From That Moment (6 page)

Gianna I looked sympathetically. “I understand Lia. You were upset and feeling weak and vulnerable and he was there for you.”

Lia said, “Yeah he was. And he seemed so nice and so caring, and like he really wanted to make me feel better. Suddenly one thing led to another and we were kissing very intimately.”

Gianna looked understanding. “Yes.” 

“But then this gorgeous woman walked in, acting like he wasn’t supposed to be kissing me. He stopped and basically ditched me.”

“Oh no, Lia, that's awful. I'm so sorry.”

Lia continued, “I know. I was so sad. I just walked out at that point.”

“The worst part is when I saw him the next day at our lab lunch, he asked me to talk to him. I didn't really want to but he really insisted.”

“Okay.”

“Then he told me the whole thing had been a mistake, and he seemed to regret it.” Lia felt the humiliation again.

“The crazy thing is, then he tried to ask me out for dinner. I was totally confused.”

  Gianna stopped and looked at Lia. “That’s kind of interesting.”

Lia continued, her anger fueling her rant. “At that point, I was just mad, so I said forget it, but he looked really upset.”

They had reached the Boston waterfront, and the city lights were reflecting in the water. The sky was clear, and the stars were bright and twinkling. It was almost magical. Lia felt her tension ease.

Gianna held her hand, and said, “Look at all these historic buildings around us. They’ve been here for much much longer than we have. They have witnessed countless love stories and tragedies. And they will continue to do so for many more years.”

Lia wasn’t quite sure where Gianna was going with this.

“Our lives are so very temporary. We don’t have forever to make choices that will make us happy. The worst thing you can do is sit around and wait. Waiting will waste away your life. If you like this guy, you need to go for him.”

“I agree, but—”

“Seriously. If it doesn’t work out, so be it. But you won’t have wasted your precious time worrying about what could be.”

“I guess you’re right.” Gianna was speaking from real experience. She knew how fragile and fleeting life was.

“Look at me. Everyone was writing me off last time. I put my whole effort into living, and I made it through. Live like you’re truly alive, Lia. Too many of us live like we’re half-dead.”

Those last words hit hard. Lia’s mom and sister were basically living like they were half dead; constantly under the influence of drugs and alcohol to numb any real sensations.
Wait a minute.
It hit Lia. She always thought she was doing better than her mom and sister. But in reality, she wasn’t that different from them at all. From the outside, she seemed to have it all together, sure. But that was just an image. Inside she was a hurt little girl who put up barriers to protect herself. No wonder they resent me.
I’m probably coming off as superior, when I’m not any better. 

Gianna put her arm on her shoulder. “You need to stop living life trying to avoid getting hurt, and start accepting hurt as a part of a full, rich life.” 

“It’s not going to be easy for me.”

“No, it’s not. There are going to be moments where you still let fear rule your life, but I know that with conscious effort, you can change.”

“Let’s go back.” Lia felt tired. 

“I have some cannoli in the fridge. That, and a cup of coffee, will be perfect after this cool walk.” Gianna led Lia back towards her apartment in the North End. 

CHAPTER SEVEN

Lia bit into her bacon cheeseburger. “Mmm,” she said as the juice dribbled down her chin.
So much for watching what I eat. I’ll make up for it later.
The guilt at eating off her weight management plan was quashed by the need to keep Colin out of her mind.

Anu was eating a much less sinful veggie burger. “Looks like you’re enjoying that.”

“A little too much I think.” Lia signed. Food really did help her feel better, at least while she was eating. 

“You look amazing, Lia. A burger here and there isn’t going to ruin your perfect physique.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Lia’s eyes scanned Anu quickly. Her friend was blessed with the most gorgeous curves. “You’re pretty decent looking yourself.”

“Eh.” Anu shrugged.

Lia wiped her mouth. “So about the other day—”

“I am so sorry, that’s why I wanted to have lunch with you, to apologize. I was such a bimbo in lust—”

“It’s okay, I figured that you were in the middle of something. Are things good with him?”

Anu turned and looked to the distance.

“No. He’s not serious about me, so it’s over.”

Lia reached for her friend’s hand. “I’m so sorry. What happened?”

Anu sighed loudly and looked off into the distance. “Well, the other night, we had a great date. We’d gone out to dinner, had the best conversations, and it just seemed like we were meant to be together.”

“That’s sweet.”

“It was so good that we went back to his place and one thing led to another…”

“No way.”

“Yup. And you know how…well, I’ve never climaxed with a guy.” 

“Well, that’s still more than I’ve ever done, but what are you saying then?”

“He did it for me. I don’t know. I think I was so relaxed, and I just trusted him.”

“How was it?”

“It was the most incredible feeling. For once, I totally lost myself. I wasn’t worrying about what my body looked like. I was just in the moment, fully.” Anu’s eyes were shining.

“That’s beautiful.” Lia’s heart ached.
That’s how I felt with Colin, and we were just kissing.
“So what ha—”

Anu’s expression darkened. “He took off the next morning. Left me hanging, like a one-night stand. I woke up in an empty bed, with a note saying he had left to study.”

“Was this at his place?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, maybe—” 

“Don’t justify his behavior.” Anu’s nostrils flared.

Lia held her tongue. She would reason with Anu later.

“I’m sorry, Anu.” Lia placed her hand on her friend’s hand.

“I’m done with him.” Lia wasn’t convinced. “How about you? Anything new with that Colin guy?”

“Oh, I can’t figure him out. He kisses me, then it seems that he has a girlfriend, but then he asks me to dinner? I don’t know.” 

Anu’s eyes widened. “That’s pretty crazy. Can you just ask him what his deal is?”

“I’m feeling pretty cautious right now. Every time I open up, I get hurt.”

“Well…Why don’t you come with me to the grad school party tonight? It’s going to be a big event, so there should be plenty of interesting guys to talk to.” Anu waited for Lia’s answer. Lia debated. Meet other men? Then she remembered Gianna’s conversation with her, to live life in spite of the fear or hesitation.

“Sure, what the hell, I’ll come.” Then she paused. “Wait, I’ll come if Gianna’s okay to stay by herself.”

“What happened?”

“That’s why I called you the other day. She’s starting chemo again. A recurrence in her liver.” Lia felt the weight of the words bring her down.

“Oh, Lia.” Anu reached over and gave her a big hug. Lia fought back the urge to cry. 

“I hope it’s going to be okay. I’m so anxious, but Gianna just wants me to act like everything is normal.”

Anu held her shoulders and said, “All the more reason for you to come to the party. It will be a good distraction.”

“I guess so.”

“Okay, I’ll see you later. Come to my house at seven?”

*************

Who did this for me?
Lia was standing in front of her lab bench, looking at the row of neatly-labeled bottles.  At least ten of them. Someone had prepared all the solutions she needed for her experiments.
Oh my God. This will save me so much time.
She looked around. No one was in lab.
Kate? It can’t be Colin, or Farahnaz.
Lia’s body felt lighter. Whoever had done this had relieved her so much. Now she would be able to get a head start on her experiments.
I’ll go look next door and see if there’s anyone there. I need to thank whoever did this
. She headed towards the door, her mind still trying to figure out the mystery.

As she rounded the corner around the lab bench, Colin came flying into lab. His whole body crashed into hers. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” He was out of breath and his face was flushed. Still standing against him, Lia asked, “Do you know…who made my solutions for me?” Colin just stood there. Lia couldn’t deny that she enjoyed feeling him so close. “Um…well.” He swallowed. “I did.” His voice was barely a whisper. Lia suppressed a gasp.
He did it?

Her hesitation towards Colin started to melt. “Thank you.” He didn’t say anything. All she heard were his breaths, close to her.

A tingling warmth spread through her body. An attraction stronger than her willpower prevented her from stepping back.
I can’t. His smell.
She could feel his whole body against her, through their clothes. His chest pressed lightly against her breasts. She sensed his growing hardness under his jeans.
Well.

“It’s okay,” he said, his lips curling upward ever so slightly. Lia took a step back and got a better look at him. She felt his eyes slowly looking her over. She tried to suppress her shallow, rapid breaths. Her heart felt like it was going to jump out of her chest. 

“I…I hope it helps,” he said. His eyes were shining, and she was tempted to grab him, and bring his lips to hers.
Please kiss me all over and...No, stop it!
She knew she was turning red, so she looked away. 

“Want-to-have-dinner-with-me-tonight?” The words came out so rushed and quiet that she could barely hear him. 

“Are you sure…I mean, your girl—”
Not going to mess with her again.
 

“Oh, that’s nothing.” His cheeks turned bright red. He cleared his throat.

Okay. Really? 

“So why—”

Colin scratched the back of his neck and took a deep breath.

“It’s a long story…There’s nothing worth talking about.” His body was tense and stiff. It was clear that he was done discussing Farahnaz. 

“I’m really sorry, but I’m going to a party with my best friend.” 

Colin lowered his head and swallowed hard.

  “I would have liked to.” The words came out by themselves. Lia covered her mouth.
So much for protecting myself. 

“How about I give you my number, and you can call me if you…um…need company?” 

Company? What does that mean?
Colin had the eyes of a puppy hoping not to be admonished for being naughty. He pulled out a pen from his back pocket and wrote his number on a scrap of paper. “Here you go.” When his hand touched hers, she felt weak in her knees. He had turned her brain to mush.

He turned and walked back to his desk, giving Lia a perfect view of his tall and muscular body. Those shoulders. She had a weakness for those strong and muscular shoulders. She pictured him picking her up and holding her close, shielding her from all the pain.
But what is his deal?
She sighed and got to work setting up her first experiment. She felt giddy as she looked at all the solutions that he had so carefully prepared for her. 

*************

“Hey Gianna, I’m home,” Lia called as she entered the apartment. It was warm and cozy inside, and smelled of pasta. Gianna was sitting on the couch, covered with a blanket, her face paler than usual. 

“Sweetie!” Her eyes lit up. “How was your day?”

Lia sat down next to Gianna, curling up under the blanket. 

“It was all right. But how are you? Are you feeling nauseous?” She held Gianna’s hand, bumpy with veins.

“It was totally fine. I’m an old pro. Just a bit tired, but I’ll sleep soundly tonight.”

“Did Paulo bring you that pasta?” Lia saw a dish of tortellini on the coffee table.

“Yeah, the sweet boy insisted I lay down here.”

“I’m so glad he’s helping out.” Lia felt relieved. This was all Gianna’s doing, though. She gave out so much kindness, that when she needed help, she was never lacking. She had rescued Paulo, and now he had made it his mission to care for her.

“Hey, will you be okay if I go out tonight? My friend Anu invited me, but I’m not so sure…”
I really should stay here.

“Go, please go. I’m just sitting here, reading books.”

Lia gave Gianna a long hug. “Love you.”

“Now go get some rest. You look like you could use a nap.”

Lia was exhausted. All the opposing emotions had taken their toll on her. “Okay.” 

She dragged herself into her room and crashed down on her soft bed. 

When she woke up three hours later, she was groggy and disoriented. She rubbed her eyes.
The party, right. I need to find something to wear.
Lia threw some cold water on her face and pulled on a pair of slim-fitting black pants.
Oh good, they still fit.
 

As she headed out, she saw that Gianna had drifted off to sleep on the couch, the book still in her hands. Lia covered her with a warm blanket and put the phone on the table next to her. She kissed her lightly on the check. “See you soon,” she whispered. 

She stopped by Paulo’s studio apartment next door. “I’m heading out, are you going to be in?”

“Yeah, I’m not going out. I’ll check on her, don’t worry.”

“Call me if there’s anything.”

“I will.” Lia felt relieved. Paulo was practically Gianna’s son, and a very loyal and concerned one at that. 

By the time Lia got to Anu’s apartment, Anu was fully dressed. Eighties music blared and she was dancing in between applying her makeup. 

“Let’s go.”

Lia and Anu walked into the Bar Azul, the restaurant that had been reserved for the party. Techno music played, and people were standing around talking. A flashing rainbow of lights illuminated the empty dance floor.

“We need to liven this up,” joked Anu. A couple of balding guys were standing at the bar, their arms stiffly crossed. Lia felt them watching her and Anu as they approached the bar.