Frigid Waters (Ladies of Loomcroft) (2 page)

Understanding dawned on Belladonna.  There was no need for Cara to prove anything as long as Belladonna was here. “Who does he think he is going to marry me off to this time?”

Cara looked like she had been caught with her hand in the proverbial cookie jar.  “I did not say that...”

Belladonna took another bite of the pear.  “You didn't have to.”

Cara sighed, “Belladonna, you are well past the age to be married and have babes of your own.  Another year or two and you will have no hope of a match.”

She shrugged at the woman,  “I am needed here.”

Her step-mother looked at her with pity, “Then what?  You can not live here forever.”

Belladonna studied the younger woman who was married to her father.  She could see it, but she could hardly believe it.  Cara had always been her friend, but it was there.  Jealousy.  So, father wasn't the only one trying to push her out of the nest.

Her face took on the serene look of disinterest that she wore during social calls and her voice because neutrally flat.  “Well, Cara, I think I will do the tutoring today.  Call me if there are any problems in the nursery.”

Cara didn't object and Belladonna walked up the stairs with her back straight and her shoulders squared.  It was only thru constantly reminding herself that ladies don't run that she managed not to flee up the stairs.

In the schoolroom her sisters were behaving splendidly.  They read with her and practiced their letters and numbers.  In short, they were angels, which meant only one thing.  They had gotten away with something.  Belladonna smiled lovingly at her younger sisters.  She might as well let them enjoy it because it was only a matter of time before she figured out what they had done and administered an appropriate punishment.

Two hours past and she actually enjoyed them.  She hated the schoolroom as a child and her sisters generally made her hate it as an adult, but today her sisters were on their best behavior.  As the second hour ticked by her she started to feel a heavy sense of dread in her stomach. 

Something was not right and she knew it.  Pushing back from the table she smiled at six of her younger sisters and excused herself.  The second she was in the hall she knew something was wrong.  Her first clue was a maid crawling under the hall table.  Of course, she could only assume it was a maid because all she could see was her shoes and ankles sticking out from under the long table cloth.

She walked past the maid and directly to the nursery.  She eyed the cribs and started to feel sick at her stomach.  She counted again.  This time she was certain; they were short a baby.  She started running thru names in her head.  Nodded and left the room.

She rushed down the stairs with as much composure as she could muster.  Squaring her shoulders she entered the sitting room.  Cara was pacing in front of the fire place. 

Belladonna cleared her throat, “Cara, where is Bethany?”  Her tone wasn't quite neutral, it reminded Cara of an empty, frozen street in winter.

Cara couldn't help but burst out crying, “I have lost her!  I have lost my baby.  I swear I only turned my back for a moment, then...”

Belladonna nodded and turned to leave the room.  She didn't turn back when she muttered,  “The house is not that large.”

She started in the nursery, then worked thru out the halls.  She stopped abruptly as she passed the schoolroom.  The girls had been acting abnormally good this morning.  They wouldn't.  Oh, yes, they would.  Torment the ladies in charge was one of their favorite games.

Opening the door to the study she leaned against the door frame and crossed her arms.  Six pairs of eyes met hers and they all widened.  “
Where Is She?
” Belladonna bit out each word slowly.

The all looked like they were going to stand together and keep their mouths shut.  She rounded on Kristine.  “Kristine, where is Bethany?”  She stared the little girl down.

Kristine sniffed once, then twice.  “She...”

One of the other girls hissed at their sister, “Kristine, no!”

Belladonna stared deeply into her sister's eyes, “Kristine, do not make me ask a third time.”

Kristine sniffed and shook, “She is in the garden.”

Looking around the room she pressed, “Why is Bethany in the garden?”

Wilhelmina piped up, “Because all the other babies were keeping her awake!  It is not our fault if Cara can not get the little ones to be quiet.”

Belladonna leveled a gaze at the room, “We
will
discuss this later.  Read your Bible until I come back.”

She then walked down the stairs, out of the house, and into the garden.  Sure enough she found two year old Bethany fast asleep in the rose bed.  Pulling her out, she picked her up and carried her back up stairs to her bed.

Walking back down the stairs she found her step-mother in a heap on the couch crying her eyes out.  Belladonna cleared her throat, “Cara.”

The woman didn't look up.  She raised her voice and tried again.  “Cara.”

When she didn't respond again, Belladonna yelled.  “Cara!”

Finally the woman met her eyes.  “I...I lost...”  Cara garbled thru tears.

Belladonna sighed.  “Bethany is back up in bed, fast asleep.  Calm down.”  She reprimanded as she turned and left the room.

###

Later that afternoon Belladonna was summoned to her father's study.  For the last two months he'd been giving her marriage advice on a regular basis.  For a man who rarely acknowledged she existed for most of her life, he was becoming very controlling factor in it.

She was tensed and positively dreading another talk on how she should take more initiative in finding a husband.  Outwardly she looked serene, inwardly she was exhausted, tired, and ready to snap.  None the less, she did what was expected.

She tapped lightly on the door as she opened.  Martin didn't look up from his papers, but he motioned her inside.  She stood demurely in front of the desk and waited for his orders.  When he realized she was standing he ground out, “For God's sake, sit down, girl.”

Martin stared at the paper, buying himself a few extra moments before he made his decision final.  Belladonna was the polar opposite of Alexandria, but maybe, just maybe, the problem was that she wasn't.  Maybe she really didn't want a family of her own.  Maybe she didn't want the conformity she'd lived with her entire life.

Maybe, just maybe, his most unremarkable daughter had the potential to be remarkable.  She waited for him to speak again.  She sat stiffly and silently, as women were suppose to live.  He would have thought so twenty years ago, but then he had a daughter turn out to be the best businessman he'd ever met.  Granted he had lost that daughter, but she had been happy.  At least he thought so.

He didn't want to turn Belladonna into Alexandria, but he did want to give her a chance at happiness.  It was becoming increasingly clear that marriage would not do that for her.  “Belladonna, you created a scene at the last ball you attended.”  He said steadily.

Belladonna put her disguise that she wore for the ton on.  That's what Martin had come to think of her blank face with an occasional smile that never met her eyes, paired with her toneless voice—a disguise.  “It was not intentional, sir.”

Martin leaned back and appraised his second oldest daughter.  At well past twenty one her future needed to be settled sooner rather than later.  “What do you want out of life, Belladonna?”

She looked at him blankly.  “I am amicable to whatever you wish, father.”

Martin shook his head.  “That is not what I asked, Belladonna.”

She watched him silently.  He watched her.

“Are you aware of some of the work Alexandria did for me?”  He asked.

“It was not proper.”  She replied evenly with her disguise firmly in place.

Martin got up and started to pace.  “Perhaps it was not, Belladonna, but she was the only one of my children that seemed happy.  You seem trapped in prison cell and it is almost like I keep handing you the key and you keep throwing it back at me.”

She nodded.  “What do I need to do, father?”

“Think for yourself, for one.”  He spat out harshly.  Taking a deep breathe he calmed himself.  “Belladonna, it is becoming clear you do not wish to marry.”

She shook her head ever so slightly no, as she said, “I wish to please you, father.”

He was frustrated with her acting.  “Belladonna, I know I cannot turn you into your sister, but Alexandria had something you do not.  She had a sense of self and independence.  You seem so afraid to change that I do not think you would budge for the rest of your life if I did not make you.  I could force you to marry, but I do not think that would help.  I do not think it will make you happy.”

She watched him and asked softly once again.  “What do you wish me to do, father?”

He collapsed into the chair behind the desk.  “I want you to take your sister's place.  Alexandria had agreed to captain one of our short delivery ships in two weeks time.  Now that she is gone, she obviously can not do that.  I want you to captain it and I want you to grow a backbone.”

She smoothed her dress, but didn't meet his eyes.  “I am happy to do whatever you ask, but how do I protect my reputation within the ton and do this for you, father?”

He laughed, “You are just going to have to figure that out Belladonna.  Then you are going to have to decide whether or not your position in society is something you want or something you think is expected of you.  Those are two different things.”  He choked back emotion.  “I have lost one child, Belladonna, I will not lose a second to self-imposed misery thru propriety.”

###

The modiste had served the Loomcroft family for as long as she could remember.  When she called and asked for an appointment as soon as possible Mrs. Murdock had cleared her schedule for the next day.  Belladonna appreciated it, but wasn't surprised by her haste.  The Loomcrofts were undoubtedly the biggest client she held.

Belladonna walked into the small shop and found herself surrounded by ribbons and fabrics.  Mrs. Murdock was out of the back in an instant.  “Miss Loomcroft!  It's wonderful to see you.  What do you need, you darling girl?”

Belladonna swallowed, “May we speak in private, madam?” 

Mrs. Murdock raised an eyebrow, but escorted her back to a private room off of the main shop.  “Tell me, Bella, what has happened?  How can I help you?”

Mrs. Murdock had made every dress she had ever owned.  She took no offense at the endearment of her shortened name, but was surprised by it none the less. 

Taking a deep breath, Belladonna started talking slowly in her toneless way.  “My father wishes me to captain one of his ships.  I need something that will protect my identity in ton, but will also detract from the fact that I'm a woman without abolishing it.  Can it be done?”

Mrs. Murdock laughed, “Can it be done?  Of course, it can be done.  I have done it for your family once already.  Is it safe to say you do not want trousers, Miss?”

Belladonna nodded.  “I am not male and I will not pretend to be one.”

The modiste practically bounced.  “Of course, not!  I have tried to convince your sister of such for years.  I have a few designs that Alex turned down that would be perfect for you.  A perfect mix of masculine and feminine.”  She looked Belladonna up and down again.  Giggling she tapped her finger on her chin.  “May I suggest an eye patch?”

Mrs. Murdock circled her.  “Yes, and the hair has to stay down, stay loose.  I'm thinking it will darken to a light red in the sun.”

Belladonna sighed, “But how will anyone not recognize me?”

The older woman patted her face fondly.  “I will tell you the same thing I told your sister the day she chose to live the way she did.  People see what they expect to see.  No one will expect to see a respected lady of the ton captaining a merchant ship, so no one will.”  She kissed her forehead and patted Belladonna's cheek.  “Or if you are lucky, someone might.”