Freeing Tuesday (26 page)

I rub the heel of my hand into my chest. I never actually believed that my heart could break this bad. It ached when Alex died but right now, without seeing Evan or anyone from home for the past few weeks; it feels like someone tore it out of my chest and left me on the ground with a gaping hole.

Lifting the prepaid phone I grabbed when I got here, I dial my old number and punch the code for my voicemail. I shouldn’t, I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself, I need his voice to soothe away some of the ache. When I first left, there were at least fifteen new voice messages a day. I can only imagine the amount text messages but I can’t bring myself to turn my old phone on and look. Over the weeks the messages have lessened to a few a day and I know he’s losing faith in me ever coming back.

His rough voice filters through the speaker and tears hit my chest before I even realize I’m crying again. I've cried so much since I left that I'm surprised there's anything left.

“Tuesday. It’s Evan again. You’re killin’ me baby. Every day I wake up and hope that somehow all this shit is just a nightmare and that I'm going to roll over and see your gorgeous face again.  But when I open my eyes, you’re still not there and it kills me a little bit more every time. If you think being gone is going to make me stop loving you, or stop looking for you, you've got another thing coming. I don't give up. You should know that. Just give me something, call me, text me, Christ send a carrier pigeon or some shit. Anything. I know you're getting these because your mailbox would have been full after day two if you weren't. I am not giving up. I told you that family protects family, which includes fighting for them. I love you baby."

The line goes dead before the automated voice tells me the time and date of the next message.  I kill myself by listening to them and hitting delete on all of them. I roll the phone around in my hand, telling myself over and over that I can’t call him.

I don’t move for the rest of the day. I just sit, staring at the edge of the lake while the water laps against the rocks, reminding myself that I’m doing this to protect everyone.

Evan

I toss my phone on the counter after I leave another voicemail that I know will go unanswered. Growling, I pick up the stack of papers next to me and fling them across the studio.

“Still nothing?”

I turn and glare at Sean who’s leaning against the doorframe to the piercing room. I feel bad because he’s stuck with my temperamental ass almost every day.

I shake my head sadly and stare at the mess I just created. Just like Tuesday’s car, it fixes nothing. I grab a pencil and write myself a note, reminding myself to call the garage and see how the repairs are going. I want her to have it back in one piece when she finally smartens up and comes home.

“Sure you want to do this again?”

Instead of answering him, I flip the lock on the door and shove past him into the room. Pulling out three needles and three barbells, I lay them on the tray and make my way to the chair. My belt buckle clangs against the side of the chair when I undo my pants. I wrap my hand around my dick and stroke it until I’m semi-erect, trying to work around the three rung ladder Sean pierced up the bottom of my shaft the other day.

I picture Tuesdays face as I stroke back and forth, my thumb gliding over the tip, until I know if I go any further, Sean won’t be able to do this.

After snapping on his gloves Sean grabs the marker, marking where the next three piercings will go. These three will climb up the top, offsetting the three on the bottom. The bite of the needle sliding through my skin has me holding the arms of the chair with a death grip. It’s not as bad as the other three but it still hurts like a bitch.

“Deep breath in… and blow out.” I follow his directions for the next two even though I know what I’m doing. I say the same thing on a daily basis; it’s ingrained in my damn brain.

It’s painful, but I will take the physical pain over the pain in my heart any day of the week.

“Thanks man,” I grunt. “Still game to do that tattoo too?”

“Christ man, by the time you see her again, she’s not going to recognize you. I think you’re starting to crave the pain. You turning into a masochist?”

I feel the corner of my mouth perk up for the first time since Tuesday left. Sean didn’t say
if
I saw her again. He’s the only person that doesn’t look at me like I’m insane for still fighting for her, for begging her to come home. Even Abby, who’s supposed to be her best friend, is pissed and has pretty much given up hope of seeing her again.

“Here,” I say, handing him the outline I drew up. “Shut the hell up and ink me.”

Lying back on the chair, I think about the last time I was laid out like this. That chick, Amy I think was her name, doesn’t even hold a candle to Tuesday. None of them do and no one ever will. I relax as Sean starts in on the outline and I wonder what she’s doing right now, if she’s even ok.

Tuesday

I slide out of the car and grab the closet cart I can find so I have something to hang onto to keep me from slipping on the damn ice. I can’t help but wonder why the hell I chose to run away to Maine in the fucking winter. I pull my coat tighter around me, silently cursing Mother Nature and her seven degree weather as I make my way into the store.

My daily trip to the store for food is getting tiring after almost three months. I just want to hole up in the cabin I rented and crank the heat to eighty to stay warm. But I don’t want to get comfortable and I know that stocking up on anything will make me hopeful that I can stay longer.

I’m not hopeful for much anymore. I can feel myself giving up and can’t even make myself care anymore. At this point I’ve given up everything, my life, my happiness… my heart. My heart feels like it isn’t even beating anymore. I can’t make it beat without Evan or my family, my
real
family.

I slip my ear buds in and proceed to shop as
Bother
by Stone Sour runs through my ears and gives me a little piece from my always running mind.

No matter how much I try, my mind always goes back to Evan. The YouTube videos from the Rock for a Cure concert kill me but I can’t make myself stop watching them. Wondering how he’s doing, what he’s doing… who he’s doing? All the questions drive me crazy.

I feel the hair stand up on the back of neck and the eerie sensation that I’m being watched flows over me. I force myself to stay calm, convince myself that if I look around it’ll only bring more attention to myself. I grip a tomato in my hand and test its firmness as I beg my body to come out of the hyper attentive state it’s in.

My heart is in my throat and when I round the corner the front of my cart runs straight into a solid wall of boots, muscle and tattoos. A solid wall that makes up everything that is Evan. One of my ear buds falls from my ear and my breath rushes out of me in a panicked huff.

No, no, no this
can’t
be happening!

He stares at me, unmoving, unnerving and just as damaged as I am. I can see it in his eyes. I try to speak, to tell him that he should leave but nothing comes out.

My hands drop off the cart handle and I back up until I’m out of the aisle. My eyes never leave his hurt gaze. As soon as I’m clear of the end caps, I bolt to the right and search for the door, rushing to it when I find it.

I hear his heavy footsteps on the ground behind me and before I even have a chance to reach for my keys his large hand wraps around my wrist and he spins me around, pinning my back against the car. His body forces me to my toes as every inch of my back curves to the snow covered metal and glass.

Evan twists the cord of my headphones around his finger and pulls the remaining bud from my ear and dips his head so his mouth rests in its spot. His scent assaults my nose as his hands slip inside my coat and grip my hips, keeping me where he wants me.

“You don’t get to run away twice,” he rasps. “I won’t let you shatter my heart again.”

I feel a sob break free of my throat when his lips touch my jaw line. “I… almost… killed you,” I say once my voice cooperates with me. “I almost killed you. Twice.”

His lips continue to run along my jaw but he stops long enough to speak. “As much as that scares the hell out of me, losing you scares me even more.”

“Twice, Evan.”

He grabs my freezing cold, shaking hand and places it over his heart. The warmth of his chest feels amazing and my fingers automatically curl into him. “I died the second you left. I’ve died every day that I have had to wake up and you weren’t lying there with me. Physically dying would be so much easier than what I’ve felt without you.”

“I’m no good for you. I’d hate myself forever if anything ever happened to you.” His fingers trace over the sides of my face and I try to keep myself from caving but my body gives in. I lean into his hand and close my eyes.

“Yeah, well I’m no good without you and everybody hates me when you’re gone. I can’t work. I can’t sleep. I’m pissing people off left and right. I really think you should worry more about Jameson and everyone at home trying to kill me than you.”

Home. The word rattles around in my head before hitting me straight in the chest. Being with them is the only place that has ever felt remotely close to being a home. Other than when I’m wrapped up in Evan’s arms, it’s the only place that even came close to making me feel safe.

“It’s not as simple as just going home,” I whisper.

He tilts my head up and holds it there so I can't look away from him.

“Yes, it is. It’s as simple as getting your perfect ass in that car, getting your shit together and coming home with me to where you belong.”

His teeth grab hold of the ring in the corner of his mouth and he teases it as he studies me.

“I’m not leaving without you,” he says. “So, you can either come home or you’re going to have a new stalker.”

It finally clicks in my head that he found me before anyone. Before the FBI or Anthony. “How the hell did you find me before anyone else?” I ask.

He smiles sheepishly at me and shrugs, “You told me a few months ago when you were drinking that you saw this place online and loved the looks of it. You said if you ever had to run away you would go here because you wanted to stand at the lookout and feel free for once. I just remembered and figured it was worth a shot.”

My hand slides around his neck and I can't stop myself from pulling him closer. Before I have a chance to let myself kiss him, he takes control and surges forward. His mouth claims mine so hard and fast that I don’t have time to catch my breath. When I finally taste him again it makes me realize how much my body craves him.

His hands tangle themselves into my hair and under my hat, keeping me still as he feasts on my mouth. The tip of his tongue slides against mine once more before he drags my bottom lip between his teeth and growls.

“You’re coming home with me,” he murmurs against my lips.

Evan

“Annie,” I hear a deep voice coming behind me and instantly stiffen at the same time as Tuesday. “Is everything ok?”

“Annie?” I question quietly.

She pulls back and pushes me away from her so she can look around me. I turn my head and see the younger looking guy in a warden’s uniform glaring at me.

“Is there a problem sir?” Tuesday asks.

“Marilyn inside called me. She was worried about you. Said you got chased out of the store.”

He doesn’t even look at her while she talks, he just keeps glaring at me and it’s pissing me off. I stand to my full height which is probably a good six inches over this kid and his hand automatically slides to sit on the butt of his gun. I hear Tuesday clear her throat beside me as she slides her hand into mine. Her fingers are freezing so I bring them to my mouth and blow on them to warm them up while she talks.

“Everything is fine. I promise.”

Tuesday leans into me, resting her head against my shoulder as she continues to talk to Officer Asshole. It takes her a full fifteen minutes of telling him who I am and answering questions before he finally removes his hand from his gun and climbs back into his truck. He never once takes his eyes away from me. He stares at us through the window as I begin talking to Tuesday again.