From Burning Ashes (Collector Series #4) (10 page)

“That’s what I thought.” She snorted,
reaching up and rubbing at the indentions my fingers left.

“Don’t test me, Amara.”

“Some friendly advice? Your bleeding heart
for those humans makes you easy to control, Zoey.”

“Is that a threat?”

“No. It’s a warning. I’m not the only person
who will use it against you.”

“I swear if you make one move I don’t like I
will not hesitate.” I stared at her.

“Fair enough,” she responded. “But know this,
I won’t either.”

I took a moment, my gaze drilling deeper into
her before I gave her a curt nod.

“Wow. This is so freakin’ hot.” Croygen had
one hand up under his chin, the other across his stomach like he
was watching a tennis match.

I glowered at him.

“Now talk, Amara.”

“Oh, I’m not giving up my only leverage.”

“What?” I bellowed. Ryker had retreated from
me, rubbing his forehead. I was beginning to think anger from
anyone, most likely me, spurred the killing oath into high
gear.

Amara spun around, looking over her shoulder
at me. “I will show you were it is. I’m not stupid, Zoey. Don’t
treat me as if I don’t know the game.” She glanced at Ryker. “I’m
heading out now.”

He nodded, an understanding passing between
them.

My lungs chugged air, trying to keep my rage
from taking over again. I did have to hand it to her. She was
excellent at this game of deceit, betrayal, and blackmail.

I stomped off the opposite way, needing to be
as far from Amara as possible. I wandered into a smaller room, off
to the side. It appeared empty except some racks left behind.
Cobwebs caked the shelves and the small window at the top,
shimmering in the last of the moonlight.

I can do this…just breathe,
I repeated
to myself. I had twisted my soul into pieces to demonstrate loyalty
to Rapava. I had hidden my true feelings from a psychotic man who
had me cut up Ryker to protect my sister. Rapava used Ryker as a
practice dummy to inject with mind-control serums, a freaky science
experiment. Amara should be easy to handle, yet something about her
provoked me past reasoning.

And that something was not far behind me,
following me into the dark, small space. The instant the door shut
behind him, the air in the room exploded with heaviness, the oxygen
so thick my teeth bit down, crunching the tension between them. The
memory of the last time we were in a dark closet together convulsed
my lungs and forced them to work harder for air.

He didn’t make a sound, but his presence
screamed through my bones. The magic we shared connected us by
thousands of invisible strings. I kept my back to him, my hands
strangling the frame of the racks.

I took a deep breath. “Why did you give it to
me? I mean
really
?”

Like a GPS, I could feel him traveling to his
destination. He stopped, his physique looming over mine. Heat
seeped into the thin fabric of my scrubs. His breath knocked
against my neck and traveled down my spine.

“Zoey…” My name came out like a whisper in
the wind.

“What?” My lids squeezed shut.

“Why do you think I gave it to you?” his
voice rumbled.

“I don’t know. Because I had the nearest
boot?”

“I gave it to you because you’re the only one
in the world I trust.”

Trust
. The word exploded over me like
a bomb. Trust to people like Ryker and me meant more than love. It
was the ultimate compliment.

His declaration crumbled my heart like a
dried leaf. But no matter what he said, I could feel the barrier
between us.

“What do you want, Ryker?”

He sighed, a groan gurgling in his chest.

“I thought you wanted to stay away from
me.”

“I never said I wanted to.” The heat from his
lips brushed my ear. He didn’t touch me, but his words slithered
down my throat, warmth from his body pulsing against mine. My hands
clasped tighter to the frame, holding me up. “It’s what I have to
do.”

“We don’t have a safe word, remember?” I
whispered over my shoulder. “We take it all. Dangerous or
destructive.”

Ryker sucked in sharply through his nose. He
reached above my head and grabbed the support beam of the shelf I
was holding on to, his form rubbing roughly against mine. “Do you
know how difficult this is?” The metal groaned under the pressure
of his hand as he strangled the bar. “You can’t imagine the things
I want to do to you right now.”

“Then do them.” My heart thumped in my chest,
my head feeling dizzy.

Ryker pressed harder into my back, forcing me
to feel every inch of him. “Because some of the brutal things I
want to do to you are nowhere near pleasurable. My line is still
really thin. I don’t have control. Until I know which way I will
go, I can’t be left alone with you.”

“Then why did you come in here? I didn’t ask
you to.”

“Because even against my better judgment, I
can’t stop myself. Where you are, human, is where I want to
be.”

Tears pricked under my lashes. Pain lobbied
for its voice to be heard, crippling my physical body and my heart.
Why was it always so tough for us to be together? The feel of him
against me made it even more difficult. It would be easy to tug
away the two pieces of cotton between us, to let the fabric slide
down my hips, feel him enter me.

Physically, the partition was thin. But
emotionally? The world had built a barricade between us. Prisoners
to unseen chains.

Ryker growled and stepped away from me. I
stayed flattened against the shelf, letting it hold my weight.

“It’s going to be day soon. We can’t leave
here while it’s light. Amara is the only one who can glamour. I
sent her to get water and something to eat for Lexie.” Ryker’s
voice turned to ice. “But we need to plan to get proper provisions.
Clothes, weapons, food.”

I didn’t move or answer. My throat wouldn’t
let me respond.

“Zoey?”

I nodded, keeping my burning eyes facing the
wall. He exhaled. His boots made a squeak as they moved over the
concrete. The door shut soon after.

Hearing it close felt like a bullet straight
to my heart. My vision blurred, and my face crunched with agony. If
I could have cut out my heart, I would have. It wailed with pain. I
had never let myself love like this before. Not even Daniel. Love
made you vulnerable. I had steered away from it most of my life to
survive.

Daniel had been the first man I let those
walls down for. I had loved him in my limited way, in the only way
I thought I was capable of loving someone. But with him I always
wanted to be a different person. Have a different life. Live in a
fantasy where I didn’t do bad things, things I secretly enjoyed.
Daniel would have protected me, kept me from the big bad world,
never knowing the darkness lived inside me. I would have pretended,
forced myself to believe that part of me didn’t exist. But nothing
can stay hidden forever, and ignoring a part of myself would have
eventually ended us.

Not one bit of me remained hidden from
Ryker.

Without really noticing, somewhere along the
way, Ryker had leaped beyond any boundary I erected. It was so
subtle, like a frog slowly boiled to death. He devoured me whole.
He did not shy away from the dark or light.

I loved him. Completely. Demon. Good. Bad.
But fate seemed to be out for us. Keeping us apart. Even in the
same room. I gritted my teeth, inhaled through my nose, and pushed
off the shelving. I could sequester my feelings like the best of
them. To survive, I would have to.

It took several more minutes, but I gathered
my strength and walked out of the room, shoving my desires deep
down. Time to focus on others—the people who needed me to be
strong: Annabeth and Lexie.

I would not fail them.

“Absolutely not.” Ryker threw out his arms in
frustration. “What happened to focusing on food and weapons? Those
are our priorities right now.”

“They are, but I’m not going to sit back and
let Vadik continue to harm Annabeth or any of those girls,” I
challenged, mirroring his movements. When I had returned to the
main room, Sprig was awake, sitting on the table, bantering with
Croygen. Amara left on the Wanderer’s commands. And Ryker had again
become the stoic, no-nonsense Viking. It should have helped me
subdue my hormones when he turned into an ass, but sadly it
didn’t.

“Zoey, you’re a good fighter. Don’t let you
emotions over this girl make you stupid.” His jaw twitched.

“Do you guys need a timeout?” Croygen stood
between Ryker and me, his hands pushing us away from each
other.

“Oh man. They’re at it again,” Sprig climbed
up to my shoulder and patted my cheek. “This happens when she
doesn’t get food or sex. I think it’s becoming a disorder.”

“Ryker,” I said through clenched teeth. “I am
getting Annabeth out of there. I’m not going to leave her.”

“Yes, you are.” He bared his, getting into my
face. “At least for the time being. We need to check it out first
to know what we are getting into. It’s foolish. And suicidal. I
have fought too hard to keep you alive for you to recklessly throw
it away on a girl who might
already
be dead.”

A hiss of air strained through my front
teeth. The thought she might be dead had skated the edges of my
thoughts, but I hadn’t let it settle. Ryker just pounded the idea
into my gut like a cudgel.

“I don’t even want you involved in this. But
if
we do, we do it
smart
.” He inched his face a
little closer to mine, stressing his words.

Sprig reached out and touched Ryker’s cheek,
muttering to Croygen. “Poor guy. It appears he is suffering from
the same syndrome as
Bhean
.”

Ryker glowered at Sprig and drew away from
me.

“I have a brilliant idea! Food for everyone.
Especially me... because, well… I. Will. Die. So let’s make it
happen. I mean, before I die…kinda pointless after I die because
I’d be dead and don’t need to eat. Not that I still wouldn’t want
to. But I don’t think I’d be able to chew, being dead. Hey, if you
poured it down my throat I won’t need to chew—”

“Sprig.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.

“Oh, your boobs don’t happen to be carrying
the nectar of the gods? The deliverer of tasty goodness?”

Ryker stopped, his head snapping to Sprig
with confusion. “What?”

“Those tiny packets of mind-blowing
sweetness.” Sprig stood on his hind legs, his arms up. “Please,
gods, supply her bra with the magic of sugar. I bow down to the
honey tits.”

I groaned, which morphed into a chuckle in my
chest.

“Honey tits!” Sprig sang out. “Do I get a
hallelujah?”

“Hallelujah!” Croygen lifted his hands in the
air with Sprig.

I looked over at him.

“What?” He shrugged. “I sing hallelujah for
tits every day.”

I snorted, shaking my head.

“Do I want to know why Sprig is praying to
your boobs?” Ryker asked, an eyebrow angling up.

“No. You probably don’t.”

“Respect the honey tits, Viking.” Sprig
pointed down at my sports bra.

Ryker’s eyes glinted as he licked his bottom
lip. “Believe me. I hold them in the highest regard.” Heat flushed
through my body.

“Then let me hear a hallelujah.”

Ryker tipped his head to the side.
“Halle-fucking-lujah.”

Sprig sagged down, his arms folding.

“What’s wrong?” I peered at my little
buddy.

“He’s intercoursing with my honey!”

“Don’t judge. It’s been a while for him too.”
Croygen smirked.

I patted Sprig on the head.

“I’d feel a lot better if I had churros or a
honey croissant in my belly. Or maybe some of those french
fries?”

“No!” Both Ryker and I instantly refuted.
Sprig’s digestion did not take kindly to fast food. It took me back
to the night Ryker and I sat in the dark. It had been the first
time I opened up to someone and talked about my past. Even with all
our prejudices and aversions to each other, he held me.
Listened.

In that moment I realized Ryker was right. I
was being rash. Getting Annabeth would be extremely difficult, and
running off without thought or planning was stupid. It was hard to
wait but necessary. But only for a day or so. My conscience
wouldn’t let me leave her much longer than that.

“What’s your plan for getting provisions?” I
leaned my hip into the table.

Ryker rapped his knuckles softly on the
table. “You guys haven’t been out in the city lately, but Seattle
is functioning again. People are returning, rebuilding. Most
electricity is back on, stores are reopened. Places aren’t going to
be as easy as before to sneak into or steal from.”

Whatever Rapava injected us with took away
the ability to glamour as well, which made stealing a lot harder. I
used to do it all the time, but I didn’t like the thought of
stealing from people who were barely getting back on their
feet.