From Brooding Boss to Adoring Dad (14 page)

Erin heaved a sigh of relief. Then fell back into Coulson’s arms, a place she wanted to stay.

“So, W
HAT
happens now?” she asked, collapsing on a towel in the sand and looking up at Coulson, who was ankle-deep in the surf, just standing there, gazing out over the water. Throughout the course of the past seven days, they’d been back and forth to the hospital to see Tadeo, never together, though, since one of them needed to tend the clinic. Her dad had fallen into the routine of part-time doctor quite nicely, too, and it was amazing to Erin how many people came just to see the legendary Dr Algernon Glover. He was a local hero here, and it made her proud, seeing her dad in that position. It was good to watch him in action again. Davion was his eyes for the things he could no longer discern. So was Mrs Meecham. All of it a simple solution that warmed her heart in a way she’d lost for a while.

Oh, her father would still continue on his road to total blindness. There was nothing to prevent that from happening. But she had an idea that even in his darkness he would find his own light. A new one, where he felt useful again. Because he was, after all, Algernon Glover. And Algernon Glover had come home into his element, the way his daughter had, at last, found hers. This was her Jamaica now, she was no longer the tourist, and she understood why Coulson could have never given it up. Every bit of life she could ever want for herself was here.

“Who knows what’s going to happen?” Coulson answered half-heartedly. “I suppose it’s all up to the magistrate. Pabla’s gone. Picked up and moved away. No one knows where and the authorities don’t seem to care, given the circumstances. Their concern is for the child, so I’m pretty sure they’ll let me keep Tadeo since he’s going to need so much medical care for a while.”

“And more heart surgery,” she added. “I think he may be my first patient when we finally open the hospital doors.” She and Coulson hadn’t talked much about the progression of things to come these past days. No time. Possibly too many emotions spent over the course. But the hospital details were coming together. Her father and Mrs Meecham were seeing to the things she should have been but didn’t have time for. As it stood, they anticipated opening its doors in a couple of weeks, and she’d already had contacts from various medical facilities inquiring into the possibility of sending children her way. The need was becoming more and more clear and she could already see the promise of expansion in the future.

“Actually, I was thinking about taking him to a rehab center in the States. There’s one in Cleveland that does amazing things for children with cardiac problems. And a friend of mine near there has an opening in his medical practice, so …” he shrugged “… I’m thinking, what the hell? Maybe it’s time to change my life again.”

“What?” she choked out, totally shocked by that. He wanted to leave? She couldn’t believe that. How could he, after he’d given up so much to be here? “Why? This was. everything for you. Everything you ever wanted.”

He shrugged. Didn’t turn to look at her directly. “A lot of dreams. Very little practicality. As it out turns out, I’m not a very practical man so maybe it’s time for me to quit dreaming and commit to some of that practicality. You
know, find a focus. I mean, look at me. I’m thirty-six years old, divorced. I work in a bar, moonlight in an E.R., travel from town to town with a medical bag I can’t even afford to stock. I practice medicine on the run, didn’t have a damn stethoscope until you gave me one, and had this dream that a simple practice and an old restored boat were all I needed to make me happy. Anyway, I’ve got a little bit of money in my pocket now, and Davion’s going to get to medical school, so maybe it’s time to settle myself into something different altogether. Just Tadeo and me, being … normal.”

It felt like the bottom was falling out of her world. Everything was totally whirling out of control, getting further and further away in the distance. She was losing Coulson. Losing Tadeo. Not that she ever had them, but still. She couldn’t even imagine what life here would be like without them. “What about your patients?” she asked, trying to sound steady when nothing inside her was.

“I have an idea that your hospital will have enough doctors coming and going so that the medical care here will be well covered. We’ve gone from famine to feast, medically, which is all I ever wanted in the first place.”

“But you’re part of that feast, Coulson. The people here want you, not the visiting doctors who’ll be coming to the hospital. You’re the medicine in the area and they don’t want an outsider.”

“They’re good people. They’ll be glad to have anyone who wants to practice here.”

“But my visiting doctors are coming for the children.” Weak argument, she knew. “Not to staff a general medical clinic.”

“You’d recruit doctors who would turn away a patient, even if that patient isn’t the specific one they’ve come to see?” He shook his head. “I don’t think so, Red. You’re
going to bring in people who are just like you and your father. So I don’t need to be here any longer.”

She wasn’t sure what was causing all this, but the one thing she did know was that Coulson hadn’t had these feelings before she’d come here. Which made her feel terrible. It was like she’d ripped the dream right out from under him, and that had never been her intention. In fact, she had been looking forward to a shared medical community because … because she’d let herself dream a little, too. Dream of something beyond the hospital and the clinic and the work. Or maybe it was a dream that encompassed all that, and more. But she’d never been demonstrative. She remembered sitting there that day her parents had walked away, just watching them. No crying out, no begging them to stay or come back. She’d sat in her child-size wheelchair with silent tears and watched them leave. And in her littlegirl heart, she’d known they weren’t coming back. Yet, all these years, she’d wondered what would have happened if she’d asked them to stay. That wasn’t taking anything away from her real father, the man who wanted her. The big question always lingered, though.
What if?
“You can’t go,” she said, knowing she couldn’t live with another
what if.

“But what if I can’t stay?”

“Because of me? Is that what this is about? I’m here, my father’s here, now you’re feeling … edged out?”

He spun round, marched out of the water and straight at her. “No one edges me out, Red. But nothing’s working like I’d planned and I’m thinking that it would be easier to try it again somewhere else.”

“Nothing ever works out like anybody plans, Coulson. We want things. We create fantasies around what we want and those turn into our goals. But how many little girls really do grow up to be fairy princesses, and how many
little boys really do become cowboys or firemen? Life happens, things change. People change, and their goals change. That’s just the way it is. The thing is, you can let your heart keep breaking the way I know yours is right now, or you can start over right where you are. God knows, I’ve had to do that a few times in my life. And you know what? Each time my direction changes, I see something better out there for me. Coming to this island wasn’t my dream. I wanted this hospital, but I always pictured it in Chicago or London or Montreal. And it was huge, with resources you can’t even imagine. But my father started going blind and everything was different. Everything changed. I knew he couldn’t function in the hospital of my dreams, knew he wouldn’t be able to cope in a large city setting. So because his heart was here, I knew this was where I had to be, too.

“And the hospital I’d planned … nothing like the one I’m getting. But the one I’m getting, now that I’m almost there, is so much better. My vision for it changed and I’m glad it did because …” She swallowed hard. This was the part that scared her, but no more
what ifs.
Never again. “Because I met you, and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I fell in love with you here, and I want to stay in love with you here. You, me … Tadeo. But if you can’t be here, if you absolutely can’t be here then I’ll go, too.” She hadn’t expected that part, but it was true. She would go. “If you’ll have me.”

His eyes widened, but apart from that there was no big show of emotion. Not like she’d hoped for, not like she’d wanted. Because this was the place where they should have fallen into each other’s arms. But he was still towering over her, stiffly. Was it because she’d misread him so badly? Maybe he didn’t want a cancer survivor because cancer always did hover. Or maybe she’d seen something where
nothing existed. “And if you won’t have me.” she said, after a big gulp, not sure what words came next. Not sure how to extricate herself gracefully from the moment. “Then I’ll just have to …”

“What, Red?” he asked, as a spark of amusement leapt to his eyes. “What will you just
have
to do?”

“Actually, I never planned to get this far into the conversation.” She rose up to her knees. “And I’m debating my options. One would be.” She beckoned him down with a crooked finger. “There’s room for two on my towel.”

“Barely,” he said, stepping in even closer.

“Barely makes it better, doesn’t it? Or is this.” What if … what if he didn’t want her? “… just foolish? I mean, we’ve never … not even so much as a kiss, and here I am presuming more than you’ve ever hinted at. But life is short, Coulson. You may only get one chance to go after what you want, so I have to know. Could we do this? You and me together? Give it a try and see what happens?”

He shook his head. “Can’t do that, Red.”

Her heart sank. She’d had her big, brave moment and now it was time to retreat. Cut her losses. Hide her heart. “I understand,” she said, wishing she could bury herself in the sand.

“Understand what?” he asked, kneeling down in the sand next to her.

Instinctively, she pulled away from him “We didn’t even have a relationship. Not like most people would define it. But I thought … you know, it doesn’t matter what I thought because I was wrong.”

He nodded. “Or maybe you weren’t.”

“So you’re staying?” she asked.

“I don’t know.” He sighed heavily. “Don’t know anything.”

Now, this was awkward. She didn’t know how she could
be on the same island with him, let alone in the same little village, seeing him day after day, knowing what a fool she’d made of herself.

“If I stay, can you manage with me on one side of your fence, you on the other? Would that work for you, Red?”

So he was considering staying, but not with her. In answer to his question, she scooted herself back away from him, then stood, grabbed her towel and poised herself to march off with whatever dignity she could still muster. But he grabbed her by the arm. Stopped her. Spun her around to face him. And damn it, even his touch, as impersonal as he intended it, gave her chills. She couldn’t control herself.

“Answer me, Red. Would that work for you?”

“You know what, Coulson? I gave it a shot … my best shot. But I misfired and there’s no second shot lined up for me. OK? You do what you want. Stay, leave. I don’t care because I learned a long time ago that when you care too much, you get hurt. And that’s something I can live without.”

“The caring or the hurting?”

His eyes were suddenly so gentle she had to look away or be lost for ever.

“Red? Erin?”

“Don’t do this to me,” she begged.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You are, though. Don’t you see? You’re hurting me. Taking Tadeo, and leaving here. I don’t know how I can get through that. And don’t tell me that I’m strong or that some other visiting doctor will take your place because that’s not going to happen.”

“But you are strong. You just don’t know it.”

“And that’s supposed to be good enough? Erin Glover is strong, she can take care of herself? Well, it’s
not
good enough. I live in a safe world. I have since the first time my
father gave me a piece of candy and asked me my name. And this … all this isn’t safe.” She pointed to the beach, to the trees, to the blue hospital building in the distance, to the crazy patchwork-colored fence. “It scares me. You scare me. And more than anything, my feelings for you scare me because.”

“Tell me, Red. Say it out loud.”

She swallowed hard. “Because I didn’t know those kinds of feelings could exist. You’re not safe, Coulson. If anything, you’re the unsafest man I’ve ever known, and I should have fallen in love with someone who was safe, but I fell in love with you instead.”

He chuckled. “I’m not sure whether to be insulted or flattered. The lady claims she loves me by telling me she should have fallen in love with someone else. I’ve had a few women profess various feelings for me in one way or another, but never quite so grudgingly.”

“So I lack social skills.”

He pulled her into his arms. Held her tight. Just lingered in the feel of her body pressed to his for a moment … a sensation he wanted to last for ever. “It’s not about giving it a try. It’s about doing it. Also, simply doing …
us.
Your social skills are just fine,” he said, on a sigh. “All the social skills I need in my woman.”

“Your woman?” she asked.

His woman. Absolutely, definitely his woman. “Trouble at first sight. I knew when I set eyes on that red hair you were going to be trouble for me, and I don’t mean anything to do with the hospital.”

“But you haven’t. Never. Not anything.”

“You mean, not this …?” Leaning forward, he ran his fingers lightly down her neck, stopping just at her collarbone, where he bent and placed a row of delicate kisses, a trail of them that didn’t stop until he reached her shoulder.

“Not that,” she said on a shiver.

“And I’m assuming none of this either?” His next kisses went to the swell just above her breast. Harder kisses, ones that lingered a little longer. Ones he didn’t want to stop but knew he had to because even this innocent little moment with Erin was almost more than he could bear.

“None of those either,” she murmured. “And that’s a pity,” she said, nuzzling herself a little harder against him, “because those kinds of kisses are usually rewarded with something like this.”

In an instant her fingers were woven around his neck, and she was standing on tiptoe in the sand to reach his lips with kisses that were neither tentative nor conditional. Meeting her tongue with his, feeling the wet, satiny heat merging with the pure, honey taste of her, Adam pressed his fingers into the small of her back, pulling her closer, harder. Then they settled into a fiery kiss—one with a beginning and a promise, one that promised even more passion and committed to everything. One that settled Erin back down on the towel and showed Adam once and for all that there was definitely room enough for two.