Friends Without Benefits (Knitting in the City) (26 page)

I kept meaning to bring up
the mixtape, but would get sidetracked by something he said. It always felt like we never had enough time to talk. Therefore, when Nico brought it up during our Sunday lunch conversation, I was a little blindsided. 

“
You haven’t mentioned anything about the mixtape.”

“Oh!
” I jumped then fidgeted in my seat. “Yes. The tape.”

“
Did you listen to it yet?”

“Yes. I listened
 . . .to it.”

“
Well, what did you think?”

“I think
 . . .” I paused to gather a breath and also to stall. If the ladies were right, and I was one-hundred-and-ten-percent positive that they were, then what was I supposed to say about the tape? What right answer could I give?

I settled for honest and benign.
“I think that it is full of some really good music.”

He was very quiet for a long moment then he said,
“I feel like this is a huge step forward for you, to have admitted that.”

I released a breath.
“I never said I didn’t like good music, I just said I preferred boy band music.”

“
Which song did you like the most—wait, actually, which songs did you not like?”

“Um
 . . .”

“
Were there any songs that you didn’t like?”

“I don’t know that I didn’t
like
them so much as . . . This is hard to talk about.”

“
Yeah. I thought it might be.”

“Well the song, I guess, that was the most difficult to listen to, even though I recognize that it’s a really good song, is the one about someone dying
by Death Cab for Cutie.”

“
Ah, yeah. I thought that might be the one that you were going to say, I was hoping you were going to mention a different one; but, yeah. That’s a really good song.”

“It is.”

“It actually helped me. When it came out, it helped me work through some issues.”

“You use music to work through issues?”

“Don’t you? Doesn’t everyone? Help them feel things they’re not ready to feel? Or maybe they’re blind to?”

I decided to avoid the implications of his last statement in favor of the
simple truth about me and music. “No. I don’t use music for that.”

“
Right. Obviously. Because nobody is using boy bands to work through issues unless it’s how to feel about copping your first feel or dealing with morning wood.”

“Nico!”

“Because what issues could boy bands help you work through? Lingering questions about how to remove a bra . . . When did the boy with a premature ejaculation problem arrive to the party? I’ll give you a hint, he came too early.”

I barked a laugh
, and I knew he was also smiling as he continued.
“You listen to boy bands to avoid issues.”

He was right, of course. The fact that he knew me so well didn’t at all surprise me although it did make me uncomfortable. I didn’t have anything to say in response to his probing so I decided on the silent approach.

I should have known him better.

“
Elizabeth?”

“Yes.”

“Are you being quiet because I’m right?”

I squirmed a little. “Yes.”

“Is there any possibility that over the course of this conversation you will actually say the words:
‘Nico, you are right
?’”

“No. That’s not going to happen.”

“Even though I’m right?”

“I’m always right. You don’t see me going around ordering people to tell me so.”

“Almost always right.”

His teasing rejoinder made me smile, melt a little.
“Fine. I’ll admit that what you said was true.”

“
So you’re fine with saying,
‘Yes Nico’
and you’re good with saying,
‘That’s true, Nico’,
but you are physically incapable of saying,
‘Nico Manganiello, you are right
?’ Is that correct?”

“That is correct.” God help me, I was giggling. “First of all, you know I’ve never been able to pronounce your last name.”

“If you’d let me touch your tongue while you tried to say it I bet we could fix that problem—”

I decided to pretend he hadn’t spoken
although my body was having difficulty ignoring what he’d said. “And secondly, I could maybe say a word that rhymes with right, like:
Nico, you are light or blight or sight or bite
.”

“
Nico, you are bite?
That doesn’t make any sense. How about
, Nico you are bright
?”

I was laughing as I said,
“I don’t think I can say that either.”

He was laughing
as he asked,
“Why?”

“Because it’s a compliment.”

“So now you’re incapable of complimenting me?”

“No, I’ve complimented you, I told you that one time that you are funny.”

“Mmm-hmm, why is it so hard for you to say nice things to me about me?”

“Because
I’m so used to saying mean things about you to you.” I glanced around the doctors’ lounge; no one seemed to be paying me any attention. Regardless, just in case, I lowered my voice. “Call it sixteen years of it being drilled in my head—by you—that you are the Romulan to my Vulcan.”

“
You and your Star Trek analogies.”

“
I’m trying to get used to this new kinder, gentler, softer Nico.”

“
Softer?”

“Well, smoother.”

“Oh my stars! Did you just—was that a
compliment
? Did you just call me smooth?”

“
Did you just say,
‘Oh my stars
?’” I laugh-snorted.

“
I’m just shocked you complimented me. I’m going to write this day down so I can remember it. Dear Diary, today I was complimented by Elizabeth Finney. I think she’s starting to like me. When oh when will she let me feel her up?”

I laugh
-snorted again. “Very funny. That wasn’t at all smooth by the way. Just be happy I called you smooth and not slick or, or charismatic.”

“
Hmm, I don’t at all mind
slick
 . . . We should spend more time discussing that,
and you think I’m charismatic?”
I could almost see the devastating small smile that accompanied his question.

“Oh, please. You know you’re charismatic. Your superhero name would be Captain Charismatic. Your superpower would be stupid exploding charisma. I mean, you walk into a room and people, everyone, can’t keep their eyes off you.”

“You don’t think my TV show has something to do with that? The fact that they recognize me?”

“No. It’s you. If you put a paper bag over your head people would still be looking at you. Before you were famous, when we were in school it was the same way. You were always so visible and I was always so
 . . .invisible.” I hadn’t meant to say that, about myself. It just came out and, honestly, startled me. I swallowed a strange thickness in my throat.

“
You were never invisible to me.”
Nico’s voice was insistent and—for some reason—I felt that he was frustrated with me.

“Sometimes you made me wish I had been invisible to you.” I stared at the toes of my comfortable shoes, lost in an unpleasant memory from high school; specifically when Nico introduced me to a new class member as
Skinny Finney, the brainiac boy everyone cheats off of
. There were so many hurtful things about that moment I had difficulty settling on just one.

“
Well . . .”
Wisely he decided to sidestep my last comment.
“I can compliment you.”

“Please don’t.” I sniffled, surprised to find my eyes stung a little. I blinked away the beginnings of unwelcome emotions.

“Why not?”

“Because
 . . .” I closed my eyes. “Because it makes it hard to talk to you.”

“
As physically incapable as you are of complimenting me, I’m physically incapable of not complementing you and how amazingly smart you are—”

“Nico.”

“Listen, you are. I remember in high school, we had classes together, in specific biology, and you ruined the curve.”

“I liked biology. If you’d put me in public speaking I would have gotten an F.”

“The other thing I can’t help complimenting you about—and I wish I’d brought it up at the reunion when we were dancing—is that you are funny.”

This statement caught me by surprise. I never really thought of myself as funny. Sarcastic, yes; funny, no. “I’m funny?”

“Yes. You are very funny.”

I twisted my free fingers in the hem of my scrubs. “
. . . really?”

“
Yes. Witty. I love how witty you are, I love talking to you because you’re going to say something intelligent and hilarious. I love it.”

Warmth suffused my cheeks at the thought of Nico,
The Face, calling me funny. He was, after all, an expert on the matter. In addition to being charismatic, he always seemed to know the right thing to say. It was aggravating and sexy.

“I like talking to you too.”
My voice was small because my words were sincere.

I could feel his exploding charisma through the phone.
“Was that a compliment?”

I rolled my eyes
, but my smile widened. “Yes. Fine. I complimented you. I love talking to Nico Mangenigelino or however the heck you pronounce your last name. Are you happy now?”

Blast
of charisma.
“I’m getting there.”

That night
I pondered the fact that I’d been avoiding speaking with Nico about his fancy stalker. It felt like an unpleasant, heavy topic; like a rusty car or unmanageable box of poo. Whenever he asked me how I was doing in relation to the pressure of paparazzi or the stalker I changed the subject. I didn’t want to talk about it.

W
e were having such a good time during our conversations I didn’t want to ruin it. I loved them.

In fact, i
t dawned on me just as I was drifting off to sleep on Sunday night that I loved hearing about his day—not because it was exciting, but because I loved being
there
for him. I loved being his sounding board, offering support, and helping him reason through issues, problems. I loved giving him that part of myself.

All of this added together meant that I was letting him in. In fact, he was already
in
. He’d breached my fortress walls, he had a mancave in my citadel of seclusion and we were picking out curtains for the barred windows. The thought was both thrilling and terrifying.

I needed to decide what to do, what to say to him when he returned. Instead I rolled over in my bed, pulled the covers with me and, again, ensconced myself in avoidance. I justified my avoidance
by reminding myself that we were just friends. I didn’t need to make any decisions because there were no decisions to make. I could just enjoy the conversations for what they were: two friends talking on the phone.

And that was a load of horse manure.

But I didn’t want anything to change. I loved how much we laughed together; we shared the same sense of humor, as sick and twisted as we were. I loved that jokes that might make others cringe sent us both into long, breath-stealing, stomach cramping bouts of laughter.

Therefore,
I didn’t particularly want to dwell on any modification to our relationship that would likely ruin it; and I didn’t want to discuss the stalker while we were joking about the phallic qualities of pasta.

However, on
Monday, I saw the fancy stalker again, and this time I knew for certain that it was her. She was sitting in the ER waiting room, and I spotted her from behind the discharge counter. Sure enough, she was wearing fancy shoes, fancy sunglasses—while inside . . . weird—and a fancy trench coat—also weird.

I hurried to the
doctors’ lounge, the only place in the ER with cell phone coverage, and dialed the direct line of Detective Carey Long, the officer who’d come the last time. I also paged my guard, Dan. But, by the time I made it back to the discharge desk, the fancy stalker was gone. In the chair where she’d sat was another envelope.

I didn’t touch it
, and I didn’t open it. I waited for Dan and Detective Long to arrive and gave her the honor. She picked it up with official-looking tweezers and placed it in a plastic bag, promised to let me know the contents as soon as she could.

Before she left she suggested to Dan that he follow me all day—stand outside clinic rooms—rather than walk the halls of the floor.
She also recommended to Dan that Quinn’s security team alert the hospital security about the issue, circulate a picture of the Fancy Stalker so that staff and providers could keep an eye out. Dan informed her that they’d already taken that precaution, but would circulate her picture again.

Before she left she reminded me to tell Nico about the incident.

I decided to notify Nico of this latest episode in person. He would be home Tuesday, just one more day, and I would be able to draw him aside and describe the situation face-to-face. I didn’t want him to become twisted in knots about it while he was in New York, as he was prone to do.

My Monday shift ended at 4
:00 p.m. and, after trying but failing to reach Nico on the phone, I decided to take Rose up on an earlier offer of dinner and a movie with her and Angelica. It gave me an opportunity to give Angelica her new sweater, and Rose, although crazy as a loon, was still an amazing cook. I was hoping to pick up some tips. Since my father never cooked I’d never learned.

But I wanted to. Marie from my knitting group had taught me to make Belgian waffles and a few simple dinners. I could
always use additional instruction and practice. Rose did not disappoint.

She
was making ravioli from scratch. Angelica was sitting at my elbow, seemingly perfectly at ease. This was remarkable because I wasn’t typically a kid magnet. In fact, kids seemed to sense my apprehension and usually—from a radius of at least six feet—cast disapproving and/or suspicious glares in my direction.

But, with Angelica,
we’d developed an easy rapport since I’d shared my inventory of kids’ jokes and given her the pony paraphernalia purse a few weeks ago. She was easy to like. In fact, I noted with some reluctance, she was easy to love. The fact that she adored the sweater I knit her didn’t hurt matters either.

“What is
that?” Her little munchkin voice pointed to my poorly constructed square of pasta.

“It’s ravioli.”

“No it’s not.” She shook her head, reached for a slice of pineapple and popped it in her mouth.

“Well, what does it look like to you?”

“It looks like Pinky Pie’s alligator.” Her mouth was full of pineapple, and a little juice dribbled down her chin. Instead of gross—which is what it should have been—she pulled off effortless adorableness.

Rose was making two kinds of ravioli. The first was your traditional wheat and egg pasta filled with ricotta cheese plus other top secret ingredients. The second was a wheat free, egg free, dairy free dough filled with a rice cheese substitute and vegetables. Angelica’s disease meant that every meal was full of substitutions and omissions.

But pineapple was always on the menu.

I blinked at her. My eyes moved back to the pasta. It did indeed look like the shape of an alligator. “You mean Pinky Pie from
My Little Pony
?”

She nodded then wiped her hand on my shirt, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. This caused me to blink at her again. “Did you just wipe your hand on my shirt?”

Angelica turned her wide, green eyes to mine, and then she laughed. It was an answer of a sort. It was a
yes, I just wiped my hand on your shirt
,
but, more than that, it was a
yes, I wiped my hand on your shirt, but I’m sure you don’t mind because now I’m going to giggle with extreme cuteness and make you forget about the impropriety of using people’s garments as hand towels
.

It worked. I opened my mouth in mock outrage. “I can’t believe you just did that!”

This caused Angelica to laugh harder, her eyes bunching at the corners, which made her look even cuter. More pineapple drool tumbled from her mouth.

Rose watched our exchange with an approving smile up to that point. Her smile morphed in to an expression of mock outrage—mirroring mine—when Angelica leaned over and wiped her mouth on Rose’s shirt.

“Angelica!” I could tell, and so could Angelica, that Rose’s indignation was as bogus as mine. “That’s a no, Angelica!”

The small girl’s giggles only increased with our fake reprimands. This game of human napkin continued for a while and ended with me pretending to use Angelica’s hair to dab at the corners of my mouth. At this point Rose sent her off to the bathroom to go properly wash her hands and face.

We both watched her go with a smile on our lips. But, as soon as she was gone, I felt Rose’s eyes shift to me.

“You know, that is a sign that she likes you, is comfortable with you.”

I quickly glanced at Rose then refocused my attention to the butchered ravioli I’d abandoned. “I am glad. I want her to be comfortable with me.”

“For the study? So she doesn’t fear the visits?”

I shook my head. “Well, yes. I don’t want her to fear the visits. But that’s not the main reason I guess.” I frowned at the pasta, finally decided it was beyond repair and tossed it in the trash. I cut out a new square and tried repeating the filling procedure.

“Then why?”

I responded although I was somewhat distracted by my previous pasta-fail as well as my current attempt, which was also shaping up to be a past-fail. “She is so easy to like. She’s brave and sweet and smart. She’s also illegal levels of cute, that smile of hers could melt metal. And she’s important to . . .”

I swallowed the end of the sentence, realized a little too late what I’d been about to say. I tucked my chin to my chest and redoubled my effort to focus on the
ricotta cheese.

“Yes. She is very important to Nico. That’s true.”

I discerned the teasing behind Rose’s words, and I struggled against the heat of embarrassment. Luckily, Angelica chose that moment to reappear. She held her hands out in front of her as though to prove she’d washed them.

Surprisingly, Rose said no more about
my slip, and we spent the rest of the time in light-hearted conversation. Angelica had a great time laughing at my sad attempts to make the pasta. Most of my shells ended up torn, wonky, or in the trash; regardless, Rose was patient and kind and kept the red wine flowing. I may have purposefully disfigured a few of my attempts in order to sustain Angelica’s giggles. She had a great laugh.

We were feeling pretty happy and loose by the time dinner ended
. I cut myself off at two glasses around five thirty, conscious of Angelica’s looming infusion.

After the treatment I stayed for Monday movie night. But h
alfway through the movie—Angelica’s current favorite,
The Secret of Kells
—the distinct sound of someone messing with the lock of the front door made my stomach cramp in fear. I stiffened and stood, placed my finger on my lips to silence Rose and shook my head.

Nico wasn’t due back until the next day.

If it were a guard they would have announced themselves. I felt an immediate and fierce surge of protectiveness for both Angelica and Rose.

“Call Quinn
,” I whispered to Rose. “Tell him there is someone trying to get in the apartment.”

After the envelope left at the hospital I felt certain that the fancy stalker had found her way into the building. I didn’t know how she’d managed to get past all the security
, but I knew I wasn’t going to let her into the apartment. There was no way in hell she would have an opportunity to hurt Angelica or foxy Rose. 

I
rushed into the kitchen and grabbed a cast-iron frying pan. As quietly as I could I tiptoed to front door and heard the bone-chilling sound of someone turning the lock. I tightened my grip on the pan, prepared to knock out the intruder.

The door swung open, I lifted
the cast iron, and was met with the startled expression of Nico—wide eyes, hand on chest, audible gasp. He took a step back into the hall.

“Jesus, Elizabeth!”
he breathed out, still gripping his chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”

My arms fell to my sides, the pan to the floor,
and I raced into his arms, hugging him tightly around the neck. “Ditto.”

He hesitated a moment then returned my hug
, holding me with equal force. “What the hell is going on? Is everyone okay? Where’s Angelica? Are you okay?”

I buried my face in his neck, inhaled. He smelled like
his cologne and mint. Faintly I registered that the scent of cigarette smoke was missing.

“
You weren’t supposed to be home until tomorrow!”

“I caught an earlier flight.” His hand rubbed circled over my back.

“Oh god! I thought you were the fancy stalker.”

His hand stilled.
“Fancy stalker? Wait—what—”

“Uncle Nico!” Angelica’s small voice carried to my ears
, and I released my strangle hold on his neck. I stepped out of his embrace, which he reluctantly allowed, and shuffled to the end of the entry way, giving his niece plenty of space to welcome him home.

I stood at the end of the hallway and watched the homecoming ritual unfold
, tried to calm my frayed nerves while avoiding eye contact with both Rose and Nico.

Angelica was embraced first.

“I missed you, Uncle Nico.” Her typically diminutive voice sounded unusually fervent.

“I missed you too, muffin.” Came Nico’s muffled response, his face
obscured by her mop of hair. After a long moment Angelica pulled away and smoothed her hands over his cheeks. Nico proceeded to ask about her day, about the status of her dolls, about the antics of Pinky Pie on
My Little Pony
.

Next,
still casting stern looks in my direction and still holding Angelica with one arm, he hugged Rose and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She returned his kiss then inspected his face and clothes.

“Are you eating anything at all in New York?”

“Yes, Ma.”

“What are you eating? Not much, that’s what. You’ll come in and eat now.”

“I already grabbed something at the airport.” Nico glanced at the ceiling, but then his gaze snagged on mine, he frowned.