Fraser 02 - Highland Quest (19 page)

They rode nonstop for three hours, arriving at the Bruce’s camp before midnight.

“Your journey appears to have been successful. Is the lass not well?” Robert greeted them and grabbed the reins of Bryce’s horse.

“She’s exhausted and fell asleep a few miles back. I dinna have the heart to wake her.” He glanced down at Fallon, snuggled in his arms, her hand fisted in his tunic. The sight of her made his heart thump so hard, he wondered if Robert could hear it.

Robert held Fallon while Bryce dismounted. “You have two less men than you had when you started out.”

“Outnumbered six to one, I’m surprised we dinna lose more.” Bryce gathered Fallon into his arms and carried her toward a fallen tree. “When do we leave for our next encounter with the English?”

“At daybreak. You’ve arrived in time to get a good night’s sleep.” Robert cocked a brow. “Unless you have other plans.”

Fallon stirred, then brought her hand up to her mouth and yawned. “Have we arrived?” She yawned again and glanced around the clearing, her eyes meeting with Robert’s.

Bryce set her on her feet and she quickly combed her fingers through her hair. She smoothed her hands down the front of her disheveled gown then offered a curtsy of respect to the Scottish King. “I must look a fright.”

“On the contrary, you put me in mind of my Elizabeth on our wedding night. She was about your age when we married. I was a widower. My first wife died after giving birth to my daughter, Marjorie. I was not certain I wanted to remarry right away, but the lass needed a mother, and it was my responsibility as clan chief to provide a male heir if possible. Love and duty have a way of conquering many obstacles.” Robert lowered his head. “Both are being held prisoner by Longshanks. Something I soon hope to rectify.”

“I’ll pray they are safe,” Fallon said.

Robert coughed to clear his throat. He glanced from Fallon to Bryce. “You’re welcome to use my tent for your wedding night if you so desire.”

Bryce shifted his weight and ran his hand across the back of his neck. “I’m sure Fallon would welcome a warm place to sleep for the night. I can fetch a plaid and bed down with the men.”

Robert’s brow knit together. “I assumed given the circumstances, you’d be sharing a tent.”

“I dinna know what he means.” Fallon looked to Bryce for answers.

“If I spoke out of turn, please accept my apology. Mayhap we should give the two of you some time alone to speak.” Robert gave a curt nod and motioned for Alasdair to join him.

“What was Robert talking about?” Fallon gripped Bryce’s forearm, but he didn’t turn around. “Please tell me.”

“He assumed we would want to spend the night together,” Bryce finally answered, but didn’t elaborate any further. His pulse raced and his stomach twisted. He didn’t want to upset Fallon, but he could not bring himself to say what she wanted to hear. Despite his strong feelings for her, he could never enter into a relationship. It wouldn’t be fair to either of them. He’d almost cost Fallon her life once and he refused to take that risk again.

“I see.” Fallon withdrew her hand and stepped away. “I suppose that is a ridiculous assumption given your dedication to the cause and determination not to fall in love. I was foolish to believe—”

“To believe what, Fallon?” His resolve wavering, Bryce spun around to face her. “You are a beautiful, desirable woman. Any man would be proud to call you his own.”

“Except you.” She wrapped her arms around her waist, her eyes downcast. “You’ve made yourself clear on more than one occasion that you have no interest in anything beyond the present.”

“It has nothing to do with you. The problem lies in
me
. If I were to take a wife, you would be my choice. But I canna fall in love. It would not be fair to you. Besides, I’m not worthy.” He couldn’t hide the emotion in his voice when he spoke.

“You once asked me to share my inner thoughts with you, Bryce, to tell you why I felt the need to do everything alone. I am asking you to grant me the same boon. Tell me why you’ve built a protective wall of stone around your heart?”

Silence stretched between them for so long, Fallon didn’t think Bryce was going to answer. Then he ran a shaky hand through his hair and stared at a distant point somewhere behind her.

“I was sixteen summers, a lanky, moonstruck lad who, despite the horror I had already witnessed in my life, still believed in love and romance. My brothers told me I was being a fool and begging for trouble. But I wouldn’t listen to them. I was enamored of the smithy’s daughter. She was thirteen summers and her father thought her too young to marry. He forbid us to see each other, but we continued to meet in secret, swore our eternal love before the Almighty, and promised to marry when we were old enough.” He stopped speaking to clear his throat.

Fallon stepped forward and placed her hand on his arm. “Please go on.”

He glanced at her, then stared again at the spot that seemed so far away. “Ashlen was a beautiful lass. Her flaxen hair reminded me of summer wheat, her face like that of an angel. Sometimes when I close my eyes at night, I can still hear the sweet lilt of her voice. But as the years go by, it happens less and less. But I’ll never forget it.” His heart twisted in his chest. “Nor will I forget the sound of her screams when English soldiers raided the village and dragged us away.”

Fallon moved closer and brushed her hand along his cheek. “And you blame yourself?”

Bryce ducked away and began to pace. “I am to blame. Don’t you understand? Had we not been meeting in secret, she’d have been at home with her parents.”

“You were bairns.”

“Aye, but that is no excuse. When they got us to their camp, she called to me for help and I didn’t do anything to save her. She begged the soldiers for mercy, but they just laughed. They held me and made me watch as the first man violated her. By the time the third began his assault, she’d grown quiet and had stopped struggling, the life and spirit gone from her eyes.”

He rubbed a shaky hand across his brow. “I tried to fight them, but there were too many. When I did manage to twist free, one of the men struck me in the head with the hilt of his sword and I dinna remember anything after that.”

Tears ran down his cheeks, but he scrubbed them away and turned his back. He could not believe he was sharing his inner torment with Fallon. Until now, he’d refused to discuss that day with anyone. Yet the words poured out of his mouth like a river over a waterfall.

He blew out a ragged sigh, then continued. “When I woke up, they were gone. I frantically searched for Ashlen, but could not find her. Then I heard her mother wailing. I raced to her side. Ashlen lay on the ground at the edge of a crofter’s field. She’d been stripped naked and her head was twisted at an unnatural angle. The bastards broke her neck.” Bryce buried his face in his hands. “She was so young and had had her whole life ahead of her. I wished they’d killed me in her stead.”

Fallon caressed his shoulder, but he shrugged away.

“What happened to Ashlen was not your fault,” Fallon said softly. “The English ravaged many women and young lasses on their campaigns. No one was able to stop them. Especially a lad who himself was being held against his will by the blackguards.”

He didn’t want her pity, but he had to make her understand. He’d never spoken about that day, but it had eaten away at him for eight years.

“I had my chance at love, Fallon, and dinna meet the challenge. I failed miserably and let Ashlen down. The day they lowered her into the ground, I vowed not to fall in love again. I promised her there would never be another.”

“If what you say about Ashlen is true, she loved you very much. She would never want you to blame yourself. Nor would she want you to live your life alone.”

“I’m not worthy of love. I canna.” He grabbed her by the arms and shook her. “No matter how attracted I am to a woman. And I am so drawn to you, it drives me insane.” He tugged her into a tight embrace, pressed his lips to the top of her head, then stepped away. “May the Almighty help me. No matter how hard I try, I canna get you out of my mind or my heart. But don’t you see? I must. I let you down, too. Just like I did Ashlen.”

Fallon stepped toward him with her hand outstretched, but he backed away. “I did everything I could to ensure your safety. When you showed up before the battle, I was furious. But not at you. I was angry at John for bringing you to the camp, but I was also afraid, terrified, that history was about to repeat itself. When we got word that Dungal had taken you prisoner, I almost went out of my mind. Hearing he planned to violate you, then kill you if I dinna do as he demanded, was like reliving the day Ashlen died all over again.”

Before she could respond, he strode away. He needed time to get his emotions in check, to regain his composure.

“I dinna usually tell a man how to run his life. Heaven knows I have enough troubles in my own, but it is clear to me that you and young Fallon are meant to be together.” Robert joined Bryce by the fire a while later.

“I canna argue about Fallon’s many qualities. She is a wonderful woman, but I am not looking for a wife.”

“So you claim.” Robert cocked his head to the side then continued. “But your actions say differently.” He patted Bryce on the shoulder.

“Fallon helped me when I was injured and came to warn us of the pending attack. When Dungal took her prisoner, I felt duty-bound to rescue her. But there is nothing more, and never can be,” Bryce answered, but did not make eye contact with Robert. If he did, he was certain his friend would know he was a liar.

“I’m sure you have your reasons for pushing her away, Bryce, but life has a way of taking twists and turns we are not anticipating. Time lost canna be regained.”

“You dinna understand. And you’re right. I do have my reasons. I mean no disrespect, but would appreciate some time alone.” He gazed into the fire, hoping Robert would honor his wishes, drop the topic, and give him some space. Heaven help him, but Alasdair nagged him enough for ten men.

“Mayhap I am not privy to everything you hold in your heart, but hear me out. Once I’ve said my piece, I will give you the solitude you desire.”

Bryce nodded, but didn’t reply. He picked up a stick and stirred the embers.

“I’ve been away from my wife and family for so long, I scarcely remember what they look like. I’d do anything to see them. To know they are safe and not in the hands of the enemy,” Robert began.

Bryce lowered his head. “I’m sorry about your wife and daughter. I pray they are returned to you soon and in good health.”

“There is a very real possibility that will never happen. Are you willing to throw away your chance for happiness? You canna change the past, but you can have some control over the future. If this war has taught me anything, life is too short to throw away opportunities. We never know what tomorrow has in store for us.”

“Exactly. And if I die in the next battle or the next, I’ll not leave behind a wife and mayhap a child to mourn me.”

“Is it for your bride you fear, or yourself?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Bryce snapped.

“I dinna know everything that has happened in your past. Some things a man must keep to himself. But it is clear that you are as much afraid of risking your heart as you are of leaving behind a family in the event of your death.” Robert placed his hand on Bryce’s shoulder. “Think long and hard, my friend, before you make a final decision that will affect the rest of your life. I am powerless at this moment to rescue my family, but you can do something to save the bond between you and Fallon.”

Bryce pressed fingers to his temples and rubbed. After an extended pause in the conversation, he spoke. “The war brings with it so many uncertainties. I could not in good conscience ask Fallon to marry me, knowing I had to depart right away to do battle, and mayhap leave her a widow. Besides, I gave you my oath and pledged my sword to the cause. And my life if need be.”

“Should you decide to ask for Fallon’s hand, I willna expect you to remain with us. You have done more than your share to help the cause. Returning to the Highlands and taking care of you new bride would be your priority.”

“I canna forsake my oath. My word is my bond and—”

Robert held his hand in the air to silence him. “Nay. I will release you from your pledge. If you wish to return to the fighting at a later time, you will be welcome. I told Connor the same thing when he married Cailin.”

Bryce grew quiet. He had a lot to consider. Could he let go of the past and risk his heart again?

“Think about what I’ve said.” Robert began to walk away then paused. “But dinna wait too long to making your decision. Brooding aside, there are far better things you could be doing with your time.”

Fallon craned her neck and stared in the direction Bryce had gone, praying he’d come back. What was she to do? She had to find a way to reach Bryce, but how? He’d obviously suffered a great loss and could not move beyond his grief. To add to an already burdened conscience, he was blaming himself for her abduction. For a young man, he’d seen his fair share of sorrow and death. Her heart ached for him.

“When I’m wrong, I say so.” Alasdair approached from behind.

Fallon turned to face him. “Wrong?” She had no idea what Alasdair was talking about. Yet his somber expression indicated he considered the issue serious.

“Aye. I dinna think Bryce should get involved with you, with any lass and did my best to dissuade him. I’ve always believed women are good for two things, tupping and bearing bairns. A man has more important things to think about than marriage and family. Losing his head to a woman spells nothing but trouble for a warrior.”

“And you’ve changed your mind?”

“Nay. But I’ve learned there are men like Connor and Bryce who need that type of commitment, or they’ll spend their lives feeling incomplete.”

“What about you, Alasdair? Are you not a man who deserves a loving wife and family?”