From The Ashes (The Knights of Mayhem Book 3) (8 page)

Collecting myself and getting a weak hold on my composure, I adjust my lean against the sink counter.  “And what did you do?”

A devilish smile graces those very talented lips of hers.  “I kicked the shit out of her in the back yard.  Markus had to drag me off her. I got a serious beating for it.”  She looks at me, still reveling in the satisfaction she took from the experience.  “But it was worth every second of it.”  She takes it upon herself to pour the next round, which I accept.  I look at her expectantly, raising my eyebrows to signal her to continue.  She dribbles a bit of the liquid out of her mouth, moving to catch it with her hand, but I reach up with my thumb and rub away the drop.  I jerk back my hand and throw back my glass, letting my eyes watch as she runs her tongue out to lick the place my thumb had just been.

Nothing is said but the heat in my gut is building with each second I look at this woman.  Her tattered clothes fit her perfectly and I’m itching to run my fingers through her long, chestnut hair.  It’s messy, but clean, having that ‘I’ve just been fucked’ look about it. 

I grab the bottle in one hand and the glass in the other, making my way back over to the rocking chair and the dwindling fire.  Chucking a few more logs into the fireplace, I rest back into my chair.  Hollis lowers herself to sit between my knees. 

“So what happened after that?”  I recall her telling me Markus beat her. I don’t care who the fuck the woman is, a man should never lay a hand on a woman.  He’ll pay for that one.

“I waited, always keeping Caden close, or as close as they would allow me .  Most nights I didn’t sleep, just laid on the couch, acting like I was asleep so I could make sure once Megan got high, Caden was taken care of. Megan was a strange creature—always had to be the center of attention.  Hell, there was only three of us in the house ninety percent of the damn time.”  She shakes her head.

I take a deep breath and go over my words.  She needs some kind of validation from me, whether it be good or bad.  I need to let her know the deeds she did were good, but I’m struggling with if they make her a good person. A person is defined by their actions, as she has been the bad one for so many years in all our heads.   “Caden was lucky you were there, Hollis.”  Is all I can get out right now. It’s going to take more than a one-sided confession of the goings-on in that house.  Unfortunately, it’s the only admissions I may ever get.

“I know everyone thinks I’m a monster.”  Her voice is haunted with ghosts from a different life.  “And I know they think I caused all this, or at least participated in it, which I did to some degree. I know what I was back then, but I was never a cruel, evil bitch, and I never wanted to hurt anyone.”  She turns to me, and the look in her eyes break my heart.  “I am truly sorry for what he did to hurt you. Emily should have never paid the price for a drug war.”

I sit and let her words sink in.  She’s not wrong, but she’s not entirely correct, either.  Her drug use had nothing to do with my job at first.  I always thought my association with the drug trade had been what had drew her to me.  “And that means our drug war?”

“It wasn’t our drug war until I did the stupid ass thing by outing you.”

“Holy fucking shit.”  I run my hand through my hair.

“But I also have the knowledge to help you now.”  And there it is … desperation, lingering in the depths of her brown eyes.

“Desperation doesn’t look good on you.”

“It’s not desperation, but a chance at redemption, and maybe a chance to get a little vengeance.”

“Do I look like a man who is hell-bent on vengeance?”  I reach for the glass and the bottle to refill it.

“Every man looks for vengeance when his family has been threatened.”  She eyes the liquid as it cascades into the tumbler.

“Don’t go starting fires where there are none, Hollis. Cowboy doesn’t need that shit right now.”

“Who said I was talking about Cowboy?”  Her devious little smile has all the alarms going off in my head.

I jump to my feet, nearly knocking her over.  “What game are you playing at?”

She seems shocked at my reaction, recoiling away from me as I hover over her.  “No game. I just thought I could get back at Markus somehow, that’s all … for me.” 

Feeling like a jackass, I step back. “Oh, haven’t you kinda already did that, with Megan and all?”  I sit again, feeling a little foolish and regretful for my reaction. She’s been trying, I have to give her that.  And here I am, just waiting for her to mess up, reading between invisible lines, searching for an unseen motive to explain the reason for her even being here.

She rolls her eyes at me, settling herself back between my legs, resting her bent arm on the crease of my hip and leg, bringing her face to close to my crotch again.  “Overreact much?’  I snicker at her attempted valley girl talk.

“Do you blame me?” 

“No, I guess not, but I’m serious about the whole revenge thing. There’s so much he has to answer for.”  Her voice is detached and the pain it sends through the air hits me right in the chest.

Without a thought, I reach for her, gathering her up and nestling her down into my lap.  I close my eyes and kiss her hair, wishing I could be her knight and save the day … all her days, but it seems time has passed and I wasn’t around to rescue her.  “I’m sorry for what happened to you. I don’t know what it is or was, but I’m sorry all the same,”  I say. Stating that if she had just stayed with me, nothing would’ve ever happened, seems like rubbing salt in a wound.

She snuggles down into me, laying her face against my chest, I begin to rock. The creaks from the old chair are the only sounds echoing through the room, other than the crackling of the fire.  Before long, I feel her breaths have fallen into a slow rhythm.  Having her so close to me has my mind spinning in a thousand different directions, with only one ending I can see or want.

My mind and body are at war with each other.  The need I have for her and the hatred I feel for what she had allowed to happen are raging a battle within me.  She’s on the path to redemption and in my mind, she’s halfway there. It’s just getting the others to see she’s different now and feels remorse for what she was, according to her, forced to participate in because of me. 

I give my head a slight shake. ‘
Keep it level, Jefferys
,’ I chastise myself.  I’ve always been the one who let my heart make the choices, not my brain, and a long time ago it chose her.  I had tried to fill the space over the years but everything felt empty.

I sit watching the fire burn down, holding her in my lap, the one person in this world I wanted to be mine.  I finally stand and take her to the bed to get her settled in.  The room isn’t big, but it has its own fireplace that I’d built a small fire in earlier, warming the room.  The firelight dances across the hardwood floor ‘til it reaches the cast iron bed. The cabin is in much better shape than it has been in years, and it’s all due to the fact that Avery loves it up here so much.  She had all of us here for many weekends, shoring up the porch and replacing windows and floor boards until it was in pristine condition. 

Hollis lies in the bed, covered by handmade quilts Piper and Avery had purchased from the little old lady that lived down the road from Emily and Cowboy.  She seems so small to me now, her arrogant bravado gone and replaced by a more subtle attitude.  She has the personality of a woman who’s been beat down and left to heal alone.

I don’t know what she’s been through in the years she’s been gone, and I’m almost certain I don’t want to know.  She’s been broken and healed herself into a person I never thought she could be.  I want it all with her, but how can I have her, knowing how she’s hated by the people I hold dearest to me?  They’d never accept her, which would cause a rift between them and us, and I’m not willing to lose my family for any reason.

Not finding the answer, I decide I need another drink … or four.

~~~~~~

I was hoping after several more drinks I’d find some answer to my problems, but the only thing I’ve come to realize is that I’ll have a headache from hell tomorrow. I’m also sure that my heart is making me look at her through rose colored glasses to see what I want to see.  I’m sure Markus has made her, more than once, pay for what he deemed as sins. Not so much the sins committed against my family, but a sins he deemed worthy of punishment against him. 

I take a deep breath, knowing she’s been beat down more than a few times, then I wonder if it’s in me to continue the pattern?  I’m not Markus, that’s obvious, but have my actions in the past few days landed me in the same category as that asshole? 
Fuck it
. I’m tired of fighting her and the feelings that seem to want to choke me.  It’s time I looked out for what I want and need.  Everyone will just have to understand, and if not, then I can’t help them.  This is for me and for her—for us.  I’ve sat back and supported my brothers when they needed me, whether or not I agreed with what they were doing.  I have a different situation than the rest. I want them to accept a person who’s done some horrible things to us. 

Shaking my head, unable to think anymore, I stand and head for bed, swaying all the way there.

Chapter Eight

Hollis

I wake to the sun breaking over the horizon, filling the small room with soft orange light.  I’m wrapped in a cocoon of warmth, but I know the fire had burned down long ago. This warmth is coming from Roman. 

The soft breaths ruffling my hair are sweet and make me smile.  I close my eyes and lay my head back onto his strong shoulder.  My Roman … my love.  I can’t help but hope I’d proven to him the differences in me last night. 

I want to be different. I hate the old the bitch I used to be.  I want to fit into his life and I’m going to do everything I can because I know it’s the only place I belong—by his side. 

I twist in his arms so I can watch him sleep like I had so many times before.  He holds a childlike innocence on his boyish face that’s unscarred by the world I’ve lived in.  I’m happy to see it’s still there, six years removed. He’s still the man I knew all those years ago.  I raise my hand to caress his strong, perfect brow and his eyes drift open to meet mine.  “Hey, baby.”  I melt at the gruffness in his voice as he stirs himself awake.

“Hey yourself.”  I snake my arms around his neck, getting as close to him as physically possible.  “How did you sleep?”

“Better than I have in long time.”  He leans in to kiss my nose.

I smile at the repetitive show of affection. “Me too.”

He smiles, looking up at the fireplace.  “I don’t want to get out of the bed. I bet the floor is cold as fuck.”  He tugs me closer into him.  The early fall air has turned cold faster than usual and the chill can be felt in the air of the uninsulated cabin.  “Drank too much and didn’t keep up the fire. Also, I was a bit too comfortable in this bed.”  He buries his nose in my neck, placing a few soft kisses across my heated skin.  He rolls me onto my back, holding his weight off me with his elbows.  “I want this Hollis. I want us again.”  He closes his eyes as he settles his frame between my willingly open legs.  “It isn’t going to be easy, but you won’t go it alone. I’ll keep you by my side the whole time.”  He closes his eyes and dips his face to my neck again. “Please don’t make me look like a fool again.”

I take in a deep cleansing breath, knowing he speaks the truth. I had in the harshest of ways made him out to be a douche in front of his men, his brothers.  “No, not this time, Roman. I stake my life on it.”  I take my hand from his neck to draw a cross on my heart.  The t-shirt I was wearing was tight and I could tell I was still in my jeans. 

I slither from his grasp to swing my legs over the side of the bed.  My feet hit the floor and the chill makes me jerk them back up.  “Damn, that’s cold.” 

“I told you.”  He laughs as he turns to get up too.

“Oh no, wait. Where are you going?”  I grab his arm to stop him from leaving our little reunion. I wanted to continue in the bed with a lot less clothing.

He stops to take in my words.  “To make fire, woman.”  He tries his caveman impression, even beating his chest a bit.

“Really?”  I laugh as I watch him tiptoe across the cold floor to the small smoldering fireplace.  He takes chunks of wood stacked to the side, piling it up then leaning in to blow on the coals.  I shimmy out of my old jeans, stopping halfway down when I feel the weight of his stare on my bare backside.   I turn to see his greedy eyes devouring my naked skin, causing goosebumps to prickle all over and the hunger for him begin to burn in my belly.

I smile at him over my shoulder. “See something you like, Romeo?”

His smile is devastating and melts me, just as it always did.  “Oh, I see a lot I like. It’s making me think of all kinds of dirty things I’m going to do to that body of yours.”

I turn to face him as I peel off my shirt, then follow up the peep show by reaching around to release and let my bra fall to the floor.  “You, Roman Andrew Jefferys, are nothing but a tease, sir.”

I see him bristle at my use of words.  “You’re getting ready to see that I’m not.”  He quickly throws wood into the fireplace to the point no more will fit, then hurries back over to the bed, shoving his underwear down his thighs and kicking them off.

I jump back under the covers, eagerly awaiting his return.  “Hurry, it’s cold.”