Friends With Multiple Benefits (18 page)

Dan chuckled. "They're serious about this."

"A series." Jillian looked at Brian then Victoria and shrugged. "I never really thought about it that way, but I guess I could see that."

"The executives think it could be bigger than
Sex and the City
."

"Wow."

"And with a series, if you can last a hundred episodes or more, you'll probably make it to syndication and then you're not talking about eight figures, you are talking about nine."

The phone slipped from Jillian's hand and she scrambled to pick it up.

Brian looked to Jim. "One hundred million dollars. That's like
Seinfeld
money."

"Yeah, but after taxes
that's
only like sixty million." Jim forced a frown then paused a moment before he put on a bright smile.

"Okay, so…" Jillian asked hesitantly, "What's the bad news?"

"Well, um, Amanda Joseph wants to star in it."

"Ok, I'm hanging up now." Jillian poised her finger over the phone.

"No, wait!" Dan said loudly. "Hear me out."

"Just go back to the studio and make a deal."

"The studio doesn't want to make the movie anymore. They want the series."

"Fine, just go to another studio."

Dan sighed. "Look, remember that the studio bought the option to make three films and even if you could buy the rights back, no other studio is going to want to touch this."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Every studio wants to work with Amanda, you know that, right?"

"I don't understand it, but yeah," Jillian conceded.

"Amanda's agency has made it known that if anyone produces this material without her, she is never going to work with them again."

"She's holding my story hostage!" Jillian scoffed.

"Pretty much," Dan said.

"She can't do this."

"She can… and she is." Dan cleared his throat. "Um, there's one more thing."

"I can't wait," Jillian grumbled.

"Amanda wants Brian to work as a special consultant on the production."

"A special consultant?"

"Tennis, of course."

"Oh, I thought the cunt wanted him to have his penis consult in a special way with her super-slutty
vagina,
" Jillian announced with her head held high. Everyone else in the car gazed at her in wide-eyed disbelief.

"Jillian, why don't you sleep on it and—"

"I don't need to sleep on it."

Brian leaned over and whispered to Victoria and
Jim, "her
hormones have been a little crazy with
the
um—"

"In fact," Jillian began in a loud voice. "Please give Miss Joseph a message for me. She cannot buy my husband from me for one hundred million dollars. Tell her to take that money, crumple it up, and shove it up her…" she looked to Victoria and asked, "… should I have him tell her to shove it up her ass or her vagina?"

"I'd go with vagina," Victoria replied casually.

"That is a lot of
money,
" Jim commented.

"In that case you'd better go with ass." Victoria nodded. "There's probably more room."

"Knowing Amanda Jo, I'd guess there's just about the same size." Jillian broke into a maniacal laugh. She held the phone in front of her face and said loudly. "Dan, I'll let you pick one, ass or vagina and tell her where she can shove it."

"Jillian I will not—"

"Bye, Dan." Jillian ended the call and closed her eyes as she sighed.

Everyone in the car shared tentative looks until Brian asked, hesitantly, "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay?" Jillian opened her eyes and shuddered. "I can't believe that whore is going to try to shake me down like that."

"Maybe he's wrong about some of the details. Maybe another studio will—"

"Oh, he's right. That
little fake-titted
slut is the darling of Hollywood. She's beloved. She's like a white, thin Oprah, who can actually act."

Jim began, "Hey Oprah was really good in that
mov
—" He shut his mouth when both Victoria and Jillian looked like they wanted to kill him.

Jillian let out a slow exasperated breath then leaned on Brian's shoulder. "I just wanted to go home and have you hold me all—" She wrinkled her nose and popped up away from him. "Your jacket!"

"What?"

"Your jacket smells like her." She moved away from him to the other side of the car. "Yes, that's that perfume the bitch has with her name on it."

Brian lifted the
lapel
up and sniffed. "Does it?"

"Take it off." Jillian folded her arms.

"Okay." Hurriedly, he slipped off the jacket.

"Open the window. It stinks in here." She pinched her nose. "I think I'm going to be physically sick."

Jim pushed the button and the window rolled down. Wind rushed into the car as the speeding limo
traveled
over
a bridge
. Jillian tilted her head toward the window and took a deep breath. After a few
moments
she sat back against the seat. "It still stinks in here." Shaking her head, she turned toward Brian, grabbed his jacket, and tossed it right out of the window. With no time to even utter a word he watched as his jacket launched over the side of the bridge.

"My, uh…"

"What?" Jillian sneered.

"It's just that I really liked that jacket."

"I'll buy you a new one."

"And my phone was in the pocket."

"I'll get you a new one of those too." Jillian sighed. "But wait, now that Amanda Jo
is having
me
blackballed
from the movie and television industry, it's just a matter of time before no publisher will touch me either. They're all probably lining up to publish her memoir about how many guys she's slept with."

Brian began, "I'm sure that—"

"Yeah, so I'll get you a new phone, but it will probably have to be one of those no-contract older flip phones." Jillian rolled her eyes. "Maybe a Virgin Mobile."

"Oh, God those suck," Jim commented.

"Shh…" Victoria glared at him then said, "Are you okay, honey?"

"You want to know if I'm okay?" Jillian shot her a pointed look.

"I do. I'm worried about you?"

"Really?"

"I am. Maybe you just need to go home and relax. Just take a warm bath and maybe—"

"Relax. You mean, like you…" Jillian made quote marks with her
fingers, "…
relaxed
your husband tonight at the premiere."

Victoria looked around uneasily. "I don't know what you're talking about?"

"Are you really going to deny that you jerked your husband off while he sat two inches from me and with Steven Spielberg and George freaking Clooney sitting two rows away?"

"Clooney was there
tonight?"
Victoria asked, moving to the edge of her seat.

"You didn't see him?" Jillian grumbled.

"No, I didn't."

"Wait, when did this happen?" Brian asked, clueless.

"George Clooney, he arrived right after we did."

"No, not him." Brian sighed. "When was she jerking him off?"

"Um, it was right about the time that Miss Amanda Jo was titty fucking you."

Brian chuckled. "She was not—"

"Yep, it was a glorious night at the movies for me. I've had Long Dong Silver on the right side of me breathing heavily and getting a
handy
in front of half of the heavy hitters from Hollywood, while on my left, one of the biggest sluts in the world was rubbing her fake tits up and down my husband's shoulder. It was a banner night for me."

"Babe, you really shouldn't be getting upset when you're so close to delivering. You need to be careful." Brian placed his hand on her arm. "Remember what the doctor said."

"I can't help it."

"It's going to be okay. Just breathe."

"I know. I know." Jillian took a deep breath then spent a few moments with her eyes closed with her hands on her knees. When she finally opened her eyes, she said, "I think I'm better now."

Brian leaned down and sniffed his shirt quickly. "I don't think it smells
anymore
if you want to lean back on me."

Jillian gave him a gentle smile then moved to him. "Sorry, everyone I'm just a little hormonal at the moment."

"We understand," Victoria said. "Sorry, about
the,
um, handjob."

"It's okay."

"No, it's really not, but we were all worked up from earlier and I had a few glasses of champagne and the movie was so sexy that uh, I… my hand wandered over and one thing led to another and… You know how that can be, don't you?" Victoria looked at her, waiting.

"I do know how that can be." Jillian began. "Sometimes your hand is drawn to it like a magnet to steel—no pun intended."

The four shared a laugh then Brian narrowed his eyes. "So, I know I'm probably going to regret asking this, but Jim, did you actually finish?"

"Yeah."

"Um…" Frowning, he asked hesitantly, "Where did you finish?"

Holding up the jacket, Jim wore a sheepish expression.

"Oh, God, that's disgusting." Brian shared a horrified look with his wife. "What the hell are you going to do with that?"

"I don't know, take it to the dry cleaner I guess."

"Don't you dare," Jillian said.

"You guys should really learn how to control yourselves." Jillian rolled her eyes.

"You can't take her anywhere," Jim commented.

"No, you really can't," Brian added and they all shared another laugh.

Grimacing, Jillian hurried into the bedroom and fought to reach the zipper behind her back. Brian entered seconds later and came to her aid. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" she asked in a condescending voice.

"Um, no reason." He sighed. "Look, everything is going to be fine. The doctor said you
need
to take it easy and reduce your stress level. We want those babies to stay in there as long as possible."

"I know. I know." She put her hand over her chest. "But these celebrities think they can buy everything. She thinks she can dangle millions of dollars in front of my face in order to… what… what? I don't think I even understand what she's trying to do."

"Oh, she's just pretending to want me because she knows she can't have me. I'll bet if I told her you threw me out, she would lose interest immediately." He unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off.

"Yeah, you're probably right." She scoffed. "She's been with Brad Pitt for God's sake and, no offense, you're no B.P."

Frowning, he gave her a devastated look.

"Oh, you know, what I mean." She waved her hand at him, dismissively.

"Yeah, I guess."

"But…" she smiled
sweetly, "…
you're my Brad Pitt."

"Okay."

She took off her bra and massaged her massively swollen and aching breasts. "That feels better."

He shook his head. "Somehow, they look even bigger than earlier today."

Moving in front of the mirror, she studied them carefully. "I think they are bigger. This pregnancy is a nightmare."

He stepped up behind her. "Do you still want me to rub them?"

"Not tonight, they're too sensitive." She frowned. "I wouldn't turn down a foot rub, though."

"You've got it." He stepped out of his pants, folded them, and placed them on the dresser.

A few minutes later, Jillian was propped up on pillows resting against the headboard as Brian lay on his back near the foot of the bed with one of her feet in his hands. "How's that?"

"Amazing."

"You know, after the baby comes, I can go back to sitting on you and giving you my famous full body rubs."

"I really miss them," she whined.

"I know you do." He slid his fingers up her calf and rubbed it hard.

"That feels good."

"Just relax."

While working her calf muscle with one
hand,
he massaged her arch with the other. She sighed then suddenly her eyes opened wide. "So, what should I do about this H.B.O. thing?"

"Really?" He shot her a disapproving look.

"I can't stop thinking about it."

"Do we really need to talk about this now?"

"If we don't, I won't be able to sleep."

He sighed. "Okay, maybe Dan got the story wrong or maybe she's not really serious about me having to work with her. I mean, there are plenty of other tennis coaches out there."

"Yeah, I guess."

"What do you think about doing a series instead of another movie?"