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Authors: N.C. Reed

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BOOK: Friggin Zombies
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“And why is that so hard to believe?” I asked her. “Have I struck you as being in some way too dumb to be a computer expert?”

“No!” she shook her head, trying to stop laughing. “It's just that. . .all this time I've known you at the gun club, known you were a survivalist. . .”

“Prepper,” I pointed out in between her laughs.

“. . .I just always sort of figured that 'security consultant' meant you were like some kind of quasi-mercenary. Like a high paid ex-military or government agent that had gone freelance. I had n. . .no idea!” she was laughing again.

“Well, sorry to burst your bubble,” I shrugged. “But the only work I've ever done for the government was as a contractor back when I was going to school. I worked for different agencies each summer working on computer security systems and helping stop hacking attacks.” There was more to it than that, but. . .well, that's all I can say even now, I guess. Be just my luck some asshole of a FED survived and read this and then try to arrest me.

“Does this lower your opinion of me, then?” I asked, suddenly wondering if now that I wasn't some secretive ex-merc type if she would lose interest in me.

“Of course not!” she shot back, laughter suddenly gone. “If anything it just enhances it. Last night's action for a mercenary ex-soldier would have still been something special. For a nerd-boy,” she winked slyly, “it's completely fantastic. The way you handled yourself I assumed you had done something like that before.”

“No, I hadn't,” I assured her, sighing a bit. That seemed to sober her a bit.

“I didn't mean anything in a bad way,” she reached out to lay a hand on my arm. “I just seriously always thought you were some kind of para-military type. You just had that kind of air.”

“Air?”

“You know. Self-assured, I can handle it, no problem, that kind of thing,” she clarified. “Even through all this its been like nothing has phased you. Not that you've allowed to show anyway. You've just gone and done what needed doing.”

“Oh,” I said, not knowing what else to say. “Well, I've had a lot of different kinds of training over the years. But I'm always outdoors. Shooting, hiking, fishing and hunting. Okay, I guess considering what you knew about me I can see where my profession would surprise you,” I admitted after rattling off that list. She nodded.

“Exactly. It's not like I've ever seen you do anything computer related.”

“True,” I nodded. “Well, at least you're not disappointed,” I grinned.

“Oh, no,” she shook her head slightly, her voice soft. “No, the one thing I most certainly am not is disappointed.” She squeezed my arm at that and I felt a bit better. Oh who am I kidding, I felt like a million bucks hearing that.

“Back to the question at hand,” I said, “you are planning on opening your office Monday?” she nodded, albeit reluctantly.

“Barring some kind of Martial Law travel ban, yes. But after Monday I'll have to take it as it comes. I wish I had told Nettie, my receptionist, to cancel everything this week, but. . .maybe tomorrow she can call the others. Assuming the phones are working anyway,” she added with a frown.

“Well, I'll take you in and stay with you,” I told her. “It's not like I'm doing anything else at the moment. I'm not going into the city and that's where my office is. Nor am I going on the road while all this is playing out. So I'm available,” I smiled.

“What about here?” she asked. “Shouldn't you be protecting this place?” I held up my tablet.

“This entire place is wired,” I told her. “If someone so much as leans on that fence, let alone tries to get into the house, then I'll know it. I can be here long before they manage to do any damage. Probably before they can get inside,” I added, thinking about the storm shutters.

“Well, there's still no reason for you to sit in my office all day. You'll be bored to death!” she exclaimed.

“There is every reason,” was my only reply and her blush was a thing to behold. I hoped right then that I would always be able to bring that look to her face.

“That still leaves today,” I said as I stood up, taking up the dishes and moving to the sink. “Like you said, we're overdue a rest. I'll need to feed and water the chickens, but otherwise we'll read, watch television and surf the web I guess. Keep up on what's happening.”

“Works for me,” she hugged me, her arms coming around me in a hug. I turned my head slightly and she kissed my cheek, then walked into the living room. After I watched her go (boy shorts, remember?) I finished the dishes and went to check on the birds. They were fine if a bit loud, but once allowed to roam the yard again they were fine. It occurred to me that I'd have to watch for hawks now. I rarely saw one near the house, but I'd never had anything for them to eat, either.

Once back inside I settled in with Connie to watch the world start to fall apart. I know that sounds melodramatic, but. . .it's pretty much what happened. American newsies had finally seemed to catch on and were now demanding the same answers that their European counterparts had been demanding for days. Our authorities were no more forthcoming than European authorities had been, but our press had a bit more leeway and freedom and they were pissed off at being lied to. Funny thing about the press. They don't mind lying to us, but try lying to them and you are toast.

It really wouldn't matter this time, though. They could roast and toast the politicians all they wanted to but it wouldn't matter. Things were way too far out of hand now and nothing was going to get them under control again. Not without a lot of dead bodies anyway.

As the day progressed things just got worse. By sundown it seemed like the entire world was in a panic. The protesting and rioting was in full swing now and things in city were getting worse as well. Protests and riots had turned to looting had turned to random acts of violence. There were fires burning out of control in several places as firefighters struggled to find enough manpower to be everywhere at once. I assumed that some of them were 'sick', which in this case meant taking care of their own families and the hell with looters and rioters and other kinds of idiots. Hard to blame them, really. Hard to blame any of them.

As night settled in I went and corralled the chickens back into the hen house. I hadn't fed them a great deal that morning so as I threw corn inside the chicken coop they flocked to it. All I had to do was wait and then close the door. That might seem like a normal bit of business to you but remember that I knew nothing about farm animals other than how tasty they were, so for me it was quite an accomplishment.

Ram had spent the day alternating between annoying the shit out of me and playing with Connie and making a mess and sleeping, not always in that order but mostly. I shouldn't say that, I guess, because he wasn't all
that
annoying and he was cute as a button, bouncing around like an over active child. He got into a chair by a window that afternoon and yapped his little ass off at the chickens, clearly wanting to be outside with them. Connie didn't want him outside though and spent a good part of the day trying to get him house-broken and cleaning up after him when it didn't work. Persistence paid off for her though and soon enough he was using the puppy pads more often than not.

We'd have to sooner or later get him used to going outside but for now this was good.

Bedtime snuck up on me to be honest. One minute it's time for supper and I'm cooking, the next Connie is looking down at me while I'm sitting on the couch reading over updated news reports. I looked up at her when she cleared her throat.

“I'm going to bed,” she announced. I froze for a moment, knowing I should know something here but not realizing what it was.

“Okay,” I settled for saying. “Uh, you want to. . .I mean I can. . .no, what I meant was. . . .” I stammered until she finally took pity on me, laughing.

“Get your ass up,” she told me. “I'm moving into your room,” she declared as I got to my feet. “I already changed the sheets,” she added.

“There was nothing wrong with. . . .” I stopped as she almost-but-not-quite glared at me. Apparently sheets are a big deal to women. Who knew?

I got ready for bed realizing suddenly just how tired I was. I had managed to go the entire day without even thinking about shooting Methie the night before. How 'bout that? Thinking of that made me wonder how Heather and Rick were doing. I hoped they were okay. I really did regret those two kids having to see it.

“Stop thinking about it,” Connie told me out of nowhere, kissing my jaw as she passed by me on her way to bed. How she knew what I was thinking I don't know. She's just an amazing woman, that's all.

“I honestly haven't thought about it today,” I promised, sliding into bed beside her. “I was just thinking about those two kids, that's all. Hating that they saw it.”

“Not your fault,” she told me, laying her head on my chest and an arm across my middle. “And they wouldn't be thinking of anything if you hadn't saved them so you think about that instead.” I kissed the top of her head and turned out the lamp.

With the world falling apart around me I went to sleep with the woman of my dreams draped across me.

CHAPTER NINE

 

Turns out that I only got that one night of sleeping more than maybe six hours. I was awake by four-thirty, eyes wide. No way I was going back to sleep.

Connie was still draped across me, neither of us having moved once we went to sleep. I was surprised at that since I usually tossed and turned at night. But I remembered how tired I had suddenly been the night before and figured she might have been too.

I lay there for maybe twenty minutes before carefully sliding from underneath her to get up. I was careful not to wake her, knowing that she had set the clock for six. I used the hallway bathroom to keep the noise down and then walked to the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. As it bubbled and perked it's way to drinkable I turned the TV on to Fox News and turned my computer on.

The news was at least as bad this morning as it had been last night. Riots were still happening everywhere with looting, shooting and random violence in almost every major city, our nearby neighbor being no exception. I looked for any news of a Martial Law declaration or a travel ban but there was none.

I didn't understand that and I still don't. It didn't make sense then and I've seen nothing since to explain it. Why did we not have a travel ban at the very least? Anything to keep the virus from having a way to spread like this? As it was there were no restrictions at all in place. Now I'm the first to admit that those restrictions would probably not have slowed down the rioting and what have you, but it might,
might
have helped in other areas. Since it wasn't done, we'll never know.

I moved to the kitchen with my laptop and used it to watch the latest news stories while I finished breakfast. My lovely doctor was determined to go and see her patients so she needed a good breakfast to start the day and eating breakfast 'out' this morning might be dicey at best. I heard her alarm clock sound and then shut off a moment later. It wasn't long until I heard water running and smiled. She had gone to 'her' bathroom to get ready. Made sense since her things were still there. She'd sooner or later 'move' into my bathroom I was sure, which meant I'd probably be using the hallway bathroom more. I didn't have a problem with that, considering that. . . .

My ruminations on my newly acquired domestic bliss were interrupted when my phone rang. My home phone, no less.
At least we know it's working
I thought as I crossed to check the number. I was surprised to see my office number on the caller identification. I checked my watch. Six-twenty a.m. Strange. I picked up the phone.

“Hello?” I made no attempt to sound asleep. No point in it.

“Drake did you know about this?”
My boss/partner Jimmie Melton all but screamed in my ear.

“Uh, I'd have to know what 'this' is before I can answer that,” I replied carefully. “And I'm feeling better, yes. Thanks for asking.”


You know what I mean!”
Melton screamed again.
“You knew all this shit was coming, didn't you?”

“If by that you are referring to the riots and looting that I just saw on television, then no, James, I did not know. I still don't understand what they're protesting over.”

“I mean the zombies you bastard!”
Melton continued to scream. Oh me. What to do now? Yes I had known. No I had not told anyone else other than Connie and I hadn't planned on telling her. Considering how that had worked out I was still very,
very
glad I
hard
.
Had.
I meant
had
. Swear I did.

“No, I did not,” I said evenly. “I knew there was some kind of sickness in Europe. Heard it at the doctor's office in fact. Was supposed to be some kind of avian flu derivative.” All of that was
technically
true. Connie had told me all that as I sat in her exam room. “I even got an extra shot because of it, right in the ass,” I added.
Also
technically true. I got the shot because I was in a room full of sick people and I would
not
have been there if not for the 'sickness' in Europe. So technically I could say with a clear conscience that I had gotten a shot because of what was happening in Europe at the time.

If lying were an Olympic sport, I'd be a medal contender. If we still had Olympics.

“Drake, I know you keep up with this end-of-the-world shit,”
Melton sounded a bit calmer now.
“You had to know something.”

“I know just what was on the television, Jimmie,” I replied truthfully. “I haven't actually heard the word zombie except from locals and on the web either,” I added.

“You've seen them,”
Melton snorted as if that was all the answer he needed. And it was.

“What can I do?”
he asked suddenly.

“Uh, what do you mean?” I asked cautiously.

“There's at least a little time left so what can I do?”
he asked again.
“There's got to be a way I can help my family and escape this.”

“Look, I don't know what to tell you James,” I admitted. “How much food do you have stored?”

“Not much,”
he admitted.
“My wife shops week to week and we eat out a lot. There won't be much.”

“You live in the city, don't you?” I temporized.

“Yes. Why?”

“Well, getting out would be the best thing you could do if it's possible,” I told him flatly. “Do you guys have any relatives that live outside the city? Maybe on a farm for instance? Somewhere you could make room for yourself and be able to at least grow a garden to feed yourselves if this doesn't stop?”

“Garden?”
Melton sounded pissed.
“I'm surrounded by a burning city and you want to talk to me about gardening?”

“You asked what you could do, James,” I replied as Connie came walking into the kitchen. She was Doctor Hottie today and looked gorgeous and I admit my attention might have strayed a bit from. . . .

“Drake are you listening to me?”
James Melton's voice brought me back to the phone.

“Look, you asked what you could do,” I repeated. “You need to get out of the city if you can and get somewhere off the beaten path. A remote cabin, a family farm, somewhere with family if you can find it. You need to prioritize what you take with you. Drain one car of gas to carry with you and use in the other. Pack food, clothes, shoes, medicines, first-aid supplies, blankets and water. Anything that will carry water fill it from the tap before the services stop.”

“What?”
Melton was back to screaming.
“Who said anything about the water stopping?”

“James
look around you
,” I was about to scream myself. “Do you seriously think that the city will be able to keep services on in this mess? Hell, the guys who run the plant may not even be able to get to work? What happens if the power dies? No way to clean water, man, or get it to you. You need to find a place with a well if you can.”

“Do you have one?”
he demanded.

“No, I don't,” I admitted. “I tried twice to drill one but. . .nothing. I've got two barrels of water in my garage and. . .well, that's it,” I admitted. “If the utilities stop working I'll be forced to drink out of the creek behind my house. Assuming it has water in it, which it doesn't always.”

“So what are you doing?”
Melton demanded.

“I'm hoping this goes away,” I replied, meaning every word. “I don't have any options. No family to go to and no friends living on farms. All I can do is hope it rains regular and that my little garden can feed me.”

“Some survivalist you turned out to be,”
Melton snorted.

“Hey, in my defense I was prepared for an earthquake or something like that. How was I supposed to know there was going to be a zombie outbreak?” I tried to sound a little miffed but basically I was trying to sound like I was on the edge of survival myself and water was my Achilles' Heel. James was right on the cusp of asking me to let him come to my place, and that was out. He and his wife were so snobbish that it hurt to be around them and their two kids were spoiled monsters.

And I flat didn't have enough water for them. Period.

“I should just come out there and make you take care of me,”
Melton said almost as if he were reading my mind.

“I doubt you could get here, James, and that wouldn't work anyway,” I tried to keep my voice even. “I don't have the water. And I can't get it, either.”

“Surrounded by guns and nothing to drink,”
James snorted again and I was starting to get tired of this.

“Surely you or your wife one have some family around,” I told him. “Someone further out of the city that you are. A place where you can hole up until this blows over.”

“My wife's family have a farm,”
he admitted.
“But they hate my guts. They'll demand that me and my kids help work their damn farm and I'll be damned if I will.”

“Then you'll probably be hungry, James,” I said bluntly. “If this doesn't straighten out, only hard work and toughness will get you through. You may not like it but that's the way it is right now. I'd make good with the in-laws and start teaching my kids to farm, just in case. If all this dries up you can always just come home and tell the folks to shove it and thanks for the memories,” I joked, and he laughed a bit.

“Yeah, that might work for a while,”
he said and I relaxed a little.
“Well, I better get going. Thanks for the info.”
The dial tone was the next thing I heard. I hung up the phone, shaking my head as I did so.

“Who was that?” Connie asked, still standing nearby, hands on her hips.

“My boss. Partner. Whatever,” I waved the title away. “He wanted to know if I knew about all this. I played a little dumb and maybe lied a little but only by omission,” I added, hand raised in virtue.

“I don't care if you lied to
him
just as long as you never lie to
me
,” she stressed and kissed me.

“I would die first,” I told her without thinking and she blinked at that, eyes wide.

“I would,” I shrugged, repeating it. “There's no way I would lie to you. You mean too much to me to risk in any way for any reason.” I figured it was truth time here and that was the honest truth if I've ever told it. She almost teared up at my declaration and hugged me tightly for a minute. I finally pried her away and pointed to a chair.

“Take a seat, Doctor Hottie,” I said before I thought and she looked at me, startled. Damn my traitorous tongue.

“'Doctor Hottie'?” she asked, eyebrows raised. I blushed a bit and hurried to get her food.

“Slip of the tongue,” I told her. “I . . . it's a compliment, promise,” I added when the first didn't seem to work.

“Have you ever, and I remind you of the promise you just made to me,” she pointed to where I had been standing when I promised not to lie, “
ever
, called me that to anyone else,
ever
?”

“Not that I can think of,” I admitted after a moment's thought. “It was just how I always thought of you, that's all. I mean, you're a doctor and you're hotter than the Fourth of July so it just seemed. . .what?” I asked as she started laughing. “What is it?” I demanded.

“Oh, that was priceless!” she wailed in laughter once again at my expense. “You looked like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar!” I let her laugh for another few seconds before I replied;

“That would be technically accurate,” I told her with my own eyebrow raised. That shut her up as her face went beet red and she was suddenly fascinated with her breakfast. She murmured something.

“What?” I asked her and she looked up, smiling sheepishly.

“I said that was a good one, and thank you,” she told me.

“For what?” I asked, frowning.

“For playing and laughing and making me smile,” she replied. “For helping me forget, even for a few minutes, what may be happening all around us. Thank you.” I moved to where she sat and pulled her into a bone crunching hug which she returned just as hard.

“I'll always try to make you smile,” I whispered. “And, idiot that I am, I'm sure I'll keep you in stitches for years to come,” I added after a few seconds and felt her shake with laughter that she was trying to contain. I released her and stood back looking at her, at which point she burst into laughter again.

“Sit and eat!” I demanded. “We'll have to start in soon.” I left her still laughing and eating while I went to get a shower and get dressed. By the time I got back she was all but ready to go and placed Ram in the garage along with his toys and food and water dishes. I checked my inventory and decided I had all I needed. I grabbed my remote and followed her outside.

We exited through the garage with Ram still yapping his indignation at being left behind. I helped Connie into Baby's front seat and then crawled into the driver's seat. I started the engine, and while it warmed a second I held up the remote.

“Observe,” I told Connie and pressed a button.

BOOK: Friggin Zombies
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