Friend Zoned (Barnett Bulldogs #2) (40 page)

On his friendship.

“Well, speak of the devil… or maybe I should say
devils
.”

Feeling the fine hair rise at the nape of my neck, I slowly swivel in my seat until my eyes are colliding with bright blue ones.  The breath catches at the back of my throat as our gazes lock and hold.  Barely do I notice that Sam is flanked by both Dylan and Liam.  The three of them together, with their wide shoulders, broad chests, muscular bodies, and just general gorgeousness, turn female heads. 

“Looks like we’re going to have company,” Mia murmurs about five seconds before they arrive at our table.

Liam treats us to a broad smile before asking, “Mind if we join you?”

Even though Liam’s question is directed at me, I find myself unable to rip my eyes away from Sam.  Thankfully jumping in, Mia waves her hand towards our table with its two extra chairs.  Needing another seat, Liam charms a table full of girls next to us and voila, we have another chair.

As Sam slides into the seat next to me, everything within my body tightens.  A low hum of energy ignites within my blood.  I hate it.  Hate that I’m so completely aware of him.  Of his sheer masculine presence.  He doesn’t need to do anything and already I’m responding to him.  Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t ignore him.  As his knee knocks softly into mine under the table, a delicate little shiver shimmies its way up the length of me.

Closing the distance between us, his deep blue eyes ensnare mine. “How’s it going, Vi?”

Trying to play it cool, I give him just a bit of a nod.  The last thing I need is for him to see just how affected I am.  Because- yes, yes, yes, the man
completely
affects me in the worst way possible. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want Sam Harper right now. 

Doing the only thing I can, I try salvaging just a tiny shred of my pride by not allowing him to see just what a pathetic mess I still am.

“Everything’s good.”

I’m such a liar.  It’s so far from good, it’s not even funny.

A few short months ago, I would have never lied to Sam.  I wouldn’t have bothered shielding my true feelings from him.  But that’s exactly what I’m forcing myself to do now.  Because it’s for the best.

Taking my words at face value, he nods before flagging down a waitress.  All three guys order beer.  I can’t help but notice that it’s the very same dark haired girl who was flirting with Sam right before we got together.  I actually have to grit my teeth at the way her eyes continuously stray to him as she flutters around the table.

It’s on the tip of my tongue to growl before telling her to get lost but of course I don’t do that.  I have zero claims on Sam.  He’s free to be with whoever he wants.  Unable to watch the way she flirts with him, I drop my eyes to the bottle in front of me.

I have to remind myself over and over again that Sam and I are just friends.

Nothing more.

We are not together.

We are not getting back together.

That thought is as painful as a gut shot.  And if I’m not mistaken, people actually die from gut shots.  Which isn’t surprising, because that’s exactly how I feel.  Like I’m dying a slow painful death all the while bleeding out.

Trying to regroup, I straighten my shoulders before blowing out a long slow breath.  If the ultimate goal here is to keep Sam in my life, then I really need to pull my head out of my damn ass and start acting like his friend instead of some hurt lover.

Ignoring the pain, I hoist a smile instead, doing my best to pretend that the last month never happened.  I never fell head over heels for him, we never made sweet love to one another, he never became my everything.

None of it ever occurred.

Forcing myself to loosen up, I focus on the silly banter of the group around us.

“So whose bright idea was it for you guys to drop your drawers and have a little naked time out on the field?”

Liam smirks before raising a brow in Mia’s direction.  “See something you like, sweetheart?”

If Liam thinks he’s going to embarrass Mia, he’s got another thing coming.  She gives him a sly grin before full out leering in his direction, “Yeah, I saw a whole lot of somethings I liked.”

Liam’s lips tilt upwards as the rest of the guys laugh before they all start talking about the newest picture to be circulating at Barnett.  If the women on campus were merely drooling over Sam’s photo, they’re losing their freaking minds at seeing fifteen of the hottest guys on the football team in the buff.

Even if the view is only from the backside.

They’ll happily take it.

The next thirty minutes slide by quickly until the bar is completely packed.  Several other football players have now joined our group.  They’ve pulled up chairs or are standing around the table laughing and talking, swigging beer from their bottles.

Needless to say, where there are college athletes, there are the inevitable groupies who are looking for a little hook up action at the end of the night.  They’ve found laps to hang out on in their tiny little skirts that barely cover their asses.

Thankfully none of them have planted themselves on Sam.

I don’t think I could take that right now.  The facade I have going feels incredibly fragile.  Sitting next to Sam, pretending everything is normal, is way more difficult than I imagined it would be.  Even though I’m having a good time, I’m unbearably aware of Sam’s constant presence besides me.  The way his knee bumps into mine.  The little touches here and there.  I’m wound so freaking tight right now, I feel like I could literally explode from the intense pressure building within me.

It’s only when his fingers slip gently over mine and he starts pulling me out of my seat, does my attention snap back to him, the guy I’ve been so desperately trying to ignore for the last forty-five minutes.

As my startled eyes catch his, he murmurs, “Come on, let’s dance.”

Yeah… that doesn’t really sound like a good idea.

In fact, it sounds more like imminent disaster waiting to happen.

One touch and I will literally shatter.  I’ve been trying so hard to keep everything locked up tight inside.  There’s just no way I can continue doing it for much longer.

But he doesn’t give me a choice in the matter.  Before I can refuse, he has my hand secured tightly within his larger one and is towing me out onto the crowded dance floor where a slow ballad-like song has just started to play.

Already my fingers are tingling from his touch.  And then it goes from bad to worse as he wraps those big muscular arms around me, tugging me close until I’m all but tucked against the wall of his rock solid chest.

Because I know exactly what will happen if I allow myself to melt into him, I keep my body rigid within the circle of his arms.  Being with him like this, the sheer intimacy of it, very nearly kills me.

His lips hover near my ear.

Warm breath feathering over my flesh.

“Relax, Vi.  It’s just
me
.  This is just
us
.”

As he murmurs the words, I feel unbidden moisture gather in my eyes.  Quickly I blink it away.

Yes.  It’s just
him
.  And this is just
us
.

But I don’t feel like we’ve been
us
for a while.  Not since I ruined everything.  Doesn’t he understand that?  Can’t he feel how different everything is between us?  How stiff and uncomfortable we are now?

“Just relax and let me hold you.”

Screw it.

The truth of the matter is that I’m going to hurt no matter what.  I might as well enjoy the feel of his arms around me while I can.

It’s as if those thoughts give my body permission to finally loosen within the warm circle of his embrace as we continue rocking steadily back and forth. Just being surrounded by his scent has my eyes nearly crossing.  It’s some woodsy cologne as well as something that is uniquely Sam’s.  God, but I love that smell.  I’m one massive breath away from inhaling him.

But I force myself not to, because I know damn well that it will only make everything throb and ache even more than it already does.

My eyelids feather closed as I simply enjoy the feel of Sam’s arms.  I try not to think about all the times they were wrapped around me while we were in bed together, but I can’t stop those errand thoughts from tumbling their way through my head.  Every single memory comes rushing back at me until I’m almost dizzy with the sheer number of them.

I’ve missed this so much.

Missed him.

And being this close to Sam again has it all slamming back into me.

Unable to help myself, I drag in a great big breath of him.  It feels like a massive brain rush.  Or heart rush.  Or some kind of rush as it careens wildly through my system.

Yeah… that last inhale was a mistake.

One I’ll end up regretting in the not so distant future.  Although it’s impossible to regret anything when I’m wrapped up in his arms like this.  His body pressed deliciously close to mine.  All his hard lines perfectly aligned with my softer ones.

“You’ve been good?”  His breath slides over the side of my face.  My knees waver ever so slightly as if they just might collapse.

“Yup.”

Nope.

Not by a long shot.

My life pretty much sucks ass right now because I miss him so damn much.  But that doesn’t seem like the right thing to say.  We need normal.  With lots of pretending to get us through the moment.

“How about you?”

“I’m fine.  Just getting ready for the bowl game.  And then playoffs after that.”

The Bulldogs ended up losing two of their conference games this season.  Because they won the majority of them, they made it to the Boca Raton Bowl this year.  Tons of students will be caravanning to Florida for the game.

Once the season is over, Sam will have more time to kick back and relax.  Then we’ll have one last semester together at Barnett. Our law school letters will roll in and we’ll finally find out where we’ve been accepted.

Although I already know that Sam and I won’t be heading off in the same direction.  His family wants him to attend Columbia.  And hopefully I’ll continue here at Barnett.

A year from now, will we even be in touch?

How about in five?

Or ten?

If you had asked me that question a few months back, I would have laughed my ass off.  I mean, of course we’d stay in touch.  How could we not?  We’re best friends.  We got through high school and college by leaning on one another and sticking together.

But… after everything we’ve been through in the last month, I don’t know if I can say that anymore.  Nothing between us is the same.  Our relationship has totally changed.  It’s no longer as easy and effortless as it once was.

His warm mouth hovering near the outer shell of my ear is what finally drags me from my maudlin thoughts of the future.  “You didn’t have to talk with my family.”  He hesitates before adding, “I never told them the details of the situation.”

And that is so Sam.  Instead of dragging me into it, he shouldered all the blame.

Turning my head, I force myself to meet his gaze, holding it steadily as I push out the words. “I wanted them to know that you had nothing to do with what happened. That you didn’t even know a photograph existed until it went viral.  I’m the one they should be angry with, not you.”

His eyes continue piercing mine. “Thank you.”

“I should have done it sooner.”

It was cowardly not to take responsibility for my actions.  And that’s not me.  Especially when it comes to Sam.  Ever since I’ve met him, all he’s done is protect me.  How could I really live with myself if I hadn’t done the same?

As his eyes continue sifting through mine, a bolt of electricity snaps and sizzles between us.  Wanting to pull my gaze away, I just can’t.  It feels as if I’m all but trapped within those piercing blue depths.  Even though it’s exactly where I want to be, no good is going to come from it.

The song is only midway through when he suddenly says, “Let’s get out of here.  We need to talk.”

Not waiting for a response, he clasps my hand tightly within his own before maneuvering us through the thick jostling crowd until we’re pushing out the backdoor of O’Brien’s into the jam packed parking lot.  The cold slaps at me as soon as I step through the wooden door reminding me that my jacket is still inside. Wrapping my arms around my middle, I try to keep warm as he tows me through row after row of parked cars.

“My truck is right over there, we can sit inside and talk.”  Again he doesn’t wait for an answer before pulling me in that direction.  As his eyes catch mine, he must notice that I’m shivering because he quickly wraps an arm around my body, tucking me close as we continue walking.

Every nerve ending within my body feels as if it is crackling, practically screaming, with pent up energy and need.

When we’re close enough to his pickup, Sam hits the automatic locks before opening the passenger side door for me.  Before I know it, he’s sliding inside and locking us in together.  It’s only when he angles that long muscular body towards me, his eyes pinning me in place, that I realize I’m completely and utterly lost.  I’m not even able to suck in a full breath when I’m slammed with the knowledge that this relationship isn’t going to work.