From the Ashes (15 page)

Jesse came up behind him, but Tomas didn’t turn around.

“It’s not nothing.” Jesse’s voice was low and firm. “Did something happen to you? Like abuse or something?”

Tomas shook his head. “No. Nothing like that.” He dropped a couple hamburger patties on the pan and added some salt. “It’s just not my favorite thing, okay.”

“Getting blowjobs?”

“Yeah.” Tomas exhaled. Maybe they could talk about it. So he didn’t like getting sucked off by Jesse. So what? Everyone had things they liked or didn’t like. Jesse always came from what they normally did. “Yeah, I’d rather if you didn’t do that. I mean—it’s cool to do it a little. Sometimes.” Tomas didn’t mind kisses, or small licks, as long as it wasn’t… “Just not all the way, okay?”

“Wait.” Jesse urged Tomas around so he could meet his gaze. “You said you’ve gotten your dick sucked a lot.”

Shit.
Tomas hadn’t considered that angle. “Well, yeah. But that’s different.”

Jesse leaned on the counter, his posture wary. “Different, how?”

This part was easy. “Because I care about you.” Tomas hoped Jesse would understand. “I don’t want to treat you like that.”

Jesse blinked slowly. “Let me get this straight. You won’t let me swallow because you think it’s gross?” He spoke calmly. Maybe too calmly. “And are you planning to fuck me?” Jesse reached in his pocket and pulled out the small lube bottle he’d picked up at the clinic. He held it up, his lower lip trembling. “Or did you let me act like an idiot, telling you I wanted it? What, did you think it was funny?”

“I want to make love with you. But maybe not that way.” Tomas wished he had a better answer. He knew he’d said the wrong thing because Jesse’s eyes went wide.

“Are you fucking kidding?” Jesse slapped his hand on the refrigerator, sending a couple magnets falling like leaves. “I can’t believe I got myself into this. I thought we were together.” His walls were going back up. Tomas could see it in how his hazel eyes shifted to gray and how his lips paled. “What, and you don’t want me to see other people? Guys who may actually want to have sex with me?”

“I care about you.” Tomas grabbed his shoulders. He tried to pull Jesse close, but Jesse stayed stiff as a board in his arms. “I respect you, and I like you. And…” He let out a shuddering breath. Fuck, the last thing he wanted was for Jesse to go find someone else. “I don’t want to treat you like—”

Jesse shoved him away so roughly Jesse rebounded off the refrigerator. “You don’t want to turn me into the kind of guy who likes to suck dick and take it up the ass?” Jesse poked Tomas in the chest. “Is that what this is about?” Jesse made a cruel face. “You don’t want to turn me into a fag or something?”

“No.” Tomas knew his face told a different story. His skin felt hot, and sweat beaded on his top lip. “You don’t understand how I was raised.”

“Fuck that.” Jesse pushed off the counter and stalked into the living room, pacing like an angry cat. He knocked a few magazines off the coffee table in a fit of anger, and then stood up to rail at Tomas some more. “You know what? I’m
already
the kind of guy who likes to suck cock and take it up the ass. I told you—”

Tomas turned away. “Don’t say that about yourself.”

“Why not?” Jesse was really shouting now. So loudly Tomas worried his parents would hear. “I like cock! I can’t wait to date a guy who’ll let me ride his. I thought maybe that would be you. But I’m not planning to stay a virgin until—”

“Stop it.” Tomas crossed into the living room and grabbed him. “Enough.”

“Or what? Or you’ll
respect
me into the mattress?”

Tomas’s temper flared, and his cock hardened. He wanted to do it—to fuck those snotty words right out of Jesse’s mouth, and then shove his dick up Jesse’s ass and pound him until he screamed.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm down before he did something both of them would regret.

Tomas was trying to get his shit under control, but that was the last thing Jesse wanted.

“Stop it.” He shoved Tomas in the shoulder. When Tomas didn’t open his eyes, he hooked his finger through the chain on Tomas’s neck and gave it a sharp tug. “Fucking stop it.”

“Bastard.” Tomas grabbed Jesse’s wrist, his eyes darkening with lust and anger.

Jesse didn’t hesitate. He forced his lips against Tomas’s and sucked Tomas’s tongue into his mouth.

Tomas growled. He clutched the back of Jesse’s shirt, scraping Jesse with rough fingernails and kissing like he could drown Jesse with his heat.

Jesse had never had break-up sex, but he imagined this is what it felt like. His body was on fire, and his heart ached. He wanted what Tomas could give him, anything Tomas would do, but he also knew that afterwards they’d both have their answer. Tomas would know the kind of man Jesse was, and Jesse would know whether Tomas could be with that kind of guy.

“Wait.” Jesse pulled away, darted into the kitchen and snatched the lube off the counter. It was cool in his hand, like ice against his burning skin. Staring Tomas straight in the eye, Jesse handed him the bottle. “Do it.”

“Fuck.” Tomas backed Jesse into the bedroom. He was angry and fierce, and Jesse was scared of him and turned on at the same time.

“Yeah.” The back of Jesse’s knees hit the bed. He let Tomas shove him down. When Tomas pulled at his clothes, Jesse did the same, dragging Tomas’s shirt over his head and scratching Tomas’s belly as he fought with his pants.

Tomas climbed on top and forced his knee between Jesse’s thighs. He didn’t spread Jesse’s legs the way he normally did. Tomas bent Jesse in half, pressing until Jesse’s ass came off the bed.

“Oh—” He knew what Tomas would do a split second before he did it, but Jesse still yelped when Tomas buried his face between the cheeks of his ass. “Oh God.”

It was so intense, Tomas’s tongue against his rim. Jesse wanted to squirm away, but Tomas held him pinned. Tomas’s arms were thick, tattooed and brawny and way stronger than Jesse could have fought against. Jesse didn’t want to fight. Not really.

“Oh God…” Jesse had played with himself, trying out things he knew someday a guy would do to him, but he’d never imagined it would feel so good, that it would be embarrassing and hot all at the same time.

Tomas shifted, pulling Jesse’s knees together, so he could hold them against Jesse’s chest. With his free hand, he pushed a finger into Jesse’s asshole.

Jesse whimpered. He tried to wiggle away, or closer. Tomas’s finger was thick and rough. Tomas went slowly, licking and stretching, but it still felt too big to be only one digit.

“Is this what you wanted?” Tomas met Jesse’s eyes, waiting for an answer.

It was too much. Jesse’s knees were against his chest, his ass exposed and sore just from the rub of Tomas’s finger. “Yeah,” Jesse said.

This was everything he wanted and yet everything he feared—because Jesse loved what Tomas was doing to him, and he knew Tomas hated him for it.

Tomas nodded, his face grim. Spreading Jesse wide, he moved between Jesse’s thighs and fit his erection into the crease of Jesse’s ass.

He rubbed that hot, thick weight against Jesse’s opening, over the spit. The precome from his cap slid alongside Jesse’s balls. “I should slick you up, right?”

Jesse hadn’t imagined his first time this way. He’d thought it would happen at the beginning of a relationship, for one thing. Not at the end. He’d thought it would happen with a guy who was out and proud, and urban and hip.

He didn’t want it to happen with anyone else, though. Tomas may have been fucked up in the head about his gayness in ways Jesse didn’t want to cope with, but he was good. He was kind. He was also the sexiest man Jesse had ever seen.

“Yeah,” Jesse panted. “Um…” Reaching around the comforter, he found the small bottle. The cap was vacuum sealed, so he used his teeth to get the thing open.

Tomas licked his lips. He’d been watching what his hand was doing the whole time, more focused on working Jesse open than whatever else was going on. Now he looked up and met Jesse’s eyes. Something changed in his expression. He still seemed turned on and angry, but there was a sadness too. A hopelessness that made Jesse understand Tomas wished things were different. “Okay.” He took the bottle, studying the label before pouring some on his fingers.

Jesse flipped onto his stomach and got on his knees. He wanted this, but he didn’t know if he could go through with it face-to-face.

Tomas got right behind him and grabbed his ass cheeks. For a second Jesse was scared Tomas had lubed his dick and was going to shove it inside.

He tensed, but he needn’t have worried. Tomas’s touch was warm. He slid in a lubed finger easily, then added some more and pressed in two. “You’re so tight.” His touch was gentler than it had been before. Less punishing.

That was a good thing, because his two fingers stretched Jesse to bursting.

“You sure?” Tomas asked.

Jesse nodded. He knew what was supposed to happen—had read all about it online. He tried to relax and breathe and all the rest of that bullshit, but when Tomas got the head of his cock against Jesse’s ass, he whimpered.

Chapter Thirteen

Tomas wrapped a slippery hand around Jesse’s cock and stroked, and Jesse almost came.

“Fuck.” Jesse bucked back, rubbing Tomas’s cock between his ass cheeks. “Do it,” he gasped. He was going to shoot soon if Tomas didn’t start fucking him. He arched into Tomas’s dick, feeling every ridge and vein. Tomas was so hard…

“Yeah.” Tomas shifted. He thrust forward a couple times but seemed to realize his dick wasn’t getting anywhere new without his hand guiding it. With smooth fingers, he reached down and forced his glans past Jesse’s ring of muscles and into his hole.

It hurt.
Oh, ow.
It hurt a lot.

Tomas must have heard how Jesse’s breath hitched because he didn’t push in farther. “You still want it?” he asked.

Jesse’s eyes watered at the sting, and he couldn’t remember why he’d ever thought this was a good idea. Had he been trying to prove something to Tomas? Or maybe to himself? Jesse eased forward, off the tip of Tomas’s dick. He hung his head between his arms, close to angry tears.

Tomas kissed his back, his shoulder. He rolled Jesse onto his side, spooning him. He didn’t ask any questions or make any flip remark about how maybe Jesse wasn’t that kind of guy after all. He just held Jesse, rubbing softly on his cock and thrusting slowly against his back. Tomas kissed his neck and that place where his hair was so short it was shaved around his ear. He kissed Jesse for so long that Jesse stopped feeling like an idiot.

When Jesse pushed his dick through Tomas’s fist, Tomas growled and rubbed faster. Soon Jesse was whimpering all over again.

Tomas positioned himself against Jesse’s battered asshole. Jesse thought about arguing. He was so close to coming and didn’t want to have to stop.

This time, it hurt a lot less when Tomas pressed in. The stretch was deep and burning but didn’t sting like before.

“Better?” Tomas asked against his shoulder.

“Yeah.” Jesse blew out a long breath, relaxing into Tomas’s arms. As he did, Tomas’s cock slid into him, all the way inside. There was so much, and he was so full, and he thought he might die if Tomas moved. “Oh God.”

Tomas held Jesse’s leg under the knee. He pulled out slowly, his thick cock dragging against Jesse’s sensitive walls. Then he pressed inside just as carefully.

“You’re so gorgeous,” Tomas said.

Jesse clutched Tomas’s forearm. He needed to have some part of Tomas to grip, or he might fly into space.

“Here.” Tomas took Jesse’s hand and moved it to his cock.

The lube was still there, seeping between Jesse’s fingers. He could barely touch himself with so much hot slickness. He’d go off in a second.

“Still hurt?” Tomas whispered.

Jesse shook his head. “Yes. No. I mean…don’t stop.”

Tomas shifted Jesse onto his stomach. Each roll of his hips pushed Jesse’s cock through the cuff of his hand. It went on for what felt like hours. Tomas barely moved, just rubbed slow, deep circles that made both of them moan.

When Jesse didn’t think he could take any more, Tomas shifted and got hold of his leg. Tomas pressed Jesse’s knee higher, and out, spreading him wide.

Cries poured out of Jesse’s mouth. When Tomas fucked him faster, Jesse rubbed himself to keep up. He knew Tomas was there with him, felt it in the stretch and strain. He saw it in the bulging tension of Tomas’s forearm.

Tomas reached for Jesse’s cock, covered Jesse’s hand and pumped him in time.

The feel of those calluses and that familiar grip—Jesse shouted. He flew. His every sinew strung tight and vibrated as if all his nerves were on fire. Tomas dragged Jesse back onto his cock, so Jesse was impaled and sitting on Tomas’s lap. Tomas spasmed, inside and all around him. He cried out like he was sobbing.

Jesse hoped it was a good noise and not a sign that Tomas had broken. As much as it had felt like break-up sex at the start, it didn’t anymore. Or maybe Jesse just didn’t want it to be break-up sex because he couldn’t imagine any other sex being as good.

“You okay?” Jesse rubbed Tomas’s arm.

“I don’t know.” Tomas breathed in Jesse’s ear. His dick was getting soft, and he shifted so it slipped out.