Freed by You (19 page)

“I’m fine, Julian,” I reassured, eager for him to carry on.

I raised my hips up slightly towards him, encouraging him inside, and he began with his gentle pressure again, slowly and cautiously, until he was fully surrounded by me. A quiet groan escaped me as I felt the fullness that was Julian inside of me. Julian placed a hand at my hip and began to move rhythmically as he kissed me hungrily.

He released occasional moans against my ear as his pace quickened and his body relaxed in the knowing that he wasn’t hurting me.

“Ah, Emily. The things I could do to you,” he panted.

I moved at his pace, raising my hips to greet his with each thrust, until he positioned a firm hand against my backside, lifting it slightly off the bed and holding my hips tightly against his. Then, staring deeply into my eyes beneath slightly furrowed brows, he began to move at an agonisingly slow pace in an almost circular motion, thus touching places I never even knew existed. The feeling was exquisite. As our gazes intensely connected, it felt like we were the only two people on earth. Just me and Julian. Nothing else mattered at that moment. And at the sight of Julian above me, making love to me so tenderly, his beautiful face laced with sweat from sheer pleasure, pleasure from
my
body, I began to feel my core muscles tightening.

But I was suddenly aware that Julian hadn’t yet reached his own climax. I couldn’t deprive him of that. I tensed again, trying desperately to hold on to my composure, trying desperately not to allow my mind to focus on the overwhelming pleasure I felt deep inside my core.

“Don’t fight it, baby,” he whispered.

And at his words my body shattered and I climaxed around him, crying out as my fingers dug into the skin of his back. With two more thrusts Julian was right there with me, calling out my name before he slumped heavily against my chest, his arms no longer able to take his weight.

When he was able, Julian pressed a firm kiss against my forehead before pulling out of me and rolling onto his back beside me with a deep sigh.

“Fuck, Emily, you are incredible.” He slipped an arm under my neck and encouraged me to his side. I was grateful to the dim light as I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment.

I lay close against Julian’s side with one leg entwined with his and my head resting on his chest. I fingered the soft, fine hair on his chest as I listened to his heartbeat beneath my ear. I could tell by the change in his breathing a while before that he had fallen asleep. I watched him silently, examining every perfect feature on his face as he slept. He looked younger somehow when he was sleeping. He looked peaceful, carefree, with no frown or menacing glare in sight. I smiled, feeling blissful in my sudden happiness, and kissed his chest before rolling gently out of bed in order to check on Maia.

“Emily! No!” Julian’s voice startled me.

“I’m just going to check on Maia. Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” I leaned back onto the bed so that I was closer to him. His eyes were still closed and when he didn’t respond I continued on my way to Maia’s room.

After kissing Maia goodnight once more, I poured a glass of water and made for Julian’s room. As I placed my glass on the bedside cabinet and pulled the cover back Julian’s harsh voice startled me once more.

“Emily, no! Get out!” he snarled. “Now!” His voice was laced with panic.

His words cut through me like a dagger in my gut. Why? What had changed so quickly? Why was he turning me away?

“Julian? What the hell is wrong with you?” I snapped back.

“Just go,” he muttered.

My stomach clenched as though I’d just received a forceful blow and tears pricked at my eyes. How dare he? I was utterly speechless; I couldn’t form a single word to say aloud in response to his rejection. I walked silently out of the room, closing his door behind me, and crept into bed beside Maia, my head spinning with whys and whats. Holding her closely against my chest I sobbed silently into her hair.

I was soon awoken from my restless sleep by the sound of footsteps travelling across my room. I turned my head in their direction, vaguely aware that this could be another of my nightmares, and watched as a dark figure moved toward me. My heart began to pound against my chest as my pulse sounded in my ears. I twisted my body away from Maia but kept a single arm wrapped protectively around her middle, and faced the silhouetted figure.

“Emily, are you okay? Why are you in here?” he whispered, his voice full of concern.

I was relieved at the recognition that this was not another of my nightmares, but not so relieved to have Julian beside me right now.

“Leave me alone, Julian.” My voice cracked slightly as I spoke his name and I felt the familiar tears at the corners of my eyes.

“What? Why?” he started. I ignored his question. “What did I do? Please, Emily, talk to me.” He was pleading desperately as his hand reached out and his gentle fingers stroked at my cheek. I snapped my head away from his touch. How could he possibly have the nerve to ask me what he had done wrong? Was it normal behaviour for him to practically take a girl’s virginity and then order her out of his bed?

I stumbled out of bed, clumsily, and walked briskly out of the room, brushing against Julian’s naked chest as I passed him. Julian followed, closing the door quietly behind him as he joined me in the living area. I turned to face him and noticed that he was wearing a pair of loose fitting joggers along with a naked chest and I couldn’t help but admire him. He was incredible to look at. But, unfortunately, not so incredible to be emotionally involved with, as I was quickly learning.

“Emily, please talk to me. You promised you would be honest with me. What’s wrong?” His desperate eyes pleaded with mine and his eyebrows set into a deep frown.

“What do you mean what’s wrong? You know damn well what’s wrong, Julian! How fucking dare you?” I screeched through gritted teeth, my cheeks heating with sheer anger.

Julian’s frown deepened and his eyes narrowed as he genuinely looked very confused and a small part of me, just for a fraction of a second, thought that he actually had no idea what had upset me. Unbelievable!

“Why did you do that, Julian? How could you do that?”

“What, Emily? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he pressed, his voice full of exasperation and his confusion clearly evident in his twisted features.

“Is it normal behaviour for you to, apparently, make love to a woman and then order her out of your bed? I know you said you didn’t do romance but Jesus Christ, Julian!”

“What? I didn’t order you out of my bed!” he said, more as if it were a question than a statement.

I simply stared back at him expectantly, waiting for my explanation. After a few seconds it was clear to me that I wasn’t getting one.

“Fuck!” Julian’s curse startled me as its sound reverberated around the silent room. “Oh God, Emily. What did I say to you?” His face twisted with panic or dread, or possibly both. 

His arms dropped lifelessly to his sides as he started to walk slowly towards me. I stared at him once more, my mouth hanging open revealing my own confusion. I had no idea what was going on. This was a conversation that I didn’t understand a single part of.

“I talk, apparently,” he whispered as he paused in front of me and his eyes dropped to his bare feet. He sounded defeated, his voice reminding me of the night of our first tender moment in the street, all vulnerable and childlike.

“I don’t understand you, Julian. And I haven’t got the strength to keep on trying to.”

“Emily, I talk a lot in my sleep, apparently. I can’t help it; it’s not something that I can control. What did I say to you?”

“You mean you honestly expect me to believe that you have no idea?”

“It’s the truth.”

“Julian, you answered me back, you replied to my reply, don’t treat me like a fucking idiot!”

Now I was fuming. Did he think I was stupid? Did he honestly believe that he could treat me that way and I would just roll over and accept his pitiful excuses? I mean, sure, people talk in their sleep all the time but they don’t have a conversation with you and they very rarely speak sense. I couldn’t believe for one second that he was asleep.

“Emily, I am telling you the truth! You say I ordered you out of my bed? Why would I do that, Emily? Why? I’ve wanted nothing more than you since I first laid eyes on you! You know that!”

“Do I?” My voice cracked as tears rapidly escaped my eyes and rolled down my flustered cheeks. This time I couldn’t stop them.

“Emily, please don’t cry. Please, believe me. Why would I order you away? You’re being ridiculous!”

I was growing angrier by the second. I hated the man in front of me for making me cry. For making me look and feel weak in front of him. I felt pathetic and small.

“So now I’m ridiculous? Well, obviously I am. Ridiculous to believe that you actually cared for me, and even more ridiculous to think that I was more to you than a cheap fuck!"

With my last word his fist slammed loudly against the breakfast bar beside him, startling me. I watched as his entire body went rigid and his knuckles turned white as his grip tightened on the edge of the counter top.

“Do not ever refer to yourself as that again in my presence. Do you understand me, Emily? You are not cheap and what happened tonight was certainly more than just a 
fuck,
as you call it.”

His chilling tone actually frightened me a little and I felt the hairs prickle on the back of my neck. I instinctively wrapped my arms around my chest as if in an act of protection. But I wasn’t giving in, not yet!

“Then what else would you describe it as, Julian? I certainly thought it was more than that too. That was until you told me to get out of your bed. That was low, Julian. Even by your standards,” I snarled.

“I was asleep, goddamnit! Why won’t you listen to me?” His fist slammed against the counter top once more as he shouted.

I turned to look at him and watched as he slumped down to the floor, his shoulders hunched forward as he gripped his head tightly between his hands. I just stood there. I was so surprised by his reaction that I couldn’t move. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. Then his heavy shoulders began to shake and before I had acknowledged what he was doing, a loud sob escaped from deep within his chest.

My heart wrenched and tears instantly pooled in my eyes. I was crouched at his side in a matter of seconds, cradling his head against my chest as his body shook.

“Julian, I’m sorry,” I soothed as I kissed his head firmly, over and over. “I’m sorry.” How could this man completely undo me so easily?

“Emily, it isn’t what you think. I wasn’t turning you away,” he whispered, his voice thick with tears.

Surely there was more to his dramatic reaction than a simple disagreement with me? I didn’t think I would ever witness Julian Scott in tears. It didn’t make any sense to me; I hadn’t said anything that bad. Had I?

“Julian, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“I wasn’t turning you away. You have to believe that.”

“Okay, I believe you. You were asleep. I completely over reacted. I’m sorry,” I soothed, desperate to ease him of his pain.

“No you didn’t! I can’t imagine how that must have made you feel, hearing me say those words to you.”

“It’s okay, Julian.”

“It’s not okay!” he cried out. “When will this stop?”

“What, Julian? You’re scaring me now! When will what stop?”

He lifted his head and wiped at his eyes aggressively. “I was dreaming of my father again.”

“Oh God, I should have realised. I’m so sorry, Julian.”

“This time it wasn’t Natalie, it was you. I was warning you, Emily. He was coming for you and I couldn’t stop him. I couldn’t save you,” he ranted.

“Ssshhh, Julian. You don’t have to tell me. Stop!” I kissed at his shoulder repeatedly; trying desperately to soothe him.

My heart ached for him as he rested lifelessly in my arms. And I knew in that very moment that I would do anything for this man. I would do anything to take his pain away from him.

My head felt heavy – a feeling I was quickly becoming used to – as I showered in my bathroom. Fastening a towel tightly across my breasts, I examined my gaunt appearance in the bathroom mirror. Darkened skin surrounded my eyes revealing their deprivation of a sound night’s sleep. I retrieved my phone from my robe pocket that hung on the door and clicked to illuminate the screen. Shit, 8.23am! I had approximately 22 minutes to get dressed and appear presentable if I was to get Maia to nursery on time. I dressed in record speed before giving my hair a rushed blasting of heat from the hair dryer.

“Hey, baby. You ready to go?” I greeted Maia with opened arms, lifting her into a fast spin and consequently interrupting her favourite princess DVD.

When I returned to Julian’s apartment, letting myself in with his spare key that he had insisted on adding to my own key ring, I was greeted by the inviting aroma of a cooked breakfast. There was music playing – Coldplay, I think – and as I crept around the corner I heard the beautiful sound that was Julian’s singing voice. I stood close to the wall, hoping he wouldn’t notice my presence and stop singing. I had never pictured Julian singing before. I wasn’t sure why it surprised me so much that he could sing so brilliantly, he did most things brilliantly, after all. I had always found there to be something extremely sexy about a man who could sing.

I wondered briefly what had brought on his good mood before quickly deciding to take advantage of it.

“I hope that isn’t all for me,” I teased as I wrapped my arms around an unsuspecting Julian’s waist. He startled noticeably and I couldn’t suppress my laughter at him as he spun around to face me. His mouth twitched slightly as he held onto his own amusement.

“Something funny, Miss Braxton?” I noticed a small flash of that vulnerability pass across his eyes before they narrowed and penetrated mine.

“You can be amusing, occasionally, Mr Scott,” I grinned back at him, struggling to maintain eye contact as his expression heated and his grip on my hips tightened.

“You’re blushing again, Miss Braxton.”