Frost (28 page)

My smile slipped. "What if you get caught? You'll get in a huge trouble. The queen will—"

 "Don't worry about me." His smile was softer this time, and his eyes sparkled. He looked too pleased with himself. "I'll be fine. Think on what I said. We don't have to go to my city. We can go anywhere you want." He held his hands up when I started to protest. "Just think on it. I'll be here. I'll come to your room each night."

The thought made my stomach flutter, but then I remembered Charlotte. "You can't. I have a roommate. My friend, Charlotte."

 Loki brows shot up. "Ah, well...if she's your friend, then she'll have to come with us.”

I gave him a warning look.

"
If
 you decide to come with me. Can Charlotte keep a secret?"

"I think so." I couldn't see Charlotte giving a life-or-death secret away for the sake of gossip. "Yeah."

"Tell her, then," Loki said. "If you trust her, then I trust her. I'll be back tomorrow night. I'll bring in a tray of food so it looks like you've requested room service." 

 My stomach fluttered as he stepped closer, touching my arm. I was pretty sure I was blushing, but hopefully he couldn’t see my face too well by the dim light of the fire.

"I'll see you tomorrow night." Then he turned and strode for the exit, leaning back to give me a quick and cheeky wink before he shut the door behind him. "Sweet dreams, Megan."

After he was gone I stood there for a little while, staring at the fire. Then I realized I’d just had an entire conversation with Loki while wearing a fluffy terrycloth dressing gown, and my face went bright red all over again.

Groaning, I shuffled over to the bed and let myself crash onto the mattress.

Who exactly was I supposed to trust? Loki seemed like he was telling the truth. He seemed open and honest and charming, but it could easily be a façade. He could be tricking me. I could leave with him and then find out that it had all been an elaborate lie.

But if he 
had
 been sent to kill me, he wasn't doing a very good job of it. He'd already snuck into the palace and my room. He could have assassinated me right then and there, but he hadn't. Why gain my trust only to kill me? And what about his story about Amora? Nobody at the palace had mentioned that.

 I groaned and rubbed my temples. My brain was on overload. I was sore, exhausted, and confused. Sleep was the best course of action right now. Tomorrow, I would figure out who I could trust.

It must have been distraction that made me go wandering the halls by myself that evening. Charlotte hadn't come back to our room, so I went to find her. It felt like, lately, between learning how to fight and lessons with Erik, I hadn't spent much time with her. It made me feel guilty. I needed to talk to her. The secret of Loki's visit was burning in my chest. I had to tell someone.

During the evenings, the hallways were mostly empty. People tended to hang out in the dining hall, since an hour or so after dinner, lavish desserts were wheeled out, and the time in between was filled with socializing and wine. Either that or they retreated to the lounge.

The dining hall was closest, so I made my way there, thinking about how I would phrase this new piece of information. Hopefully Charlotte wouldn’t freak out. She would probably tell me that I was insane to start trusting him again. She’d say he was tricking me into coming with him because he couldn't kill me in the middle of the palace without the queen realizing she was under attack.

I faltered, slowing down, finally stopping in the middle of the hallway.

If she did say that, she would have a good point. It made sense. Was I being incredibly foolish here? My cheeks started to heat up. Those text messages had been real. He'd been talking to someone about killing me. He was either lying to them or lying to me.

It was impossible to know which.

Shuffling footsteps up ahead jolted me out of my thoughts. If the servants found me standing there like an idiot in the middle of the hallway, staring at nothing, the gossip would be rampant. They'd probably make up some story that I was losing my mind.

But it wasn't a servant who rounded the corner—it was Gunnar. His blond hair was caught up in a short ponytail, and he was wearing a loose cotton shirt that hung open at the chest. The worst part was what was slung over his shoulders. At first glance, I mistook it for a pelt of some kind—until he got closer and it became obvious it was an actual wolf.

Gunnar grinned, hitching the dead wolf a little higher on his shoulders. The animal was bigger than a normal wolf, with pitch black fur. Its head flopped forward, face frozen in a garish snarl, eyes still open wide and glazed over. Dead eyes, yet...somehow, still hungry. Sort of the way Gunnar was looking at me now.

I kept walking, bile rising in my throat. If only I had my phone to glance down at, anything to avoid making eye contact. Gunnar smiled, his eyes fixed on my face. For a moment, it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything at all. Like he’d keep walking. My heart lifted a little.

At the last second, something caught my elbow hard.

"Where are you going, queen's pet? At least say hello." He tugged on my elbow.

I turned around, my body tense. He was hurting me, but I made sure to keep my face straight. If I showed him fear or pain, it would only make this more enjoyable for him. I didn’t know how I knew that. It was something about his face.

Gunnar relaxed his grip, but he didn't let go. Somehow, he still managed to balance the dead wolf on his shoulders and hold on to me. "It's rude not to say hello. At least, that's what they tell me."

"Well, then...hello." The words came out flat, but at least my voice didn’t shake. It was astonishing, since my insides were quivering.

His face was too close to mine. Since the wolf's head was propped on his shoulder, the animal's face was right next to mine as well. Two sets of dead eyes staring straight at me.

The nursery rhyme came back to me then.
Who's afraid of the big, bad wolf
?

I am. I am very, very afraid.

He didn't stop smiling. It was creepy on him. Unnatural. "Hello back."

That was it, then. He was just toying with me. He didn't even have anything he wanted to say. No threats, no messages from Leif. A simple case of cat playing with mouse. Anger washed over me, and I let it come, trying to internalize it as a cold, hard force, not something that would make me hysterical. I tried to mimic the marble mask Queen Eira used.

"You should stop trying," I said.

Gunnar's smile faded slightly. "What?"

"Smiling. It looks unnatural on you." His smile vanished, and a surge of triumph rose up in my chest. I'd clearly caught him off guard.

Gunnar's face went suddenly blank, and my triumph dissolved into a small, cold spot in my stomach. The fake smile might have looked fake, but at least it had been something. Now, his face was...empty, but somehow still cruel.

"I guess you're not completely useless, then." Gunnar's grip on my elbow tightened. "At least you're observant."

I couldn't help wincing this time. "What are you, a psychopath? Some kind of genetic freak?"

He shrugged. "Both, I suppose. I'm modified by magic, designed for the special task force for the elite guard. But what I'm best at is...hunting." He flicked his gaze at the dead wolf on his shoulders. "I enjoy hunting."

I noticed he didn’t say
animals
. "Nice friends Prince Leif hangs out with."

Gunnar grabbed my shoulder, and his expression remained flat as he shoved me hard against the wall, knocking the air out of me. For a few seconds, he didn't say anything, and I wheezed, trying to drag air back into my lungs. Sharp pain ran all the way down my back, and my shoulder throbbed where he gripped it. The way he positioned himself left me staring straight into the snarling teeth of the dead wolf.

"You're lucky Leif gave me strict instructions about you." He released my elbow long enough to shove his hand against my chest, just below my collarbone, pinning me to the wall. His other hand drifted up to my neck, and I cringed as his fingers circled my throat. The pressure wasn't enough to cut my airway off, but the message was clear.

Leif's orders were the only thing holding him back. It was absurd to be thankful to Leif, but in that moment, I was.

"I don't know why he wants you alive," Gunnar whispered, and his mouth twitched downward briefly before the blank expression was back. "He won't tell me his plans. It could be so simple. All of his problems solved." His fingers tightened on my throat momentarily, and a spike of panic shot through my chest.

My insides were boiling hot then ice cold, my guts vibrating with pure fear. The dead wolf's eyes seemed to move, flicking back and forth as my vision blurred in and out of focus.

Gunnar eased his grip, still considering. It was enough for me to speak.

"If you kill me, the queen will kill you," I blurted out, heart hammering against my ribs. "You and Leif and that other woman."

"She wouldn't kill her own son." Gunnar scoffed.

"You really think so? He's not even in line to inherit the throne," I watched his eyebrows lift, satisfied I’d caught him off guard.

"And you are." His eyes went narrow.

I pressed my lips together so tightly they tingled, pulse pounding in my temples. That had been an incredibly foolish thing to say. I'd just wanted to say something to throw him off, to wipe that stupid blank expression off his face.

I'd pretty much confirmed what Leif was afraid of.

"We'd sort of thought that, what with that big, fancy presentation," he said.

His grip tightened on my throat, and my hands flew up to his wrists, trying to pry his fingers off. The pressure on my throat was building, but it wasn't cutting my air off yet. He was still deciding.

"He won't like you doing it without consulting him." In the back of my mind, I was already reaching for that feeling, the still, cool spot in my mind that unlocked the ice.

Gunnar frowned, his eyes fixed on a spot above my left shoulder. He was thinking about it. I had seconds.

It took a moment to find that feeling again, and I almost started panicking, scrambling inwardly to unlock what I'd just accessed last night. Finally, the cool, tingling sensation began in my arms, flowing down into the palms of my hands. I ground my teeth together and put everything I had into that feeling.

The ice shot into my fingers, crackling loudly, engulfing Gunnar's hands before he could look down to see what was happening. I shoved hard against his chest, and he stumbled backward with a shout. The dead wolf tumbled off his shoulders and crashed to the ground, and Gunnar howled, curling over his frozen hands.

I turned and ran.

I am dying, gasping for air, the wound in my side pulsing blood. The queen’s face looms over me, beautiful, radiating cold. But something is wrong—I am no longer on the battlefield. I am lying on hard cement. The sun is halfway up the sky, bathing me in light, partially blinding me. I can hear voices in the background mumbling words that make no sense. Now, the queen is speaking to me, telling me that I’m her daughter and she loves me, but her crimson-colored lips aren’t moving. Her face is cold and impassive.

~ * ~

I sat up, ripped out of the dream by sheer panic, my throat burning as I gasped for air.

When the room swam back into view, I let myself sag onto the mattress. Of course I would have screwed-up dreams after my run-in with Gunnar. Apparently, my subconscious believed everyone in the palace was trying to kill me now. It was hard to believe I'd even managed to fall asleep after I'd curled up in bed. I kept looking over at the door, expecting him to come bursting in.

Maybe he was nursing frostbite. That would be good. I hoped his fingers fell off.

The door creaked open, and I sat up so fast it made me dizzy, heart in my throat. Gunnar had come for me after all. How was I supposed to fight him? Assassin versus girl who's only had, like, three weapons lessons—

Charlotte walked in, talking to someone over her shoulder. "Okay. Goodnight! I'll see you tomorrow at lunch."

I gave her a relieved smile as she came in, curling my fingers around the sheets to stop the shaking. "How did the walk go?"

"It was 
amazing
," she gushed. "So good! I think I met someone."

A surge of guilt hit me. I was so out of the loop that I hadn't realized Charlotte was seeing someone? Okay, it was fine. Gunnar wasn't kicking my door down at the moment, and I suddenly felt bad for dragging Charlotte into my misery. Let her be happy for a few more minutes.

I patted the bed beside me. "Come on, then. Give me details."

She bounced over, her cheeks coloring prettily. "Well, I 
think
 he might be interested. I'm not sure. He's one of us, a half-blood. He has the sweetest smile. His name is Davin, and he walked me to my room!"

"Oh! Surefire romance is in your future."

 She laughed and batted my arm. "What are you, a fortune cookie? Anyway, what did you get up to?" She pointed at my disheveled clothing. "Sleeping fully clothed I see. Too tired after your lessons to even change?"

"Not quite." I sighed. Fun time was over. I had to tell someone about what had happened with Loki earlier and the run-in with Gunner in the hallway. About everything. "I have lots to tell you.”

~ * ~

I blurted it out. All of it. I told her about Loki's visit and how he wanted us to go with him. About freezing Gunnar in the hallway and how I'd run away after.

"So, yeah. Loki's back," I said. "Gunnar wants to kill me, and I can't decide which one is worse. I mean, Gunnar is the more obvious
wants to kill me immediately
thing, but I don't know if I can trust Loki either. Half of me wants to go with him just to get away from Leif and the wolf pack, but is that any better?"

 "The wolf pack?" Charlotte bit her lip.

 "That's kind of what I've been calling them." I felt relieved. As much as I hated dragging her into my problems, it felt like a crushing weight was lifting off my chest. Someone else knew.

She put a hand on my knee. "Look, I'm not going to pretend I like it here. The girls are just starting to be nice to me. I mean...all of them but Amy. But everyone else thinks I should be a servant, and I don't like the way they treat the servants. Even the half-blood 'soldiers' get treated like they're less than human. Well, they're not human...but you know what I mean.  I don't know if this Loki is any better than anyone here, but Gunnar sounds even worse..." She let a huge sigh. "It's your choice. I know I'm not a big help."

"So..." I said slowly. "If I did decide to go with Loki, would you come with me?"

"Of course I would! There's no way in hell  I would want to stay here without you. I'd be dressed in servant clothes before I could blink."

I frowned. "But you just met someone. That would mean leaving him behind."

Charlotte's smile faltered, and the look on her face made my stomach turn with guilt. Maybe Loki was lying. Maybe we could stay here.

And Gunnar is just going to let this frostbite thing go and let you live happily ever after?

"Look," I said quickly. "There's no guarantee that he's right. Maybe...maybe the queen is all talk or Loki is just telling it from his side of the story. Maybe the fire jotun attacked the frost and he just didn't mention it. Anyways, I'm not about to go charging off with him just because he asked me."

Charlotte tugged at the ends of her hair, shifting on the bed. "But I’m still worried about Gunnar. It isn’t safe here for you. If we have to leave, of course I'll come with you."

"Of course." I smiled reassuringly. "I have to think about it anyways. I'm really confused about the whole thing."

"I don't blame you." Charlotte slid off the bed and dug around in the drawers across the room, pulling a silky, white nightgown out. "How come every piece of clothing is white or blue or gray?" she complained.

I could tell she was keeping her voice light, trying to joke so I'd stop looking so worried. I faked a smile.

~ * ~

During the next lesson with Erik, I told him about Gunnar. Part of it was nerves, because I couldn't stop thinking about it. But also because I was a little bit proud of myself for having frozen him on purpose.

Erik reacted pretty much the way I’d thought he would. He paced around the table in the library for a few seconds before actually saying anything.

"Look, you're making progress, and that's great. But you can't defend yourself from him yet. He's too good at what he does, and he's unpredictable. I need to speak to the queen about this."

"You know how I feel about that. The queen flips out and makes it public. Then everyone hates me even more."

"Everyone doesn't hate you now," Erik said.

"Oh, please." My voice was an angry whisper, and I looked around the library, my pulse hammering in my throat. People were still looking down at their books or talking to one another, but I was willing to bet they were trying to overhear whatever had Erik so distraught.

"Can you please sit down? People will talk."

"Why do you care if they do?" Erik’s voice was sharp with irritation, but he sat. Then he glared around the room.

Nobody looked up from their books.

"Look, just...maybe get someone to keep an eye on me?" I placed my elbows on the table. "I just don't want to cause drama. I don't want people to keep thinking I'm some kind of spoiled, helpless human who can't do anything."

Who isn't worthy of being here
, I didn't say it. Somehow, that would have been too embarrassing, even in front of Erik. No one could know just how insecure I was. Except maybe Charlotte. She would understand.

"This is serious." Erik’s eyebrows furrowed, and he rubbed one hand over the stubble on his chin. "And I don't think you realize just how serious."

"Of course I do."

He was starting to annoy me, the way he was jumping down my throat. I was the one who had been attacked, not him. I was the one who had to live with the fallout if people started hating me more than ever. Leif was already spreading rumors about me. It was only a matter of time before they all turned on me. Creating a problem between the queen and Leif's friends would only make me look worse.

"Look, if Gunnar becomes a problem, you can go to the queen about it. I promise.”

"I’m not content to sit back and do nothing," Erik said. "You'll have your own guard following you everywhere. I'm also going to speak to Gunnar about this and warn him to stay away from you." He lifted a hand when I started to protest. "No, you listen to me, Amora. You're the most important piece on the chessboard. We lose you, we lose the battle. The queen will have
my
head. Do you understand?"

It felt like he'd punched me in the chest.

"I understand." My voice came out shaky. "I thought you were concerned about me because you were my friend." I got to my feet and shoved the chair back, and it tipped over with a crash that made me flinch.

Stupid. Now, everyone was looking for sure.

It didn't matter. I squared my shoulders and glared at Erik. "I wouldn't want to ruin your game of chess. Excuse me."

"Amora, wait."

I ignored his protests and stalked away, my head held high while I blinked frantically to clear the tears. I wasn't a chess piece. I wasn't playing any kind of game or invested in any kind of battle.

Erik called after me, his voice dismayed. “Amora—”

I paused in the doorway, keeping my voice flat. “My name’s not Amora.”