From Across the Clouded Range (8 page)

“
I’m dying!” Milne yelled
after her.

Teth stopped. Her hand rested on the
polished banister. A long time seemed to pass. Silence gripped the
room, even the small fire seemed not to crackle. Milne watched as
the powerful girl deflated: her broad shoulders slumped, her axe
handle spine softened, her taught muscles sagged. Finally, she took
a deep breath. “What are you talking about, Milne?” she asked, but
the question lacked conviction. “You can’t know that. You have that
cough, but no one dies of a cough.”

“
You’ve known it for a
long time, Teth,” Milne stated. “I’ve taught you everything I know
as a healer. You know that this is not a normal cough. Why else
would you keep bringing me bristleweed roots? Do you think I don’t
know how hard they are to find and dig?”

“
I . . . I just,” Teth
tried to speak through a sob but failed. She did not turn, but her
hands rose to her eyes, and her breaths became ragged. Her whole
body shook like she had a palsy. Her knees sagged and she collapsed
into a heap on the bottom step of the stairs. “I didn’t know what
else to do,” she finally managed to pant. “The cough just kept
getting worse, and that’s the best thing. I just wanted you to get
better.”

“
But I’m not getting
better, Teth.” Milne rose from her chair, sat a step above Teth,
and placed a comforting hand on her damp, mud caked back. “I’m
dying. And it is time that we acknowledged it. That and a great
many other convenient lies we have been keeping.” Milne released a
deep sigh and spent a moment just rubbing Teth’s back, waiting for
her tears to pass. She wouldn’t hear anything now, so there was no
point in talking.

When Teth’s sobs had faded to
snuffles, Milne handed her a clean rag and started again. “I think
it is time for us to be honest with ourselves. This whole life of
ours has been a lie, but I can only blame myself. I should have
never let it go this far, but after the accident . . . . Well,
after the accident, I just couldn’t say no to you.” Her tears wiped
away, Teth moved her head to Milne’s lap, hugged her knees like a
child. Milne reflexively stroked her sweat-matted hair. She
couldn’t remember a time when Teth was this compliant, and she took
advantage, had the conversation that had been needed for a long
time. “You probably remember, after the accident, you wouldn’t
talk, wouldn’t play, didn’t even cry. You just sat, staring at the
ruins of your father’s shop. If I tried to pull you away, you
screamed and clawed at me like a cat. I could barely get you to
eat. I didn’t know what to do. Finally, I convinced you to help me
gather herbs in the forest. And a transformation occurred. It was
as if the trees somehow pulled the poison out of you.” Milne looked
down at the head on her lap, saw Teth smiling at the memory. “It
was the only time you were happy, the only time you would talk to
me, so I made excuses to spend time there,
day-after-day.

“
Then came the bow, the
hunting, and it made you so happy, so confident that I didn’t want
to stop it even though I knew I should have. When Counselor Torpy
found out, he wanted to forbid you from leaving the village, but I
begged him, pleaded, told him you needed the forest to heal. And
eventually, he conceded.” Teth snuffed, would probably never accept
that the counselor, who had opposed her so many times, ever had her
best interests in mind. Milne looked at Jael Torpy. He did not meet
her eyes, just picked at his robe. She had been so cruel to him
over the years, she realized, but he had been right all along.
Perhaps the cure had been worse than the disease.

“
I knew where it would
lead,” Milne continued, “but I couldn’t bring myself to take that
away from you.” She paused, took a breath. “And if we are being
honest, I saw myself in you, used you to live the life I never had
the courage to live. But the truth eventually comes calling on
every lie, and make no mistake, this life you’ve been leading has
been a lie. Counselor Torpy would say that you are out of alignment
with the Order, and that may be, but more importantly, there is
simply no place for you as you are.”

Teth went rigid. She tried to raise
her head, but Milne grasped her neck, held it in her lap. “Wait.
Let me finish. This needs to be said, and you need to listen. I
know that is a terrible thing for me to say. It is cruel and
unfair, but it is the truth. In the world outside of our lie, women
have a place, and it is not hunting, running races, fighting. It is
in the home, raising children, making meals, supporting husbands.
That is the path the Order has set, and the one we both knew you
would eventually have to take.” Teth tried to rise again, but Milne
would not let her up. She was going to hear this if Milne had to
tie her. “You’ve had far more opportunities than most, and I am so
happy that you competed in the games, that you won. They can never
take that away from you. You will always know that you are better
than any boy in this district, but that has to be the end. It is
time to accept the Order, to stop fighting it and become what you
must become.”

Having said her peace, Milne let Teth
go. She shot up like a coiled spring, stepped back, rubbing her
neck and looking like she’d been betrayed. But for once, she was at
a loss for words. Milne sat on the step and let her think, watched
the emotions battle for control of her face as she spun through
each, looking for the one that fit best. “This . . . this is not
how it was supposed to happen,” she finally admitted. “I . . . I
was . . . I . . .”

“
You were what?” Milne
asked. Teth was on the ropes. It killed her, but Milne had to
finish her while she had the chance. “You thought this could go on
forever? That I would never get old? That you would never grow up?
Where did you think it would end, Teth? That some handsome stranger
would come striding out of the forest and say, ‘I’ve always wanted
a wife who can out hunt me?’ This is exactly how it has to end. You
have no friends here, no prospects, you just admitted that a mob
may be hunting you as we speak. If Ipid weren’t protecting you . .
. . You have no future here, and there is nothing else waiting out
there.”

Teth’s face collapsed. Her already red
eyes brimmed with tears. Her hand rose to her mouth. “But why now?
Why Dasen? There has to be someone better, has to be another
way.”

“
It has to be now, because
I am dying,” Milne stated plainly. Teth wailed like a knife had
just entered her gut. “It has to be Dasen because there is no one
better. Everyone in this village knew from the moment of his birth
that your match was part of the Order’s plan.
I regret that you were ever taken away from each other. I
begged Ipid to leave Dasen here with me, and he begged Counselor
Torpy to let you live with him, but neither of them could be
swayed.

“
You have read Ipid’s
letters, and I’ve watched you read them. I know exactly when you
read about Dasen. I see how you light up. I know that you still
love him, have never lost that childhood affection. He has taken a
different path from yours, but he is, and always was, a kind and
thoughtful boy. Further, Ipid has promised you every chance: time
to adjust to your new life, a place in one of the world’s most
prestigious universities, a friend to help you along the way. And
don’t be mistaken, that is what Dasen is, your friend, the only one
you have. When you see him, you will realize that he never stopped
being that. Every woman in this world will tell you that is the
best you can ever hope for.

“
And the alternative is
far worse. I never told you, but prior to your father’s death, Ipid
made him a full partner in Ronigan & Galbridge. He has
maintained that division all this time. Your name on the
corporation is not symbolic; half of it belongs to you.”

“
I’m a woman,” Teth
screamed. “I can’t own property. It’s as well the Church owned it
as me.”

“
But that property still
goes with you. Whoever joins you will control it. Do you
understand, Teth? You are the possibly the most valuable match in
the Unified Kingdoms.”

“
I don’t want money. Ipid
can have it if that’s all he wants.”

“
Not Ipid, Tethina. Your
uncle.” Milne gave that a moment to sink in. “When I die, your
custody will shift to him. And he will certainly put an end to your
current life. He has told me that you should be chained to the
hearth until you learn your place. He will break you, Teth. And
then he will sell you like a lot of lumber to the highest bidder.
Instead of joining Dasen, you’ll be joined to someone who wants
half of Ronigan & Galbridge, probably an old man or maybe his
son, but in either case, they won’t care about you, won’t give a
damn what happens to you once they have your property. That is why
I wrote to Ipid, why I asked him to arrange this, why I told him
that the joining ceremony had to be now.”

Teth stared at Milne as if she had
never seen her before. The accusation could not have been
clearer.

“
No, Teth,” Milne snapped.
“This is what has to happen, and you won’t make me feel guilty for
it. We both knew that this life could not continue forever. There
was never going to be an easy way out. We’ve backed ourselves onto
a cliff and rather than stop we’ve just kept going until there’s
nowhere even to stand. Ipid is proposing the only safe passage off
that cliff. Trust me, it will be hard. It will be uncomfortable. It
will be work. But the only alternative is to fall.”

Teth looked up from the floor where
her eyes had been fixed. She looked hollow, emptied out. Her long
limbs sagged as if she no longer had the strength to hold them in
their joints. Milne could not ever remember seeing Teth so
defeated, did not even know it was possible.

“
I . . .” Teth tried to
speak but couldn’t find the words. She looked again into Milne’s
pleading eyes. “I . . . I have to think about this. It’s too much.
I can’t think right now.” Milne reached for her, but Teth shook off
her hands and ran up the stairs.

A moment later, she reappeared with a
crude framed pack over one shoulder. She looked at Milne, and her
face started to collapse. She reached down and brought her much
smaller aunt into a crushing hug. “I . . . I’ll be back. I
promise,” she whispered. Then she ran out the door without so much
as a look back.

“
Tethina,” Counselor Torpy
yelled after her, “you can’t. . . .”

He stopped when Milne placed a hand on
his shoulder. “It is no use. She is gone, but she’ll be back.”
Milne wiped the tears that were finally coming to her own eyes. The
cough overtook her and she hacked for several moments. All she
could think was how much she hated herself for what she had just
done, but it was the only way to save her precious Teth. “Can you
write a letter for me?” she asked the counselor when she could
speak.

“
Of course, I’ll need to
return to my house for some paper and ink, but that is no problem.
What do you need?”

“
I want to send a response
to Ipid, to let him know that Tethina has agreed to the
ceremony.”

#

Teth could barely see for the tears
welling in her eyes as she stepped down the front porch of her
aunt’s small house. She wiped them away but could not stop the new
ones forming. “Damn it all,” she sobbed. She pulled the cloth Milne
had given her from her pocket and wiped her eyes and nose. She
strode quickly down the lane toward the center of the village.
Normally, she would have snuck through the woods to the bridge, but
she did not have the energy for stealth. She stumbled down the
path, barely aware of where her feet were taking her.

There is no place for you.
You have no friends, no prospects, no future. It is all a
lie.
You are a lie.
Milne’s words, real and implied, echoed through Teth’s mind.
How could her aunt think that? How could she say it? The only one
who had ever loved her for who she was. How could Milne betray her
like that? But Milne was dying and with her the last defense. She
could see now what Milne had done for her. How her tiny aunt had
single-handedly held the entire world back. Like a pebble holding a
boulder, had placed herself between Teth and a world set on
crushing her. And Milne was right, there was no place for her. No
one would ever join her. She would never have a place in the
village, would never be able to be who she was. Milne was right,
she was a fantasy.

Without even realizing it, Teth came
to the last trees and entered the village. She had been jogging.
Somewhere her body protested. Her legs ached from the work they had
already done. She was covered in bruises. More than anything, she
felt wrung out and desperately tired. The sun was fading over the
mountains. It would be night soon, and the last thing she wanted to
do was trek through the roughest part of the Great Western Forest
in the dark, but she could not have stayed with her aunt for
another second, could not listen to another word. She had to get
away, had to have some time to think without having to see her
aunt, without having to acknowledge the truth.

Absorbed in her thoughts, Teth nearly
ran straight into the cluster of boys waiting at the head of the
path. She snapped from her revere and pulled to a painful stop. A
quick count revealed a dozen young men with more running in from
the village to join the mob. The boys seemed as surprised to see
her, as she was to see them. They stumbled back. That was her
opening. She knew that she should have used it to disappear into
the trees, but she was too tired, too angry, too defeated to hide.
She wanted to either fight or lay down and die. Maybe both, she
couldn’t decide.