Friendships hurt
Friendships
hurt
By Julia
Averbeck
Smashwords
Edition
Copyright August 2011, Julia
Averbeck
Cover by Julia
Averbeck
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****
I don’t think it is
possible to be close friends with a guy, especially when he has a
girlfriend. Someone always gets hurt and most of the times that
someone is you. You probably think I am cynical now but I know it
is true because I have made this experience myself.
Maybe I should tell you
the whole story from the beginning because it will be easier for
you to understand how this realisation suddenly dawned on me. I
think the best way to start is by telling you who I am.
My name is Mary-Ann
Maloni and I am 24 years old.
I know exactly what you
are thinking now. Who has such a stupid name? I blame my parents
for it since I’m five and you’re welcome to blame them too but now
back to my story.
I grew up as an only
child and I guess my parents spoiled me a lot but that’s probably
normal for parents with only one daughter. I was their princess,
their most important thing in the world. My childhood was great and
I loved every minute of it but it was always hard for me to find
friends.
I really don’t know why
it was like this but I often felt alone which was the reason why I
started to read. Most of the times I was running around with a book
in my hand and I even read while I was walking but back to not
having many friends. Of course I had friends but it never felt like
having the one best friend every girl should have. There were
always other people who were closer to the persons whom I called
friends. Maybe it was my fault but I didn’t know what to change and
it made me sad from time to time.
I finished school with
good grades and started studying. There I met new people, found new
friends but still it didn’t feel like I had found a friend with
whom I could talk about everything. By now I was quite used to it,
so I didn’t mind that much anymore. Anything was better than always
being alone and doing everything on your own. When I got the chance
to go abroad for a practical semester I grabbed the opportunity
with both hands and was excited to get out of my familiar
surroundings and see something new. Deep inside me I had the hope
to find a true friend there.
It was better than I
had expected. I liked my work, I had nice co-workers and I was able
to see a new city. It was summer and the weather was nice, so I was
able to explore everything in my free time. Soon I met new people
with whom I spent my time, had fun and was able to enjoy the
summer. And then there was this guy.
He was my supervisor at
work and I really liked him. When I had questions he was always
patient with me and it was great to work with him because I learned
a lot. I discovered that we had a lot in common. We liked the same
books or movies which always gave us something to talk about and I
opened up to him. Opening up takes some time for me because I have
to know the person quite well to do so which should tell you
something about me liking him. We became friends and that was all I
wanted.
I guess, I had a secret
crush on him but I never showed that because he had a girlfriend
and I am not someone who breaks a relationship apart. Who could
blame me? He was good looking, easy to talk to and funny at the
same time but I knew that I couldn’t have him. That was alright for
me because all I really wanted was a friend.
We had a great time and
I would say we still finished a lot of work. I told him things
which I haven’t told anybody else and it was great to have someone
to talk about it. At the same time I listened to his problems and
tried to comfort him as best as I could because this is what
friends do. They help each other with problems, they listen when
you need to talk and cheer you up when you are sad.
Then I had to go and we
promised to call and write and everything. Back at home I missed
the people I got to know there and I missed the city too, so I
called my friend and talked to him. It was always difficult to find
a time to talk because he was so busy and I sometimes got up very
early just to talk to him.
I visited again shortly
before Christmas because I just wanted to see everyone again and do
some Christmas shopping. During that time I met him too and we had
a good time, we even wanted to go shopping together because he
still needed a present for his girlfriend but he suddenly had
something else to do and I just met him again shortly to say
goodbye.
From that point on
everything went downwards. I really don’t know what happened. Maybe
I was too clingy or whatever but suddenly he had no time to talk to
me anymore and answering an email became a problem too. Then one
day I just wanted to know and I wrote him and asked if we were
still friends because he just didn’t answer my mails anymore.
Sometimes I wish I
hadn’t asked because his answer hurt me deeply. In his eyes we were
only colleagues who worked together and nothing more and he didn’t
want to waste his precious time to talk to me. You can imagine that
I was quite devastated after this message and I have to admit that
I called him some not so nice names afterward but I don’t regret
that. I still think he deserved it but I haven’t heard anything
from him afterwards. He burned all bridges behind him and now I
only have my memories.
I still think a lot
about him and wonder what went wrong and if it was my fault. Later
I asked some people who had seen us together and they told me that
they thought we had been friends and couldn’t believe that he had
thrown me out of his life so easily. I don’t know if he just wanted
to get rid of me or if his girlfriend was behind everything but I
probably won’t find out. His rejection still hurts and that’s the
reason why I don’t think it is possible to be close friends with a
guy. Something will always get in the way.
You can think that I am
cynical if you want to but after my story you probably know a bit
better why I don’t think friendships like this are possible. I was
burned one time too often and now I don’t think I will walk into a
friendship this openly any time soon. Maybe that will change with
time but at the moment it still hurts and I’m not finished with
licking my wounds and starting again with someone else.
I will probably never
forget him but the memories of him will always be of a bittersweet
kind.
****
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