Fragile Hearts (11 page)

The phone rings and the caller ID says it's
Morgan. I've been giving her space for the past few days. I guess you could say
I've also been giving myself space. I was just about to call her though,
because I miss her soft voice.

I answer, "Hello, Morgan. I was just about
to call you."

She laughs and says something about being
psychic. She sounds so different from the last time we spoke. She jokes about
me bringing over a pizza. I really want to see her outside of school. We laugh
some more and I say, "I'm on my way."

Within the hour I'm at Morgan's dorm carrying
the largest pizza I could get. She looks adorable when she opens the door. I
breeze past her and set the pizza on the table. To ground myself, I open the box
and pretend to study its contents. Morgan is smiling at me in such a way that I
know something's up.

When I close the lid on the pizza box, she
complains, "Hey, I'm hungry."

"You're not eating until you tell me what's
going on. You've got a weird look on your face."

In a demanding, yet playful voice, she says,
"Tyce, open the box."

"Morgan, no. Come on. What's going on in
that pretty head of yours?"

In a gesture that almost brings me to my knees, she
tilts her head and lowers her lashes. Finally, she meets my gaze and tells me
she called her mom and asked for money to fund training for the Paralympics.
For a second I just stare at her and then I can't help from raising a fist into
the air. "Yes! That's my girl!" I lean down until I'm almost nose to
nose with her. "I'm so proud of you!"

She tells me it's not a big deal, but I stop her
by placing my lips on hers and say against them, "Yes, it is." Then I
brush my lips across the scar on her cheek. It's not an act to mentally erase
the scar, but to embrace it; to embrace her pain. Of course, Morgan doesn't
know this. To cover my emotions, I open the pizza box with a flourish. Morgan
won't look at me. To ease her mind, I begin discussing all aspects of her
training.

After I return home, I knock on my mom's bedroom
door. She's already in bed and reading a book. When she sees my expression, she
motions me to a chair and closes her book. She waits for me to speak.

"Remember when I told you I encouraged
Morgan to train for the Paralympics and she refused?"

"Yes."

"She called tonight and invited me over to
tell me she changed her mind. She's going to enter the competition."

"Tyce, that's wonderful. It sounds like the
girl is making huge strides in her road to independence."

I nod my agreement.

Mom frowns. "So, let me guess what's
wrong."

"There's nothing wrong."

My mom makes an indistinguishable sound.
"You can't fool me, son. You've got feelings for this girl, and because of
that, you know you've got to tell her the truth sooner or later. You're just afraid
she'll reject you."

I shrug.

"Tyce, you've got to tell her!" Mom
says strongly.

I run my fingers through my hair. "I can't
right now."

Mom sighs. "When are you going to let go of
the guilt? You've carried this burden for years. You were only sixteen and you
didn't cause the accident…your father did."

"He may have been driving, but three people
lost their lives and Morgan ended up in a wheelchair because of me. If I hadn't–"

Mom interrupts, "No, you're wrong. Your
father–"

I stand. "I'm really tired. I can't talk
about this again."

Mom sounds like she's going to cry. "I
can't either. Good night, son."

For several days, I check up on Morgan daily. I
know there's the possibility she'll get discouraged and want to quit training.
She needs to build her upper body strength so I show up one night with dumbbells.
She's just about to watch a movie and I grab the DVD out of her reach. She
gives me her cute, "I'm mad as hell," look. I'm insistent about
working out and she finally caves in.

She asks if I'm going to work out, too.

I give her my best smart ass look. "Of
course, I've got to show you how it's done."

She rolls her eyes. "You are so full of
yourself."

When she asks me what I'll do if she refuses, I
lean close and whisper, "Tickle you." She smells like vanilla. She
always smells like vanilla. I can't resist a few tickles that get her giggling.

For the next hour I train Morgan in the basics
of working with dumbbells. Now I have a legitimate reason to show up at her
dorm every night.

Over the next few weeks, she makes great strides
in increasing her strength and she talks excitedly about her progress at the
swimming pool. Purposefully, I have avoided going to the pool to watch. I don't
want to make her nervous.

Kaylee has been begging me to bring Morgan back
and I decide to also bring Lucy. I think Lucy will make Kaylee laugh, something
she needs right now. Her health has been steadily declining.

Before we reach Kaylee's home, I warn Morgan and
Lucy that Kaylee is very frail. I don't think Morgan realized how frail until
she saw Kaylee in a wheelchair. Morgan whispers to me, "What's going
on?"

I have to tell her that the child is now on
dialysis and there's still no kidney donor.

Just like I knew would happen, Kaylee and Lucy
get along great. I think our visit cheered the little girl.

Today, things got to me. Too much worry about Kaylee's
health and concern over Morgan's progress with swim practice, hoping she'll
stick with it, have given me a plaguing since of the inevitable—coming clean
with Morgan. I'm in a piss-ass mood. I know I need to just go to bed and sleep
this crap off, but I decide to drive to Bandy's bar to have one beer and maybe
play a game of pool. Before leaving I stop by the kitchen to tell my mom I'll
be gone for a couple of hours. I can see by her expression that she's concerned
about me, but she doesn't say anything. I suppose she knows it wouldn't do any
good.

As I turn into the parking lot of Bandy's, a hangout
for college students, I groan. Cindy and her gang just pulled into a parking
space. I have a mind to just circle the parking lot and leave, but that makes
me angry at myself. I'll not have Cindy putting the brakes on my life.

The only available parking is a couple of cars
down from Cindy's red Mustang, and I swing into it. Of course, Cindy, Tina, and
the others in the car, spot me. I hear Tina say, "Ohhhh, look, there's
Tyce."

Cindy immediately spins around and grins. She's
a beautiful woman, but she does nothing for me. In fact, she makes me cringe.
She and her friends wait for me. I'm not a rude person, so I say,
"Hello."

Unfortunately, the girls consider that as an
invitation to join me. We walk into the bar together and I decide my best
option is to head for the bathroom. If I stay there long enough, maybe they'll
forget about me. A couple of guys come and go. Finally, I return to the main
room to possibly start a game of pool. Just as I enter, I see the front door
swinging shut—not unusual, of course—but I glimpse a girl in a wheelchair.
Surely, it's not Morgan. To be sure, I dart across the room and out the door.
I'm shocked that Morgan and Lucy are hurrying across the parking lot. I shout,
"Morgan! Lucy! Wait up!" I run toward them. "Morgan, when did
you get here? Why didn't either of you call me? I would have come with you."

I'm surprised when Morgan frowns and says in an
irritated voice, "Now why would you want to do that when you have your
girlfriend Cindy and her court fawning over you?"

Momentarily, I'm stunned. "Cindy isn't my
girlfriend." I attempt to explain that we just happened to arrive at the
same time.

Morgan's biting response hurts, "As if I
care? Go back inside, your fan club waits."

Is she jealous?
I glance around the
parking lot looking for Lucy's car. When I don't see it I ask if she drove and
she tells me they took a cab.

My voice is firm when I say, "I'll drive
you both home."

Morgan refuses and insists on a cab. Glancing
between us, Lucy tells Morgan in no uncertain terms that they're riding home
with me, and asks me where my truck is. I point across the parking lot. Lucy, with
an apologetic look at Morgan, runs toward it.

Morgan is still insisting on a cab. I crouch in
front of her, angry now. "What the hell is going on with you?"

She doesn't respond.

My anger quells. "Are you jealous?"

I'm expecting Morgan to retort in anger;
instead, she just looks at me with big tears in her eyes.

I can't help my response. "Fuck it all to
hell. I'm tired of fighting this."

I have one desire—kiss Morgan. I brush her tears
away and gently touch my lips to hers. When she responds, I just about lose it.
A moan escapes and I deepen the kiss, but not too much, I don't want to scare
her. She responds and I pull our lips tighter by placing my hand behind her
head. Tentatively, I touch my tongue to her lips. When she opens her mouth
enough for me to taste her, I'm going crazy with yearning. She touches her
tongue to mine and I release a groan heavy with desire, kissing her fiercely.
Morgan places her small hands on my chest, fisting my shirt, and it's all too
much. I lean back a little and rest my forehead against hers. "Oh, God,
Morgan, we've got to get out of here. I swear you're driving me crazy."

Morgan nods, with her forehead still against
mine. When we arrive at my truck, I can tell by Lucy's expression—kind of a
shit-eating-grin—that she saw everything.

At Morgan's dorm, Lucy says a quick goodbye,
still wearing that grin, and runs to her car.

I help Morgan into her chair and walk with her
to the door. She hasn't said anything since we left Bandy's. She tries to find
her keys in her purse, but she's so nervous she can't. I hear her rapid
breathing. I lift the purse away from her and sift through the contents until I
locate the keys. I unlock her door and she enters the room, but I stay outside.
"I'm not coming in and I think you know why."

Unbelievably, she asks, "Why?"

"God, Morgan. Things could happen between
us."

"Is that bad?"

I want to shout, "Damn right it's bad
because you'll hate me once you know the truth about me." Instead, I say, "No.
Yes. Hell, you're an innocent and I've been around the block a few times. And
I've got things in my past you should know but, God help me, I can't tell you
right now."

Morgan reaches her hand and strokes my jaw. I
turn my mouth into her hand and kiss it. "I'm not the man for you, Morgan.
As much as I want to be, I'm not." Unable to stop myself, I kiss her one
last time, tenderly, sweetly. "I'll catch up with you tomorrow."

I take Morgan and Lucy to see Kaylee again
because she's insistent that I do so. I think she knows that she's going to die
soon if a donor isn't found.

I'm shocked when we're turned away. Seems the
doctor is with her and she can't have visitors. After I drop Morgan and Lucy
back at the dorm, I return to Kaylee's house. Julie answers the intercom and I
let her know that I'm alone and I ask to see Kaylee. She buzzes me in and meets
me at the front door. I can see worry in her eyes, and in a strained voice she
says, "We're losing her." She brushes at a tear.

I've got a lump the size of a baseball in my
throat. Before I can say anything, Julie says, "You have ten minutes, and
that's going against doctor's orders. She's in her room."

"Thanks, Julie." I bolt up the stairs
and pause outside Kaylee's bedroom, catching my breath. Lightly, I knock, but
don't wait for an answer. I peer around the edge of the door and my heart
breaks. Kaylee has an IV running into her arm and a machine monitoring her
blood pressure and heart rate. She sees me and smiles weakly. Still, that
twinkle in her eyes remains.

"Hi, Tyce. Did you bring Morgan and Lucy? I
sure miss them."

I approach the bed. "No, honey. You need to
get a little stronger." I sit in the chair beside her pillow and reach to
hold her hand. We're silent for a long time and the blood pressure cuff
automatically does its thing. I glance at the new reading. It's within normal
limits.

Kaylee turns onto her side and says, "Tyce,
I have something important to tell you. And you might hate me after I do."

I frown and study this sweet little girl's face.
I've come to love her fighting spirit against overwhelming odds. I've come to
love her. Nothing she says could ever make me feel differently. I smile and
say, "Honey, you could never do anything to make me hate you."

She squeezes her eyes tightly and says, "I
know about Morgan and you. I know your dad caused the accident that killed her
sister and another guy. I know your dad died, too." She opens her eyes and
looks pleadingly into mine. "Please don't hate me for reading things I
shouldn't."

I'm shocked by her revelation and for a minute I
can't say anything. Then I ask in a strangled voice, "How do you know
this?"

She doesn't remove her eyes from mine. "My
father checks up on everyone who works for him. His investigator always makes a
report. I know where the key that opens the file cabinet is kept."

I just stare at her.

She bites her lip. "I've read everyone's
reports. I know about Julie, the cook, the gardeners, the maids, but I never
tell anyone what I know. You'd be surprised…" her voice trails.

I glance across the room and then back at her.

Quietly, she says, "Morgan doesn't know
about you, does she?"

I shake my head and then whisper,
"No."

"But you really like her, don't you?"

I don't answer.

Kaylee says, "I'm not going to say
anything."

I nod. "Thanks."

"But you should tell her."

Amazingly, I stare into young eyes that appear old
in wisdom. The words, "old soul," pop into my mind.

I respond, "I can't."

She nods her acceptance and says, "Someday
you will."

The next couple of weeks until Christmas
vacation are hectic. I'm only seeing Morgan at school because I'm not sure I
can keep my hands off of her if we're alone. And since she doesn't know the
truth about me, I can't allow anything to happen between us. I want to come
clean with her, but I'm not ready to take that step.

The day before Christmas break I get a call from
Julie that a donor has been found. I ask when the surgery will take place and
she says soon, although nothing concrete has been scheduled yet.

I want to share the news with Morgan so I wait
for her outside the gym. Her hair is still wet from swimming. It's pulled back
in a clip and she looks so adorable I have to catch my breath before giving her
the good news. "Hi, Morgan. I thought you'd like to hear the latest news about
Kaylee. A donor has been found."

She's elated and asks me when the surgery will
take place. I tell her everything I know, which isn't much, and she makes me
promise to call her as soon as I know more.

We don't say anything for a few seconds and then
I blurt, "Morgan, I know I've been an ass for awhile, but there are
things…anyway, I'm sorry."

She responds sweetly, "Hey, friends
overlook things. Would you like to get together with Lucy and share a pizza
tonight?"

I want that more than anything, but until I have
the courage to reveal my secret, I can't lead Morgan on. I decline and see the
hurt in her eyes when she says goodbye. I can't let her leave like this so I
bend over and bring our eyes level. "Morgan, you are the sweetest girl I
have ever known, but the two of us as a couple would never work. I just want
you to know, though, that the reason it wouldn't work is because of me, not
you. The man who steals your heart will be the luckiest guy on earth."

Before I lose it, I kiss her forehead and then
quickly walk away.