Friend Zoned (Barnett Bulldogs #2) (28 page)

I don’t hate it.

But I don’t love it either.

The worst I can say is that by the end of the night, my cheeks ache from all the forced smiling.  Plus, I have to bone up on the local, state, and national political scene.  Which is a job in and of itself.  My dad’s people usually give me a cheat sheet of talking points to discuss.

Luckily, since I’ve been knee deep in classes and football, my dad hasn’t requested my presence lately.  Although I know if I’m seriously going to follow him into politics, it’s something I need to be comfortable with.  Well, at least look comfortable doing.

What I’ve learned over the years is that appearances are everything.

But none of that needs to be decided right now.  For the moment, I just want to live in the little bubble Violet and I have created around ourselves.  The last thing I want is to jeopardize it.  After years of waiting patiently, I finally have the girl of my dreams.  I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my entire life.

I know it’s crazy to say, but with Violet by my side, I feel invincible.  Like there’s nothing I can’t do.

Hefting the boxes onto the dining room table, my mom settles a hand on her slender hip.  “So you just stopped by during the middle of the week to see what’s going on, huh?”  Her eyes narrow as she continues studying me.  “Is something going on at school that I need to know about?”

I flash her a brief smile.  “No.  Just thought I’d check in.  See what was going on around here.”

That’s enough to have her eyebrows smoothing out and a small smile curling her lips upward in pleasure.  “Aw, aren’t you sweet.”

Pointing towards the plastic bins she just brought up from the basement, I ask, “So, whatcha got there?”

Patting one of the boxes, she says, “Just some stuff from when I was working.”

This has my brows rising across my forehead.  “Work stuff?”  My mom quit her job over a decade ago.  I can’t imagine why she would be schlepping all this up from the basement.

Giving me just a bit of a sheepish smile, she admits, “Yeah… I was thinking of maybe going back to work.” Quickly she adds, “You know, when the kids are in school.  Just a few days a week.”

Eyes wide, I slowly nod my head.  “I think that’s a great idea.”  My mom should get back out there, if that’s what she wants to do.  I mean, I know she has a lot to keep her busy around here.  But why can’t she do both?  Plenty of women do.  If working makes her happy, then she should definitely do it.

“Really?”  She looks completely bowled over by my words.  “You do?”

My smile broadens.  “Yeah, of course.  Why not?”

Shrugging her shoulders, her eyes slide away.  Her voice becomes just a bit quieter before finally confessing, “I haven’t spoken with your father about it yet, so please don’t mention anything.  I know he thinks it’s important for me to be here for Gavin and Ari.  And I do as well.  But they don’t need me the same way they used to.  I find that I’m not as busy as I once was when you guys were younger. I thought it might be nice to get back into nursing again.”  As soon as those words leave her lips, she tacks on hastily, “It’s just an idea I’m mulling over.”

Trying to be supportive, I say, “Mom, I think you should definitely do it.”

For just a moment we stare at each before she finally gives me a full-fledged smile.  Relief fills her eyes.  “Thanks, Sam.  That means a lot to me.”

I shrug.  My mom has always been there to support everything I’ve done.  Hell, I wouldn’t be who I am today without her.  She was tough when I needed it and always there with words of encouragement.  “You deserve to do whatever makes you happy.”

Almost immediately, she cuts in, “My family does make me happy.  All of you.  I couldn’t be prouder of how the three of you are turning out.  We’ve raised wonderful, kind hearted children.”

“
You’ve
raised wonderful kind hearted children,” I say quietly.

With her eyes holding mine, she nips her lower lip with her teeth before reminding me, “Your dad is a good father.  He’s always there when we need him.”

I’m not quite sure what propels me to challenge her words, but they’re out of my mouth before I can stop them. “Is he?”

Straightening her shoulders, the smile falls clean off my mother’s pretty face. “Unfortunately his work takes him away from his family but he truly believes in what he’s doing.  That’s why it was so important that I step away from my career and be here, because we knew there would be times when he couldn’t be.”  Her eyes search mine. “I hope you understand that. Everything he does is for us.”

Feeling instantly remorseful, because it was never my intention to upset her, I try carefully navigating the conversation we’re now embroiled in. “I know, mom, but you’re the one who’s had to make most of the sacrifices.  All I’m saying is that I think it’s great you’re looking to get back into nursing.  That’s it.”  Although privately, I do think what I asked is completely valid.  My dad is gone at least seventy to eighty percent of the time leaving my mom here to handle everything on her own.

The raising of us included.

Accepting my words at face value, she gives me just a hint of a smile.  “We’ll see.”  Then she runs her fingers slowly over the boxes.  “If I’m going to get my state license, I’ll need to bone up on some of my old coursework.”

Feeling like we’re once again on safe terrain, I say, “I really hope it works out.”

She shrugs as if it’s no big deal.  But I know better.  I can see just how important this is to her.  How excited she is at the prospect of getting back into her career.  “We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.  I actually had lunch with an old colleague a few days ago and he said there were quite a few opportunities available at the hospital.  He gave me the name of someone in human resources who I can contact for more information.  Maybe set up an appointment when I’m ready to move forward with the process.”

“I think it’s a good place to start.”

Instead of those words curving her lips upwards, the small smile she’s wearing actually wavers.  “I’m just not sure what your father is going to think about all this.”

I can’t help but blow out a long slow breath because I think we both know exactly how he’s going to react.  Not that I necessarily believe it, but I want her to continue looking into the possibilities.  “Maybe he’ll surprise you, mom.  Maybe he won’t mind as much as you think he will.” I really hope for her sake, those words are true.  If she wants to go back to work, she should be able to do it. Everything shouldn’t always revolve around my dad and his schedule.  Although, most of the time, it does.

Looking somewhat pensive, she forces her expression to brighten.  “Maybe.  We haven’t talked about me getting back into the work force for quite a while.  He’s just so busy gearing up for this election season.”

I nod.  But that’s not really anything new.  It’s always like this.  Even though the election isn’t until next November, strategy meetings are already underway.  And it’ll only continue gearing up as the election looms closer.

“Sam?”

My eyes snap back to hers.  “Yeah?”

Looking a little uncertain, she repeats, “Don’t mention this conversation to him right now.  He’s got enough on his plate with everything going on.  Honestly, this is nothing more than a fact finding mission at this point. After looking into everything a little more carefully, I may decide that it’s not what I want to do.”

“I won’t say a word.”

My mom shouldn’t be afraid of what my father’s response will be.  She shouldn’t have to ask permission if she wants to go back to work.  Unfortunately, I know exactly what she’s trying to say even if she doesn’t necessarily want to come out and say it.

She’ll see what kind of commitment going back to school or studying for her license will be and the kind of hours she can work and that will determine whether or not she moves forward with this.

Which sucks.

But I don’t tell her that.

I can’t.

I just hope when she finally decides to discuss the situation with my father, he shocks the hell out of both of us.

Changing the subject, she says, “I stopped by and checked on Edward the other day.”

“Oh?”  I can’t help but hold my breath waiting for her next words.  I know that both he and his wife are getting up there in age and he hasn’t been feeling well lately.  “Everything okay?”

She nods.  “I think so. I told Alice to call if she needed anything and that I’d stop back in a day or two to see how everything’s going.”

Without realizing it, I murmur, “I don’t want to see Violet lose anyone else.”  What I hate most of all is just how powerless I feel to protect her from that actually occurring.  My natural instinct, as far as Violet is concerned, is to wrap her up in my arms and hold her tight.  Keep her safe from everything that will hurt her.

That’s all I’ve ever wanted do.

My mom’s eyes soften as she smiles.  “I take it that everything is good with Violet?”

One side of my mouth hitches as I respond rather succinctly, “Yup.”  And that’s all she’s going to get from me on the subject.

Her brow arches as the smile continues to broaden into a knowing grin.  God, but I hate that look because I know exactly what’s coming next.

I can’t help but groan as she says somewhat smugly, “So, she finally came to her senses, huh?”

And on that note…

“Hey, would you look at that,” I don’t even bother glancing at the digital clock on my phone, “time to get back to school.”  Turning on my heels, I head towards the front door.

“Say hi to Violet for us!”  Her soft chuckles fill the air as I step out onto the porch.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Mia knocks on my partially opened door before sticking her head inside.  “Hey, Caroline and Maddie are ordering pizzas, you interested in splitting one?”

Pizza sounds amazingly good right now.  Plus, I’m in desperate need of fuel for energy.  It feels like I’m running on fumes.  I’ve been bogged down most of the day studying for tests and making a last run through a six page paper due in sociology on Thursday.  “Count me in, I’m famished.  I think my stomach has actually started eating its own lining.”

“Okay… great.”  Her mouth hitches on one side.  “About the pizza, not your stomach consuming itself.  Should I get our usual?  Pepperoni with extra cheese and an order of garlic knots?”

“Definitely.”  My tummy rumbles loudly in agreement.

“Alright, I’ll let them know.”  With that she disappears out the door and down the hall.

Ten minutes later and I’m having a hard time concentrating with pizza on the brain.  So I push away from my desk before heading out to our common area where Mia is sitting with her Kindle.

“Reading something good?”

Flashing me a small smile, she sets the device down on the table next to her.  “I’m juggling about three different books right now.”  Her voice loses some of its energy.  “With all these computer programming classes, it’s nice to just turn off my brain and escape for a while.”

Her words have my brows drawing together.  I’m not used to hearing this kind of tone from Mia.

“You doing okay?  You seem kind of… off.”

Giving me a slight shoulder shrug, she glances down at her fingernails.  Or what’s left of them.  They look as if they’ve been chewed to the pulp which is a clear sign that Mia’s stressing about something.  Even though she hasn’t said much about it, I know things haven’t exactly righted themselves with her boyfriend.

After a few silent moments, she finally blows out a long slow breath.  “I haven’t talked to Carter in days.  He’s not returning any of my calls or texts.”  Finally her eyes lift to mine.  All at once, I see the hurt and worry swimming around within their mossy green depths.  Voice lowering, she finally admits, “I really don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Mia.  You should have said something sooner.”  Then again, maybe if I weren’t so wrapped up in Sam, I would have noticed her melancholy without her having to spell it out for me.

“We’re supposed to be moving in together after graduation and now he’s barely talking to me.  I took that job in Philadelphia so we could be in the same place again.  Now what am I supposed to do?”  Her wide eyes hold mine.  For the first time in years, she looks unsure of what the future holds for her.

“I don’t know,” I admit slowly, racking my brain for an answer.  It’s not exactly like I have a ton of relationship experience to draw from.  In fact, I’m the very last person who should be doling out advice on how to keep a boyfriend.  I’m way better at losing them.  “If he’s avoiding you, then maybe you need to road trip to Philly.  He can’t very well ignore you if you’re right in front of him.  Then you two can actually sit down and talk about what’s going on.”  I pause for a moment before adding softly, “Talk about you not being ready to get engaged.”

My words seem to tumble around in her head. “Maybe.”  Silently she begins picking at her thumb nail.  Her brows furrow with concentration before she finally mutters, “I’m just really surprised that he’s handling it like this.  I know things were tense between us when he left… but I thought with enough time, everything would eventually smooth itself out.  That hasn’t happened.”  Glancing up, her eyes spear mine.  Biting down on her lower lip, she adds sadly, “Maybe this relationship isn’t going to work out.  Maybe this is it for us.”