Frat Boy and Toppy (22 page)

Sebastian slid off the couch and onto the floor, landing hard on his butt.

Assholes like him weren’t good enough to sit on the couch.

He needed another beer.

On his way into the kitchen, the phone rang. He stopped and stared. It could only be one person at a time like this. Sophie had a nose for tragedies of the heart.

Brad, Kyle, and Collin went to the bar around the corner from the bar around the corner to plan. They didn’t actually plan much, other than Brad standing up during the “New Business” part of the meeting and proclaiming his gayness. Kyle’s eyes glowed with excitement. Collin looked like he wanted to puke. Kyle had to finish his beer for him.

Kyle had gone from confused and possibly hurt to a card-carrying member of PFLAG. Literally; he’d shown Brad the card the other day. When Brad had come into their room after his night class on Wednesday, he caught Kyle frantically trying to hide a book under his pillow. He was pretty convinced it was going to be gay porn.

But once he managed to wrestle it away from Kyle, he saw it was
Brotherhood: Gay Life in College Fraternities
. When Kyle got over Brad holding his head in his armpit, he took his notes out and started babbling about writing a non-discrimination policy and creating something called a Safe Zone.

Kyle seemed to have come to terms with Brad’s sexual orientation.

“So,” Kyle said excitedly as they were walking back to the frat house. “Have you planned out what you’re going to say?”

“Yeah, I’m going to say, ‘I’m gay. Deal with it.’ And whatever else Ashley wrote down for me to say.”

Kyle stopped walking and turned to stare at Brad, mouth hanging open. He looked . . . offended. “That’s
it
? This is your chance to really make a statement, dude. The Greek system pays a lot of lip service to equality and acceptance, but they haven’t been so great about actually accepting the LGBTQ community, you know.”

“I
am
making a statement. I’m telling everyone I like cock.” Even Collin, who’d been basically green and silent since they were in the bar, smiled faintly at that.

By then, Kyle had processed the rest of what Brad had said. “Ashley? You mean
my
Ashley? She knows?”

“She didn’t tell you that? She knew you knew.” They started walking again.

Kyle flushed. “I might have accidentally told her.”

Whatever. “She’s known longer than either of you have.”

“So, you actually have quite a bit of experience with this coming out thing,” Kyle said.

“Huh. Guess so. But I didn’t plan any of those. My family, Ashley, both you guys; all accidents.”

“And Sebastian. You came out to him,” Collin pointed out.

Brad stopped walking. Huh. He had.

“Dude, seriously, though. You’re missing a golden opportunity to say a few things to the guys.”

“Kyle, why don’t you write down a few things for
you
to say? Then you can read it to everyone when I’m done.” Assuming anyone would be listening to anything at that point.

“Oh,” Kyle said. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m gonna do that. That’s great, man!” He started walking faster, pulling ahead of them.

“Is there a word for a guy fag hag?” Brad asked.

Collin snorted. “We’ll have to make one up.”

Around his fifth beer, Sebastian sighed into the phone. “We’ve been talking over an hour and a half, Sophie.”

“I know. I’m almost sick of it. I never thought I’d experience that.”

“You can’t be sick of it. I neeeeed you. Fucking with the status quo one night won’t hurt us.”

“Okay, seriously, how much have you had to drink?”

“Who cares? Just help me figure this out. What’s the deal with love? Love hurts, yeah? This doesn’t hurt. Didn’t hurt. Until I stomped on my little man’s heart.” He paused to belch. “He’s not little. I meant that figuratively.”

Sophie snorted. “Love always hurt me. But, Sebastian?”

“Speak, sister.”

“Maybe that’s not really love.”

“It hurt Dad, and he loved Mom.”

Sophie went silent. Sebastian found it ominous. “Sophie?”

“I talked to him about it once, when that guy Alec broke up with me. You remember Alec? He was the lead singer of this band—”

“We’re talking about me tonight, get with the program. It’s your dream come true. Now, you were saying you talked to Dad about love?”

“Yeah.”

“Talking to me about it when you think you love some guy isn’t enough?”

“You aren’t really that much help. Besides, I thought we were talking about you tonight. Fucking with the status quo.”

“Oh, yeah. Do I really have to ask you to tell me what Dad said?” Sebastian polished off beer number five in one long swallow, leaning heavily on the counter.

“He said, yeah, he loved Mom. That he’d do it all over again even if the same thing happened.”

“He would?” Sebastian‘s hand froze a few inches above the counter, but the empty bottle kept going, falling on its side with a clunk, then lazily rolling away from him.

“Yeah. He said it was worth it. That it would have been even if they hadn’t had us. He’d like to fall in love again.”

“That’s . . . informative. What else did he say?”

“He said when Mom first left him he felt like hamburger inside.”

Sebastian blew out a breath. “Okay, so did this help you? What Dad said?”

“Yeah. When Alec dumped me, I didn’t feel like hamburger. I felt more like, I don’t know. Scrambled eggs.”

“You know, you aren’t that much help with my relationships, either. I feel like . . . dreck.”

“Dreck.”

“Dreck. Excrement. Worthless trash. I
hurt
him! He’s too sweet to hurt.”

“Dreck. Has it ever occurred to you that you’re overeducated?”

“No. Dreck is perfect. It’s what I am.”

“I’m going to enjoy returning to the status quo.”

Sebastian didn’t answer because it sounded like Sophie was talking to herself.

She blew out a breath. Into the phone. It hurt his hearing. That called for another beer. “Okay, Sebastian?”

“Yes?”

“Is it possible you actually
do
love Brad?”

Sebastian stopped in front of the open fridge door, beer in hand. “I don’t know.” He stared at the asinine poetry magnets Paul had bought. How poetic. “Dreck” and “love” were both right in front of his face.

How
did
he feel about Brad?

He decided to start with the physical stuff, first. It was the easiest for him. ’Sides, they had a primarily physical relationship, right? Might need to warn Sophie of rough seas ahead. “Kay, this is going to be about sex. Superlative sex. Write that down. And ‘best ever.’”

“Wait. I’m your secretary now? Christ. Hang on a second,” Sophie grumbled, but he could hear the scratch of pen on paper.

“Thank you, dear sister.”

“Okay, I have a feeling I’m going to regret this, but why was the sex so great? Brad was basically inexperienced, with men at least, when you guys got together. Was it because you taught him how to do everything? Please feel free to be vague with details.”

“I didn’t teach Brad how to kiss. And sometimes when we were kissing . . .” Shivers ran up Sebastian’s spine, remembering what it was like to kiss Brad that first time he’d seen him after being apart a while. “Fantastic kisser. Write that down.” His voice dropped to a scratch. “Who do you think Brad will be kissing next?” The ache in his chest knifed him. He flinched.

“It’s pointless to think about,” Sophie said, voice hard, “because whoever it is isn’t any of your business, right? We need to get back to this list.”

Sebastian swallowed. “Okay. Hang on.” Other than kissing, what was it like to be with Brad? Sebastian closed his eyes and remembered. Sometimes when they made love, he felt like he was part of Brad. Like nothing separated them. Not even skin. “Write this down: ‘We made love.’”

She sucked in a breath, but he could hear the pen again.

Who was Brad going to make love with next?

He doubled over when the image of Brad with his roommate Collin popped into his head.

“
Made love
,” Sophie breathed.

“I’m starting to get the feeling I’m a gigantic dumbass who’s missing something important. And possibly obvious.”

“Me too. The dumbass part.”

Dad had told Sophie stuff about what love felt like. What was it? Fireworks, right? Love was supposed to be like fireworks. Sebastian took a deep breath and closed his eyes, hearing Brad’s voice.
You know I’m in love with you, right
?

He almost jumped out of his skin when the first bottle rocket took flight in his chest.

“Fuck. I have to go.” He hung up on her response, which sounded like it rhymed with “Dumbass,” and scrambled for his clothes. Something else in his chest was making like it was going to explode now, but it was the sucky, I-fucked-up kind of explosion. The kind where you accidentally cut the blue wire instead of the red one.

He had to find Brad. It was Saturday night. Brad would be at that pledge ceremony thing, right?

Should he wait? His heart was screaming at him to go
now
, before it was too late. Before he lost any more time. Before Brad decided he was better off without Sebastian. Go there and wait for Brad if he had to.

Would that look bad? He’d already fucked up enough today. He didn’t want to make it worse by inadvertently outing Brad, but . . . He didn’t think Brad was coming back here, so it was the frat or nothing.

Besides, he was Brad’s tutor. Guys’ tutors stopped by the frat occasionally, right? And waited hours for them to show up if necessary.

On Saturday night.

Sure.

Didn’t matter. He had to go
now
.

It was almost time.
El Presidente
Eduardo droned on about frat business in the front of the room, holding his silly little gavel prominently. Collin sat on Brad’s left, twisting his fingers. What did they call that? Wringing his hands. Kyle sat to his right, his knee going up and down a mile a minute, tightly clutching his notecards.

Brad was starting to wonder if
they
were going to come out tonight, too.

Although really, there was just no way Kyle was gay. Not even bi. Brad was betting Kyle was one of those guys on the extreme hetero end of the spectrum. In spite of his weird curiosity about gay sexual practices.

Eduardo wound his way through all the damn Theta Alpha Gamma business, discussed the new pledges, and now finally, finally, was getting to the New Business.

“We only have a few minutes before our newbs show up to begin the initiation rites.” This was met with a series of catcalls and cheering. Who didn’t love to insult, abuse, and break the spirits of a bunch of guys who were basically begging for it? “Is there any new business? No? Then—”

Brad stood up. “I have new business.”

The room quieted down and everyone turned to look at Brad. That “new business” thing was just a formality. Nobody was actually supposed to pop up with any.

Eduardo sighed and set down the stupid gavel he’d gotten out of a gumball machine or wherever. He leaned heavily against his podium and waved at Brad to go on.