From the Ashes (14 page)

From there, it was like any other doctor’s appointment. Tomas checked boxes, stating he took no medications. The questionnaire asked an awful lot of questions about his dick, which made Tomas want to laugh.

He answered no to practically every question. When he darted his gaze to Jesse’s paper, he saw that Jesse’s form looked the same.

“Jesse Smith?” a woman in pink scrubs said from the side door.

“Yeah?” Jesse gulped down air in a swallow.

“Come this way.”

Tomas caught Jesse’s hand. “Can we go together?”

The woman was middle-aged and had the look of someone who’d been on her feet for too long. “For the blood draw? Yes. But not when we give the results.”

“You don’t have to…” Jesse’s eyes were haunted.

“But you know I will.”

The woman led them to a midsized room with a window overlooking the intersection below.

She took their forms and gave them cups to pee in. When they came back from the bathroom, both awkwardly holding lidded containers of piss wrapped in paper towels, she told Jesse to wait and gestured for Tomas to sit next to the metal tray.

“So, you boys been together long?” She twisted the tourniquet above Tomas’s elbow and tied it off with a snap of rubber, then she prodded at the distended veins at his elbow.

Jesse answered her question, but Tomas swallowed a wave of nausea.

Fuck, he hated when people took his blood. He’d forgotten how much it sucked. A pinch, then that stomach-twisting feeling of the needle jostling inside his vein. Tomas closed his eyes, fighting the urge to lie down.

“Hold on to your boyfriend, honey.”

Tomas felt Jesse against his side and Jesse’s arm around his shoulder.

“I should have had him lie down,” the nurse tutted. “It’s always the big guys who get woozy.”

Jesse laughed. Tomas wanted to argue that he was fine, but he worried that if he opened his mouth, he’d puke all over the both of them. So he gritted his teeth and waited. In a minute that felt a hell of a lot longer, the nurse finished up and pressed a cotton ball into his elbow.

“Raise your arm over your head.” She stretched a Band-Aid across the cotton.

“You were so brave.” Jesse rubbed Tomas’s back.

“Shut up,” Tomas grumbled, but he was glad Jesse was laughing.

“Lay down while I do your boyfriend,” the nurse said.

Tomas took a couple steps and flopped down on the table. He watched Jesse take the stool and hold out his arm. Jesse looked a lot less scared than he had before.

“Have you ever had a vasovagal reaction to an injection or blood draw?” the nurse asked.

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

The nurse waved her hand at the forms on the counter. “A vasovagal response is when a patient becomes lightheaded or faints from a blood draw, injection or from the sight of blood.”

“No.” Jesse’s eyes went wide in alarm. “I don’t think I’ve ever had that.”

“It’s what happened to your boyfriend.” She jerked her head at Tomas. “I had a couple guys come in the other day—must have weighed three hundred pounds apiece. Decked out in leather, studded dog collars. You name it.” She smacked on the tourniquet and lined up her needle, never stopping her chatter. “Now, I always make the really big guys lie down. Because who would pick them up if they fell, right?”

She shoved the needle in Jesse’s arm.

Tomas closed his eyes, feeling another wash of dizziness.

“Well, I drew the first guy on the table, and he passed out cold. Then his boyfriend says I should do him on the stool. Makes some excuse about how his man had a hard day and he’s just tired, right?”

Tomas heard rubber stretching. The nurse must have taken off the tourniquet. He opened his eyes in time to see her press cotton to Jesse’s elbow and pull out the needle.

“So, I’m thinking, ‘You know better, Molly. Don’t buy it,’ but it’s late and I’m tired and they’re the last appointments of the day.”

“He passed out, right?” Jesse grinned at the nurse’s story and held his arm over his head.

Molly pursed her lips. “I should have been so lucky. He vomited on my shoes.”

Jesse laughed.

“You take your time getting up,” she said to Tomas. “I’ll get these started. You can wait in the reception area or go somewhere else. It’s up to you.”

It wasn’t as bad as Jesse expected. By the time he got Tomas off the table and they’d poured themselves a cup of tea, they’d already gotten through the first ten minutes of their twenty-minute wait.

They took the same two seats they had before. Tomas held his hand, and Jesse pretended to check his text messages, though he wasn’t really seeing what Michael had written. It was something about Henri coming along to Haunted Trails.

“You know, we don’t have to change anything we do after this.” Tomas squeezed his hand. With a nervous look at the receptionist, Tomas leaned in to Jesse’s ear. “I totally get off on the normal stuff.”

Jesse watched the receptionist out of the corner of his eye.

The guy shoved a pair of ear buds in his ears then he made a show of plugging them into an iPod.

“What are you, kidding?” Jesse’s nerves were tight with anticipation, and the hint of fear was making him giddy. When they were out of that testing center, Jesse wanted to strip bare-ass naked and do every damn thing to one another they could think of. He leaned forward to pluck a mini-sized bottle out of the bowl of condoms and lubes on the table. Winking at Tomas, he jiggled the bottle. “How many of these do you think we’ll need tonight?”

“Um…” Tomas blanched. He looked like he thought Jesse was going to punch him. “I don’t know if—”

“Oh!” Jesse cut him off, realizing why Tomas was acting so nervous. Whispering, so the receptionist wouldn’t hear him, he said, “I don’t expect you to… Well, I’ll be on bottom. Obviously.” Crap, he was blushing like crazy. His face felt so hot. That tickle under his skin spread down to his belly. “I figured you’d do…” He swallowed hard, staring into Tomas’s dark eyes. “Well, I figured you be into the other thing.”

Tomas had to be a top. He just had to. The way he backed Jesse onto the bed and climbed over him. The way he kissed. Jesse liked him either way, but he’d be pretty fucking let down to find out he’d read Tomas all wrong.

“Oh, yeah.” Tomas swallowed hard. “Well, yeah. Of course.” He coughed into his hand. “It’s just that we’ve never talked about whether we’d keep seeing other people, or…” He rubbed his face, obviously uncomfortable.

“I’m not seeing anyone else.” Jesse knew Michael would have complained, saying Jesse should have been keeping his options open, but Jesse had never been interested in sleeping around. Sure, the
idea
of hooking up with guys he didn’t know was hot, but the reality, the few times he’d tried it, was pretty mediocre—except that first time with Tomas.

“I don’t want you to see anyone else.” Tomas watched him with stern eyes.

It made Jesse feel pinned in place. Trapped, but like he didn’t want to be free. Jesse wondered why they were having this relationship talk at all. He just wanted Tomas to grab his hair and fuck him. Was that too much to ask?

“I told you I’m not.” Jesse turned away, feeling defensive. Tomas was asking for too much, too soon. Not about the monogamy. That, Jesse was fine with. But the intensity, the commitment of the whole thing.

“Hey. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Tomas rubbed Jesse’s arm, trying to lighten the mood. “I was just saying I like you, okay?”

Jesse tried to smile back. “I like you too.” He cupped Tomas’s face, needing to get this conversation away from deep and heavy relationship stuff, and back on track to fucking. “And tonight—assuming we find out what we’re probably going to find out—I’m going to do you so good you’ll see stars.”

Chapter Twelve

All their tests were negative. Tomas should have felt relieved, but he didn’t. He kept thinking of all the ways Jesse would want them to get off now. His head swam and his dick ached, his mind and body torn in two directions. “Do you want to stop for dinner?” he asked as he drove south on I-5.

Jesse bounced in his seat. “Hell no.” He reached over to Tomas’s lap and rubbed him through his jeans.

Between his nerves and his sense that after Jesse swallowed his load things between them would never be the same, Tomas stiffened under Jesse’s touch.

“Is something the matter?” Jesse pouted.

He was so beautiful Tomas ached for him. Jesse’s lips were pink and soft. His face was round in the cheeks, but his jawline was sharp and sexy.

“No. Nothing.” Tomas covered Jesse’s hand with his own. They were a few minutes from home, and he hurried to come up with a plan he could live with. “I should do you first.”

He could handle that—sucking Jesse off instead. He’d never gotten more than Jesse’s precome in his mouth, but he’d take a bitter mouthful if it meant things between them could stay the same as they’d been.

“No way.” Jesse walked his fingers up Tomas’s fly. “I’ve been waiting weeks to really do this. Fuck my face if you want. We can fuck for real later, but I want to taste you first.”

Tomas rubbed his forehead. The things Jesse was saying. They were hot and terrifying at the same time. He loved Jesse. Really loved him. How could Tomas fuck this guy he was in love with? That would change Jesse in his eyes. And change Tomas too. It would make him a man who’d demean his lover just to get off. Tomas couldn’t be that kind of guy.

“I can’t wait.” Tomas put on his most charming smile. He’d never be able to say no to Jesse. Not when Jesse was touching him like he was and breathing heavy. Not if Jesse asked with wide eyes.

“Drive faster.” Jesse fell back into his seat and rubbed at the front of his jeans.

Tomas wanted to bury his face there, rub his cheek into Jesse’s thigh and his nose in Jesse’s scratchy hair. He wanted to breathe Jesse into him.

Tomas pulled onto his street. His parents’ lights were on, but his mother hadn’t been coming out to greet him when he got home lately.

In the driveway, he stopped the engine.

“Thank God.” Jesse threw open his door and hopped out. He went to Tomas’s door to tap impatiently on the frame.

Usually it was Tomas who took the lead when they were together, but Jesse pushed Tomas inside. He spun him against the wall in a quick move and opened Tomas’s jeans while Tomas was still trying to twist the lock.

“You have no idea what you do to me.” Jesse dragged Tomas’s pants over his hips. He went at Tomas’s cock so fast that he choked himself.

“Hold on.” Tomas eased Jesse off enough to make sure the door was locked. He tried to reach for Jesse and pull him into a kiss, but Jesse resisted.

“Just let me do it.” There was a whine in Jesse’s voice.

The lights were still off, and the house was dark. Tomas closed his eyes. “Okay.” He leaned back. The drywall he, his father and Diego had installed supported his weight.

Jesse gripped his base, and he closed his mouth over the cap.

Tomas’s nerves sang at every pass of Jesse’s tongue, and his eyes filled with tears. Blinking them back, he tried not to feel cheap. He tried not to hate Jesse for what he was doing.

Fire blazed all around him, burning from the inside out. His throat tightened, as if he’d taken off his air mask and helmet and the smoke was clouding his eyes and scorching his nostrils. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even get enough air to form words.

Tomas wanted to come. Not just to get it over with, but so he could drown the flames.

“You’re so sexy,” Jesse murmured between sucks. He jerked Tomas while tonguing his balls. After a half-dozen quick bobs, he made a tight, gasping sound that let Tomas know he’d pulled out his own dick.

“You want the light on so you can watch me?” Jesse looked up at Tomas, rubbing himself and Tomas at the same time.

“It’s bright enough.” Tomas could make out Jesse’s face, and that was all that mattered. If he turned on the lights, Jesse might see his tears.

“Okay.” Jesse went back to his task, sighing and moaning. He made a strangled sound, letting Tomas know when he came.

That sound ripped at Tomas’s heart, sending shock waves low on his body. The climax was like being squeezed in a vise, but Tomas deserved the edge of pain.

“Oh God.” Jesse sat on his heels to wipe his mouth. Smiling, he stood up and pressed close for a bitter kiss.

Slowly, Jesse tensed. “What’s the matter?” He pulled away.

Tomas had thought coming would put out the fire. Maybe it had. Tomas felt cold enough. But it hadn’t gotten rid of the smoke thickening the air.

“Nothing.” Tomas got his pants up and started to button. He had to escape before Jesse saw his face. “Just hungry. We should make some dinner.”

“Dinner?” Jesse grabbed his shirt. He reached for the light switch and turned it on. When he got a good look at Tomas, his mouth fell open. “What the hell?” Jesse’s forehead lowered angrily. “Seriously, what the hell is going on with you?”

“I told you. Nothing.” Tomas pushed away from the wall and made his way into the kitchen. Anger was better than whatever he’d been feeling before. He washed his hands, turned on the stove, put a pan on top and opened the refrigerator.