Freeing Tuesday (11 page)

I sit at the desk while I sort through the mess of bills in front of me and all I can think of is wrapping my legs around his hips and screaming his name. My fingers shoot to my mouth and trace my lips. I can still feel the way his lips felt on mine. Soft yet strong; passionate and raw. That was all from an unexpected kiss. Imagine what it would feel like if it wasn’t a fake kiss to make someone leave him alone.

I cross and uncross my legs a few times trying to dull the pulsing between my thighs that thinking about Evan kissing me causes.

I can’t. I can’t go down that road. I can’t get attached. For his sake. For his safety.

“On second thought,” he says, “maybe you shouldn’t get a tattoo. Wouldn’t want to mar your Cinderella perfect skin.” His eyes are laughing at me as he smiles.

“Cinderella?” I narrow my eyes at him.

“Yeah, let me guess…” his fingers grip my chin and he turns my face back and forth, looking me all over. “You were high school royalty. Prom queen, head cheerleader. Probably dated the quarterback of the football team. I bet you had a fairytale life. Hence, Cinderella,” he shrugs as I bat his hand away from my face.

My blood boils and I try to put a cap on my anger so I don’t explode on him. “You do realize that Cinderella was pretty much a slave to her family until some guy came and whisked her away and gave her a fairytale life.” Well, I guess he got the first part right but the guy didn’t come close to giving me that type of life. “You’re wrong. I wasn’t any of those things.” My hands are shaking so I stuff them between my crossed legs.

He shrugs and brushes it off like he can’t hear the anger in my voice so I take a deep breath and calm myself down.

Evan shuffles through some of the envelopes I stuffed in his hands. “Bar tonight?” he peeks at me out of the corner of his eyes.

I shrug, “Maybe. You’re going out on a Thursday again?”

“Thinking about it…”

“You’re giving up,” I snap my fingers a few times trying to get the wording right in my head. “Threesome Thursday to go to the bar?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, “Yeah, I figured I should probably ease off the whole fuck ‘em and duck ‘em thing for a while. Plus, I don’t want you to get lonely if you go.”

I sigh, “I’m a big girl Evan, and I can take care of myself. I’m alright having a drink alone.”

“Maybe I’d rather hang out with you than have my usual.”

I know Evan. I know how he is with women. I know he snaps his fingers and they’ll come running. Hell, if I wasn’t damaged goods I would probably do just that. Oh, who am I kidding? I made out with the asshole twenty minutes after I met him.

Knowing all this and still feeling like I want to jump him isn’t good. I know that he could easily take what he wants and drop me like a sack of potatoes without even blinking an eye.

I stand up and stride towards the door. My hand rests on the handle when I turn around. He stares at me like he wants to say something but I beat him to it. “You know nothing can happen between us like that again, right?”

His whole face drops and I think that might not be what he wanted me to say. I start to apologize but he gets a grip on himself and brushes it off. “Yeah, I know," he says quietly.

Tuesday

Evan doesn’t seem like himself tonight. He's quiet; I think I’ve heard ten words come out of his mouth toward me. He talks to Kyle normally and it’s starting to piss me off. While their easy banter fills up the suffocating silence between us, I can’t help but wonder if it has something to do with what we talked about in the shop earlier.

He takes a sip of his barely touched beer and peeks at me out of the corner of his eye as I lick the salt off my wrist and throw back my second shot.

“What’s the issue tonight, Evan?”

“What do you mean?” he grumbles and takes another sip. The alcohol in his bottle doesn’t seem to be getting any lower so I’m starting to wonder if he’s actually even drinking it.

“What I mean is, you’ve barely said anything to me since I got here. You told me you
wanted
to come out with me tonight but I feel like I’m out alone. Christ, you’re talking to Kyle more than you are me and you haven’t once looked at anyone’s tits.”

“What the hell are you talking about? I’ve talked to you. And just maybe no one here is catching my attention tonight. Okay?”

“I call bullshit, Evan. You had some Barbie doll looking chick practically giving you a lap dance a few minutes ago that
I
probably could have gone lesbian for. Maybe you should get your vision checked.”

“Yeah… I’ll get right on that," he mutters.

I shake my head and stand up to leave. If I want to feel like a third wheel when there are only two of us, I’ll hang out with AJ.

“When you get your panties out of a twist, call me.”

His hand shoots out and grabs my wrist, pulling me towards him.

“Where the hell are you going?” he growls.

“Home!” I shoot back. “When you decide to be a big boy and tell me what’s wrong you know where to find me.”

“Yeah well, when you decide to stop being a bitch and let someone other than Alex into that cemented up thing in your chest called a heart, maybe I’ll be willing to talk.”

His snide comment punches me right in the gut. Evan has never,
ever
, talked to me like this. Calling me a bitch has never happened unless he was joking and I’m not about to start dealing with it now.

My free hand collides with his face.

“What the fuck was that for?”

“Don’t you
ever
call me a bitch! I’m not going to sit here and be ignored and I don’t need to be treated like shit by you. If I wanted that I’d go back to my old life.”

“Then tell me something about you that you haven’t told anyone else. Something that you keep locked down in that pretty little head of yours.”

I shake my head.

“You already know everything you need to know.”

“You’re such a fucking liar, you know that?” He looks at me and laughs bitterly, “I know
nothing
about you. I don’t know where you’re from, I don’t know about your family or if you even have any siblings. Hell, I don’t even know your middle name!”

“You don’t
need
to know any of that to be my friend. To act civilized towards me like you usually do.”

“Yeah, well… Maybe I want to be more than friends.”

My heart thunders against my ribs as I squeeze my eyes shut and try to process what he said.

“Didn’t we just have this discussion earlier?”

He stands up and boxes me in against the bar. “No. I remember
you
telling
me
nothing could happen between us, but what if I’m not good with that? What if I
want
something more between us? What if I want you all to myself? What would you say then?”

I hesitate before I looked at him. “I’d say you were an idiot and should stick to what you know and like you just said, you don’t know me.”

He backs me further against the edge of the bar and pushes his finger into my chest. His breath comes hard and fast as he tries to keep his temper under control. “What I don't get, Tuesday, is how you could let someone like Alex in and love you but you won't even contemplate it with me.”

I shake my head in disbelief, “Alex didn't love me.”

“You're fucking blind if you didn't see it. Fine, let me reword it for you. How could
you
love someone like Alex but won't even give me a chance?”

I stare at him for a minute before downing my last shot and pushing my way around him. “I'll grab a cab. Thanks for... whatever this was... Goodnight, Evan.”

I don't even make it to the sidewalk before my arm is being pulled back.

“What the fuck was that? You can't even answer my goddamn question?”

I bite my lip again and watched his eyes drop towards my mouth.

“You don't get it, Evan. Alex was a safe choice.”

His eyes grow sad, “That’s what this is about? Being safe? Fuck! I never would have thought you would’ve been scared of something with me because I wasn't a safe enough choice for you.”

He pushes away and turns to leave. The alcohol burning through my system is making me either brave or stupid and I yell after him.

“It’s not that he was safe enough
for
me! It was that he was safe
from
me!” He stops in his tracks and looks back at me.

“So, what you're saying is there’s something wrong with you?”

“Yeah. A lot,” I mutter just loud enough for him to hear

He takes a step back towards me. “Are you going to explain?”

“It’s safer for you if I don't.”

He shakes his head, “Then you were right. You should find a cab because I won't stand being left in the dark anymore.”

I watch him walk away, not knowing what to say. On one hand, I can let him go and he might be safe not knowing anything, but I would probably lose him in my life. On the other hand, I can tell him and keep him around but he could end up hating me, hurt or worse. Either way if they find me, and they find out about Evan, he’ll be in danger.

I chew on the edge of my thumb as he gets closer and closer to his truck.
Fuck it, I can't lose him yet.

“Evan! Wait!” He turns, stalking back toward me and even though he is pissed I know I have to do this. “If I tell you, we do it on my terms.”

“What are your terms?”

“We do it at my place and if I say to leave a subject alone, you drop it. Deal?”

He narrows his eyes at me, “You're going to tell me more than your name?”

“Yes. More than my name,” I say and nod slightly.

He grabs my hand, pulling me quickly towards his truck. “Let’s go. We’re taking my truck.”

When we walk into my apartment he watches me punch in the seven digits to shut off the alarm with his eyebrows raised. No one has ever been close enough to see the pad let alone the amount of numbers I push in.

I make my usual rounds after rearming the alarm and locking the deadbolts, checking each room with him right on my heels. The only time I hesitate is when we reach my bedroom. My fingers slide under my pillow, feeling for the cold barrel and when I find what I’m looking for I breathe a bit easier. Everything is right where I left it.

I turn around and notice Evan staring at me with a confused look on his face. I guess my routine is a little odd if you don't know why I do it, but he’s done well with not asking questions so far.

I guide him to the small island in the kitchen and motion for him to sit on one of the stools. Turning around I head for the only thing that’s going to get me through this. More alcohol.

I pour the shot of tequila, drop it back and feel the harsh burn as it runs down my throat. Tossing back one more before sitting down next to him, I take a deep breath and stare at my hands. It’s hard not to notice how my apartment feels so much smaller with him here.

“What I say to you here tonight goes nowhere. Not Abby, not Jameson... Not even your fucking shrink. Understand?”

“I don't have a shrink, Tuesday.”

I peek up at him, “You know what I mean.”

“Quit stallin’ and spit it out.”

“I-ah...I...”His hand comes up and his fingers grip my chin gently, pulling it up so I am looking at him. He pushes a piece of stray hair out of my face while he peers down at me.

“Whatever it is, Tuesday, just tell me. Nothin’ can be worse than feelin’ like I don't know you at all.”

That’s what he thinks.
“I don't even know how to start...”

“Well, how about you start with your real name.” My eyes widen and he chuckles. “You slipped up the day we met. Your first name is Mal something, right?”

I nod, my voice coming out more as a whisper than anything, “Mallory.”