whisper, she asked, “What is going on over here? You two are scaring the kids!”

He looked back at the table, and saw Silas hiding under it. “Bloody hell,” he muttered. “Henry’s angry with her for siding with me. And, naturally, she’s mad at me because,
obviously
, I forced her to side with me.”

“Excellent.” Quinn folded her arms across her chest. “So he’s probably pissed at you again.”

“When isn’t he? I’ll go talk to him,” he said.

“No, you won’t. You’re staying here with me, and Elaina can go try to patch things up with him. If he’s angry, he’s going to be explosive and she’s the only one who can calm him down. Now get your ass over there and tell Silas everything is okay.”

As Quinn walked away, Gunther glanced at Elaina with pursed lips and a flush in his cheeks.

“Remind me to never piss her off. She has this bizarre method of yelling, but her voice is at a normal volume. It’s a bit frightening,” Elaina muttered just before she walked away.

Sitting in the chair in his room, Josie straddled Nick’s lap. Her arms were wrapped around his neck, kissing him. He placed his hands on her hips and let out a deep, throaty groan when she shifted her weight against his hard length.

“Fuck, Josie…,” he mumbled as his lips found their way back to her neck.

Her fingers worked their way down his upper torso, finding the bottom of his t-shirt. Pulling it off, she rested her palms on his firm chest. She ran her tongue up his throat and back to his mouth, dipping her tongue in, stroking his.

He pulled off her shirt. “Goddamn, you’re beautiful.” Josie shrugged and looked away. “You don’t think so?” She shook her head, but he lifted her chin with his finger. “Well, I think you are.”

Josie smiled shyly. “Thank you.”

He brushed his thumb over her swollen, red lips. “You’re welcome, beautiful,” he murmured, an edge to his voice.

Nick pushed his hand into Josie’s hair and pulled her to him so he could kiss her again. His hands trailed down her back to grab her small ass, then lifted her hips. When he stood, she wrapped her short, slender legs around his waist as he carried her to the bed.

After he lay her down, he admired her. “Jesus Christ, Josie.”

“What?”

“Look at you. You’re stunning with your slim body and porcelain skin.”

A heated flush ran from her face to her chest, which made him smile. He reached forward and unbuttoned and pulled off her jeans, running his hand down over her warm flesh. She moaned as his experienced fingers touched her in places she didn’t know would feel so good.

Josie could count on one hand how many boys she kissed. She never got much further than them going up her shirt, though.

He teased her chest, while circling his thumb over her pronounced nub. She slickened, so he attempted to dip a couple fingers in. Her gasp filled the room and she scooted away.

“What? What’s wrong?”

The embarrassment reddened more than her cheeks. “Umm… I’m not very experienced,” she whispered.

He looked at her for a moment, then realized what she meant. “Oh. Uh… Maybe we should stop then.” He stood and adjusted his arousal, reaching for their shirts.

Josie was concerned it had turned him off. “Is that a bad thing? Maybe we can just go slower?”

“No. No, it’s fine, but… I don’t know.” He put his shirt on and handed Josie’s over to her as he sat on the bed, unable to look at her. “Look, I’m sorry.”

“I understand your heart is probably still with her.” He nodded. “But I’m falling for you, Nick. I love hanging out with you. Talking with you. I feel like I’m allowed to smile with you.”

“It might be best for you to just go.” Nick stood and motioned to the door.

Slowly rising from the bed, Josie pulled on her jeans, feeling heartbroken. “I don’t understand,” she whimpered.

“I don’t want to take advantage of you. You would want your first time to be with someone special.”

“But you
are
special to me.” As the tears rolled down her face, she wiped them off with the cuff of her shirt.

“I can’t be with you one hundred percent. I enjoy hanging with you, and I love we can connect on some things. It’s just hard for me. I’m sorry. It’s not the right time.”

“Nick…”

The hurt was so deep in her eyes, he had to look away. He was falling for her, too, but he struggled with his feelings. He decided to just stuff them down deep inside and put a lid on them. It was easier that way because he felt like he was cheating on Claire.

“I’m sorry. Listen, I have feelings for you, too, but I’m really having a difficult time with them.” She felt hopeful until he said, “But I can’t right now. I’m sorry.” When Nick watched Josie heading for the door, the ache grew inside of him. He didn’t want her to leave as she was. The situation made him feel like a total dick. “Wait…” She turned around and he walked up to her. “I don’t want you to leave like this.”

“But you just said–”

“I know what I said.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “Josie, I like holding you. You make me feel good when you’re next to me. It’s a feeling I haven’t had in a while. Can we just lie down together? Hold one another?”

She shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.” Reaching for her hand, he intertwined his fingers with hers and led Josie back to the bed. She felt so confused, but wanted to be there for him in his time of need to show him she cared.

They lay on their sides facing each other, neither one saying a word. She brushed his dark hair off of his forehead and out of his eyes.

Josie watched him work hard to try and control his emotions. Nick reached out and touched her cheek. He pulled her close, his lips lingering over hers. “Josie, I want this…”

“Shh. No more explanations. Just hold me.” He wrapped his arm around her waist, intertwining his legs with hers. They continued to stare at one another until all the light faded in the room.

His cool, breathy whisper startled her. “I just… I miss her. I miss her so fucking much, it makes my chest hurt,” he croaked. “I have this void that can’t seem to be filled.”

That tore at every fiber of Josie’s soul. “Nick, I understand.”

“She was my first true love. And then my baby… Both of them are gone,” he cried.

Josie moved closer and held him tighter. “I’m so sorry, Nick. I’m so sorry you lost them.”

“It’s so fucking hard.” He wiped his face. “When I realized I loved her, I made a promise to myself she was it for me. And I feel like I’m… I don’t know. I just don’t have anyone else to talk to about this. Elaina is too busy dealing with Henry. I’m lost and alone. Christ, I’m so sorry I’m doing this. It’s not fair to you.” He rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling.

“I think I should go,” Josie said in a whisper. “You need time to yourself so you can think.” She shot up off the bed and headed for the door again.

Before she could leave, he spoke again. “Josie, I’m being truthful when I say I’m falling for you. I’m just so fucking confused and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“It’s okay. I get it,” she mumbled and, hurt and angry, left Nick’s room.

Instead of going back to her room, she headed to the library and curled up on one of the couches to cry her eyes out in private.

As Elaina made her way down the halls, she couldn’t help but think,
Why was everything drama, drama, and more drama
? She didn’t have this much drama in high school. It was all so ridiculous, and she was tired of it. In obvious distress, Josie raced past her.
More drama
. Elaina rolled her eyes.

When she turned the corner of the hall where their room was, several thundering crashes alarmed her. Thomas paced outside of her and Henry’s room, not knowing what to do. She jogged down, skidding to a stop in front of him.

“Thomas, what the fuck is going on?”

“I think he’s lookin’ for booze.”

“Perfect.” She opened the door, and he stopped tearing the room apart. “Henry…”

When the door swung open, I screamed, “Shut the fucking door!” She obliged happily with a slam. I stalked up to her.
Here it comes
was written all over her face. She had better brace herself because I was about to read her the riot act. Elaina widened her stance, ready for the storm. My anger had arrived and it wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

“What the fuck is your issue?!” I barked, pointing my finger in her face.

“First off, get your goddamn finger out of my face before I snap it off and feed it to you. Second,
my
issue?!”

My words came out in a mix between a yell and a growl, “Don’t start with me, Elaina! Don’t you fucking dare start with me right now! Why are you
always
fucking siding with him?!”

“I’m not siding with him, Henry!” I threw my arms in the air and began tearing more of the room apart. “There is no alcohol in here. I dumped it all.” I grabbed a book from the shelf and threw it against the wall. “You need to calm the fuck down.”

I stormed up to her again. “Calm down?! You want me to calm the fuck down?! My fiancée is siding with the dickhead who did all of this shit to me,” I yelled, pointing to my head. “And you want me to calm the fuck down? Are you for real, Elaina?!”

“Henry, you can’t hold a grudge against him because of what happened in the program. You know why he did the things he did. You have to find it in yourself to forgive him. I thought we were past this.”

She sounded bothered and wasn’t being the supportive fiancée I dreamt she was. “Wow. Are you blowing him, too?”

I watched the fury rush through her, then her hand snaked out and gave me what I deserved. She slapped me so hard, my head whipped to one side. When I looked back at her, her eyes were filled with tears. “You are an
asshole
! I’m done.”

What? Done? Oh, god…no.

Elaina turned around and barely made it to the door before I grabbed her. “What is it with you two?! Neither one of you can keep your goddamn cold hands to yourself!”

“Elaina, I’m sorry. Please. I didn’t mean it.” She was seething and wouldn’t even glance at me. “I deserved it. Please… Don’t leave me. I’m just so frustrated about everything.”

“I’m so sick of this motherfucking drama! I’m sick of it all. I’m sick of you being drunk, you being pissy, you making
me
pissy, you fighting me, your crazy paranoia… I can’t take it anymore!”

“No, no. Please.” I dropped to my knees in front of her. “I promise I will change. I’m the one who’s fucked up here. I need to fix myself. I won’t drink again, and won’t fight with you anymore.” I grabbed onto her legs in an act of desperation. “I’m scared I’m going to lose you to him. If that happens, I’m ending this fucked up bullshit of a life I live.”

“Henry…” I sobbed in front of her. “Gunther and I are just friends. He has been there for me while dealing with you. He listens when I need to vent. He offers assistance if I need it.”

“I’m such a fucking mess. I can’t take care of you like I could before. I can’t do this life without you.”

Elaina lowered herself to her knees. “Lover, don’t talk like that.”

“You just said you’re done with me.” I was so goddamn difficult to deal with sometimes. Not that she was a peach herself, but me? God, I was the worst.

“No, I said done, as in with the conversation. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I won’t say it again. I can see how you could misinterpret my words.”

Elaina grabbed me, weepy, and held me. Maybe she thought she could hold me until I was the old Henry again. I wanted that. I wanted her to find that Henry again. We both needed it.

She grabbed my tear-soaked face, and I pulled away from her hands. “Henry, I know it looked like… Fuck.”

Seemingly, she realized how her interaction with Gunther looked through my eyes. To me, while trying to deal with my issues, she had been pulling away and falling into Gunther’s arms.

Still on my knees and trembling, I sat in front of her. “Henry, nothing happened between us. I can’t stress this enough.
We are just friends.
He just talks to me as a friend. Telling me that you need me as much as I need you. He wants me to square things with you. He said he could see how much we love each other.”

Shocked, I looked up at her. “He said that?”

“Yes. I was confused, hurt, and scared. You were drunk and angry all the time. I’m not connecting with you anymore. You were passed out drunk more nights than I want to remember. I feel alone. I was trying to disconnect myself because I was sure I was going to lose you to this or something worse. All of that, plus all of the stupid bullshit we have to deal with every single day…” As she rambled on, I was struck with an idea. She stopped when I stood, walked over to the bed and sat, resting my weary face in my hands. “Henry, I have never stopped loving you. I know I haven’t been there for you in your time of need, but it’s just been so hard for me to deal with. You must see that. I’m shutting down.”

I held my hand up to halt her from saying anything else. Without even looking, I motioned her toward the bed. She sat next to me, but I couldn’t look at her. Not until I knew what was going on. I had to try and win her back, needing her in my corner, fighting with me.

For me.

A calm washed over me as I began to speak, “I can’t do this without you, but I don’t want to do this
with
you if aren’t sure about us anymore.” I glanced at her for a second. Elaina’s eyes bugged out, obviously thinking I was dumping her. “I’m hurt, you’re hurt… We don’t seem to be gelling anymore. We haven’t in months…mostly because of me,” I muttered. With another glance at her, she looked as if she might throw up the way she had her hands over her mouth. I licked my dry lips and continued, “When we make love, it’s like we’re in two different places. This is killing me,” I mumbled as I turned away, ashamed.