Freeing Carter (31 page)

"
My mom
'
s getting worse. Drinking more. Now it
'
s not just me carrying her to bed at night
,
she drinks
when Sara
'
s home or hiding bottles at work and I
'
m so fucking scared that she
'
s going to hurt herself. Or Sara
.
And
it will be my fault for not taking better care of them.
"

"
So you don
'
t know who you are either
,
then? Because it
'
s not your job to take care of them.
"

Her words take me back. But I do know who I am
,
don
'
t I? No
,
I do. I can
'
t reply to what she said because I don
'
t agree with her. No one
'
s ever really taken care of Mom. Not her parents
,
not Bill
,
the only person who did was my dad and he left her by dying. But she takes care of everyone. No matter what. Even if it does drive her to drink. Maybe that
'
s the something she needs for herself? I don
'
t know
,
but I do know I need to take care of her. It
'
s what Dad would want.

"
I don
'
t know what it is
,
but I knew. Knew we had a lot in common. Even from that first day when you weren
'
t paying any attention in English. I was
...
kind of heartbroken when I found out you had a girlfriend.
"

"
I like you
."
Another one of my truths.

"
I like you
,
too
.
Truth or dare?
"
she asks. And I know this is enough truths for one night. That we both need a break just to
be.

"
Dare.
"

"
I dare you to kiss me.
"

"
You didn
'
t have to waste a turn on that
I wouldn
'
t have even made you ask.
"

This kiss feels so much different than the first one. There
'
s more need and want behind it. Not the slow
,
tentative kisses. She opens her mouth and I get to taste her right away. Even after only one kiss
,
my tongue knows the contours of her mouth. The feel of her tongue.

She
goes straight to my head
,
and I can
'
t stop myself from reaching for her waist to pull her closer. To pull her on my lap so we don
'
t have to concentrate on reaching. Just on kissing and touching. My hands fit perfectly
,
resting in the curves of her hips.

It
'
s wild how different girls feel than guys; all soft
,
with so many dips and curves and valleys to explore. I
'
ve never wanted to travel so much in my life
,
but too soon
,
she pulls away. Leaning forward just a little
,
I let my forehead rest against hers.
O
ur breaths mingle in a way I probably never would have noticed with a different girl.

"
Truth or dare?
"
she asks one last time.

I don
'
t even hesitate with my answer.
"
Truth. I
'
m really
,
really
hoping we
'
re going to start doing that more often.
"

Kira smiles
,
like always
,
all full of mystery
,
before standing up.
"
You
'
ll have to wait and see
,
Coach. Come on. We don
'
t want to risk getting in trouble. I think it
'
s time to go home.
"

Chapter Thirteen

"
So
, d
o I get to ask if you
'
re dating Kira now or is that not cool for a mom to ask her son?
"
Mom
,
Sara
,
and I are sitting at the table the next morning. She
'
s blowing on her coffee. Sara
'
s making an oatmeal mountain and I
'
m trying not to look as into this girl as I really am. Mom
'
s cool and all
,
but yeah—talking about girls with your mom isn
'
t my idea of a good time.

"
I guess
."
I shrug.

"
Are you seeing her today?
"
There
'
s a smile on her lips and it becomes pretty clear to me
,
she
'
s happy about the idea.

"
M
om
..."

"
Kira
'
s not yucky. She
'
s nice.
"
Sara takes a big
bite
of her food. I
'
d have to agree with her on that one. Kira is definitely not yucky.

"
She likes you
,
too
,
Twig.
"

Mom leans back in her chair.
"
I
'
m going to miss this
,
talking with you guys. I can
'
t believe you
'
re a senior
,
Carter. That you
'
ll be going to college soon. Moving on
..."
Her voice is low
,
distant
,
and I wonder if it
'
s my fault. If I
'
m part of the reason she
'
s getting worse. If it
'
s because she
'
s worried I
'
ll be leaving her like Dad did.

"
Ma
,
I don
'
t even know where I
'
m going yet. Maybe I
'
ll stay around here.
"
Oh
,
shit. What if I have to stay around here? If she doesn
'
t get better
,
I
can
'
t
leave her or Sara.

"
You
'
ll go wherever you want. Scouts are looking at you. You need to start applying though. Time slips away so fast.
"

"
I
'
m not in a hurry
."
I try
to
smile at her and then get up and toss my bowl in the sink. This isn
'
t a conversation I feel like having right now. Back in my room
,
I screw around with my little basketball hoop and foam ball for a while
,
before plopping on my bed. There
'
s a pile of wet clothes in the corner of my room from last night that I really need to wash
,
but I can
'
t stop thinking about that fact they were hugging her body
,
and lame as it is
,
I don’t want to wash that way
.

My fingers itch to text her
,
but she
'
s going to be at the store today. I
'
ll
see
her
,
so instead I hit up Travis since we haven
'
t really hung out lately. We make plans to
do so
in a few hours
,
so I take a quick nap
,
get dressed and then call Mom to tell her my plans. She and Sara are at the store
,
then later Kira will fill in and Mom
'
s taking Sara to the fair.

"
What
'
s up?
"
Travis says when he opens his front door so I can go inside.

"
Not much.
"
We head upstairs to his room
,
where we start to play some video games.

"
Dude! Did you see that? I
'
m beating your ass.
"
Travis jumps up onto the couch in his room and does what I guess is his victory dance.

"
You
'
re such a dumbass.
"

"
A dumbass who can take you.
"

"
Whatever.
"
I toss the controller to the floor and lean back on the couch. We
'
re both quiet for a few minutes and my head goes back to last night and Kira. I owe Travis a few details because he
'
s my boy and it
'
s like a code or something
,
but I don
'
t really want to talk about the personal stuff. Nothing private or personal for either of us so it
'
s kind of hard to figure out what to say. Everything between Kira and I seems so much more personal that things are with anyone else.

"
So
...
Kira and I broke into a hot tub together last night.
"
I don
'
t look over at him because it
'
s not like talking about any other girl. It feels like more
,
and even though I let Kira in last night
,
it
'
s not something I do often.

Travis lurches forward.
"
Holy shit! And you
'
re just telling me this now
,
you lucky bastard.
"
He hits my arm and I laugh.
"
So?
"

"
So what?
"

"
Dude
,
come on. You are so not leaving it at
,
'
I snuck into a hot tub with Kira
'
You have no idea how wild my imagination is going right now thinking about it
...
except it
'
s me there and not you.
"

I laugh.
"
Sucks to be you.
"
But then I lean back into his couch and wonder what to tell him. He
'
s not getting details. That
'
s for sure.
"
She tastes like mint and that
'
s all I
'
m saying.
"

Travis groans.
"
You
'
re killin
'
me
,
Shaw. Seriously. Knife in the back here.
"

I feel like I owe him a little more. Girls might think differently
,
but I know they talk to each other about us too. I
'
ve heard TMI about Travis from Mel and Trina before. I
'
d like to scrub it from my brain
,
but it
'
s not like we
'
ve never talk
ed
too. But Kira? I want to keep this to myself.
"
I like her
.
A
lot.
"
It may not seem like a lot
,
but it
'
s a big admission.