From Nanny To Wife (23 page)

"Was she still asleep?" Hope asked, glancing up.

"She was, but then I woke her up telling the dog to shut up."

"Was he growling at you?" Hope said, placing a wrapped present under the tree.

"Yes." Ryan wandered over to the fireplace. "I should have been here to read her a bedtime story and tuck her in."

"Yes, you should have." Hope cleared her throat. "You are a very wealthy man, Ryan. You don't need to work as hard as you do."

"Yes, I do," Ryan said, gazing into the fire.

Hope tilted her head back and looked up at Ryan. "What drives you so? What chains you to that desk and keeps you from Zoe and me?"

Ryan turned away from the fire and examined Hope's upturned face. Slowly he reached out and ran his thumb back and forth across her lower lip. "You won't be satisfied until you know everything about me. You want to know what drives me to work the way I do. All right. I'll tell you." He lowered himself to the floor and sat facing Hope. "I wasn't always wealthy. I have had to work hard for everything I have."

"I don't doubt that for a minute," Hope said.

Ryan took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I grew up in an orphanage for boys. I never knew my father. When I was five my mother abandoned me at the police station. I had no family to take me in, so I was placed in an orphanage."

"Ryan," Hope croaked. "I-"

"Please, don't interrupt," Ryan said, laying his finger against her lips. "I knew I would grow up in that stinking place. No one would adopt me. I would always be on my own. I knew that and I learned to accept it. I swore to myself that someday I would be someone…have something that I could call my own. I didn't need anyone. I worked hard in school. Luckily, I was smart and I earned a college scholarship. I left the orphanage after high school. I worked my ass off in college. I went to classes during the day and worked at night. I earned my degree in two years. After college I got a job working at a small company. I hated working for someone else, but the pay was good. I paid my bills and saved when I could. It took me three years of saving money before I had enough to be my own boss."

"Was that when you bought the sporting goods store?" Hope asked.

Ryan nodded. "That didn't last long. I made some decisions that were bad and I lost the store. I was down, but not out of the game. I went to work at a publishing company. I was there for six years when the owner decided to sell the business. I bought the company off him. It was going under, so I got a good price for it. The man was a bad businessperson. With a lot of determination and work I turned things around and the company started to grow. I was thirty years old and owned my own business. Finally, I was someone."

Hope scooted closer to Ryan and pressed a kiss to his jaw. "That little boy was someone, too."

"No he wasn't," Ryan said. "He was a nobody."

"Don't say that," Hope said.

"It's the truth," Ryan said coldly. He got to his feet and moved away from Hope. "I work hard for Zoe. I don't want her to struggle the way I had to. If I died tomorrow she would be financially secure for many years to come."

"That's if Laura doesn't get her hands on the money," Hope said.

Ryan smiled coldly. "I've thought of that. Believe me when I tell you that Laura will never be able to touch a penny of it."

"I have so many questions," Hope said.

"They will have to wait for another time," Ryan said. "I'm done sharing for tonight." Feeling raw and exposed, he said goodnight to Hope and quickly left the room.

Chapter 25

Hope stood at her bedroom window and looked out onto the driveway. Ryan was getting into his car, heading off to another day at the office. The sight of him brought a lump to her throat. Three days had come and gone since that night in the family room when he had opened up to her. Since that night, he had gone out of his way to avoid being alone with her. When he spoke to her, he refused to look into her eyes. It hurt the way he was shutting her out. A part of her wished they could go back to that night and do and say things differently.

Maggie appeared at Hope's elbow. "What's wrong, dear?"

Hope sighed. "Ryan is shutting me out."

"I know he is," Maggie said. "William, Gordon and I have noticed some changes in your relationship recently. Can you talk about it?"

Hope turned away from the window. "He shared with me some things from his past. I think he regrets opening up. I told him I loved him. That I regret doing. It has made things awkward between us. We can't fix this, Maggie when he won't be alone with me to talk."

"Go to him," Maggie said.

"I can't go to his office and bother him when he's working," Hope said.

"Your marriage is more important than work," Maggie declared. "You have to keep the lines of communication open. If you don't your marriage won't survive." She placed her hand on Hope's arm. "He loves you, dear. I have seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one else is paying attention. He is just afraid of his feelings, I think. Don't give up on him."

"I won't," Hope muttered. "He might drive me crazy some times, but I wouldn't give up on him for anything."

"Then you have to fight for him," Maggie said. "You're a strong woman and it's going to take every bit of strength you have to save him from his demons."

"Thank you, Maggie," Hope said, feeling a rush of affection for the older woman. "I know now what I need to do."

"I'm glad I could help." Maggie gave her arm a pat. "I will leave you alone."

"Thank you." Hope moved to her bed and sat down on the side. She reached for the phone on the bedside table and dialed a number.

"Kendall Industries, Pam speaking."

"Pam, its Hope. Will you do me a favor?"

"Name it," Pam said.

"Check Ryan's schedule and tell me if he has any free time today."

"I can do that," Pam said. "He's been busier than usual lately."

"I know," Hope said. "You've spent more time with him these past several days then I have."

"I'm not enjoying it," Pam uttered. "He's been like a bear with a thorn in its paw. He has one to one-thirty free."

"Good," Hope said. "I'll drop by then. I need to have a talk with him."

"What has he done now?" Pam asked dryly.

"It's what we both have done," Hope said. "I will see you later." She hung up the phone.

"Hope," Zoe said, running into the room with Bob at her heels. "We make cookies."

Hope smoothed Zoe's hair back from her face and smiled. "I did promise we would make cookies, didn't I?"

"Yep," Zoe said, nodding her head.

"Then let's go make those cookies." Hope kissed Zoe's head and took her hand. They headed downstairs to the kitchen where Gordon was going through the cabinets taking down ingredients for sugar cookies. "Are you going to help us, Gordon?"

"No," he said. "I have some last minute shopping to do."

"Then I promise you will find your kitchen the way you left it," Hope said.

"I'm not worried," Gordon said, smiling. "You ladies have fun."

Hope pulled a chair to the counter and helped Zoe onto it. They washed their hands and then went to work making the dough. Hope added the ingredients to the bowl and Zoe stirred. After the dough was made, they put it in the refrigerator to chill and loaded the dishwasher. While they waited for the dough to get cold, they stepped into the pantry and found the cookie cutters and baking sheets.

Hope and Zoe spent the morning baking and decorating cookies. It brought back childhood memories of being in the kitchen with her mother and sister, and she hoped years from now Zoe will look back on this day and remember it fondly. Once the last cookie was decorated with icing and sprinkles Hope cleaned Zoe up, the little girl had icing on her hands and face. By the time they were done lunch was ready and they sat down to eat.

An hour later, the doors parted and Hope walked out of the elevator. Pam was seated at her desk eating a chicken salad.

"Is he eating?"

"No," Pam said once she swallowed. "He had lunch earlier. I'm just now getting around to eating. I've been busy. Let me warn you before you go in. He's not in a good mood."

"If you hear yelling ignore it." Hope took a tin out her bag and set it on Pam's desk. "Zoe and I made cookies. I'm giving most of them away so I won't eat them all."

"Sugar," Pam said, grabbing the tin. "Just what I needed. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Hope said. "I guess I better go in."

"Good luck," Pam said.

"Thanks." Hope took a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and opened the door. She moved into the room and closed the door behind her.

Ryan glanced up from the document he was reading. "I don't have time to talk, Hope. I'm busy."

Hope crossed the room and placed her bag on a chair. "You're going to make time." She moved around to Ryan's side of the desk.

"You can't come in here and order me around," Ryan snarled.

Hope leaned down until she was eye to eye with Ryan. "Oh, but I can, sweetheart." She reached out and closed the folder that contained the document he had been reading. "You can't avoid me anymore."

Ryan picked up the receiver.

"Who are you calling?" Hope asked.

"Security," Ryan growled.

Hope snatched the receiver out of his hand and dropped it back in the cradle. "You pick it up again and I will rip the cord out of the wall."

Ryan glared at her. "Have you gone insane?"

"Yes." Placing her hands on the arms of Ryan's chair, Hope looked into his eyes. "You did it to me. I won't be ignored anymore. You can make all the threats you want. I'm not backing down. There is too much at stake for me to go away quietly. We are going to talk about the other night."

"This is neither the time nor the place for us to talk about that," Ryan said coldly.

"You leave me no choice," Hope said softly. "You won't be alone with me at home. I don't know what else to do." Her eyes bright with emotion she straightened up and moved away from him. "Please, tell me what I did wrong and I will try to fix it."

"It's not you, Hope," Ryan said quietly. "You didn't do anything wrong. The problem lies with me. Every time I start getting close to someone, I get scared and I run away. Face it, you married a coward."

"You are not a coward, Ryan." Hope settled on a chair in front of the desk.

"Yes, I am." Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose. "You told me that night that you love me. I couldn't say it back."

"I didn't expect you to," Hope said. She cocked her head to one side. "It's all right. You're not the only person in the world who has a difficult time expressing their feelings."