Free to Love (6 page)

Trudy nodded in
agreement
as she tapped the end of a pen against the desk. “And I bet most people don’t realize that some of the compounds from plastic throwaways will last for hundreds of years, whether part of a landfill or floating on the ocean. In fact, I was just about to call a woman at the Marine Fisheries Service to discuss that. She’s putting together a special project to display here sometime next month.”

Trudy had been the aquarium business manager for the past six years and the facility was flourishing. She appeared a true Super Mom, Joanna thought.
A woman who could successfully juggle a career and motherhood.

Today, less than an hour after opening, scores of tourists streamed into the modern L-shaped interior with its high slanted ceilings and expansive picture windows. Some stood gawking through thick windows at a pacific octopus undulating through the murky water while striped bass and copper rockfish flitted in and out of mock pilings. Other visitors examined tidal pool displays where red, purple, and green sea anemones flourished like translucent spiny flowers. On the outer edges of the pools, barnacles clung to rocks and sea lettuce and kelp provided a lush, green carpet.

In a direct line from Trudy’s office stood the “handling tank.” Children huddled about it, turning over a spiny red-orange starfish as they peered at its cuplike tentacles.

“So what’s the final tally on the number of campers who’ve signed up for the beach walk?” Joanna asked, her thoughts turning to her first major assignment of the day.

“Last check, about—” A sudden exclamation of protest from one of the children sliced through her next words.
“Kids!”
Trudy said, shaking her head and grinning.

Joanna followed Trudy’s gaze through the opened door where two girls and a boy were engaged in obvious disagreement over who should first hold the starfish. A young mother with a toddler in tow attempted to referee.

“Brother and sisters, no doubt,” Trudy said with a laugh. “At least judging from the way they’re arguing, I assume that’s the case.”

“Typical growing pains, I guess,” Joanna supplied.

“Yes they remind me so much of my own kids.
Enemies one minute.
Long-lost friends the next.
But believe me, they’re the light of my life.” She gestured towards a brass-framed photo on the corner of her desk. Three cherubic-faced children smiled back, posed in stair-step fashion.

“Oh, my...” Joanna breathed. “All sunny smiles and blond curls, just like yours.”

“Yes, but if you think they’re beautiful, you should see my husband, Grant. I think the kids get more of their looks from him than me.”

The sound of contentment in Trudy’s voice made Joanna’s heart turn over. Once
she’d
thought she could have all that too. But now it would never happen.

Trudy glanced down at Joanna’s engagement ring topped by a silver wedding band. The diamond flashed, catching a beam of sunlight. “Do you have children, Joanna?”

“Uh.
No.” Suddenly self-conscious, Joanna twisted the rings back and forth. “More than anything, I wish I did,” she added. After a moment’s hesitation, Joanna went on to explain about Kyle.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Trudy murmured.
“Such a tragedy.
Such a horrible story.”
She attempted a feeble smile. “I... I
didn’t
mean to pry, Joanna. I just noticed your ring and thought maybe—”

“No need to apologize,” Joanna broke in, squaring her shoulders and looking away. “No need at all. I’m getting along just fine now.” She felt a lump tighten at the base of her throat as that sense of loss threatened to overtake her again.

But deep inside a new awareness gnawed.
It’s
been almost a year, Joanna. Maybe
it’s
time to take the rings off.

***

That evening, Joanna found Austin pounding nails into the front porch where he was replacing several rotted boards. “There’s more stuff going on in town tonight,” he reminded her, putting his hammer inside his toolbox. “Would you like to go back, maybe check out the street dance near the boardwalk?” He flashed
her a
devilish grin and added, “I might even be able to help you find some good-looking bachelor.”

“I already told you. I’m not interested in meeting another man.”

“You can’t go on like this forever, Jo.
You’re
young.
And very attractive.
You have your whole life ahead of you.”

“I don’t intend to,” she stammered. “It’s just that... that the time’s not quite right yet. And I have to take care of some other things first... and then, it might still be a long, long time.” Something deep inside stabbed at her as her gaze dropped momentarily to her wedding rings. “Besides, we’re out of flyers,” she added in a rush, lifting her eyes again. “So there’s really no point in going back into town. The printer said he can’t fill my order for more until sometime next week.”

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged.

Joanna took in Austin’s furrowed brow, the disappointed look in his warm brown eyes.
Poor guy,
she thought.
He’s
probably bored silly. Imagine, someone from an exciting, sophisticated metropolis like San Francisco, wanting to go two nights in a row to a homespun kite festival in a quaint little coastal town.

“I have a portable television in the guest bedroom,” she offered. “If you’d like to take it to your side, please do. It’s an extra, and I won’t need it.” She was tempted now to invite him to spend the evening with her watching a movie on TV or listening to compact discs, but she
didn’t
. Their romantic evening last night had proved a big mistake.

Besides, she needed plenty of space tonight.
Time alone.
Yes, tonight was the night. If she
didn’t
take off her wedding rings while she still had the nerve, she might change her mind. “I have a better idea. How about taking in a flick at the cinema down the highway?”

“No thanks. I really should turn in early.”

“All right.
Then I’ll settle for the television.” He jerked his head to one side. “I’ll go get it right now.”

A few minutes later, she held open the front door and watched him leave, carrying the television across the lawn. “Good-night,” she called, struggling to keep her voice even.

“See you tomorrow.”

Shutting the door, she bit her lip and heaved a sigh. Yes, tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a brand new day. But right
now
she had all she could do to deal with the remainder of tonight.

She wandered into her bedroom and switched on the wall lamp near the doorway. Soft light flooded the room. On top of the bureau was her burgundy velvet jewelry box.

Kyle
. Her gaze drifted to his photo next to it. His image smiled back at her, the smile that always flashed in her mind whenever she thought about him. She
must’ve
had a dozen or more pictures of Kyle situated around the duplex, she thought with a pang. But this one had always been her favorite. Balling her hands into fists, she pulled her eyes away.

Through the bedroom walls, from the other side, she heard the muffled tones of the television. Cheerful sounds.
A sitcom, perhaps.
Canned laughter.

Slowly she lifted the lid of the jewelry box. In the uppermost compartment, nestled in the plush layer of velvet was the simple gold band
she’d
given Kyle on their wedding day. Seeing it, her heart seemed to turn inside out. What was she doing, taking off her rings too?
she
wondered desperately. Was she turning her back on everything that
they’d
shared? The good times, and sometimes not so
good
? Their hopes and dreams?
Their plans for the future?

“Oh, Kyle,” she murmured, tears springing to her eyes. “You do understand, don’t you? This... this is something
I’ve
put off, but now I must do it. The time is right. But please know,
I’ll
cherish your memory always. I’ll always love you.”

She swallowed hard. It felt as if an ice cube was lodged in the throat. The tears fell, one after the next, tracking salty trails down her cheeks as she twisted the rings over her knuckles and then slipped them completely off.

In the lamp light, the diamond sparkled, flashing prisms of light. She traced her finger over it, then for a moment held it up to her lips. Blinking rapidly, hands trembling, she placed it in the jewelry box next to the gold band, shut the lid, then turned and walked away.

Through the bedroom walls, she could still hear the sounds of canned laughter.

Chapter Four

“Finally,” Austin muttered. He lay braced on one elbow, legs sprawled as he studied the pipes beneath the kitchen sink.

“What’s going on?” Joanna plunked down a bag of groceries on the counter and grinned at him. Faint wisps of hair poked out from both sides of her French braid, giving her a pleasantly disheveled appearance. It had been blustery, though sunny, at Two Capes State Park and today’s beach walk had lasted longer than usual.

“A piece of pipe broke off inside a fitting,” he answered. “I got it out just before you walked in. Now all I have to do is replace the pipe itself.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Yeah.
Hand me the wrench and flashlight, please. They’re right there in the bottom of my toolbox.”

She squatted, sorting through the tools,
then
handed over what he needed.

“You might also park yourself close by,” he said. “This could take a while.”

A little more than two weeks had passed since Austin had arrived. By now, helping him had become second nature to her.

She sat down on the floor, cross-legged, and slipped her left hand into the pocket of her denim jacket. How bare and exposed her hand felt, she thought again, for what seemed like the hundredth time. If Austin had noticed that she was no longer wearing her rings,
he’d
given no indication.

His face lined with concentration, Austin snapped on the flashlight and beamed it onto the pipes and fittings.

“Right now I’m just checking out everything else,” Austin explained, slicing through her thoughts. “I want to make sure none of the other pipes are cracked also. As old as this plumbing is, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover more than one problem.” He paused. “Have a good day?”

“Yes. How about you? Aside from this little plumbing problem, that is.”

“Busy. This morning I made another stop at the builder’s supply. They said the roofing materials are on the way.
About time.”

“Oh, that reminds me,” she put in. “Trudy said that when we’re ready to get to work on the roof, her husband will be happy to give us a hand. He’s in real estate now, but he used to be a professional roofer.”

“Good. We’ll need all the help we can get.”

“So how does the plumbing look?” she asked, chewing on a fingernail. Silently she prayed there
wouldn’t
be any more problems. Even with Austin doing the repairs, the cost of materials was mounting quickly.

“Surprisingly, everything else appears A-OK.
Now to get back to that broken pipe.”
He slanted
her a
look. “Come here. I need you to hold this flashlight.”

“All Right.”
She felt her pulse racing as she slid in alongside of him. Suddenly he was only inches away, much too near. As she aimed the light onto the spot where he was working, she stared at the dark hairs on the back of his strong, tanned hands, heard his steady, gentle breathing. The cramped quarters smelled wet and musty from where the pipe had been leaking.

“I intended to stop by at Anchorhold on my way home from work,” she told him, struggling to ignore the way he was affecting her. “But road construction waylaid my plans. I was forced to detour onto Grieger’s Road, which bypasses the rehab clinic completely.”

A few days earlier, Joanna had rescued another injured animal—this time a great horned owl with a broken wing. When
she’d
found the bird perched inside her storage shed, it had appeared stunned and frightened. Not wanting to burden Austin further,
she’d
fashioned a sling for the owl from an old stocking cap, given it sugar water with an eyedropper, then driven it to Anchorhold.

“I suppose you wanted to check on your fine-feathered friend,” he drawled. He clamped the wrench onto the end of the broken pipe and started twisting.

“The owl?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Of course I did.”

“Well, I beat you to it.” He slanted
her a
look.

“Oh?” She
couldn’t
hold back the surprise in her voice.

“I stopped in myself on the way back from the builders’ supply—before the road crews had moved that far up the highway. I also ended up staying awhile to give Ted a hand. His intern had called in sick that day.”

“So how is the owl doing?” she broke in anxiously.

“His wing appears to be healing nicely and he’s also eating again.”